Getting Upset When People Notice?

swingsintherain

I totally understand what you mean. I lost 15-20 lbs a few years ago (and recently started trying to lose a little more, though the loss isn't obvious yet), which is noticeable. The comments themselves don't bother me too much (especially people I haven't seen much since then), but it makes me feel self-conscious when someone makes a big deal about it (I've been this weight for three years now, and my grandma still mentions that I'm "keeping that weight off").

What really used to drive me nuts was when I was heavier and saw my aunts at Christmas and they'd always ask if I'd lost weight, when in reality, I'd GAINED weight. :ohwell:

divacat80

You got tons of replies and I still couldn't go through them, but I wanted to tell you that I can relate to your feelings. But, you have to know that unless you live on your own, you DO NEED the support from those around you, those who live with you and those who you trust in.
That doesn't mean that you have to talk about it all the time, it just means that it would be possitive for your progress if those who notice support you by not making your jjourney more difficult than it is.

Don't get offended, but to me it sounds like you're afraid to fail and those who are now noticing your progress may one day notice your failure (which we know won't happen). I say this because I feel this way around my mother in law. She's known about some of my previous battles with obesity and has felt happy at every failure (she's not a baf person but she has her own eating disorders and she secretly doesn't want anyone achieving their fitness goals).
So, I do hide my battle from her and those who are related to her (except my husban of course). Of course everyone is noticing my extreme weightloss but almost no one knows I'm struggling so hard and making a lifetime commitment with myself.
If anyone related to her asks about my weightloss I try to not to make a big deal out of it and quickly change to another subject.

If anyone else does ask about it, I have no problem telling them about my struggle and stuff. I'm not saying you should feel or act the same way, as everyone has a different way to face obstacles. But try to think that your experience could be positive to others, you could even set an example and change other peoples lives! Others might be struggling as hard as you with no positive results and feel encouraged by your progress and tips.

You can always hide your feelings about your battle (no one needs to know how much you have been craving that cheesecake lately, or that binge-eating episode from last weekend, or how discouraged you feel because you didn't reach last month's goal), but you don't need to make it a top secret operation because it's not (or doesn't need to be.

Whatever you do it's our choice, but don't get upset when people notice. Get happy because you're on your way to health and hopefully, to a longer happier life. People should shut up at times, but I don't think they mean any harm at all, unless we're talking about some specific enemy of yours :P they probably think they'll make you happy letting you know that success is already showing.
(Editing because i sent the message before having finished it)

I personally think you're doing great and you should focus on how you feel around food. If others notice or not that's not something that matters right now. I have almost reached my final goal but I still feel like I could eat a cake the size of an elephant if others put it in front of me. Unfortunately this addiction will never go away so you have a long road ahead (and I don't mean the weightloss). So be strong and get the help you need from those who love you. The rest of the world and what others say (unless it's something positive) don't matter.

I wish you the best of luck and strenght!

csplatt

I loved it at first (didn't have much to lose), but now I get less positive comments from my mostly obese family members. They think I am unhealthy when in fact I am in tip top shape.

Steel6981

I don't mind in one on one situations or with friends who I've initiated the conversations with. Unfortunately in my office there are some who have the irritating ability to bring it up when there are a group of people around I don't feel comfortable with. I think with anything that has the potential to be intensely personal a one on one "your looking great" comment is better than a " have you lost weight" question in a middle of a group. I just want people to respect me enough to gauge my comfort level before forcing me to deal with something I don't find as comfortable.

onyxgirl17

I prefer "you look great" to "you lost weight" personally....

jessiekanga

For those of us that struggle with a food addiction, it's like we're wearing a sign that says "FOOD IS MY ADDICTION! YOU WATCHED ME GET FAT, NOW WATCH MY PRIVATE STRUGGLE AS I TRY TO BEAT IT".

I think you've nailed it! I also had 100 pounds to lose. It's now about 60. It's visible as all hell. The loss, the plateaus, the gain, to re-lose, and on it goes. The shame is similar to the shame of any other addiction, but the visibility is not. And let's be honest, visibility is vulnerable, and depending on how ashamed we feel, it can be excruciatingly painful. Yet, the only place to "hide" is back inside the larger body, where stigma prevents people not only from talking about it, but from seeing us at all.

I don't have any answers, but know that I feel the pain and shame of visible weight loss as well, and there are a couple comment threads on this topic, so please know you're not alone. I think the answer to the shame is speaking it, and maybe you smile and accept the comments and compliments (I'm not sure they are all compliments, but some are) and then come here and vent to those of us who get it, which seems to be many.

Thinking of you! And sending you a virtual comfort cocoon!

manhn1

I just feel that if someone had a gambling addiction, or smoking addiction, or something along those lines they were trying to beat, it's often done so quietly other people don't notice. For those of us that struggle with a food addiction, it's like we're wearing a sign that says "FOOD IS MY ADDICTION! YOU WATCHED ME GET FAT, NOW WATCH MY PRIVATE STRUGGLE AS I TRY TO BEAT IT".

Not everyone who wants to lose weight has a food addiction, though. A lot (I would say most) people have tried to lose weight at some point in their lives. I think a lot of people believe that people notice their success would be seen as a compliment, so make note of it when someone they know lose weight.

A smoking addiction would be greatly noticed by people close to them.

A gambling addiction is entirely different, and has an effect on family and loved ones in ways that being overweight does not. And I also disagree that someone fighting such an addiction would not be watched closely. Maybe someone with a small link to the person (like a coworker or a fellow classmate) may not notice, but a spouse or child would certainly monitor that person's gambling behaviour in a way that a spouse would not monitor their loved one's caloric intake (or at least should not).

bub_snig

why would I get upset?!?? :huh: HELL NOOOOO... i give them a HUGE smile and say ´yes, im losing weight´:bigsmile:

I know I totally agree! I love hearing it because I've never ever been complimented about my weight before and it's nice to have people notice the hard work you put in is pulling off.

Cupcakehippiemommy

I completely understand doll! I am lucky because I live 300 miles from anyone who knew the "fluffier" me and it is pretty liberating I don't post my weight loss on FB or Twitter like other friends who are losing too,because like you said it is somewhat embarassing...kinda like well let's see how long she will keep it off this time :blushing: Anyway good luck cupcake!!

slkehl

People are going to think what they're going to think. The best way to get over your anxiety over the possible "here she goes again" thoughts is to feel that inner strength and PROVE THEM WRONG!

sarahrbraun

For anyone who decides to change their life and drop the weight, it's inevitable that eventually someone is going to notice. Does anyone else get upset when this happens?

Let me explain. I have been obese my entire life. The lightest I can remember is when I briefly dropped to 195 before climbing to my highest at 265. I was up and down for years. It really is true that if you're not ready to change mentally, it's just not going to happen.

63 days ago, I decided I was done. I mentally felt ready to say goodbye for good. This was a huge deal for me, as I'm not overweight just because I like food (a lot). I'm overweight because I also struggle with binge eating disorder and depression, which seem to go so very nicely together. Mentally, I finally feel ready to battle this demon.

So I started eating better. Not clean (yet!), but have made major changes. I try to be active. I have dropped 15-18 lbs in that 63 day period...not a drastic amount, but enough that people are starting to notice. I am down a pant size.

My best friend asked me the other night if I am dropping weight, and I said yes. But inside, I kind of freaked out. This is such a personal battle for me, such a demon of addiction, that I want to battle by myself. I NEED to do this for me, but I almost wish other people couldn't see what I'm battling with. Addiction to food or ANY substance is such a personal battle, it's kind of embarrassing for me to know that other people can see my struggle. They've seen me lose and gain multiple times over the years, and I always wonder if they're thinking "here she goes again!".

I'm not sure if any of that made sense...does anyone else feel this way?

I get kinda embarrassed when people notice.

I have new neighbors who moved in like 2 months ago. I went over to ask the wife if she wanted to ride into town with me, and she told me how awesome I am looking. Funny thing is, I have only lost like 3 lbs since they moved in, and the measuring tape hasn't changed a bit. Maybe it is in places I don't measure?

And as I was leaving the gym on Friday, a lady (who happens to be struggling to recover from a stroke) told me that I was doing a great job...then turned to the trainer and says "she's doing a great job, isn't she?" I totally wanted to die when he smiled and replied "yes, she is". SO many things run through my brain when stuff like that takes place...the biggest one is "am I really doing that good, or are they just saying that?"

icimani

Just a thought - but sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Sometimes I think we project. We are thinking those things ourselves because we're self-conscious, and we think other people are thinking the same things. In reality, most people are just giving you a compliment. Of course they're comparing to how you looked before, otherwise they wouldn't even have noticed. But I'm guessing most people, unless of course they've been in that same boat, are really just thinking "you look great." (and probably wondering how you've done it!)

SafioraLinnea

I don't really get upset, but it does make me wonder what they thought about me before my weight loss. My current loss is rather obvious because I've lost nearly 22 inches, 30 pounds, and two clothing sizes from my body.

Coachcritty

It's really a double-edged sword. I'm flattered that people think I look "good," but my general response is "Thanks for noticing, but I looked good before." This usually gets a chuckle out of people and eases my frustrations.

ShaniWulffe

See, I'm the opposite way... I like when people ask if I've been losing! But everyone I know is just too... Nice, perhaps. When I'll bring it up, they'll be like "You know, I thought you looked thinner." Then why didn't you say so before, crazies? XD

annie_banannie

For anyone who decides to change their life and drop the weight, it's inevitable that eventually someone is going to notice. Does anyone else get upset when this happens?

Let me explain. I have been obese my entire life. The lightest I can remember is when I briefly dropped to 195 before climbing to my highest at 265. I was up and down for years. It really is true that if you're not ready to change mentally, it's just not going to happen.

63 days ago, I decided I was done. I mentally felt ready to say goodbye for good. This was a huge deal for me, as I'm not overweight just because I like food (a lot). I'm overweight because I also struggle with binge eating disorder and depression, which seem to go so very nicely together. Mentally, I finally feel ready to battle this demon.

So I started eating better. Not clean (yet!), but have made major changes. I try to be active. I have dropped 15-18 lbs in that 63 day period...not a drastic amount, but enough that people are starting to notice. I am down a pant size.

My best friend asked me the other night if I am dropping weight, and I said yes. But inside, I kind of freaked out. This is such a personal battle for me, such a demon of addiction, that I want to battle by myself. I NEED to do this for me, but I almost wish other people couldn't see what I'm battling with. Addiction to food or ANY substance is such a personal battle, it's kind of embarrassing for me to know that other people can see my struggle. They've seen me lose and gain multiple times over the years, and I always wonder if they're thinking "here she goes again!".

I'm not sure if any of that made sense...does anyone else feel this way?

Nearly every word in this post could have come from me. I honestly thought I was the only one who felt this way. It is great to know that there are others out there who are having the same reactions.

I, too, am a very private person, and I don't feel at all comfortable knowing that others are scrutinizing the contours of my body, judging them and feeling it is their right to discuss whether or not I measure up to their standards of attractiveness.

When my weight loss reached the "obvious" stage, a friend -- in front of a crowd of strangers -- exclaimed, "You've lost soooooo much weight! Wow, how much have you lost?"

I wanted to melt into the sidewalk. I felt completely mortified and denied that I'd lost any weight. He insisted that I had, I insisted that it wasn't true. He then began guessing how much I'd lost: "Did you lose 20 pounds? 25?" I wanted to make myself invisible, but since I couldn't, I just kind of slunk away. Since then others have commented on my changing weight, or asked why I'm wearing such baggy clothes. But I don't want to talk about it.

My feeling is this: I am changing the way I deal with my body in order to become healthier, not to make my physique or appearance a topic of public discussion or speculation. This is *personal.* This is for myself, and I want to keep it that way -- at least, for the time being.

Perhaps my feeling will change in time, perhaps not. But for now, I am working with my doctor to improve my health. Any cosmetic changes are truly secondary to my concerns, and I don't feel that my health status is an appropriate topic for public discussion.

healthyformeanMona

My best friend asked me the other night if I am dropping weight, and I said yes. But inside, I kind of freaked out. This is such a personal battle for me, such a demon of addiction, that I want to battle by myself. I NEED to do this for me, but I almost wish other people couldn't see what I'm battling with. Addiction to food or ANY substance is such a personal battle, it's kind of embarrassing for me to know that other people can see my struggle. They've seen me lose and gain multiple times over the years, and I always wonder if they're thinking "here she goes again!".

I'm not sure if any of that made sense...does anyone else feel this way?

housenoob

just remember your fabulous. don't get too paranoid. just accept any praise you get and return the compliment at some point