depressed

strongershell

You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.

THIS!

1MissMiles

You definitely need to dig deep and find your beauty and self-worthiness. It is inside you not on the outside. You have to give yourself self-therapy first. Weight loss will come but you have to have a strong mind and determination. You can not start your weight loss journey with those negative thoughts because losing weight is a challenge and to do it the healthy way is hard work. Don't be ashame of yourself. Get motivated!!! Add me as a friend!

issystclaire

First thing: your goal. Start a little at a time. I want to loose a total of 30lbs, but my current goal atm is to loose 10 of that by the end of the year. Aside from Christmas, my birthday is 4 days after and I want to be able to go out for it, have a nice night, wear a fabulous dress and feel beautiful in it, and eat cake if I want to and not feel guilty. So I am aiming for just loosing 10lbs by then.

I know for myself, if I continually think about my total goal, I tend to get discouraged and overwhlemed, so I focus on a little at a time. I am even breaking down my 10lb goal week by week and literally each week all I tell msyelf is "I will loose at least 1.5 lbs this week."

Second thing: your insecurities. Hun, I totally identify with this bc I am going through it as well. I am with a man that I love and have been with for almost 7 years. I am 30lbs heavier than when we met and even though he tells me the same "I am sexy and beautiful no matter what", etc, I still feel really insecure about my weight. I don't think he will leave me, bc I trust and know he is not that shallow (to dump me just bc of my weight), but I do feel super insecure, esp when we have sex!

What I realised though, is, it's not solely bc of my weight. Insecurities stem from something deeper than the superficial; I remember a time when I was 15lbs lighter than I am now and I still felt "ugly" and "fat". Obiously, it is not entirely about my weight, which means even when I loose it, I will still probably suffer from self esteem issues - unless I start working on that as well.

Imo, anyone who has weight/food issues does so bc of deeper mental/emotional issues going on (myself included!) The trick is, whilst you are starting to get your diet and exercise regime down, also work on your other issues. If you can fix the cause, you will cure the symptoms.

I myself am planning on starting to attend OA meetings to see if they can help me get through some of my issues.

Anyhow, I wish you all the luck and success on your journey, and just remember to be patient with yourself as this is the journey of your life and you don't want to miss one minute of it! :-)

untouchable86

First thing: your goal. Start a little at a time. I want to loose a total of 30lbs, but my current goal atm is to loose 10 of that by the end of the year. Aside from Christmas, my birthday is 4 days after and I want to be able to go out for it, have a nice night, wear a fabulous dress and feel beautiful in it, and eat cake if I want to and not feel guilty. So I am aiming for just loosing 10lbs by then.

I know for myself, if I continually think about my total goal, I tend to get discouraged and overwhlemed, so I focus on a little at a time. I am even breaking down my 10lb goal week by week and literally each week all I tell msyelf is "I will loose at least 1.5 lbs this week."

Second thing: your insecurities. Hun, I totally identify with this bc I am going through it as well. I am with a man that I love and have been with for almost 7 years. I am 30lbs heavier than when we met and even though he tells me the same "I am sexy and beautiful no matter what", etc, I still feel really insecure about my weight. I don't think he will leave me, bc I trust and know he is not that shallow (to dump me just bc of my weight), but I do feel super insecure, esp when we have sex!

What I realised though, is, it's not solely bc of my weight. Insecurities stem from something deeper than the superficial; I remember a time when I was 15lbs lighter than I am now and I still felt "ugly" and "fat". Obiously, it is not entirely about my weight, which means even when I loose it, I will still probably suffer from self esteem issues - unless I start working on that as well.

Imo, anyone who has weight/food issues does so bc of deeper mental/emotional issues going on (myself included!) The trick is, whilst you are starting to get your diet and exercise regime down, also work on your other issues. If you can fix the cause, you will cure the symptoms.

I myself am planning on starting to attend OA meetings to see if they can help me get through some of my issues.

Anyhow, I wish you all the luck and success on your journey, and just remember to be patient with yourself as this is the journey of your life and you don't want to miss one minute of it! :-)

thank you so much

issystclaire

You are very welcome! I totally identify with what you have said, I am at a point too where I am just so tired of going through the same cycles!

The important thing is, you are ready to do something about it. It may sound cheesy but this really is the first, big step to you achieving your goals. With time, patience, committment and hard work, you will get there in the end (we all will)!

SherryGbaby

I have been on adepix several times in my life and yes it works but I finally realized that I was changing my eating habits or working out because I knew the meds would work alone.

I'm 5'2" and am at 178lbs and I know how you feel. Its hard to be physically emotional with your significant others when you have no confidence.

Add me and we can get through this together

12skipafew99100

You are way too pretty to be so hard on yourself. I know you will do it when the time is right. Trust what your man says. That is all you have between you~~trust. You can only go by what he says.

I think it is probably par for the course that you don't feel worthy of this lovely man;s love because you were abused in the past. IS that what you think you are worth? You are worth being loved. Accept his love and love yourself. You will do this for the right reasons.

I bet if you ask him to go for walks with you and make healthy shopping lists he will be happy to help.

LOVE yourself!

untouchable86

You are way too pretty to be so hard on yourself. I know you will do it when the time is right. Trust what your man says. That is all you have between you~~trust. You can only go by what he says.

I think it is probably par for the course that you don't feel worthy of this lovely man;s love because you were abused in the past. IS that what you think you are worth? You are worth being loved. Accept his love and love yourself. You will do this for the right reasons.

I bet if you ask him to go for walks with you and make healthy shopping lists he will be happy to help.

LOVE yourself!

this made me tear up! thank you

schmenge55

Agree with this 100%! I think he IS proud of you, you just don't see it. Maybe, when it comes to diet, you are tackling too much at one time. Perhaps start with some small change that you are sure you can be motivated to do and do it. Make it a habit. Then add another small change, and so forth. You have gorgeous eyes. Don't cloud them with despair

You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.

untouchable86

You are very welcome! I totally identify with what you have said, I am at a point too where I am just so tired of going through the same cycles!

The important thing is, you are ready to do something about it. It may sound cheesy but this really is the first, big step to you achieving your goals. With time, patience, committment and hard work, you will get there in the end (we all will)!

weve got to its our only choice

moncheri80

While I can't offer a ton of advice, I can let you know that my weight has got me down for the second time around too! I figure, however, that with so many other things in life to potentially get bummed out about (lol), weight can't be one of them for me. It's something that we do have control over, whether or not we are finding the motivation at the moment. Little steps, and I am sure we will both find the mindset to be fitter, healthier, sleeker and sexier.

Add me and I would be happy to travel this journey with you!

untouchable86

Agree with this 100%! I think he IS proud of you, you just don't see it. Maybe, when it comes to diet, you are tackling too much at one time. Perhaps start with some small change that you are sure you can be motivated to do and do it. Make it a habit. Then add another small change, and so forth. You have gorgeous eyes. Don't cloud them with despair

You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.

your probable right on trying to take on to much at one time. but i just want this weight off so damn bad! but i will start making little changes from now on and continue to go from there. and you are to sweet thank you

kenazfehu

I wish one of us could do this for you (and for me too while I'm wishing), but you have to do it for yourself. Start right now. Start logging your food at the very next mouth-full. Get into the habit of logging right now, no matter what or how much you're eating. Just get used to paying attention. No more opening a bag of chips and having no idea how many servings you ate. Look on the package and measure out/count out a serving. And so forth.

You're worth much more than you know. Trust your fiance; I think he sees you more clearly than you do.

As you can probably guess by my weight loss so far, I'm new, too. I'm ready, willing, and able to change, but that doesn't mean it isn't hard. We'll be struggling together, you and me and just about everybody else on this site.

Tennessee2019

You have to drop the insecurity as soon as you can. That alone can drive a wedge in a relationship.

First off - trust what your fiance is saying. Have faith in him even though you might not have much faith right now in yourself.

Secondly - find faith in yourself. Start believing you will get to your goal and start now. Don't worry about what other people think - just focus about the goal. Want it most for yourself. You have lost weight before, you can certainly do it again.

I have been where you are (see my profile page) & agree with the words written above. You need to believe in yourself & know that you can succeed again in getting the weight off, just like you did before.

untouchable86

thanks everyone for the support, this really means alot

misskb11

First things first....the SEXIEST thing a woman can wear is confidence!! I have seen women 200+ pull more guys than a 120lb woman on any given day because they are confident! Men find that sexy and It sounds like to me, that you have a wonderful man who thinks you are beautiful at all sizes and it doesnt take any ol' gal to snag a wonderful man like that. Most women spend their lives looking for that kind of guy. It seems to me you must be an extremely sexy, smart woman to find a man to love you like that !!!

Don't let your feelings about yourself ditcate his feelings about you. I know many skinny, famous, beautiful women who have been cheated on so you can't let the insecurity of him leaving you be because of your weight. Thats not what makes men cheat, there is always something deeper and again, I dont think hes going to do that because he sounds awesome!

You are here and that means that you want to change and you have all the power to! Don't get overwhelmed with 120, take it a couple of lbs at a time. I take it 5lbs at a time. I reach my goal, I go for another 5! Its so much easier!!! When I want to eat bad or skip a workout, I say "Come on, only 5 more lbs!" Before I would say to myself "Oh well, Im still 50lbs from where I need to be so Screw it..." and it wasnt working for me.

You've got great support here and we have all been through the struggle! Take it one day at a time and sooner or later the days turn into months and years and you are living your best life!

hollyvh88

You sound exactly like me, its scary. I deal with the exact same issues. Since I started dating my boyfriend, I started putting on weight. And I hate going out in public. I hate the way my clothes fit around my body. I feel like people are always thinking "Why is he with the fat girl? He could do so much better." And I agree with them. He could. But he loves me, the way that I am. For whatever reason that I may or may not see. And I'll sit down and plan exactly how I'm going to lose the weight and then I sink back into feeling like whats the point almost immediately. I know it sounds bad to say, but its just nice to hear that someone is going through something similar to me. But I believe in us both. We can do this. We can get healthy and feel good about ourselves. We have to believe. That really is the first step.

yustick

I am also 5',4". I weighed 240 once and I sounded just like you. I planned, but didn't follow through. Twenty years of this took me to 364 pounds. It was a vicious cylce.... get depressed, eat more, get fatter, move less (cause it is harder) and repeat.

I don't know why, but on 02/13/12 I seemed to wake up and have been doing well since. This is what has been key to my success:

I have only one rule and that is log everything...to be fully aware of my calories in/out. No matter how bad my day is, I log it.

I eat healthy foods that I like. Food with fresh spices and vegetables, especially peppers is awesome.

I pushed through the hardest thing for me to give up, Coke. I used to drink it nonstop. I primarily drink water now and after 8 months I can say I have no desire to drink Coke anymore. Drinking water also seems to keep my pallete cleaner and helps me enjoy purer foods like fruits and vegetables more.

If I want something unhealthy, I have it (including Coke). I got rid of the all or nothing mentality.

I don't exercise, but I play a lot. Playing makes me feel younger and I enjoy it; exercise was a chore. I bike, hike, kayak, play tennis, go to the batting cages, play catch, play Kinect games...whatever to get my butt off the couch. I'm still pretty big, but there are so many things I am looking forward to doing as I lose...roller blading, horse back riding and skiing to name a few.

I accepted that it will take time and sometimes the scale stalls and it is horrible to not see consistent results, but I have learned to have faith..to just stay focused and it will happen.


I feel happier, healther and more energetic. Which gives me the confidence to say that it is only a matter of time before I am at a healthy weight. I truly wish this for you and hope you find the motivation to become the person you want to be.

juliec33

OK, this may sound harsh but you asked for a kick in the pants.......

So you don't like yourself right now? Well, you have to figure out what you need to do to like yourself. Following through on your promise to yourself that you're going to start eating healthy will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

So your fiancee doesn't believe you when you say you're going to lose weight? You haven't given him any reason to believe it. From your email I don't think you don't believe it yourself.

So you're afraid that this wonderfal man is going to leave you because you're fat? He'll leave you if you don't start trusting what he says. You can't lose weight for him or to make him love you. You have to lose weight simply for you - so you feel better or so you can see your kids have kids.

Feel free to add me. I know how hard it is. Depression is an ugly cycle - you eat because you're depressed and you're depressed because you eat too much. I've finally broken that cycle and I'll do whatever I can to help motivate you - even if that means not sugar coating the issue and giving you the kick in the pants you've asked for

untouchable86

I am also 5',4". I weighed 240 once and I sounded just like you. I planned, but didn't follow through. Twenty years of this took me to 364 pounds. It was a vicious cylce.... get depressed, eat more, get fatter, move less (cause it is harder) and repeat.

I don't know why, but on 02/13/12 I seemed to wake up and have been doing well since. This is what has been key to my success:

I have only one rule and that is log everything...to be fully aware of my calories in/out. No matter how bad my day is, I log it.

I eat healthy foods that I like. Food with fresh spices and vegetables, especially peppers is awesome.


I pushed through the hardest thing for me to give up, Coke. I used to drink it nonstop. I primarily drink water now and after 8 months I can say I have no desire to drink Coke anymore. Drinking water also seems to keep my pallete cleaner and helps me enjoy purer foods like fruits and vegetables more.

If I want something unhealthy, I have it (including Coke). I got rid of the all or nothing mentality.

I don't exercise, but I play a lot. Playing makes me feel younger and I enjoy it; exercise was a chore. I bike, hike, kayak, play tennis, go to the batting cages, play catch, play Kinect games...whatever to get my butt off the couch. I'm still pretty big, but there are so many things I am looking forward to doing as I lose...roller blading, horse back riding and skiing to name a few.

I accepted that it will take time and sometimes the scale stalls and it is horrible to not see consistent results, but I have learned to have faith..to just stay focused and it will happen.


I feel happier, healther and more energetic. Which gives me the confidence to say that it is only a matter of time before I am at a healthy weight. I truly wish this for you and hope you find the motivation to become the person you want to be.

ty for the advice