Men/women I need your honest opinions please...

Fnarkk

If you've already had an on-again-off-again relationship, and this is a third or fourth try, that should probably tell you something. Also, time matters here--if you've been apart 2 months and he says he's changed (or seems to have changed) he probably hasn't, if it's been years, and there have been other major changes in his life, then it is *possible* he has changed.

Yeah this. There usually has to be some kind of life event for people to really have changed; that or a good deal of time. The life event could have been the first break-up, but now several on-again/ off-agains later, this is just kicking the proverbial dead horse. Chances are nothing has changed nor will it.

redheaddee

The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Let me introduce you to a little thing called a stochastic process, life is full of them.

WOW, I totally had to Google that. So I learned something new, but it made my head hurt LOL.

"In probability theory, a stochastic process (pronunciation: /stoʊˈkæstɪk/), or sometimes random process (widely used) is a collection of random variables; this is often used to represent the evolution of some random value, or system, over time. This is the probabilistic counterpart to a deterministic process (or deterministic system). Instead of describing a process which can only evolve in one way (as in the case, for example, of solutions of an ordinary differential equation), in a stochastic or random process there is some indeterminacy: even if the initial condition (or starting point) is known, there are several (often infinitely many) directions in which the process may evolve."

So, Jeff Goldblum in Jurassic Park and his chaos theory is how I interpret it. Sheesh.

Cr01502

I don't know all the details but just from what you've said this sounds like a step backwards not forwards. It sounds like you haven't given yourself enough time to get over him and instead just jumped back into the relationship. In my experience whenever I have gotten back together with an ex it's only a matter of time before we create the exact same pattern and exact same problems we had before. Any change she perceived in me or I perceived in her was usually temporary.

Bluskyleilu

Sometimes people do change. I married a man...divorced him 7 years later and a year after that remarried him. We just celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary. You didn't list many details, so its really up to you to decide if its worth your time to see if its good or not. No one will know but you. Good luck.

Nicely said! I second this one, married for 8 1/2 years, 2 years separated and divorced, back with the man of my dreams! Times do get rough, sometimes things break, and sometimes they get fixed. Be open with him, communication is one of the crucial keys to a great relationship. Trust your heart on this one, you will know if he is the one, and only you.

kimad

I left a guy once becuase I didn't like the way he treated me. I felt good with it becuase I decided to leave. A month or more later we got in contact with eachother and I gave him a second chance. He ended up dumping me via TEXT for something so stupid and I was freaking heart broken. It sucked. After all was said and done, he wanted ANOTHER chance. I told him to take a hike.

It's a risk you have to decide to take, but I agree with another poster you have to let the past go if you do try it out.

DBiddle69

I have been married way to long to say "I know what you are going through" however, the reoccurring theme that is coming up is do you trust him or can you forget the past. The fact that you posted it asking for advice says no to both of these questions. There is someone out there for you go look for him instead of trying to redo something that broke once.

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results."

lizziebeth1028

"On and off" again relationships rarely develop into something deeper. I'd step away from the same old *kitten* and look for something new and promising!

thull92

I know that decisions like this are difficult. I had to make the same decision a number of years ago. I dated a guy on and off for about 6 years....I chose to go back to him. We had been through a lot in those 6 years. In giving him, what seemed like the 100th chance, I realized that I couldnt hold onto the past problems that we had..If we were going to make it work, I could not hold grudges and not dwell on the mistakes we both made. (mostly by him)
We just celebrated our 8th anniversary of marriage and have been together for 16 year total.
You need to decide if you can forgive and forget what he has done in the past.
If you can't let them go, then the answer is let him go and move on. You will find someone else

MinnieInMaine

Without many details, I have to agree with those who say if you can't get past those things that bother you about how he was before, it probably won't work out. Things like trust and communication are essential to a long term relationship - if you can't trust him, it's probably best to end it now and spare you both more heartache later.

AwesomelyAmber

I chose not to read other responses because I KNOW my own story and it's a great one!

I started seeing my boyfriend when I was FAR too young. I was 15 he was 23. I always looked much older blah blah blah but fact is fact... I was too young. At 17 we rekindled what was lost the first time around and things were better but at that time with me being 17 and him 25 I was more mature than he was and yet again it didn't work out. Finally in August of me being 18 we worked it all out and now I'm 32 and have been his wife for 11 years and wouldn't change a thing.

My parents were in high school when my mother became pregnant with me. Basically forced into marriage by their parents, it didn't work out and they were divorced by the time I was 7. They dated others throughout the following 9 years, my father even fathered another child in that time with a different woman. When I was 16 I rolled my mother's car in a snowstorm on the way to my dad's house. They started spending a lot of time together during my recovery and by the next summer they were married again to each other. They celebrated their 16th wedding anniversary this past summer.

Do we (me and mine and my parents) think about things that drove us apart in the first place? Not anymore, it's just things that are now part of our history.

Good luck to you!

muse69jd

You have to trust your instincts. Are you pleased to be back with him or just pleased not to be alone any more? Take a step back, go out and enjoy yourself with friends and family for a while. If he really cares he will wait, as long as he knows where he stands.

If you do decide to get back together, have a good honest talk about what went wrong before. Are these issues always going to be deal-breakers or do you have unrealistic expectations of each other? Relationships involve compromise and love means accepting the other person despite their failings.

BelleHeart

I think it he made you that upset before then you might just need to let him go. I know it can be hard to get past people but sometimes letting go of certain relationships will be the best for us in the long run.

DamnImASexyBitch

No second chances ever. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

tuckerrj

Very astute & well put.

katamus

I did this for like three years with my ex. I couldn't get past... His baby with another chick (that he impregnated while we were together). Oh, and all the other girls he did god knows what with during the same time period. Aside from that, he was just in general a selfish jerk who was a FANTASTIC smooth talker (among other things that wouldn't contribute to his personality, but definitely contributed to my desire to be with him).

I think we dated the same guy...

You know.. That wouldn't surprise me. Even if you lived halfway across the country.