Am I just being old-fashioned?
I know of someone who is taking her two children (aged 8ish and 11ish) out of her country away on holiday to meet a guy she has never met in real life, though they have been "together" for about a year via internet.
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.
They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.
To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.
Thoughts?
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.
They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.
To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.
Thoughts?
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Replies
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You aren't being old fashioned. That is irresponsible to be involving the kids before the person is even met in real life.
I don't have kids, but if I did, I would never ever do that to them.0 -
I have a 13 and 6 year old, I wouldn't uproot them from their friends, family and home if they JUST lost their Father for a man...that's just me.0
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I agree, I would not do it.
but, they're her kids, her relationship, her choice.
What you may think is best, is not always what their mother thinks.0 -
It's not old fashioned. After my husband passed I never ever brought any man around our children. Once I got serious with my now husband I introduced him as my friend and it progressed from there over a very long period of time. I know a woman who brings around any old guy around her kids and was actually physically abused by him in front of her children and STILL continued to date him. Once you have kids its not about you anymore it is THEM first always. Your moves in life should be with your children's best interest at the forefront PERIOD!0
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Definitely not old fashioned. It's called being a good, responsible parent. Unfortunately people can't see past themselves sometimes when they are all wrapped up in something...or someone. I just feel bad for the kids. Having to lose their father then be uprooted so soon after.0
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Definitely not old fashioned. It's called being a good, responsible parent. Unfortunately people can't see past themselves sometimes when they are all wrapped up in something...or someone. I just feel bad for the kids. Having to lose their father then be uprooted so soon after.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Who knows who this guy is?! I hope and pray he is truly a good man. Poor kids.0 -
I know of someone who is taking her two children (aged 8ish and 11ish) out of her country away on holiday to meet a guy she has never met in real life, though they have been "together" for about a year via internet.
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.
They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.
To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.
Thoughts?
was she divorced before their father died?
Anyway, regardless, it's the most irresponsible thing a mother can do. Knowing someone on-line doesn't count. There is so much you can lie about!0 -
I know of someone who is taking her two children (aged 8ish and 11ish) out of her country away on holiday to meet a guy she has never met in real life, though they have been "together" for about a year via internet.
The kids have recently lost their real father in a very tragic accident only a few months ago.
They have already discussed marriage and re-locating countries WITH THE KIDS.
To me it seems pretty irresponsible to be involving the kids in this before you've even met the guy in person.
Thoughts?
Sad...on multiple levels. IMO, the mother is being at the very least, selfish. At the most, irresponsible. I hope the guy isn't a psycho...or worse.0 -
It's a hard call .. depends on how involved the real father was before the tragedy. If she's been involved with this person online for a year already, I suspect she wasn't living with the father for some time.
I agree it's early to discuss marriage before meeting someone in person .. and uprooting the kids for a man is not good thinking. If moving to another country is something she had planned to do anyway (or is this lover of hers moving to hers?)
I've been divorced for 14 years .. raised my son by myself. He's 18 now. I had one or 2 relationships during that time .. and was even engaged 5 years ago .. but -- it was not going well between my son and my fiance .. and he was local. Thankfully we each had our own homes .. but I decided to wait to get involved again until now .. My son is 18 .. in college and I'm ready for someone to come into my life.
I only had one child .. maybe she feels desperate to have a decent man and father figure for her children .. some women simply aren't cut out to survive as single moms ..0 -
Thanks, I was thinking I may be being a bit judgemental- I'm not friends with the woman, but the man is the ex-husband of a close friend. Their relationship ended amicably & they are good friends, he's not a creep or anything, but we were puzzled as to what this other woman's thought processes may be.
My friend is also concerned as her children (the man's children) are also being involved in this, being told they'll have step-siblings, at the wedding etc when the man and woman have never met in person. My friend understandably is feeling a bit Mama Bear about her own kids feelings, as am I as I've known her kids forever.0 -
So you know the man in the equation that is going to marry some chick on the internet who's husband died?0
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As for the woman's (I'lI call her person A to make things clearer!) kid's father, as far as I know he was very involved with his kids before he died (facebook stalking) and they WERE still living together or at least very close, as the obits, newspapers etc refer to A as "his wife".0
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So you know the man in the equation that is going to marry some chick on the internet who's husband died?
Yes0 -
your friend.. mother of the guys' kids...?
yeah, she should def. be wary! yikes!0 -
Hell No!!0
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your friend.. mother of the guys' kids...?
yeah, she should def. be wary! yikes!
She is/ we are.
I just feel the need to at least TRY to look at things from the other point of view before I judge, but I can't get my head around it. The other thing is that A's now-deceased husband looks seriously hot, VERY respectable occupation etc (thank goodness Americans put everything on the internet, makes stalking much easier) and my friend's ex-husband is, umm, a bit quirky. And as it's been said you can't know everything about someone over the internet, and the risk of this ending badly and hurting the kids involved seems quite high, imo.
"A" has been sending my friend's kids gifts, emails, chatting on the ph, too, which makes my friend very uncomfortable.
For the record it was my friend who ended the relationship, they'd been living as flatmates rather than husband and wife for many years and they both agreed it wasn't fair on anyone, so it's NOT a jealousy thing.0 -
That's crazy. Why would you discuss marriage and moving countries with someone you haven't even seen in person? If I were her, I'd be cautious 'cause he could be feeding her a bunch of lies to magnify her expectations and lock her in.0
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Your friend should do whatever she needs to do to insulate her children from this. What that other woman does with her kids, nobody can control. Thankfully, your friend's ex sounds like a decent guy. He's all grown up and can take care of himself. Kids don't need to be drawn into that kind of thing.0
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There's also the possibility that the minute they meet, one of them will have to go home and be institutionalized and it will be found out that they had a mental disorder and realize, once medicated, the the love they thought they felt wasn't real. I really did feel bad for that guy when that happened. He left his wife, she left her husband.....wait, who are we talking about here?0
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Lol, I don't know who you're talking about!0
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*sigh* Some women just CANNOT be alone for more than five seconds. Even if they have kids. It only leads to trouble.
You're not being old-fashioned. All of her plans seem whacked to me...0 -
I can't really imagine taking my children to another country to meet a man I've never met in person. I don't even have children. I have seen TAKEN and I just think that is a really bad idea. Maybe she should just go on a little holiday with the kids instead...0
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Okay sooo.
No one has ever taken their kids out of the country on vacation? (Cruises, trips to cancun, eurpoe?)
No one has ever moved with kids? (Jobs, army brats?)
No one has ever run from a hard situation by leaving the town it happened? (Accident, death, rape, abuse?)
Is it just because she's meeting a man over the internet that bothers you?
Did she say she is moving today to another country?
I've meet lots of people online and I'm still alive. Think a bit before you judge someone elses life.
ETA: you say the kids lost their father a few months ago, but the couple have been dating a year. This means their father and mother haven't been together in a very long time.0 -
Lol, yes very whacked. The thing that confuses us is A told the man she's going to meet/marry that her and her husband had split up when she found out that he and my friend had split, then when her husband was killed in the accident everything points to them still being together at the time, so she's either lying to my friend's ex, or to all the family and friends back home.
From what I can see she got a generous insurance payout when the husband died and has a beneficiary fund set up for her and the kids (thanks google), and that's where she's getting all the money from to be so generous and go travelling.
All seems very dodgy to me, even my friend's ex has said that he's been told it seems to be to good to be true and he does wonder. But he also is the sort who can't be alone.
Well it's all happening very soon so I'll be sure to keep you all updated, =/0 -
Okay sooo.
No one has ever taken their kids out of the country on vacation? (Cruises, trips to cancun, eurpoe?)
No one has ever moved with kids? (Jobs, army brats?)
No one has ever run from a hard situation by leaving the town it happened? (Accident, death, rape, abuse?)
Is it just because she's meeting a man over the internet that bothers you?
Did she say she is moving today to another country?
I've meet lots of people online and I'm still alive. Think a bit before you judge someone elses life.
ETA: you say the kids lost their father a few months ago, but the couple have been dating a year. This means their father and mother haven't been together in a very long time.
See my above post about whether or not the parents were in fact separated.
My concern is she's taking them overseas, to another country, to meet with and stay with, with her two young children, a man she has not met before, and while I know this man is not a danger how does she? AND they have already told both his kids and her kids (all four kids aged between 8y and 11y) that they're going to get married and be one big happy family, when they haven't even met in person yet. And her kids father only died 3mths ago. The marriage discussions started about a week after the husband was killed.0 -
Well I'm not sure the real situation is. It doesn't sound like anybody does.
However you seem a bit judgey. Sometimes things aren't as bad, and people aren't as bad as you make them to be.
I hope you know, sometime in your life you will be judged just as harshly and people will be dead wrong.0 -
Sounds like they're pretty desperate. That's absolutely disgusting to do that to your children. good grief!0
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Not old-fashioned. I knew a woman who drove all the way from Canada to Texas to pickup a guy she had been talking to on the internet for several months. She was taking him back to Canada to stay with her and her 3 kids. When they reached the border, Canada wouldn't let him enter the country because he had a criminal record - for child molestation!! People, BE CAREFUL. I mean, what was this woman thinking????0
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Okay sooo.
No one has ever taken their kids out of the country on vacation? (Cruises, trips to cancun, eurpoe?)
No one has ever moved with kids? (Jobs, army brats?)
No one has ever run from a hard situation by leaving the town it happened? (Accident, death, rape, abuse?)
Is it just because she's meeting a man over the internet that bothers you?
Did she say she is moving today to another country?
I've meet lots of people online and I'm still alive. Think a bit before you judge someone elses life.
ETA: you say the kids lost their father a few months ago, but the couple have been dating a year. This means their father and mother haven't been together in a very long time.
I have taken my kids on vacation, but have never taken them with me to meet a virtual stranger
I have moved with kids. With a secure job, place to live, and things in order
I have left town before... knowing full well what is on the other end.
I have met lots of on-line people as well, but I never took my kids with me!!
Am I being judgemental? Yes! These kids just lost their dad and now their mom is taking them to a foreign country away from everything and everyone they know, so their mom can shack up with some dude she's never met in person.
krazy!
can everything turn out fine? absolutely, but it's krazy to put your kids at risk!0 -
See my above post about whether or not the parents were in fact separated.
My concern is she's taking them overseas, to another country, to meet with and stay with, with her two young children, a man she has not met before, and while I know this man is not a danger how does she? AND they have already told both his kids and her kids (all four kids aged between 8y and 11y) that they're going to get married and be one big happy family, when they haven't even met in person yet. And her kids father only died 3mths ago. The marriage discussions started about a week after the husband was killed.
It is possible that there has been no love there for a lot longer then "if they were/were not seperated" argument. Obviously both of them felt it for a while before they seperated. This is why people seperate to begin with.
My current love lives in another country, we've been together over a year and we had to meet for a first time. There has been many subsequent visits because we make a great couple.
I'm not attacking your concern personally, I just want you to see that there are other sides of the story. Its never too much to be concerned, but to post in a public place about a randome person's personal life, its obvious you wanted everyone to agree you were in the right.
Life sometimes happens faster then we want to accept it and I think you need to take a step back and realize that sometimes change comes quick.0
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