This Guy .. Help?
I've been debating putting this out as a discussion post since I wrote it in my blog earlier .. I think I need to because I'd really like to get some feedback. My blog just isn't as out there for people to see.. So here it is:
Okay, so .. There's this guy .. I met him online, which I know is still kind of sketchy but he seems really nice and fairly put together. I won't really get into that though.
Anyway, we went out to lunch yesterday. Nothing fancy, it was just Subway. He paid though, but the way that he offered to pay surprised me a little.
Now keep in mind that this was the first time we've actually hung out together - after about a week of online chatting and texting.
So we were standing in line, waiting for our subs and he puts his hand on my back and said "I can pay for yours" and possibly may have called me babe/baby .. something.. I was just so startled by his touch - I hadn't been expecting it at all.
Well, we got out food, and I did let him pay, who wouldn't right, lol. We sat down to eat and it was all good. We had a nice chat about how highschool was and a few things came up about siblings and pets - it was during my lunch hour so it wasn't anything too insightful. Overall it was good, he didn't make any awkward moves to try to touch me again so I was fine.
Now, I guess I was expecting or anticipating him to try something else. And I was right. He was driving and when he was dropping me off we said that we would have to meet up again. He grabbed my arm and started to pull me close. I was a little frazzeled but managed a "No thanks" with a giggle .. nice right.. so he let so and said okay. I got out and left.
He texted me a few minutes later saying he had a nice lunch, and I thanked him for paying. Then chatted on and off for the rest of the day. It ended on an awkward note though, we said goodnight and he ended with and "xo xo" to which I didn't respond.
This was yesterday.
Tonight we're supposed to be going out - possibly to a movie.
I'm not sure what to do here. I mean, it's weird for me too, because usually I'm the one who loves physical contact, and don't mind rushing into things. I think it has to do with a recent experience with another guy. I'm just not used to being 'just friends' and now I feel lost.
He texted me this morning - about half an hour ago. I haven't replied..
Okay, so .. There's this guy .. I met him online, which I know is still kind of sketchy but he seems really nice and fairly put together. I won't really get into that though.
Anyway, we went out to lunch yesterday. Nothing fancy, it was just Subway. He paid though, but the way that he offered to pay surprised me a little.
Now keep in mind that this was the first time we've actually hung out together - after about a week of online chatting and texting.
So we were standing in line, waiting for our subs and he puts his hand on my back and said "I can pay for yours" and possibly may have called me babe/baby .. something.. I was just so startled by his touch - I hadn't been expecting it at all.
Well, we got out food, and I did let him pay, who wouldn't right, lol. We sat down to eat and it was all good. We had a nice chat about how highschool was and a few things came up about siblings and pets - it was during my lunch hour so it wasn't anything too insightful. Overall it was good, he didn't make any awkward moves to try to touch me again so I was fine.
Now, I guess I was expecting or anticipating him to try something else. And I was right. He was driving and when he was dropping me off we said that we would have to meet up again. He grabbed my arm and started to pull me close. I was a little frazzeled but managed a "No thanks" with a giggle .. nice right.. so he let so and said okay. I got out and left.
He texted me a few minutes later saying he had a nice lunch, and I thanked him for paying. Then chatted on and off for the rest of the day. It ended on an awkward note though, we said goodnight and he ended with and "xo xo" to which I didn't respond.
This was yesterday.
Tonight we're supposed to be going out - possibly to a movie.
I'm not sure what to do here. I mean, it's weird for me too, because usually I'm the one who loves physical contact, and don't mind rushing into things. I think it has to do with a recent experience with another guy. I'm just not used to being 'just friends' and now I feel lost.
He texted me this morning - about half an hour ago. I haven't replied..
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Replies
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let him know you are arent comfortable yet with the physical contact, and ask him to wait awhile.0
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Listen, you have to do what is comfortable for you. If he is too touchy for you, then he's probably not the right guy. And you don't owe him a relationship. It's perfectly find to say that it was nice to meet him but you're just not interested. Don't be embarrased if your uncomfortable or not attracted to someone. That's your perogative.0
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I think it sounds like you're undecided on whether you like him as more than a friend or not.
The best thing is to let him know you want to spend some more time together, without rushing forward. Just because you got to know each other via online/texting doesn't mean you really know how one another are in person. I'd hang out a few more times before making any decisions.
Also when you do make the decision, it's still okay to go at a slow pace.
And if you don't like him as more than a friend, be honest. It's not cool to waste anyone's time while trying not to hurt their feelings.0 -
I'm not sure what the week of texting and chatting was like but clearly you aren't comfortable yet, whether its because of him or you. He needs to know exactly how you are feeling because somewhere along the line he got the impression you are more then just friends. In any case you should talk to him immediately and not just leave him hanging. Seems like it got "real" real fast0
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sounds like a serial killer.
if he has a home with a well in it and gives you a bottle of lotion, just put it on so you don't get the hose again.
ok, kidding aside. the guy could just be socially awkward. next time you go out, maybe go out with a group of friends and see how he interacts with them and ask them afterward if they got any funny vibes from him. or you can just ask him why he signed his text with xoxoxoxo. you'll probably embarrass the hell out of him when you do, but you'll also learn something from his answer. he might think using xoxoxoxoxo is more innocent than you do. you never know.0 -
Too much, too fast. Let him know and/or let him go.0
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You talked to this guy online for a week and then got in his car alone with him???
NO! NO! NO!!!!!!
SSSOOOOOO dangerous. Don't do that again.
As for the rest, that would annoy the crap out of me and I wouldn't see him again. But that's me. I say if you're feeling weird about it, trust your gut.0 -
Dump him. He's too insecure. Oh wait... am I in the right thread? *starts a slow clap*0
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Talk to him, let him know how you feel.
Some guys need to have it spelled out for them..0 -
I met my husband online ( match.com ) so that isn't as sketchy as you'd think. It's kinda become the norm in today's society.
I'm thinking that you're just not that into this guy, and that's why you're not comfortable with his advances ( which aren't that intrusive honestly... he put his hand on your shoulder? He *may* have wanted more but you don't know for sure? He signed a text xoxo?). You're waiting to see if more develops, and honestly I think you know right off the bat whether you want more or not. You obviously do not want more.0 -
You need to listen to your gut.
I disagree with the people that say you need to talk to him and tell him your feelings. You don't have to if you don't want to. You can send him a simple text that states that you're no longer interested, thanks for meeting up, nice to meet you etc. But you do not have to have any kind of face to face conversation with him. If you are not comfortable with him, then that's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.0 -
He's gonna try to wear your skin.0
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For future reference, you should always drive yourself the first few dates, especially when you've never met in person, it's dangerous.
words on a screen can always be fals and you never know what to think, especially if none of your irl friends know him.0 -
in all seriousness becareful0 -
You need to listen to your gut.
I disagree with the people that say you need to talk to him and tell him your feelings. You don't have to if you don't want to. You can send him a simple text that states that you're no longer interested, thanks for meeting up, nice to meet you etc. But you do not have to have any kind of face to face conversation with him. If you are not comfortable with him, then that's okay. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
I agree. Thanks but no thanks no explination nessecary.0 -
just break up!!! (ha, where's Dani when you need her?)
seriously, he's just not for you....the awkwardness will only get worse and reinforce why you shouldn't be going out with him in the first place......walk/run away \m/0 -
Just break up.
Sorry jackpot, lots of traffic this morning.0 -
Mwahzzz!! you're the bestest \m/Just break up.
Sorry jackpot, lots of traffic this morning.0 -
have his baby0
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You feel uncomfortable. Don't go out with him again.
"I can pay for yours"? Did he tell you he'd cover the cost of his gas picking you up and taking you back?0 -
I'm a big believer in gut instincts usually being right. There's probably a reason you feel uncomfortable. I have a couple of friends who do the online dating thing. Personally, I would never do it. But, that's just because I am overly paranoid about people in general. But, one of my very good friends met his wife online and they are perfect for each other. They have been married a year and are now expecting their first baby. Just be careful and always trust your instinct.0
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You feel uncomfortable. Don't go out with him again.
"I can pay for yours"? Did he tell you he'd cover the cost of his gas picking you up and taking you back?
"Don't you worry your pretty little head there darlin'. Subway is on ME!"
Ask Mr. High Roller if it's ok if you add bacon...0 -
Or avocado- they have that at Subway now!Ask Mr. High Roller if it's ok if you add bacon...0 -
Tonight we're supposed to be going out - possibly to a movie.
You don't like him. Don't go.
Take responsibility for you what you want, and don't wait for him to indirectly "get the message" because you're afraid to say no.0 -
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You talked to this guy online for a week and then got in his car alone with him???
NO! NO! NO!!!!!!
SSSOOOOOO dangerous. Don't do that again.
As for the rest, that would annoy the crap out of me and I wouldn't see him again. But that's me. I say if you're feeling weird about it, trust your gut.
^^^I think this needs to be said again. and probably a few more times!!0 -
I once had a guy force a kiss and grab my boob on the first date. Needless to say he did not get a second date!
If you like him and want to go out again, just tell him you will meet him there. At least then you can escape if you are not feeling it! I would recommend something other than a movie so you can actually talk and get to know him, just make sure it is something in a very public setting. If you do not want the physical contact yet just tell him that you want to take things slow and you are not comfortable with the physical contact yet.
My only other thought is, if you are normally a physical person and you are not feeling it with him, you are probably not into him and should just cut the ties before it gets deeper.0 -
You talked to this guy online for a week and then got in his car alone with him???
NO! NO! NO!!!!!!
SSSOOOOOO dangerous. Don't do that again.
As for the rest, that would annoy the crap out of me and I wouldn't see him again. But that's me. I say if you're feeling weird about it, trust your gut.
For starters, I agree with everything the above poster said.
Second, if this was the first time you hung out and he's trying to kiss you and is calling you babe, he's got no "game" and probably got a lot of attachment issues. I have two friends who dated guys like this. The first guy's previous girlfriend ended up dumping him and filing criminal charges because he had recorded her phone calls while they were living together. He managed to take fingerprint samples and took pieces of her hair too. He then staked out her house and would stalk her after they broke up.
The second guy dumped his GF because he swore she was cheating because she had an allergic reaction to something and didn't want to go out on Valentine's Day, I'm guessing because allergies = cheating. *puzzled look* On the day he dumped her, her dog happened to be in his care. He let the dog get injured, only to then have my friend discover both the injuries and the breakup when she went to get the dog. (The dog ended up being fine.)
While I'm hoping he's benign, the guy you met sounds like he could be the type to go through your text messages when you get up to go to the bathroom. That is, after he's installed a keystroke logger so that he can check your email and make sure you're not cheating. Oh, and nobody's going to love you like he loves you.
Guys who move THAT fast uuuuuusually have issues. Heck. They often have subscriptions.
Yeah. No. Run. Run like the wind. (Just make sure to log the exercise calories.)0 -
(snip)
My only other thought is, if you are normally a physical person and you are not feeling it with him, you are probably not into him and should just cut the ties before it gets deeper.
This is what stuck out to me as well. As others have said, trust your instincts. Obviously something about this guy is making you uncomfortable. Also agree with the point that you owe him nothing at this point. Go ahead with the next meet up if you want but if you're still not feeling it, be honest with him and tell him you're just not feeling that spark (or whatever). And I would drive myself to the movies...just in case you want to get away. If you're already told him he can pick you up, just tell him you decided you want to do some shopping (or something) before hand and will meet him there instead. No biggee.0 -
I've done a bit of online dating and I find that if the attraction isn't there on the first meeting, it never will be. And you should drive yourself to be on the safe side, not to mention the quick exit. Guys who meet women online aren't looking friends or pen pals. just saying..I'd cut him loose with a simple, thanks but there wasn't a spark.
I would also like to note that if a guy asks to borrow money for gas to come see you, that is probably not worth your effort. Did provide a good laugh for me though. And yes, that did really happen to me...lol0
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