depressed

moncheri80

While I can't offer a ton of advice, I can let you know that my weight has got me down for the second time around too! I figure, however, that with so many other things in life to potentially get bummed out about (lol), weight can't be one of them for me. It's something that we do have control over, whether or not we are finding the motivation at the moment. Little steps, and I am sure we will both find the mindset to be fitter, healthier, sleeker and sexier.

Add me and I would be happy to travel this journey with you!

untouchable86

Agree with this 100%! I think he IS proud of you, you just don't see it. Maybe, when it comes to diet, you are tackling too much at one time. Perhaps start with some small change that you are sure you can be motivated to do and do it. Make it a habit. Then add another small change, and so forth. You have gorgeous eyes. Don't cloud them with despair

You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.

your probable right on trying to take on to much at one time. but i just want this weight off so damn bad! but i will start making little changes from now on and continue to go from there. and you are to sweet thank you

kenazfehu

I wish one of us could do this for you (and for me too while I'm wishing), but you have to do it for yourself. Start right now. Start logging your food at the very next mouth-full. Get into the habit of logging right now, no matter what or how much you're eating. Just get used to paying attention. No more opening a bag of chips and having no idea how many servings you ate. Look on the package and measure out/count out a serving. And so forth.

You're worth much more than you know. Trust your fiance; I think he sees you more clearly than you do.

As you can probably guess by my weight loss so far, I'm new, too. I'm ready, willing, and able to change, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. We'll be struggling together, you and me and just about everybody else on this site.

Tennessee2019

You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.

I have been where you are (see my profile page) & agree with the words written above. You need to believe in yourself & know that you can succeed again in getting the weight off, just like you did before.

untouchable86

thanks everyone for the support, this really means alot

misskb11

First things first....the SEXIEST thing a woman can wear is confidence!! I have seen women 200+ pull more guys than a 120lb woman on any given day because they are confident! Men find that sexy and It sounds like to me, that you have a wonderful man who thinks you are beautiful at all sizes and it doesnt take any ol' gal to snag a wonderful man like that. Most women spend their lives looking for that kind of guy. It seems to me you must be an extremely sexy, smart woman to find a man to love you like that !!!

Don't let your feelings about yourself ditcate his feelings about you. I know many skinny, famous, beautiful women who have been cheated on so you can't let the insecurity of him leaving you be because of your weight. Thats not what makes men cheat, there is always something deeper and again, I dont think hes going to do that because he sounds awesome!

You are here and that means that you want to change and you have all the power to! Don't get overwhelmed with 120, take it a couple of lbs at a time. I take it 5lbs at a time. I reach my goal, I go for another 5! Its so much easier!!! When I want to eat bad or skip a workout, I say "Come on, only 5 more lbs!" Before I would say to myself "Oh well, Im still 50lbs from where I need to be so Screw it..." and it wasnt working for me.

You've got great support here and we have all been through the struggle! Take it one day at a time and sooner or later the days turn into months and years and you are living your best life!

hollyvh88

You sound exactly like me, its scary. I deal with the exact same issues. Since I started dating my boyfriend, I started putting on weight. And I hate going out in public. I hate the way my clothes fit around my body. I feel like people are always thinking "Why is he with the fat girl? He could do so much better." And I agree with them. He could. But he loves me, the way that I am. For whatever reason that I may or may not see. And I'll sit down and plan exactly how I'm going to lose the weight and then I sink back into feeling like whats the point almost immediately. I know it sounds bad to say, but its just nice to hear that someone is going through something similar to me. But I believe in us both. We can do this. We can get healthy and feel good about ourselves. We have to believe. That really is the first step.

yustick

I am also 5',4". I weighed 240 once and I sounded just like you. I planned, but didn't follow through. Twenty years of this took me to 364 pounds. It was a vicious cylce.... get depressed, eat more, get fatter, move less (cause it is harder) and repeat.

I don't know why, but on 02/13/12 I seemed to wake up and have been doing well since. This is what has been key to my success:

I have only one rule and that is log everything...to be fully aware of my calories in/out. No matter how bad my day is, I log it.

I eat healthy foods that I like. Food with fresh spices and vegetables, especially peppers is awesome.

I pushed through the hardest thing for me to give up, Coke. I used to drink it nonstop. I primarily drink water now and after 8 months I can say I have no desire to drink Coke anymore. Drinking water also seems to keep my pallete cleaner and helps me enjoy purer foods like fruits and vegetables more.

If I want something unhealthy, I have it (including Coke). I got rid of the all or nothing mentality.

I don't exercise, but I play a lot. Playing makes me feel younger and I enjoy it; exercise was a chore. I bike, hike, kayak, play tennis, go to the batting cages, play catch, play Kinect games...whatever to get my butt off the couch. I'm still pretty big, but there are so many things I am looking forward to doing as I lose...roller blading, horse back riding and skiing to name a few.

I accepted that it will take time and sometimes the scale stalls and it is horrible to not see consistent results, but I have learned to have faith..to just stay focused and it will happen.


I feel happier, healther and more energetic. Which gives me the confidence to say that it is only a matter of time before I am at a healthy weight. I truly wish this for you and hope you find the motivation to become the person you want to be.

juliec33

OK, this may sound harsh but you asked for a kick in the pants.......

So you don't like yourself right now? Well, you have to figure out what you need to do to like yourself. Following through on your promise to yourself that you're going to start eating healthy will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

So your fiancee doesn't believe you when you say you're going to lose weight? You haven't given him any reason to believe it. From your email I don't think you don't believe it yourself.

So you're afraid that this wonderfal man is going to leave you because you're fat? He'll leave you if you don't start trusting what he says. You can't lose weight for him or to make him love you. You have to lose weight simply for you - so you feel better or so you can see your kids have kids.

Feel free to add me. I know how hard it is. Depression is an ugly cycle - you eat because you're depressed and you're depressed because you eat too much. I've finally broken that cycle and I'll do whatever I can to help motivate you - even if that means not sugar coating the issue and giving you the kick in the pants you've asked for

untouchable86

I am also 5',4". I weighed 240 once and I sounded just like you. I planned, but didn't follow through. Twenty years of this took me to 364 pounds. It was a vicious cylce.... get depressed, eat more, get fatter, move less (cause it is harder) and repeat.

I don't know why, but on 02/13/12 I seemed to wake up and have been doing well since. This is what has been key to my success:

I have only one rule and that is log everything...to be fully aware of my calories in/out. No matter how bad my day is, I log it.

I eat healthy foods that I like. Food with fresh spices and vegetables, especially peppers is awesome.


I pushed through the hardest thing for me to give up, Coke. I used to drink it nonstop. I primarily drink water now and after 8 months I can say I have no desire to drink Coke anymore. Drinking water also seems to keep my pallete cleaner and helps me enjoy purer foods like fruits and vegetables more.

If I want something unhealthy, I have it (including Coke). I got rid of the all or nothing mentality.

I don't exercise, but I play a lot. Playing makes me feel younger and I enjoy it; exercise was a chore. I bike, hike, kayak, play tennis, go to the batting cages, play catch, play Kinect games...whatever to get my butt off the couch. I'm still pretty big, but there are so many things I am looking forward to doing as I lose...roller blading, horse back riding and skiing to name a few.

I accepted that it will take time and sometimes the scale stalls and it is horrible to not see consistent results, but I have learned to have faith..to just stay focused and it will happen.


I feel happier, healther and more energetic. Which gives me the confidence to say that it is only a matter of time before I am at a healthy weight. I truly wish this for you and hope you find the motivation to become the person you want to be.

ty for the advice

Mom_To_5

I am so sorry! But don't get down on yourself- that wont help.
Feel free to add me if you would like- I weigh everything and log everything down to the gram, exercise daily, and lift weights, (all at home) and I also have kids.
Every time I am going to eat something, I log it FIRST, look at the results, and then decide if I am actually going to eat it. I have also found it SO helpful to cut out sugar/carbs from my diet. They act like a drug in my brain, and trick me into feeling hungry all the time, even if I have just eaten.
I try to make sure I get a good amount of protein, and I don't exceed my calories for the day. I don't eat exercise cals back either- unless I am starving, and then I will eat 100-150 of them back. I have seen great progress thus far.

I am on MFP every day, I keep it open constantly on my PC, so again, add me if you would like the support.

You sound like i was back in 2009, i was only a few lbs from my goal weight and then i went back to school for 3 years, and now here i am again, starting over as of today in fact. I kept saying it for months, i am going to get back on track and did for a day or so then got lazy, do you mind if i add you as well, i need the motivation and support to keep this up again!!

untouchable86

I am so sorry! But don't get down on yourself- that wont help.
Feel free to add me if you would like- I weigh everything and log everything down to the gram, exercise daily, and lift weights, (all at home) and I also have kids.
Every time I am going to eat something, I log it FIRST, look at the results, and then decide if I am actually going to eat it. I have also found it SO helpful to cut out sugar/carbs from my diet. They act like a drug in my brain, and trick me into feeling hungry all the time, even if I have just eaten.
I try to make sure I get a good amount of protein, and I don't exceed my calories for the day. I don't eat exercise cals back either- unless I am starving, and then I will eat 100-150 of them back. I have seen great progress thus far.

I am on MFP every day, I keep it open constantly on my PC, so again, add me if you would like the support.

You sound like i was back in 2009, i was only a few lbs from my goal weight and then i went back to school for 3 years, and now here i am again, starting over as of today in fact. I kept saying it for months, i am going to get back on track and did for a day or so then got lazy, do you mind if i add you as well, i need the motivation and support to keep this up again!!

i dont mind at all,ill give as much motivation and support as i can

untouchable86

when i wrote this post i thought id just be venting to myself. wasnt really expecting all these responses! you guys have given me a peace of mind. thank you for making me realize I CAN DO THIS!!

vim_n_vigor

Mentally you have to prepare yourself. Start off with small changes that you can do instead of changing everything at once. Drink a lot of sugary drinks? Start by replacing it with water and tea. Don't eat many fruits and veggies? Start adding them in. Once you get the basics down, you can make the bigger changes.

jonkers2012

From a man's perspective, whilst your thinking is totally understandable, you neeed to realise that YOU are not defined by your weight. YOU are defined by all the things that make you YOU (personality. skills, nature, intellect etc) That is what I guess your partner loves about you. If you can get your head around that then you'll be happier and more relaxed, which will make it easier for you to lose weight (if and when you want to). I know what it is to be depressed and sometimes logic doesn't help, but trust what your guy says about you good luck!

joywo

Counseling and anti-depressants, if only for awhile. You are sabotaging yourself because you do not think you are worthy.
Good luck and BIG HUG! It's one day, one mouthful at a time. Baby steps.

vvanm

There may be part of you that is still ruled by that 15 yr old girl. You are an adult now and can figure things out for a better life. Define who you want to be and start your plan for thriving. Your relationship should be about thriving now and your insecurities will have no place in the present. Have a talk with that wounded young girl, tell her you are in charge, you are smarter now and you have a plan. She can stop being so scared now and learn to trust. Log your food every day, shave off the extra calories a little more each day, and your life will be headed in the right direction. That young girl deserves it for her future, right?

jodlee13

Well I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling down. If what you are feeling is really depression, then the first step may be to consult a doctor. Depression is a medical condition and there are options out there that can help, such as medications, talking to a health professional, or joining a support group.

The hardest part of an exercise/diet program is starting. Think about the barriers that are preventing you from accomplishing your goal, and think about little changes you can do to change them. Is it time? Tell yourself that you will exercise for 10 minutes today. Is it financial? Using your bodyweight or gravity as resistance is free.

You can do this! Good luck

JosephVitte

Untouchable..........your story really touch's my heart, I do feel for you. At the same time I'd love to give you that kick in the a**, that your asking for. At the same time, I am confused. You describe all these horrible feelings of being left by your guy(those issues are deeper than just your weight, my opinion) and wanting to see your kids grow up, and being alive for them...........but than you say you have no motivation. That hurt me hearing you say that. I think your self worth should be a driving force to motivate you to be there for your children, and your hubby. Maybe you feel the challenge so daunting that you don't know where to start, and I can truly understand that, especially if your extremely over weight, and a short gal. I mean that respectfully, and truthfully. I can see your dilemma. I'm a new bie here, and to working out/counting calories period!!!!!!!!!!!!So my advice is unprofessional, and just my opinion.

I think you should take this whole situation and look at it as "one day at a time" You have to start somewhere. Your not going to magically lose over a 100 pounds in a day, week, or month. I personally knnow of people that have done it in less than a year though! That's 365 days.............100 pounds. That is realistic if you get off your *kitten*! Count the calories you eat. Go on short walks to start, and with your kids, and hubby if available. Your going to have to start to prioritize whats truly important to you. If your children and hubby are the most important, and your knowing your health is a serious issue/risk to your life, and well being, you need a start. Go slow. Don't plan on losing much weight right away. Plan on ONE DAY AT A TIME. Tomorrow is not promised anyways, DOING IT FOR YOURSELF, IS DOING IT FOR YOUR FAMILY!

I truly hope the best for you, and hope you start toward the right direction.

Amlong1977

First, I'd go to the Dr & look into antidepressants. It's not something to be ashamed of. We've all been there. I am 5'2 & started this journey back in February at 314 lbs. I'm currently 220 & have 50 lbs to go to meet my goal. When I get there I may decide I want to lose more, I'll see how I look & feel. I love encouraging other people, it helps keep me motivated. I log daily & have since day 1. Getting started is always the hardest part. Instead of looking at the big picture I celebrate every 5 lbs by posting it on Facebook. I also hold myself accountable on there. Setting small goals makes getting to the bigger goals a lot easier. Take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one exercise at a time. I'd be more than happy to help you in anyway I can! Feel free to add me.

urloved33

That was so honest. Thank you. Your fiance obviously loves you very much....and he obviously fell in love with you in the proper way...loving YOU! As hard as it is know that it is you who is feeling like he is going to leave and not him leaving! Learn first to accept the love he has for you and maybe you can use that as a stepping stone to loving yourself (if it works let me know I will try it myself after I find the love of my life)

hughtwalker

Once upon a time, Thank God a long time ago, the girl I thought I loved and whom I thought loved me dumped me. For a couple of years I did nothing but go to work, go back to my flat and eat and sleep - and eat - and eat, and go to work and so on. I KNEW it was all my fault .
In this emotional wasteland everything seemed grey and I was sorry for myself. I could get an Olympic gold in self-pity.
Then a girl came to work for me as a holiday job, just a couple of weeks. She brightened up the day and there was colour, but she was engaged. We talked about many things in the lunch break, including religion - I expounded my universalist views and she told me that that was a load of tosh! (not quite the way to speak to one's employer, but she was special and out of reach and soon to be gone).
She left. I was devastated. I couldn't see any point in carrying on - I did but it was the lowest of low points I'd ever reached. Then a few weeks later I went for a walk one lunchtime and bumped into her. They'd broken off the engagement.
I was still in love with her. We started dating. She was 8 stone and beautiful and I couldn't believe she'd want to be with me. I trimmed down to 14 stone by the time we got married 15 months later. That was 36 years ago, April 1976.
My weight piled on when I stopped smoking 16 years ago and it has yoyo'd ever since. I finally topped 123 kilos and signed on here in August at 120 kilos. Now I am 108k. and think I can do it because of this place.

Two things happened to me during that fortnight 38 years ago: I fell in love and I became a Christian. I still haven't got over it.

She told me later that that day when I met her as if by chance, it was the 4th or 5th time she'd walked past my surgery, "in case".

Trust him.
Log everything you eat, be honest (you can keep your diary private if that worries you) and see what calories are sneaking under your food-radar - Believe in yourself and, most of all, be patient.
Hares and tortoises - the tortoise wins everytime.
Best wishes - and good luck (but I'm sure you won't need luck).
I log in everyday so send a message if you need to let off steam (confidentially)

JosephVitte

I get sick to my stomach hearing people speak of phyc doc's and med's..............i want to vomit...............but than again I won't take a tylenol or any other mild drug, and I'm doing great. I get less headaches then before when i'd pop one any time I had the slightest headache.


I feel bad for people I guess............and how there so dependant on things of these natures and are convinced and convince others it's the best way to go. Life is hard, the magic pill is a mask, another dependant, not an answer. wow, I feel depressed reading these responses.

Amlong1977

Counseling and anti-depressants, if only for awhile. You are sabotaging yourself because you do not think you are worthy.
Good luck and BIG HUG! It's one day, one mouthful at a time. Baby steps.

I totally agree!

sandygaylegunn

You might want to try being as kind, considerate, accepting, loving and forgiving to yourself as you would be to a desperately ill best friend. This has helped me more than anything else to get out and stay out of depression. Then, you are here and that counts! Commit to tracking every calorie and that helps! Good luck and warm thoughts being sent your way. HUGS! xoxo ♥♥♥:flowerforyou:

K_Smith86

I don't think you need a kick in the *kitten* at ALL -- I think you need to give yourself a break, a (spiritual) hug, tell yourself you are good enough no matter what your size. It sounds corny, but it's true.

I say this because I did the same thing myself for YEARS after I moved out of my parents' house. I took over the mental abuse just by telling myself (deep down), "they're right, you're not good enough. See? Never good enough..." It's like a tape you keep playing over and over, because you didn't have any other message to fall back on.

So PLEASE, give yourself that love, that break. I'm still working on it, but 15 years later, I'm finally hearing a different message. Now I believe my husband when he tells me I'm good-looking, or special, or loving. BUT It took a lot of work (and a good therapist to talk to) to get there.

Don't believe that voice in your head. It's not really YOURS. You'll find your own someday (soon, I hope), and it'll be fantastic. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Hugs to you from here...

^THIS!^

It's amazing the seeds that get planted in our heads from outside sources, whether they be from family, friends, significant others, society, etc. Those seeds can be pretty nasty and can fester and be toxic if you let them consume you. I've been heavy my entire life, and have always been put down because of it. Even from people who I thought would never say such things to me. You have to learn to shut those demons up and make them go away. Now, I know that that is MUCH easier said than done. It takes time, and enough self-love to do it. If you're one that likes to read, there are books out there than can provide some insight and help, and help you start to feel better about yourself. One of them is called "Feeling Good" by David Burns and also "Choosing Me Before We" by Christine Arylo (That one is a bit more about relationships, BUT it talks about how you need to put yourself first / love yourself etc. It really does help)

*Hugs*

Amlong1977

I get sick to my stomach hearing people speak of phyc doc's and med's..............i want to vomit...............but than again I won't take a tylenol or any other mild drug, and I'm doing great. I get less headaches then before when i'd pop one any time I had the slightest headache.


I feel bad for people I guess............and how there so dependant on things of these natures and are convinced and convince others it's the best way to go. Life is hard, the magic pill is a mask, another dependant, not an answer. wow, I feel depressed reading these responses.

To each their own. What works for one isn't necessarily what works for others. Don't look down on people for taking meds to make them feel better. You don't know what their situation is like. I've been on antidepressants for about 6 years, not for depression, but for anger & rage issues. It's been an unbelievable help to me & benefitted my entire family. Don't judge on your own personal beliefs, keep an open mind.

JosephVitte

I didn't say I "look down" on people who use. I sad I feel sorry, I said i'm sick to my stomach READING suggestions. Please read the quote you used to comment back. To each there own, so I gave my opinion, didn't qoute anyone..............what's the problem, can I not have my opinion if it differs from yours? I'm done, respectful.









?

untouchable86

That was so honest. Thank you. Your fiance obviously loves you very much....and he obviously fell in love with you in the proper way...loving YOU! As hard as it is know that it is you who is feeling like he is going to leave and not him leaving! Learn first to accept the love he has for you and maybe you can use that as a stepping stone to loving yourself (if it works let me know I will try it myself after I find the love of my life)

ty

untouchable86

First, I'd go to the Dr & look into antidepressants. It's not something to be ashamed of. We've all been there. I am 5'2 & started this journey back in February at 314 lbs. I'm currently 220 & have 50 lbs to go to meet my goal. When I get there I may decide I want to lose more, I'll see how I look & feel. I love encouraging other people, it helps keep me motivated. I log daily & have since day 1. Getting started is always the hardest part. Instead of looking at the big picture I celebrate every 5 lbs by posting it on Facebook. I also hold myself accountable on there. Setting small goals makes getting to the bigger goals a lot easier. Take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one exercise at a time. I'd be more than happy to help you in anyway I can! Feel free to add me.

ty so much