Am I just being old-fashioned?

Effpcos

I know of someone who is taking her two children (aged 8ish and 11ish) out of her country away on holiday to meet a guy she has never met in real life, though they have been "together" for about a year via internet.
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.

They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.

To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.

Thoughts?

coliema

You aren't being old fashioned. That is irresponsible to be involving the kids before the person is even met in real life.

I don't have kids, but if I did, I would never ever do that to them.

Janet9906

I have a 13 and 6 year old, I wouldn't uproot them from their friends, family and home if they JUST lost their Father for a man...that's just me.

ashleyconstantine

I agree, I would not do it.
but, they're her kids, her relationship, her choice.
What you may think is best, is not always what their mother thinks.

belladonna786

It's not old fashioned. After my husband passed I never ever brought any man around our children. Once I got serious with my now husband I introduced him as my friend and it progressed from there over a very long period of time. I know a woman who brings around any old guy around her kids and was actually physically abused by him in front of her children and STILL continued to date him. Once you have kids its not about you anymore it is THEM first always. Your moves in life should be with your children's best interest at the forefront PERIOD!

FloridasFinest

Definitely not old fashioned. It's called being a good, responsible parent. Unfortunately people can't see past themselves sometimes when they are all wrapped up in something...or someone. I just feel bad for the kids. Having to lose their father then be uprooted so soon after.

lrtoland

Definitely not old fashioned. It's called being a good, responsible parent. Unfortunately people can't see past themselves sometimes when they are all wrapped up in something...or someone. I just feel bad for the kids. Having to lose their father then be uprooted so soon after.

Couldn't have said it better myself. Who knows who this guy is?! I hope and pray he is truly a good man. Poor kids.

magj0y

I know of someone who is taking her two children (aged 8ish and 11ish) out of her country away on holiday to meet a guy she has never met in real life, though they have been "together" for about a year via internet.
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.

They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.

To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.

Thoughts?

was she divorced before their father died?

Anyway, regardless, it's the most irresponsible thing a mother can do. Knowing someone on-line doesn't count. There is so much you can lie about!

Crochetluvr

I know of someone who is taking her two children (aged 8ish and 11ish) out of her country away on holiday to meet a guy she has never met in real life, though they have been "together" for about a year via internet.
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.

They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.

To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.

Thoughts?

Sad...on multiple levels. IMO, the mother is being at the very least, selfish. At the most, irresponsible. I hope the guy isn't a psycho...or worse.

Katbody10

It's a hard call .. depends on how involved the real father was before the tragedy. If she's been involved with this person online for a year already, I suspect she wasn't living with the father for some time.

I agree it's early to discuss marriage before meeting someone in person .. and uprooting the kids for a man is not good thinking. If moving to another country is something she had planned to do anyway (or is this lover of hers moving to hers?)

I've been divorced for 14 years .. raised my son by myself. He's 18 now. I had one or 2 relationships during that time .. and was even engaged 5 years ago .. but -- it was not going well between my son and my fiance .. and he was local. Thankfully we each had our own homes .. but I decided to wait to get involved again until now .. My son is 18 .. in college and I'm ready for someone to come into my life.

I only had one child .. maybe she feels desperate to have a decent man and father figure for her children .. some women simply aren't cut out to survive as single moms ..

Effpcos

Thanks, I was thinking I may be being a bit judgemental- I'm not friends with the woman, but the man is the ex-husband of a close friend. Their relationship ended amicably & they are good friends, he's not a creep or anything, but we were puzzled as to what this other woman's thought processes may be.

My friend is also concerned as her children (the man's children) are also being involved in this, being told they'll have step-siblings, at the wedding etc when the man and woman have never met in person. My friend understandably is feeling a bit Mama Bear about her own kids feelings, as am I as I've known her kids forever.

magj0y

So you know the man in the equation that is going to marry some chick on the internet who's husband died?

Effpcos

As for the woman's (I'lI call her person A to make things clearer!) kid's father, as far as I know he was very involved with his kids before he died (facebook stalking) and they WERE still living together or at least very close, as the obits, newspapers etc refer to A as "his wife".

Effpcos

So you know the man in the equation that is going to marry some chick on the internet who's husband died?

Yes

magj0y

your friend.. mother of the guys' kids...?
yeah, she should def. be wary! yikes!

deksgrl

Hell No!!

Effpcos

your friend.. mother of the guys' kids...?
yeah, she should def. be wary! yikes!

She is/ we are.
I just feel the need to at least TRY to look at things from the other point of view before I judge, but I can't get my head around it. The other thing is that A's now-deceased husband looks seriously hot, VERY respectable occupation etc (thank goodness Americans put everything on the internet, makes stalking much easier) and my friend's ex-husband is, umm, a bit quirky. And as it's been said you can't know everything about someone over the internet, and the risk of this ending badly and hurting the kids involved seems quite high, imo.
"A" has been sending my friend's kids gifts, emails, chatting on the ph, too, which makes my friend very uncomfortable.

For the record it was my friend who ended the relationship, they'd been living as flatmates rather than husband and wife for many years and they both agreed it wasn't fair on anyone, so it's NOT a jealousy thing.

montlucia

That's crazy. Why would you discuss marriage and moving countries with someone you haven't even seen in person? If I were her, I'd be cautious 'cause he could be feeding her a bunch of lies to magnify her expectations and lock her in.

deksgrl

Your friend should do whatever she needs to do to insulate her children from this. What that other woman does with her kids, nobody can control. Thankfully, your friend's ex sounds like a decent guy. He's all grown up and can take care of himself. Kids don't need to be drawn into that kind of thing.

onedayillbeamilf

There's also the possibility that the minute they meet, one of them will have to go home and be institutionalized and it will be found out that they had a mental disorder and realize, once medicated, the the love they thought they felt wasn't real. I really did feel bad for that guy when that happened. He left his wife, she left her husband.....wait, who are we talking about here?

Effpcos

Lol, I don't know who you're talking about!