so sad....

sweetalker

Okay, about the porn thing... are you upset that he's watching porn at all?

Men watch porn. It has nothing to do with you, your attractiveness, your sexiness, or your skill in bed. It's a stress reliever, it's an inexpensive fun thing to do, and it's pretty much solitary - with sex, you have another person to concentrate on, and you probably worry about whether or not she/he is having a good time and likes you. Porn is not sex. It's just *kitten*, it's perfectly normal, it's been around since caveman days, and boys start looking at naked pictures as soon as they hit puberty. It's biological. Please don't get upset about men watching porn.

lisamariepickering

I think the problem a lot of people think is that they have to be perfect starting from day one. and after a week or two, perfection becomes overwhelming and they become unable to keep it up. So they throw their hands in the air and say "Screw it all!".

But here is the thing about maintainable weight loss. It is NOT a black and white situation. There is a whole hell of a lot of grey area when it comes to "what can I eat today". That is the beauty of MFP. You have a budget of 1600 calories. Pretend that's cash. You have $1600 in your bank account to spend on what you need today. Are you going to by 16 pairs of $100 shoes (veggies) 8 pairs of $200 shoes (bread) or one pair of $1600 diamond studded, the most beautiful shoes you have ever seen in your life (a whole bag of potato chips)? (I like shoes )

Your first thought may be the whole bag of potato chips. Fine, have that be your decision. But then you realize those shoes only go with one outfit, and you can't wear the same pair of shoes for the rest of your life, and you're hungry! So the next day, you make different food decisions. And then you learn different things you can make, small substitutions you can make in your recipes. And before you know it, you can have a serving of chips, and still not ruin your whole day.

Then the weight starts falling off. You feel better about yourself, your clothes are looser. You have more energy. And then you think, you know what, I'm going for a walk this afternoon! And you do, and walking leads to workout DVDs and weights, and biking, and maybe even running.

Now you are really feeling better about yourself. You start hiking on the weekend, going for family bike rides. You try and do situps during commercials when watching TV. You don't watch as much TV as you used to. Certain foods make sick to your stomach now. You are stronger. You have more self confidence. You stand up straighter.

And TADA! Your whole lifestyle has changed for the better. It all doesn't happen at once. And it isn't perfect. But you need to be able to do this FOR EVER! You are marrying the idea of being fit and healthy. It needs to become part of who you are.

Be strong and good luck. Every single time you take a bite, you have the ability to make a new decision about your health.

^^^Ditto to this^^^

sassygamma

"I was the queen of excuses.. now im the queen of NO excuses! LOL! " I need to use this one... LOL

Please do not give up, i am the queen of "tomorrows" tomorrow i will start, or oh well i screwed up today, there is always tomorrow... But now i look at it as TODAY is my day, tomorrow will come whether i am ready or not, and again i will make it my day. Make this weight loss about you NOT your husband, do it for you not anyone else, make YOU a priority, make time each day for you, whether it be first thing in the morning, while the kids nap, or after they are in bed, get up go for a short walk, and you will notice that after a few days you will be walking farther, add a bit at a time, but start slow.

Park in the back of the parking lot instead of searching for the close spot, walk up the stairs instead of looking for the elevator, these are all baby steps, find a walking partner it is much better to do when you have someone to talk to. Look at your local city parks and rec to see if they have a walking program, or a exercise program, hit the local YMCA, those are the places you will meet people who want to do the same thing as you.

You will find yourself feeling so much better, i to suffered from depression, for YEARS, i gave up on myself, but NOW my kids are grown and i wish i had did this while they were young, so now i am doing this for me, i have a long ways to go, but i will do it, steady and slow win the race, you can do this......... Good Luck OH and trust me get on this site daily, read the success stories that helps so much, i look at what everyone has accomplished and i realize it is possible.

So Good luck and if you need anything, just need to chat im here for you!!!!!!

StormyGal8

I had this same problem (well, with the being able to go a couple of weeks, then giving up). I know I will probably get grief for saying this, but I found that if I gave myself a LITTLE bit of "junk", then it was easier to stick on plan. For me, 100 calorie snack packs became the 1 thing that helped me stay on track, because I could have chocolate cookies, or baked chips, but still not go outside of my calories. I could eat 1, feel like I had something "bad", but see my caloric intake at the end of the day, and know I stayed within my limits.

There is a period of trial and error, you need to find what will work best for you. I sent a friend request, and am happy to be a cheerleader for you, if you like

lizziebeth1028

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

Ease into this, don't go charging in like gang busters and burn out after 2 weeks. Set a reasonable, obtainable calorie goal, like one pound a week. Please don't fall prey to the 1200 calorie quick weight loss approach! Stick to a sensible goal and get some exercise. Don't make it a dramatic change off the bat. It's a lifestyle, give yourself time to figure out what works best for you.

Susanthecatwhisperer

Don't give up. :flowerforyou: When I started, I didn't care what I ate or how many calories I ate. Once I started logging it all in, sometimes, I'd stop for the day, instead of having a snack before bed time. I'd look at a snack, and think it's not worth it if I need to log it in, so I would't eat it. The weight is slowly coming off. I feel so much better! :drinker: I'm now able to concentrate on WHAT I'm eating, and paying attention to calories. I have more motivation & energy to do things. I don't necessarily exercise often, but I spent last weekend detailing my car, and scrubbing the entire house top to bottom. It felt great! I'm now about halfway to my goal. I'm excited. I hope you'll stick with it. YOU CAN DO IT! :happy:

VelociMama

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

I went through the same routine for years. The problem with me was that I was doing a crash or fad diet and way undereating and overexercising. It wasn't something I could do for life, so after 2 weeks of exhaustion and starvation, I'd go and binge eat and go completely off track.

What worked for me long-term was trying to go slowly. Start with 30 mins per day of walking and 1 lb per week weight loss. They key is to NOT be overly aggressive when you start out. The goal is to reteach yourself new eating and living habits so you can breeze through the weight loss and management later without feeling deprived, exhausted, or like it's an arduous chore.

Set some weekly goals for yourself and start making small changes for the better. Good luck to you!

ajfc1971

slowly slowly is how you go about it. I know this is a very hard process to get your brain around and I have to remind myself how far I have come when I don't get the results I want to see from the scales. I use to think ( or kid myself) that if I watched the biggest loser then somehow I too would lose weight as I watched others doing it, I would only ever do a week or 2 and if I hadn't lost at least 14lb by then I would think sod this and go back putting more on becoming bigger. Then I just sat down and thought to myself if I don't stop then one day I won't be able to do anything.
This has been mentioned before but you have done a few steps already. You have decided to lose weight, you have logged on here (which has been my saviour). I have done every diet known to man. Even sniffed diet pens to lose pounds. The only pounds I lost was pound notes.
Remind yourself everyday of the little things in life you need to be grateful for when you start feeling sad and low. Your alive and are able to do whatever you set your mind to. Even if you where to lose 1lb - 2lbs a month it all adds up.
You will get plenty of support on here and if you want to have a shout, cause your hubby is doing your head in, then shout it on here if it makes life easier. Just remember it is only you that can do this and do it for yourself because YOU ARE WORTH IT. XXX

PRMinx

I hate to see someone so sad. But I'm happy to see you are here because there are some amazing people on MFP who have achieved some amazing things. Just yesterday I read a great post about someone who finished a Tough Mudder, even though she didn't think she could do it. Read some of the success stories - there are a lot of people who have been where you are and will know exactly how you feel.

You are already one step ahead because you've recognized the problem and you are only 23! You're young. Now is the time to do this! Start small and don't put so much pressure on yourself. Also, you may want to see a therapist. There's no shame in that game AT ALL. You may learn more about yourself and what triggers your self-defeat.

Best of luck to you! We are all cheering you on!

trishtrish1

Not trying to hijack - my husband does the porn thing - he has done it for a long time. Hate it - and I know I've overweight - this is a whole other thing.....

BUT - I was having a "blow it moment" - wanted to eat a bunch of doritos - chocolate - etc, BUT - I just read everyone's positive encouragement - and I made it through. Then I put on my tennis shoes - walked around at a brisk pace for one minute - (I should be working, will walk more later) and I feel so much better! Thanks!

This is hard hard stuff - the encouragement is awesome!!

graysmom2005

What do you do when you try and "lose weight?" You may be dropping your calories too low, or hitting the gym too hard. Small steps. Don't even worry about exercise unless you like it. Just work on portion control and getting the junk out of your house. Set yourself up for success. Self control is over rated.

If you slip up...keep going. Don't screw up the whole day. Just make the next move healthier. Baby steps...

Briteblu

Hi!
You got a lot of good responses!

1st- You are not a cry baby. The fact that you made this post just shows you WANT to lose the weight, you just need some support doing it. Don't we all! That's why we are here.
2nd- I read you profile and those are some great inspirations!!! Let that be your motivation! It's never too late to start trying!

You are young and beautiful and YOU CAN DO THIS! We are here to help! Get on here everyday... log your food and your exercise... get some support!


Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps!
Just take it day by day. That's what works for me. It's really hard for me to stay motivated. I gained a bunch of weight during my pregnancy and it's taken me almost 3 yrs to get it off but that's ok cause I STILL DID IT! I Only have a few more lbs to go to reach my goal and it's TOUGH and I've slacked off here and there but I'm determined to do it!

Sent you a FR!

Briteblu

Not trying to hijack - my husband does the porn thing - he has done it for a long time. Hate it - and I know I've overweight - this is a whole other thing.....

BUT - I was having a "blow it moment" - wanted to eat a bunch of doritos - chocolate - etc, BUT - I just read everyone's positive encouragement - and I made it through. Then I put on my tennis shoes - walked around at a brisk pace for one minute - (I should be working, will walk more later) and I feel so much better! Thanks!

This is hard hard stuff - the encouragement is awesome!!

AWESOME!!! :happy:

StarkLark

Nothing specific to add... just wanted to say great job to everyone for the amazing responses. Many of us have felt like the OP and the love shown in this thread is part of the reason why MFP is a wonderful place.

Heather, take this stuff to heart, you are in control and you can make the changes you need to. Don't give up!

170isthin

You have so much support here. Don't give up.

HannahK08

Thank you guys so much It really warms my heart reading these.. I find myself re-reading them daily This is day 6 now that Ive made myself log in! Today Im starting to log it all and drink 8 glasses of water everyday! And those are my goals for this week! BABY STEPS Im really nervous about sticking with it during our move (we are moving from Japan to Texas in December!!!) But until then Im going to keep telling myself that I can Again thank you everyone so much!!

TheCaren

Get on here every day and log your food. Even if you aren't quite ready to change your habits. Start logging everything. You might be surprised at how that alone can motivate you to make some changes. Are you going to become a wonderful eater overnight because you're logging your food on MFP? Not likely. But baby steps will still get you there eventually. Also, make sure that whatever eating plan you choose, don't go to low on calories. That's no bueno for sure!

californiagirl2012

So, Im 23 and almost 300lbs... I dont want to hit that... I try everything.. I dont know what is wrong with me or my brain? I can go strong for a week or 2 and then I quit... whats wrong with me?? Im usually very social and outgoing.. and I feel myself becoming very angry at people and sad and crying often.. and now to top it off.. my husband would rather watch porn than be with me... I dont know what to do Im sorry if I sound like a cry baby.. I know most of you will tell me to quit whining and do something... I just feel defeated.

Don't give up! I almost gave up after 15 years of trying. I finally achieved my goal and I'm glad I didn't give up. Anyone can do it if they just set their mind to it. All it takes is a calorie deficit to lose weight and exercise to shape your lean body mass and yes you can exercise when you are obese, you can even lift weights, do a simply dumbbell routine but push yourself hard enough so that you need rest in between sets. IT IS HARD, but it can be done. Nothing about this journey is easy and sometimes it is not fun. Just plug along the best you can. We are all merely human.

I achieved my goal age 50 and I've been maintaining now for over a year and I'm almost 52. It is hard when you get older because society tells you just give up, this is what happens when we get older. But really the 10 lbs per decade is just from eating slightly too much and letting it build up.

For what it's worth here is what I learned in the last 3 years (and 15 years prior of mistakes);

Diets that label some foods as good and some as bad set you up for having weird issues with food and cause the yo-yo dieting effect. I have tried all of these in the last 20 years and always gained back the weight: Low fat high carb, Slim-Fast, Weight Watchers, Atkins, Organic, Weston Price Diet, The Schwarzbein Principle, Eat Fat Lose Fat, The Ultimate PH Solution, The Makers Diet, A friends diet from a personal trainer/dietician

I finally just got sick of it all and made up my own diet with healthy foods I enjoy and smaller portions. We all know how to eat healthy. Just eat what you like, mostly healthy, strive constantly for healthier one step at a time, and eat within your calorie budget to lose weight or maintain.

Your body loses weight in chunks, not linear. I have found that you can do everything right and your weight loss seems to plateau but if you are patient and keep exercising and eating at a deficit (however slight) you will lose it, it will suddenly "whoosh". There are so many variables for the scale; water retention, digestion, hormones, allergies, sodium, carbs, water intake, DOMS, inflammation, the list goes on. People mistakenly think they lose or gain weight when they eat more or less because of these fluctuations.

Losing weight requires tremendous patience. You will not lose it when you want it or where you want it. The body does its thing. Some apparent plateaus can last a month or so. You cannot make it happen faster. You must focus on two things; calories and exercise. Nothing else matters. Scales and metrics don't matter. The day in and day out grind of exercise and calories are all that matters. It is not very exciting until things fall into place. You get your victories and you ride one victory to the next.

The scale is a trend tool. The scale is good but put it away and only check once a week and only use it as a trend tool. It will fluctuate, it does not matter. Take front side and back progress pictures at least once a month. You will see differences that the metrics won't tell you and it's that little bit of NSV that will keep you going until the next victory.

You will see a lot of debate on here about 1200 calories. What you need to eat for a deficit is relative to your RMR. If you are short you really don't have much room for up compared to the 1200. If you are taller you will have a higher RMR and can go up or down and still be in a deficit (way above 1200) so you can lose no matter what. All that matters is a calorie deficit. 1200 is really a silly number to get stuck on because it does not matter.

To say eat more is wrong.

To say eat less is wrong.

To find the exact calories needed for YOU to be in a healthy sustainable calorie deficit is the right answer. Wait, if you need to adjust by 100 do it, wait, adjust, wait, adjust, wait. The tortoise wins this race.

All that matters is calories. A healthy balanced diet within a calorie budget for a deficit that is right for YOU is all that matters for weight loss. Don't make it complicated.

Some people can eat at a big calorie deficit and some people can't. Everyone is different. Even a small calorie deficit puts your body in a state of flux with hormones as such, add a new workout routine, and those will make more spikes. This is a huge waiting game and requires much patience. Add in emotional eating issues and then you have more complications. You don't have to worry about starvation mode when you have excess fat. Only lean people have to worry about starvation mode. This does not mean you are capable of a deep calorie deficit, it just means that people who are able to don't have to worry about the starvation mode myth (unless they are already lean).

Also people play mental accounting games with calories just like with finances. Make steps to make sure you are making accurate measurements. Packaged foods can have MORE than they say but not less (they get in trouble if less so they would rather error with MORE).

If you typically intake sodium at a certain rate your body adjusts, but if you make a sudden change then you will see a spike.

Exercise is for making your lean body mass pretty (especially lifting weights) for when the fat is gone. Losing fat with no muscle is ugly and cardio alone will not make you pretty. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Lifting weights is KEY. I recently had my DXA scan done and at 51.5 years of age I have the bone density of a super athletic 30 year old. That is a direct result of lifting for over 30 years. Now if that is not scientific proof that lifting weights keeps you younger I don't know what is! Also I believe it is why most people think I look much younger than I really am.

Girls, start lifting now, lift heavy and change it up often, find a lot of weight routines with free weights, make it fun, embrace it, make it part of your life. Only 3 days a week is all it would take. Crank up your tunes and learn to love it, because your body will love it and it will make your quality of life better in many ways, especially when you get older like me.

Because of this I don't have to worry about osteoporosis. If you wait until you are older and your bones start to deteriorate it's a bit too late, you can't get back what you lost, you can only start a resistance routine that will prevent further damage.

If you are a girl you don't have the hormones to get big naturally. I lift heavy and I'm still really tiny. My lean body mass is only 104 lbs and that is fairly heavy for a 5'1" female, and quite a bit of this is due to my having very dense bones from 30 years of lifting, not all muscle, and I'm still quite tiny.

My muscles really are not that big, but they show a lot of definition because I'm quite lean. If I gained some fat then I would have a softer more toned look (which is OKAY too!). Then if I gained more fat I would look bulking and hefty like I did most of my life until last year. YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU WANT. Lean and ripped, soft and toned, or hefty, it all depends on how much fat you leave on your body. Calories are the only thing that changes fat. Exercise is for changing or maintaining your lean body mass only. Lifting weights will give you the best bang for your buck for shaping your body. I finally changed my shape by putting lifting first and cardio 2nd. You cannot out exercise too many calories.

Jennloella

you know what you might enjoy? pole dancing classes at your local gym!! Ladies from all walks do it, I've taught classes with teachers in it, big gals, small gals. the thing about this workout is not only will you lose weight incredibly fast and become strong, it also empowers you and makes you feel sexxxy - which it sounds like you need too! best of luck!

icimani

You mentioned that you can go strong for 2 weeks.....

Just some thoughts....
Are you trying to change too many things at one time so it's overwhelming?
Are you cutting calories too drastically and are hungry all the time?