depressed

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  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Once upon a time, Thank God a long time ago, the girl I thought I loved and whom I thought loved me dumped me. For a couple of years I did nothing but go to work, go back to my flat and eat and sleep - and eat - and eat, and go to work and so on. I KNEW it was all my fault .
    In this emotional wasteland everything seemed grey and I was sorry for myself. I could get an Olympic gold in self-pity.
    Then a girl came to work for me as a holiday job, just a couple of weeks. She brightened up the day and there was colour, but she was engaged. We talked about many things in the lunch break, including religion - I expounded my universalist views and she told me that that was a load of tosh! (not quite the way to speak to one's employer, but she was special and out of reach and soon to be gone).
    She left. I was devastated. I couldn't see any point in carrying on - I did but it was the lowest of low points I'd ever reached. Then a few weeks later I went for a walk one lunchtime and bumped into her. They'd broken off the engagement.
    I was still in love with her. We started dating. She was 8 stone and beautiful and I couldn't believe she'd want to be with me. I trimmed down to 14 stone by the time we got married 15 months later. That was 36 years ago, April 1976.
    My weight piled on when I stopped smoking 16 years ago and it has yoyo'd ever since. I finally topped 123 kilos and signed on here in August at 120 kilos. Now I am 108k. and think I can do it because of this place.

    Two things happened to me during that fortnight 38 years ago: I fell in love and I became a Christian. I still haven't got over it.

    She told me later that that day when I met her as if by chance, it was the 4th or 5th time she'd walked past my surgery, "in case".

    Trust him.
    Log everything you eat, be honest (you can keep your diary private if that worries you) and see what calories are sneaking under your food-radar - Believe in yourself and, most of all, be patient.
    Hares and tortoises - the tortoise wins everytime.
    Best wishes - and good luck (but I'm sure you won't need luck).
    I log in everyday so send a message if you need to let off steam (confidentially)
    ty so much for sharing your story. and trust me i need all the luck i can get lol
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    You might want to try being as kind, considerate, accepting, loving and forgiving to yourself as you would be to a desperately ill best friend. This has helped me more than anything else to get out and stay out of depression. Then, you are here and that counts! Commit to tracking every calorie and that helps! Good luck and warm thoughts being sent your way. HUGS! xoxo ♥♥♥:flowerforyou:
    great advice. ty ill try it
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244

    I don't think you need a kick in the *kitten* at ALL -- I think you need to give yourself a break, a (spiritual) hug, tell yourself you are good enough no matter what your size. It sounds corny, but it's true.

    I say this because I did the same thing myself for YEARS after I moved out of my parents' house. I took over the mental abuse just by telling myself (deep down), "they're right, you're not good enough. See? Never good enough..." It's like a tape you keep playing over and over, because you didn't have any other message to fall back on.

    So PLEASE, give yourself that love, that break. I'm still working on it, but 15 years later, I'm finally hearing a different message. Now I believe my husband when he tells me I'm good-looking, or special, or loving. BUT It took a lot of work (and a good therapist to talk to) to get there.

    Don't believe that voice in your head. It's not really YOURS. You'll find your own someday (soon, I hope), and it'll be fantastic. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

    Hugs to you from here...

    ^THIS!^

    It's amazing the seeds that get planted in our heads from outside sources, whether they be from family, friends, significant others, society, etc. Those seeds can be pretty nasty and can fester and be toxic if you let them consume you. I've been heavy my entire life, and have always been put down because of it. Even from people who I thought would never say such things to me. You have to learn to shut those demons up and make them go away. Now, I know that that is MUCH easier said than done. It takes time, and enough self-love to do it. If you're one that likes to read, there are books out there than can provide some insight and help, and help you start to feel better about yourself. One of them is called "Feeling Good" by David Burns and also "Choosing Me Before We" by Christine Arylo (That one is a bit more about relationships, BUT it talks about how you need to put yourself first / love yourself etc. It really does help)

    *Hugs*
    ty :)
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    There may be part of you that is still ruled by that 15 yr old girl. You are an adult now and can figure things out for a better life. Define who you want to be and start your plan for thriving. Your relationship should be about thriving now and your insecurities will have no place in the present. Have a talk with that wounded young girl, tell her you are in charge, you are smarter now and you have a plan. She can stop being so scared now and learn to trust. Log your food every day, shave off the extra calories a little more each day, and your life will be headed in the right direction. That young girl deserves it for her future, right?
    RIGHT!! :)
  • mollz007
    mollz007 Posts: 168 Member
    Aw hun! Big hugs for you! I have been in a similar place to where you are now. I am at a similar height and weight as you... 5'5 and 260 pounds... and I get discouraged a lot about my weight. It seems like every time I have a good day I'll mess it up by eating crap. Its so frustrating! I am going to add you as a friend if you don't mind, I want to help you when you feel like this because I know how you feel!
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Aw hun! Big hugs for you! I have been in a similar place to where you are now. I am at a similar height and weight as you... 5'5 and 260 pounds... and I get discouraged a lot about my weight. It seems like every time I have a good day I'll mess it up by eating crap. Its so frustrating! I am going to add you as a friend if you don't mind, I want to help you when you feel like this because I know how you feel!
    ty so much
  • Ghette
    Ghette Posts: 350 Member
    Sorry, but your going to have to lose the weight for you and noone else. but until you get there, wanting it for all those other reasons will always take 2nd place. MFP is the place to be to get support but we can't do it for you as much as we want to.( I struggle everyday to do it for myself.)
    REMEMBER :
    No matter what size you are there will always be someone bigger then you and someone smaller then you.
    There will always be someone sexier then you and someone not so sexy.
    There will always be somone richer and someone poorer.
    The ticket is to always love yourself no matter what stage you are in your life.
    When your ready to change you will, until then enjoy your life as it is.
    Good luck!!:flowerforyou:
  • Amlong1977
    Amlong1977 Posts: 125 Member
    I didn't say I "look down" on people who use. I sad I feel sorry, I said i'm sick to my stomach READING suggestions. Please read the quote you used to comment back. To each there own, so I gave my opinion, didn't qoute anyone..............what's the problem, can I not have my opinion if it differs from yours? I'm done, respectful.
    Sad, sorry, & sick to your stomach absolutely sound judgmental to me. Of course you're entitled to you opinion, as am I, which is why I quoted you & let you know I didn't agree. You could have easily said that you do not think medication is the answer. Instead you chose the other words which caused me to think you were passing judgment.








    ?
  • vmekash
    vmekash Posts: 422 Member
    Sounds like you have a great guy. So, please stop saying he deserves better, and instead enjoy that fact that he loves YOU. Don't wonder why. Just embrace it, and love him right back. Find your happiness right there. Besides, he knows how you look today, right at this moment, and he wants to marry you. :love:

    Lose weight for yourself. And don't feel rushed (ie, in time for your wedding) to reach your ultimate goal. Just go ahead and get started, slow and steady, with small changes you can live with. You can make bigger changes when you're ready. You can lose the weight, but don't set yourself up for disappointment by setting hard deadlines. I think you're much too hard on yourself. I really do.:grumble:
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Sounds like you have a great guy. So, please stop saying he deserves better, and instead enjoy that fact that he loves YOU. Don't wonder why. Just embrace it, and love him right back. Find your happiness right there. Besides, he knows how you look today, right at this moment, and he wants to marry you. :love:

    Lose weight for yourself. And don't feel rushed (ie, in time for your wedding) to reach your ultimate goal. Just go ahead and get started, slow and steady, with small changes you can live with. You can make bigger changes when you're ready. You can lose the weight, but don't set yourself up for disappointment by setting hard deadlines. I think you're much too hard on yourself. I really do.:grumble:
    i do have an amazing man and i am so luck to have him in my life. and yes our right i am to hard on myself but i feel like if i slake up im going to fail.. im just o sick of feeling this way.. i guess thats where i need to start.. get peace with myself accept who i am and move on from there
  • blurts1980
    blurts1980 Posts: 14
    Joining this site, publishing your feelings and realising your faults - you have begun without even realising it!

    The best of luck to you! If ever you are in doubt, just read through what yo have written here!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
  • untouchable86
    untouchable86 Posts: 244
    Joining this site, publishing your feelings and realising your faults - you have begun without even realising it!

    The best of luck to you! If ever you are in doubt, just read through what yo have written here!

    xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
    thank you

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