Mike’s Daily Rant 10/18/2012 Topic: Yes Ma’am
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MikeDaMotivator
Posts: 1,144
in Chit-Chat
Today’s Daily Rant comes compliments of my coworker during lunch yesterday. Around Noon I dashed to the fridge to get my lunch. Open the fridge and immediately realize that I forgot my lunch. I go into a depression. Ok well maybe not a depression but a dilemma. Do I dwell on forgetting my lunch or drive to a nearby eatery and grab lunch? After 5 seconds I grab my keys and dash to my car and start driving. I am driving and then I feel a magnetic force in my car pulling me towards the Krispy Kreme and I look and realize that the Hot Now sign is lit up. I hate that magnet in my car that pulls me into Krispy Kreme’s parking lot and even self- parks my car. It’s quite amazing to see it in person but very scary if you are in the car. I fought the magnetic force this time but almost swerved into oncoming traffic. Victory! I see Wendy’s and pull into the drive through. I order a crispy chicken sandwich plain (330 Calories) and a 4 piece chicken nugget (200 calories). I rush back to work and dash back into the building with food in hand. The person at the door to greet me is Kathy.
Kathy is the building snitch. She gets into your business and retells a story about it in her own version. When I was in the process of losing weight, Kathy asked “Mike did you have the surgery?”
I dropped my head and closed my eyes and asked. “You didn’t hear?”
She Replies, “No. What?” I tell her that the Doctor found and flesh eating bacteria that’s eating its way from the inside out.”
I pretend to be torn up about it tell her not to tell anyone because I am not ready to share just yet. She apologizes and hugs me. I laugh as I walk away.
2 days later I assume that she surely has told everyone by now. I am right I am greeted with edible arrangements, real flowers, candy, cards warm hugs and the whole 9. I go and tell the people that I hang with what I have done and we all get a good laugh and enjoy the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.
I digress and must finish telling what bothered me during lunch yesterday so that I can get back to work today. Either way you have background knowledge about Kathy.
I walk into the building and Kathy sees me and follows me to the break-room. She grabs her lunch and watches me like a hawk while I’m reaching in my bag. I feel uncomfortable so I decide to go back to my desk. She finds a reason to come bother me at my desk.
She then says, “Mike I’m concerned about you eating fast food and gaining the weight back.” I sit there stunned for a second. I know that I’m an *kitten* and shouldn’t say what I’m thinking at that moment. I’m thinking, Am I going to gain 200 pounds back for eating fast food every blue moon? I’m also thinking, what Kathy means by concerned really means nosey.
I get those thoughts out my head and I simply reply, “Yes Ma’am.”
She smiles and says that she just had to say that because it was in her spirit.
I’m so perplexed by it but I eat my lunch and try to forget about it. Me being the way that I am, its hard for me to let things go. I decide that to make me feel better I need to find something to laugh about. I run to the restroom closest to her desk and start making a loud gagging noise. I am trying not to laugh out loud. I then start making a loud noise as if I am throwing up. I flush the toilet 3 times and then wash my hands for about 4 minutes. I come out and wipe my mouth with my sleeve and look at her. She looks away in a very uncomfortable way. I say all better and then walk away slowly and smile when she can’t see my face.
I know this was long but most rants are. I am just so curious to hear what she is telling everyone. She needs to learn how to mind her own business and if she minds others business at least be quiet about it. Maybe I can get days off work to go to counseling if she tells the right people.
Special Shout Out to everyone that read my daily rants hate them or love them, have a great day. :flowerforyou: :drinker:
MikeMontana1914
Kathy is the building snitch. She gets into your business and retells a story about it in her own version. When I was in the process of losing weight, Kathy asked “Mike did you have the surgery?”
I dropped my head and closed my eyes and asked. “You didn’t hear?”
She Replies, “No. What?” I tell her that the Doctor found and flesh eating bacteria that’s eating its way from the inside out.”
I pretend to be torn up about it tell her not to tell anyone because I am not ready to share just yet. She apologizes and hugs me. I laugh as I walk away.
2 days later I assume that she surely has told everyone by now. I am right I am greeted with edible arrangements, real flowers, candy, cards warm hugs and the whole 9. I go and tell the people that I hang with what I have done and we all get a good laugh and enjoy the gifts that have been bestowed upon me.
I digress and must finish telling what bothered me during lunch yesterday so that I can get back to work today. Either way you have background knowledge about Kathy.
I walk into the building and Kathy sees me and follows me to the break-room. She grabs her lunch and watches me like a hawk while I’m reaching in my bag. I feel uncomfortable so I decide to go back to my desk. She finds a reason to come bother me at my desk.
She then says, “Mike I’m concerned about you eating fast food and gaining the weight back.” I sit there stunned for a second. I know that I’m an *kitten* and shouldn’t say what I’m thinking at that moment. I’m thinking, Am I going to gain 200 pounds back for eating fast food every blue moon? I’m also thinking, what Kathy means by concerned really means nosey.
I get those thoughts out my head and I simply reply, “Yes Ma’am.”
She smiles and says that she just had to say that because it was in her spirit.
I’m so perplexed by it but I eat my lunch and try to forget about it. Me being the way that I am, its hard for me to let things go. I decide that to make me feel better I need to find something to laugh about. I run to the restroom closest to her desk and start making a loud gagging noise. I am trying not to laugh out loud. I then start making a loud noise as if I am throwing up. I flush the toilet 3 times and then wash my hands for about 4 minutes. I come out and wipe my mouth with my sleeve and look at her. She looks away in a very uncomfortable way. I say all better and then walk away slowly and smile when she can’t see my face.
I know this was long but most rants are. I am just so curious to hear what she is telling everyone. She needs to learn how to mind her own business and if she minds others business at least be quiet about it. Maybe I can get days off work to go to counseling if she tells the right people.
Special Shout Out to everyone that read my daily rants hate them or love them, have a great day. :flowerforyou: :drinker:
MikeMontana1914
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Replies
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That was long but a great read! Thanks for that! I am very interested to hear how that pans out :drinker:0
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OMG... you are evil, but so dang funny that I can't stop laughing :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: That was awesome0
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Haha! This is only the second rant I've read of yours, but honestly when I saw this title I had that same "magnet" pull towards it. I love your posts, and I hope that Kathy starts minding her own business.
I'd probably start talking with somebody close to her desk while she was there that they are about to start laying people off and somehow mention her name in it. lol, that stur her up!0 -
Hahaha I love reading your rants! They brighten my lunch hour right up
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Hysterical! Can't wait for a follow up post!0
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eh, too long for me to read. Im out of here0
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Funny guy!! Worth the long read
Has me plotting how to get me some of those free Edible Arrangements. Hmmm! LOL
:laugh:0 -
hahaha comparable to Dwight and Jim from The Office with all the pranks, hilarious I hate nosey people0
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You're going straight to hell, you know that right?
Of course, there'll be lots of funny people there to hang with, so it won't be all bad.0 -
Love it! Let us know how it turns out. :happy:0
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One funny son of a b*tch you are! Thanks for the laughs. I needed it badly!0
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HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!! nice one!0
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That is freaking awesome!0
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Bahaha! That's fantastic. Love it!
When I really want to shut someone up who is ranting, concern trolling, or the like, I just look at them and say in a voice of icy politeness, "Duly noted."
Works like a charm... I mean, what can you say to that?0 -
That's awesome! If I wouldn't be forced to see a doctor if I did this (military takes that stuff seriously) I'd totally do it
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So, what's the chances of this Kathy person signing up with MFP?0
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Be careful that Kathy doesn't end up sharing your story with a local news station in order to collect donations towards your burden of flesh eating medical bills... she sounds like the type that honestly believes that her intrusions are for the benefit of others. Then you'd end up getting NATIONAL news attention for being that jerk who told everyone he had some horrible disease in order to get gifts & money - even though it was meant as a joke.
Edit: Yes, I do assume the worst about 90% of the time, the rest of the time I'm watching...
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That was long but a great read! Thanks for that! I am very interested to hear how that pans out :drinker:
Ill try to follow up. Who knows it may be tomorrows Rant.0 -
Haha! This is only the second rant I've read of yours, but honestly when I saw this title I had that same "magnet" pull towards it. I love your posts, and I hope that Kathy starts minding her own business.
I'd probably start talking with somebody close to her desk while she was there that they are about to start laying people off and somehow mention her name in it. lol, that stur her up!
LOL. Ill try that.0 -
Hahaha I love reading your rants! They brighten my lunch hour right up
Thank You.0
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