Am I too old fashioned?

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24

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  • CaoimheAine
    CaoimheAine Posts: 195
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    No way.. your life, your decision :smile:
  • kmm7309
    kmm7309 Posts: 802 Member
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    I've been married 7 years and still no children... I wanted it to wait until my marriage had calmed down, and then school started, and things just got crazy. I do have two step-sons, and I love them so much, but I enjoy sending them home for right now.
  • UncleMac
    UncleMac Posts: 13,077 Member
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    At risk of sounding cynical, marriage is a civil arrangement... a contract, if you will... whereas kids are for life.
  • capriciousmoon
    capriciousmoon Posts: 1,263 Member
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    The only way I could really see children before marriage if it wasn't planned. I couldn't see planning to have a child before getting married unless you never want to get married.
  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
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    children before marriage is not usually a choice made on purpose. However, I can say from experience that if your relationship can survive children, it is the right person. Kids bring a whole different dynamic. A lot of marriages fall apart after children because of differing ways to raise the child. And then you have too deal with religion and bad parenting advice from future in laws and so forth. Just sayin' there is an upside. Are you old fashioned? No, you are traditional. That is a much better term, imo.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    No... Absolutely not.. Your not being old fashioned at all. Im with you on this.
  • JediMaster_intraining
    JediMaster_intraining Posts: 903 Member
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    Not old fashioned in my opinion. I want this too for my future! However, I know things happen and regardless of marital status I would want to be the best mom I could possibly be!
  • Off10h8ed
    Off10h8ed Posts: 282 Member
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    IMHO marriage is just a piece of paper. Yes, I am married. For 18 years now. The only thing that does is gives you medical/death benefits and legal rights should the relationship not work out. It does not make anyone any more faithful than what they are going to be without it. It does not entitle one to any more or less than what they are deserving when in a truly committed relationship built on love and trust, not on a piece of paper. A child is not a result of a piece of paper, a child is a result of love and commitment (or should be.) Even a marriage certificate should not be a certificate to produce a child. It is not a necessity. If you are getting married for religious reasons then yes, because I know how the churches frown upon premarital sex and if you are childless, they do not know for sure you are having sex. Otherwise, it is a personal choice. I for one would have had my children without the marriage. I do love my husband and plan on staying married. He wanted the marriage. He needed that paper. Me... my children are a symbol of our love and that is all I need. :) Just my thoughts...
  • ohtobe140
    ohtobe140 Posts: 93
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    I was with my ex for 8.5 years prior to marriage, married for 9.5 years and then ended up in divorce with three kids under the age of 3. I thought I did it the right way, but the thing about love and relationships is... they are unpredictable at best even when you think its a done deal. 17 years and it still was over. So, do what feels right at the time in your heart and don't settle for second best because it's what is offered. If that's the offer then you have the right to reject it and move on. I have to believe that there is someone whose offer matches exactly what you are looking for...
  • Nikki31104
    Nikki31104 Posts: 816 Member
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    I have never been married and will probably never get married. It is just a piece of paper in my opinion. I do have 3 children though and they are my world. Is it easy being an unwed mother? Absolutely not. Would it have been easier if I was married. Probably not. Kids are hard. Tonight my daughter and her boyfriend broke up and it about killed me to see her so upset. A marriage wouldn't change that at all. HOWEVER...if you feel strongly about being married first don't give up your beliefs for anything. If he is the person for you he will accept it. If he can't accept how you feel maybe he is the man for you.
  • gingerveg
    gingerveg Posts: 748 Member
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    I think it's odd that people even want kids let alone wanting to (potentially) raise them without a partner. I don't thinks it's old fashioned I think it is wise. Kids take time, patience, love and money the more people who are there to raise them the more resources. I wouldn't choose to do it alone (or potentially alone) I'd need a commitment that someone else was going to pitch in. Parenthood is important work that should not be taken lightly or decided on with little thought and/or preparedness. I'm not saying kids can't be raised extremely well by single parents, they definitely can. I'm just saying that it is hard and I'd never personally choose to embark on that journey without a solid commitment from the other parent (personal and legal).
  • lilpoindexter
    lilpoindexter Posts: 1,122 Member
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    So I guess Intelligence is "old fashioned".
  • slkehl
    slkehl Posts: 3,801 Member
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    If I were to have my own kids, I'd want to raise them together with their father for life. And marriage is a commitment to stay together , and I'd want that first.

    However, I'd consider adopting children on my own when I have a stable career and the means to provide. There's a lot of kids out there in the world that need a good home, and while I think dads are important, I'd like to think I'd be a decent mom on my own :)
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    I wasn't comfortable having a child before marriage. My husband and I both felt strongly that we wanted to raise our child in a married emotionally and financially stable home. I didn't have that growing up, so it means a lot to me that I can provide that for my children.

    That being said, there are plenty of unmarried parents out there and single parents who are raising wonderful kids as well. It's all about what you and your partner are comfortable with.
  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    No I think its a great idea. The more you get to know about the person, the better.
  • HiKaren
    HiKaren Posts: 1,306 Member
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    I think it's odd that people even want kids let alone wanting to (potentially) raise them without a partner. I don't thinks it's old fashioned I think it is wise. Kids take time, patience, love and money the more people who are there to raise them the more resources. I wouldn't choose to do it alone (or potentially alone) I'd need a commitment that someone else was going to pitch in. Parenthood is important work that should not be taken lightly or decided on with little thought and/or preparedness. I'm not saying kids can't be raised extremely well by single parents, they definitely can. I'm just saying that it is hard and I'd never personally choose to embark on that journey without a solid commitment from the other parent (personal and legal).

    This is what I learned growing up. And this is why I support your idea. Not old fashioned at all..
  • ladymiseryali
    ladymiseryali Posts: 2,555 Member
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    I wouldn't call that old-fashioned. More like a logical approach. With that being said, my sister is pregnant and due this month, but she and her boyfriend aren't married. I don't hold that against her, but I'm not going to be having kids until my fiance and I are married, no longer living in a disgusting house with his mom and both of us are financially stable.
  • gjulie
    gjulie Posts: 391
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    well I cant judge other people but we have been married 21 years and have 5 children and it is a secure environment for them that said a stable loving relationship dosnt necessarily need a license!has to be what you are comfortable with!
  • Elf_Princess1210
    Elf_Princess1210 Posts: 895 Member
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    I don't think so. sometimes things dont work out like that, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to be married before having kids. it makes things easier
  • evelynr14
    evelynr14 Posts: 172 Member
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    You should always do what feels right for you! But I do agree, kids should be after marriage

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