Is it terrible that when my husband...

13

Replies

  • PixieGoddess
    PixieGoddess Posts: 1,833 Member
    My mind drifts too when my husband shares his day and he's caught me. I'm seriously working on it. My mind is mush after I get home from work and commuting a couple of hours a day so I try so hard to pay attention.

    Ditto. It's something I noticed about a month ago, and I've been trying really hard to focus more when he talks. One of the first problems that was easy to solve: he sometimes wants to start talking while we're watching a DVD. :huh: Okay...kinda hard to focus, sweetie... So I've started pausing the DVD whenever he starts talking about anything that's not what we're watching. It significantly improves my focus, and I think it also helps him realize that I am TRYING to be a better listener. I got the impression once that it annoys him when I do it, but it annoys me when people have random conversations during a movie, so that's just something we'll have to compromise on by doing it my way :wink:

    And as someone else said, I'm a SOOOOO easily distracted when on the phone! Since we live very close and see each other fairly often, I've just gotten to the point where I try to limit our phone conversations to things like when/where we're meeting, what's for dinner, etc.
  • iFeelBrandNew
    iFeelBrandNew Posts: 263 Member
    if youve been getting away with it for this long, then roll with it. LMAO :drinker:
  • skullshank
    skullshank Posts: 4,323 Member
    I think your husband deserves your full uninvited attention.

    but if it's uninvited, then it shouldn't be there...it's a very exclusive event, you know...
  • Maryaly40
    Maryaly40 Posts: 551 Member
    Also, when my husband starts to babble on, I walk right up to him and grab his junk and say "lets go".....works all the time! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    I am always rude to my Husband, if what he wants to say to me is interesting to me I listen, and if its not I wander off or yawn and look at my watch.

    "always rude to my husband" ??? :huh:

    I know this thread is just for fun...but why is basic courtesy during communication so difficult? why is that rude people can get husbands and I can't even get a date (and yes, when I've been in relationships in the past I have made an effort to listen to someone...it's common courtesy. If the guy's that boring that you're wandering off or yawning or looking at your watch, I guess I'm wondering why are you with the person?)

    I guess I better get rid of my normally decent listening skills in order to catch me a man LOL.

    Shaking head...

    I am fabulously sexy, funny, flexible and insatiable in the sack...this is the answer to your question

    oh and I have a great sense of humour and hand cuffs
  • My1985Freckles
    My1985Freckles Posts: 1,039 Member
    I think your husband deserves your full uninvited attention.

    but if it's uninvited, then it shouldn't be there...it's a very exclusive event, you know...

    LOL!
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    You sure you're not a man lol?? I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    Im lucky, my husband doesnt talk much.

    lol...that's funny and kinda true! lol
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
    You sure you're not a man lol?? I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    Im lucky, my husband doesnt talk much.

    lol...that's funny and kinda true! lol

    Oh you know its true.
  • KarinaaD
    KarinaaD Posts: 43
    Sorry, what were you saying?
    ahahah Good One :wink:
  • CarleyLovesPets
    CarleyLovesPets Posts: 410 Member
    I never understand why people come home and talk about work.
    I always had a good understanding with my significant other... Unless it's a funny story or you need advice... I really don't want to hear about work and I won't complain about people at my work to you either.

    I like my home being a positive place LOL.
  • Ocarina
    Ocarina Posts: 1,550 Member
    I never understand why people come home and talk about work.
    I always had a good understanding with my significant other... Unless it's a funny story or you need advice... I really don't want to hear about work and I won't complain about people at my work to you either.

    I like my home being a positive place LOL.

    Agreed! My husband will start ranting about technical military computer junk and it goes WAY over my head. Especially when he starts naming off acronyms and computer jargon. I work in IT as well but not in the computer fixing part so it's not something I even have a clue about, LOL. I am straight up with my husband though and tell him I have no idea what he's talking about. I will crack jokes about his work from time to time as that is fun but we don't go indepth about anything. My job is the same way... I only talk to him about weird coworkers or customers I've had interactions with or my work schedule.
  • Cait_Sidhe
    Cait_Sidhe Posts: 3,150 Member
    tl;dr
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
    Smile and Nod throw in a "you are so right" -- you've done your part
  • blakejohn
    blakejohn Posts: 1,129 Member
    I better be getten some tonight after listen
  • sunshinefrei
    sunshinefrei Posts: 73
    This is great all of you made my night lol! And don't worry I bet he need to vent after work. I won't worry long as it not a nightly thing you do. Sometime after a very mental day it is hard to pay attention to everything going on you brain is already working on overtime. Hope this helps you and thanks again for the laugh everyone made my night!
  • heavensshadow
    heavensshadow Posts: 264 Member
    I think your husband deserves your full uninvited attention.

    but if it's uninvited, then it shouldn't be there...it's a very exclusive event, you know...


    Alanis Morrissette? Is that you??
  • larosita57
    larosita57 Posts: 60 Member
    I love my partner and we've been together a long time, but he has a tendency to go on and on. It is amazing how oblivious he can be - totally aware that I am too exhausted/distracted/whatever to pay full attention. I don't think I'm a bad spouse in admitting this - I do pay attention to all the important stuff, but I just can't give 100% when the conversation centers around the plot of a long art film I'll never see, the methods he used to build our new shelving (in detail), etc. When I start going on about work, he cuts me off in a minute! So - we're even :)
  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
    Hell, my mind wanders in conversation with most people. I just don't care... That doesn't mean I don't like them, of course.

    In the middle of typing that sentence I went to go read something else...

    I think I love you

    :flowerforyou: I managed to click that smiley and type this sentence within seconds of each other!
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
    OP here.

    I think that I momentarily lost perspective when I posted. Hubby ignores me all the time. Ha! I just totally forgot.

    But it was one of those weird moments, where you're just sitting there and your mind is able to close off what the other person is saying, and then it comes back online again and hears what that person is saying. And you're thinking, mhm... I should really pay attention but you keep drifting in and out.

    He's a lovely guy. He deserves all kinds of awesome stuff. I don't have much to offer except my love, companionship, and to make sure he stays a happy dude.

    Suspect that the other lesson from what I read here is that we can't be in the moment all the time. If it's not too important, I shouldn't get all wiggy about it; and if it is important then I should probably just come out and say that this is a conversation we need to have another time when I can focus.
  • TheRoadDog
    TheRoadDog Posts: 11,788 Member
    We don't discuss work at home. We both have highly visible, high stress jobs. If one of us starts talking about a certain problem at work, the other tends to shift into "one-upsmanship" telling how their day was worse.

    So, by mutual agreement we only talk avout social aspects of work and about anything at work that may affect home. Like trips, seminars, alternate hours, etc.
  • gracefulotus
    gracefulotus Posts: 42
    I've been really intrigued by the number of people who don't want to talk about work, after work. Doesn't make the best impression about how much we all enjoy our work.

    Thank-you for all your comments.
  • pawnstarNate
    pawnstarNate Posts: 1,728 Member
    Is it terrible that when my husband is talking to me about work, my mind drifts in and out of the conversation?

    Context: I've had a long day of study, we discuss my thesis, have our dinner, go back to study, then watch t.v. for 40min just to unwind before bedtime.

    Sitting on the living room floor with a glass of wine in my hand, and he starts talking to me. My mind drifts in and out of his spiel and I catch bits and pieces of what he's saying "risk.... legislation.... idiots..... the system.... the client.... numbers... there's no connection between this framework and what the other consultants are working on...."

    All the while my mind drifts in and out. I smile when he smiles, nod assent when he checks that I'm listening.

    What is the polite thing to do when you're clearly not listening for whatever reason. Do you let a person do their thing because maybe they need to vent, or should you admit that you're simply not listening.

    I'm sorry, I didn't understand one bit of that....I just heard a low humming sound the whole time. :tongue:
  • joeq722
    joeq722 Posts: 86 Member
    So in other words, you're saying you are married?
    Join the club.
  • PetulantOne
    PetulantOne Posts: 2,131 Member
    I do that all the time, but I don't pretend well. It usually ends with "yeah I didn't hear a word you just said, sorry" lol
    But we both do it, and it usually happens when theres a distraction.
  • FabMrFox
    FabMrFox Posts: 259 Member
    You sure you're not a man lol?? I have to lift my shirt every 3 minutes for my husband to pay attention:)

    Im lucky, my husband doesnt talk much.

    I'm impressed by your wisdom. I'll add that if you increase the lift frequency the attention from your husband will increase exponentially
  • skinnyinnotime
    skinnyinnotime Posts: 4,078 Member
    Don't worry about it....he doesn't listen to you either.
  • melsmith612
    melsmith612 Posts: 727 Member
    Is it terrible that when my husband is talking to me about work, my mind drifts in and out of the conversation?

    Context: I've had a long day of study, we discuss my thesis, have our dinner, go back to study, then watch t.v. for 40min just to unwind before bedtime.

    Sitting on the living room floor with a glass of wine in my hand, and he starts talking to me. My mind drifts in and out of his spiel and I catch bits and pieces of what he's saying "risk.... legislation.... idiots..... the system.... the client.... numbers... there's no connection between this framework and what the other consultants are working on...."

    All the while my mind drifts in and out. I smile when he smiles, nod assent when he checks that I'm listening.

    What is the polite thing to do when you're clearly not listening for whatever reason. Do you let a person do their thing because maybe they need to vent, or should you admit that you're simply not listening.

    I do this all the time except I freely admit when I haven't been listening by saying something like, "Sorry, I totally spaced on that, what?" Truthfully, you can only hear the same rants so many times before they start to sound like the teacher from Peanuts.
  • harvo
    harvo Posts: 4,676 Member
    @ the lady who flashes her hubby...I would have to talk a lot more if I were him!
  • korsicash
    korsicash Posts: 770 Member
    I smile and nod and try to act interested. If I am truly not there and can not get there I let him know. I do need to say though that my husband does the exact same to me. Minus the smile. He will just full out say hey I'm watching tv and don't really care right now. So I figure this has given me the cart blanche to do the same on my bad days.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    How dare you, when he pays such close attention to the drama between your girl friends!

    :)

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