What was the last thing you let them do?

Nessiechickie

First thread I have started in this topic.
But anyways having some boyfriend problems, and would really like to know that A. I'm not the *****/self-centered person in this situation and B. WTF should I do?.
Been together for 3.5 years, lived together for a year and then I found my own place and waiting for him to get a job so he can move in with me. This guy has never had a stable job, no driver's license no ASSETS ...other then me to his name.
Our problems and fights (fighting almost every weekend right now which is why I'm getting fed up) come from drinking.
I love my couple of drinks and have changed for him from a glass of wine or two every night to barely drinking on the weekends only. Now I get in trouble every single time that I hang out with his mom and her friend when they drink because b/f doesn't like to drink, so I drink with next best thing in the family.. his mom. He says he feels second which I totally understand but what he doesn't understand is with how he treats me when I'm drinking I don't want to be around him and he starts fights with me. ( I'm the most happiest drinker, give me a bottle of wine and nintendo64 I'm as happy as can be) So I don't understand why he thinks I want to be around him, as well I would like to go out and have my own time with friends and at least it is his mom and not a friend he doesn't know or some guy friend of mine. So am I in the wrong for this? I really don't think so I think he should be happy I have such a good relationship with his family.
My second point is this guy is such a **** starter and "evil-plan" maker that I'm scarred the next time I go to see him he is going to have some course planned out for me that I have to jump through. (Not literally) I'm tired of being made to feel like ****, I've turned into an unhappy/ depressed person when I use to be so carefree.
Any advice for me? I say I could never leave this guy but if pushed far enough I'm sure I could.
I want to know any other guys option on this, there are points and sides that I have not added into here just because there is so much but would like to hear what other people think.

cmcollins001

First thread I have started in this topic.
But anyways having some boyfriend problems, and would really like to know that A. I'm not the *****/self-centered person in this situation and B. WTF should I do?.
Been together for 3.5 years, lived together for a year and then I found my own place and waiting for him to get a job so he can move in with me. This guy has never had a stable job, no driver's license no ASSETS ...other then me to his name.
Our problems and fights (fighting almost every weekend right now which is why I'm getting fed up) come from drinking.
I love my couple of drinks and have changed for him from a glass of wine or two every night to barely drinking on the weekends only. Now I get in trouble every single time that I hang out with his mom and her friend when they drink because b/f doesn't like to drink, so I drink with next best thing in the family.. his mom. He says he feels second which I totally understand but what he doesn't understand is with how he treats me when I'm drinking I don't want to be around him and he starts fights with me. ( I'm the most happiest drinker, give me a bottle of wine and nintendo64 I'm as happy as can be) So I don't understand why he thinks I want to be around him, as well I would like to go out and have my own time with friends and at least it is his mom and not a friend he doesn't know or some guy friend of mine. So am I in the wrong for this? I really don't think so I think he should be happy I have such a good relationship with his family.
My second point is this guy is such a **** starter and "evil-plan" maker that I'm scarred the next time I go to see him he is going to have some course planned out for me that I have to jump through. (Not literally) I'm tired of being made to feel like ****, I've turned into an unhappy/ depressed person when I use to be so carefree.
Any advice for me? I say I could never leave this guy but if pushed far enough I'm sure I could.
I want to know any other guys option on this, there are points and sides that I have not added into here just because there is so much but would like to hear what other people think.

Not sure why you were with him to begin with, let alone for so long. Move on to something better.

Jay_Jay_

You sound perfect for each other. Get married ASAP.

ShmoozyQ

You never said why you're staying with him?

ShreddedTweet

You're 21, go to University, travel the world, have fun, that guy is a *kitten* and if you stay with him from the age of 21 you will resent him and regret it!!! Wise up, get out, run for the hills!

corn63

First thread I have started in this topic.
But anyways having some boyfriend problems, and would really like to know that A. I'm not the *****/self-centered person in this situation and B. WTF should I do?.
Been together for 3.5 years, lived together for a year and then I found my own place and waiting for him to get a job so he can move in with me. This guy has never had a stable job, no driver's license no ASSETS ...other then me to his name.
Our problems and fights (fighting almost every weekend right now which is why I'm getting fed up) come from drinking.
I love my couple of drinks and have changed for him from a glass of wine or two every night to barely drinking on the weekends only. Now I get in trouble every single time that I hang out with his mom and her friend when they drink because b/f doesn't like to drink, so I drink with next best thing in the family.. his mom. He says he feels second which I totally understand but what he doesn't understand is with how he treats me when I'm drinking I don't want to be around him and he starts fights with me. ( I'm the most happiest drinker, give me a bottle of wine and nintendo64 I'm as happy as can be) So I don't understand why he thinks I want to be around him, as well I would like to go out and have my own time with friends and at least it is his mom and not a friend he doesn't know or some guy friend of mine. So am I in the wrong for this? I really don't think so I think he should be happy I have such a good relationship with his family.
My second point is this guy is such a **** starter and "evil-plan" maker that I'm scarred the next time I go to see him he is going to have some course planned out for me that I have to jump through. (Not literally) I'm tired of being made to feel like ****, I've turned into an unhappy/ depressed person when I use to be so carefree.
Any advice for me? I say I could never leave this guy but if pushed far enough I'm sure I could.
I want to know any other guys option on this, there are points and sides that I have not added into here just because there is so much but would like to hear what other people think.

He sounds like a real gem. You should break up with him as not to hoard his awesomeness in your box.

FYI: YOU ARE NOT AN ASSET. You should never be "to a man's name". Ugh. That line makes me vomitous and want to go native.

know_your_worth

Why settle for that when there are other people out there who could make you happy..

auroranflash

I've turned into an unhappy/ depressed person when I use to be so carefree.

HUGE warning sign that you need to leave for your own good. You may love someone, but you don't have to choose to be with them if they're not contributing positivity to your life. I had to learn this the hard way. Dealt with this kind of feeling (along with stress and emotional/verbal abuse) for about seven years. Leaving was the hardest thing I ever did but turned out to be the best thing I ever did. Now I can go on knowing I am capable of making the hard decisions in life if it means it's in my best interest, and for that, I am stronger.

Any advice for me? I say I could never leave this guy but if pushed far enough I'm sure I could.

You're right, you can - the question is, how far must you be pushed? It's not healthy to say 'I could never leave' ... because really, true love is when two fully-capable, responsible, and emotionally mature adults choose to come together to support each other and share each other's lives, the good and the bad.

Feeling stuck with someone who is such a negative force in your life, especially so young, seems like a very bad idea.

Take care of yourself. Sometimes situations are not clear until you step away from them. Then, in retrospect, you'll realize how crazy and whackjob some people really are, you just didn't see it because you were in the fog.

My only regret was that I didn't leave sooner and I wasted all that time.

Best of luck.

jplord

If you were my daughter, and you had a boyfriend and relationship like you describe, I'd tell you it is your life and you make the choices so you live with the consequences. If this is what you want from life, you need to rethink your goals and aim higher. Only you can do that for yourself.

_Tristan_

He may have a problem with his family drinking or even a bad experience with drinking that has completely turned him off to drinking. If you can't talk to him and figure out why he is so turned off then maybe it's time to move on. Fix the problem before it becomes too big of a problem or just move on ... Your young...

azzkikin

Sounds like he is very insecure. Like the others have time to move on. He will probably be a leech for some time.

Nessiechickie

Thanks for the replies.
I don't really have many people to talk to this about and if I do they are biased because they are my friend.
Needed some unbiased advice, really needed to make sure that I wasn't the idiot in this case since that is what he makes me feel like.

corn63

Thanks for the replies.
I don't really have many people to talk to this about and if I do they are biased because they are my friend.
Needed some unbiased advice, really needed to make sure that I wasn't the idiot in this case since that is what he makes me feel like.

He's the idiot. And your title speaks volumes: "What was the last thing you let them do?" ... Never allow people to do things to you. Either through verbal/non verbal communication, we give permission. You are giving him permission to treat you this way. Take back your control.

fleur_de_lis19

yeah i think you clearly need to remember what a good person you are and all the great things you deserve. You wanna live like this the rest of your life? Let me give you a piece of advice. I too, have dealt with BS in my life, one relationship, that i was sure i could "change him or help him". He ended up trying to kill me. Great i know . But thats what too many years of not noticing my worth and trying to fix someone does. Move on! NOW ! Your young and have your life to live. Do it! NOW!

MattTheWaterRat

Any advice for me?

Keep drinking.

Nessiechickie

Take back your control.

Isn't that the truth don't think I've have for a long time.

cmcollins001

First thread I have started in this topic.
But anyways having some boyfriend problems, and would really like to know that A. I'm not the *****/self-centered person in this situation and B. WTF should I do?.
Been together for 3.5 years, lived together for a year and then I found my own place and waiting for him to get a job so he can move in with me. This guy has never had a stable job, no driver's license no ASSETS ...other then me to his name.
Our problems and fights (fighting almost every weekend right now which is why I'm getting fed up) come from drinking.
I love my couple of drinks and have changed for him from a glass of wine or two every night to barely drinking on the weekends only. Now I get in trouble every single time that I hang out with his mom and her friend when they drink because b/f doesn't like to drink, so I drink with next best thing in the family.. his mom. He says he feels second which I totally understand but what he doesn't understand is with how he treats me when I'm drinking I don't want to be around him and he starts fights with me. ( I'm the most happiest drinker, give me a bottle of wine and nintendo64 I'm as happy as can be) So I don't understand why he thinks I want to be around him, as well I would like to go out and have my own time with friends and at least it is his mom and not a friend he doesn't know or some guy friend of mine. So am I in the wrong for this? I really don't think so I think he should be happy I have such a good relationship with his family.
My second point is this guy is such a **** starter and "evil-plan" maker that I'm scarred the next time I go to see him he is going to have some course planned out for me that I have to jump through. (Not literally) I'm tired of being made to feel like ****, I've turned into an unhappy/ depressed person when I use to be so carefree.
Any advice for me? I say I could never leave this guy but if pushed far enough I'm sure I could.
I want to know any other guys option on this, there are points and sides that I have not added into here just because there is so much but would like to hear what other people think.

He sounds like a real gem. You should break up with him as not to hoard his awesomeness in your box.

FYI: YOU ARE NOT AN ASSET. You should never be "to a man's name". Ugh. That line makes me vomitous and want to go native.

Please go native...please!?

<this should be fun>

Nessiechickie

Keep drinking.

Thanks Tips!
Trying to get back into the gym and quit smoking so drinking makes all that worse. :sad:

PantalaNagaPampa

You are 21, so says your profile. Way too young to even think about putting up with any guy who doesn't treat you as you want to be treated. Relationships are hard, but even harder when you start out so young.

It seems like it is time for you to move on with your life and have your you time and then finf another guy who treats you better and has some ambition and drive.

auroranflash

Lots of good responses here.

As a final note, don't buy into that crap if anyone tries to convince you you're wrong or the bad guy all the time. It's a load of baloney.

When I did leave, I ended up leaving the majority of our stuff (game consoles, money, etc) with him and literally started fresh. If I knew what I know now (that I was still the devil and the scummiest person who walked the earth) I would've taken a hell of a lot more with me that was rightfully mine to take.

People will get away with whatever they can... you have to be the one to stand up for yourself. Time, experience, and courage will help you learn to do that, but first you have to realize you're worth that effort. Put your foot down and learn to trust your gut instincts when it comes to people and your feelings toward them and how they're treating you.

Life's too short to waste it on negative people, especially when they're the ones closest to you.

lizziebeth1028

Why in the world with you want a relationship full of drama and sadness? Dump him. Go out and live

jrich1

Life is too short not to love life and have someone to spend it with.. Move on

Newf77

For your physical health, I hope you are useing birth control.

Nessiechickie

Lots of good responses here.

As a final note, don't buy into that crap if anyone tries to convince you you're wrong or the bad guy all the time. It's a load of baloney.

When I did leave, I ended up leaving the majority of our stuff (game consoles, money, etc) with him and literally started fresh. If I knew what I know now (that I was still the devil and the scummiest person who walked the earth) I would've taken a hell of a lot more with me that was rightfully mine to take.

People will get away with whatever they can... you have to be the one to stand up for yourself. Time, experience, and courage will help you learn to do that, but first you have to realize you're worth that effort. Put your foot down and learn to trust your gut instincts when it comes to people and your feelings toward them and how they're treating you.

Life's too short to waste it on negative people, especially when they're the ones closest to you.

Thank you.
Think I'm going to go into hiding this week from him.
"Do-Me" get back into doing the gym start 30ds with a smile on my face and reconnect with some old friends.
People make fun when they come into this thread, but it really does such when it happens to you and someone has warped your mind into thinking your the problem.

futurestarz

I was kind of in the same position at 21. Just remember that you were what...16 when you guys started dating... 16 year-olds don't usually tend to make the best decisions when it comes to guys. I know there are some couples out there who end up marrying their high school sweethearts....but they are few and far between.

You've got a lot more living left to do. Don't let someone take away the best years of your life. You will regret it! We get very little time on this earth (in the big scheme of things) you shouldn't waste a second of it being unhappy.

dg730

First thread I have started in this topic.
But anyways having some boyfriend problems, and would really like to know that A. I'm not the *****/self-centered person in this situation and B. WTF should I do?.
Been together for 3.5 years, lived together for a year and then I found my own place and waiting for him to get a job so he can move in with me. This guy has never had a stable job, no driver's license no ASSETS ...other then me to his name.
Our problems and fights (fighting almost every weekend right now which is why I'm getting fed up) come from drinking.
I love my couple of drinks and have changed for him from a glass of wine or two every night to barely drinking on the weekends only. Now I get in trouble every single time that I hang out with his mom and her friend when they drink because b/f doesn't like to drink, so I drink with next best thing in the family.. his mom. He says he feels second which I totally understand but what he doesn't understand is with how he treats me when I'm drinking I don't want to be around him and he starts fights with me. ( I'm the most happiest drinker, give me a bottle of wine and nintendo64 I'm as happy as can be) So I don't understand why he thinks I want to be around him, as well I would like to go out and have my own time with friends and at least it is his mom and not a friend he doesn't know or some guy friend of mine. So am I in the wrong for this? I really don't think so I think he should be happy I have such a good relationship with his family.
My second point is this guy is such a **** starter and "evil-plan" maker that I'm scarred the next time I go to see him he is going to have some course planned out for me that I have to jump through. (Not literally) I'm tired of being made to feel like ****, I've turned into an unhappy/ depressed person when I use to be so carefree.
Any advice for me? I say I could never leave this guy but if pushed far enough I'm sure I could.
I want to know any other guys option on this, there are points and sides that I have not added into here just because there is so much but would like to hear what other people think.

Not sure why you were with him to begin with, let alone for so long. Move on to something better.

Agreed

findfan4ever

By posting this very topic you have answered your own question. Do you really need to ask us here? Not trying to be mean, just brutally honest with you.

You are the same age as my oldest daughter and she, too, had a similar situation. It turned real ugly. I point blank told her if she wanted to see how much the *kitten* cared, to stop opening her wallet and legs to him. If he was a real man and cared, he would get the message and change his ways; otherwise he would be gone in about 3-4 weeks.

KICKED THE BUMB TO THE DAMN CURB!!!!!!!!!!

Another point to remember ........ having sex and living together DO NOT solidify a relationship. They actually cloud the mind and inhibit true and real intimacy between two individuals. While this, to many, will be the MORAL or RELIGIOUS argument, resent scientific research is PROVING that God's way is the ONLY way.

bonniecarbs

The statement below, what someone else said:

FYI: YOU ARE NOT AN ASSET. You should never be "to a man's name". Ugh. That line makes me vomitous and want to go native.

arcticfox04

Just move along. Break up with him and see what happens. Will he get a job and realize he made a mistake and do whatever it takes to make things work or will he just move on the to the next sap to take care of him. Most of the time people like this just find someone else to latch on to and mooch off of. Luckily you don't have kids with him. I'm not being mean I'm being honest I see it too much these days.

LAWoman79

Just move along. Break up with him and see what happens. Will he get a job and realize he made a mistake and do whatever it takes to make things work or will he just move on the to the next sap to take care of him. Most of the time people like this just find someone else to latch on to and mooch off of. Luckily you don't have kids with him. I'm not being mean I'm being honest I see it too much these days.

^^^This! 100%.

bonniecarbs

Also what arcticfox04 said! and you young lady, these are very modern times for women to be thinking like this, women are strong, not edith bunkers.