Am I just being old-fashioned?

AllTehBeers

Well I'm not sure the real situation is. It doesn't sound like anybody does.

This. We only have a snippet from one side of the story. And we all know there are always 3 sides to every story.

Effpcos

I didn't post this to get people to agree with me, I'm just struggling to see the other side of the story and wanted to at least try.

My husband is ex-military, I do understand long distance relationships, he has been deployed overseas twice.

I haven't put in any personal details in this thread that would lead to anyone finding out who I am talking about.

oregonzoo

Well I'm not sure the real situation is. It doesn't sound like anybody does.

This. We only have a snippet from one side of the story. And we all know there are always 3 sides to every story.

And some people LOVE to gossip. I have to wonder if her real concern is concern or just wanting to gossip.

AllTehBeers

Not old-fashioned. I knew a woman who drove all the way from Canada to Texas to pickup a guy she had been talking to on the internet for several months. She was taking him back to Canada to stay with her and her 3 kids. When they reached the border, Canada wouldn't let him enter the country because he had a criminal record - for child molestation!! People, BE CAREFUL. I mean, what was this woman thinking????

Obviously there are bad stories of people who meet people online. Aren't there just as many good ones? Things like this (if you have half a brain) can be avoided with a simple name and birthday search on google.

momof2TONI

Not old-fashioned. I knew a woman who drove all the way from Canada to Texas to pickup a guy she had been talking to on the internet for several months. She was taking him back to Canada to stay with her and her 3 kids. When they reached the border, Canada wouldn't let him enter the country because he had a criminal record - for child molestation!! People, BE CAREFUL. I mean, what was this woman thinking????

Obviously there are bad stories of people who meet people online. Aren't there just as many good ones? Things like this (if you have half a brain) can be avoided with a simple name and birthday search on google.

Yes, key words here are: if you have half a brain. lol.... But I will agree there are some good stories too.

oregonzoo

I didn't post this to get people to agree with me, I'm just struggling to see the other side of the story and wanted to at least try.

My husband is ex-military, I do understand long distance relationships, he has been deployed overseas twice.

I haven't put in any personal details in this thread that would lead to anyone finding out who I am talking about.

At the risk of being totally blasted in this thread.. I'll give you some insight and probably regret it.
I was separated from my ex. We were living in the same house.. blah blah. For financial reasons we stayed in the same house. I met my fiance online. My children were very young. We spent 6 months getting to know eachother, and yes there was almost immediate talk of one of us moving. Almost immediate talk of me moving.
I did google him, and look into him and make certain he was somebody I could trust. I'd also known him for years before. The first night we met my children were not there. He didn't meet them until the next day.
The entire time, all our talk was of family. There wasn't anything dirty, or wrong about it. Sometimes love is like that.
Now I don't know all of this womans story, but nor do you.

I had people gossip and tell lies and speculate and drag a very good person through the mud. And it's a hard thing.

AllTehBeers

I have taken my kids on vacation, but have never taken them with me to meet a virtual stranger

I have moved with kids. With a secure job, place to live, and things in order

I have left town before... knowing full well what is on the other end.

I have met lots of on-line people as well, but I never took my kids with me!!

Am I being judgemental? Yes! These kids just lost their dad and now their mom is taking them to a foreign country away from everything and everyone they know, so their mom can shack up with some dude she's never met in person.
krazy!

can everything turn out fine? absolutely, but it's krazy to put your kids at risk!

I can agree with your first point, but I don't see meeting someone on vacation as super extreme. At least she's talked to this man for a long time and is not just meating him randomly on a cruise ship or island. Haven't you ever struck up a "one time friendship" with someone in the next room at your hotel or a friendly beach goer?

Some people move with a whim and a dream. I have and now I run a small business. I didn't have ANY security when I left home. Not everyone needs security to move.

Again I've moved 3 times (about to be 4) just because its exciting and new.

I think I would feel better meeting a complete stranger with 4 kids in tow then all by myself. Its a lot easier to kidnap all of us.

ETA: we don't know anything about this man. Maybe he has kids of his own, a firm, steady financial income and is a real family oriented person. To infer that all she wants to do is "shack up" with him is assuming many things.

emaren

Moving to a different country is brutally difficult.

Dragging children with you will put a huge strain in that relationship.

Moving to a different country to be with someone you have never met ?

Totally dumb.

What she needs to do is this....

Go 'out there' on her own for a couple of weeks, leaving the lids a relative...

If it all works out well, a couple of months later - say Christmas - take the kids to spend the holidays there...

If that goes well, then maybe talk of moving might be less stupid......

AllTehBeers

Not old-fashioned. I knew a woman who drove all the way from Canada to Texas to pickup a guy she had been talking to on the internet for several months. She was taking him back to Canada to stay with her and her 3 kids. When they reached the border, Canada wouldn't let him enter the country because he had a criminal record - for child molestation!! People, BE CAREFUL. I mean, what was this woman thinking????

Obviously there are bad stories of people who meet people online. Aren't there just as many good ones? Things like this (if you have half a brain) can be avoided with a simple name and birthday search on google.

Yes, key words here are: if you have half a brain. lol.... But I will agree there are some good stories too.

Thank you. I, personally, am one of the good stories.

Effpcos

Well I'm not sure the real situation is. It doesn't sound like anybody does.

This. We only have a snippet from one side of the story. And we all know there are always 3 sides to every story.

And some people LOVE to gossip. I have to wonder if her real concern is concern or just wanting to gossip.

I can assure you having been the victim of gossip before I am definitely not a gossip, I don't even follow celebrity news, there are several "juicy" details that are part of what's going on but irrelevant to what I'm after so I have left out as I simply wanted to try to see the other side of the story.
I have (as mentioned in the MFP fraud thread earlier) met people in person that I've met online before.

oregonzoo

Well I'm not sure the real situation is. It doesn't sound like anybody does.

This. We only have a snippet from one side of the story. And we all know there are always 3 sides to every story.

And some people LOVE to gossip. I have to wonder if her real concern is concern or just wanting to gossip.

I can assure you having been the victim of gossip before I am definitely not a gossip, I don't even follow celebrity news, there are several "juicy" details that are part of what's going on but irrelevant to what I'm after so I have left out as I simply wanted to try to see the other side of the story.
I have (as mentioned in the MFP fraud thread earlier) met people in person that I've met online before.

Well hopefully you saw my side. Sometimes it's really truly good and innocent and really is love. Sometimes it's garden tools being garden tools. I hope it's truly a good thing for everybody involved.
And I am truly sorry that you lost a friend.

Effpcos

I have taken my kids on vacation, but have never taken them with me to meet a virtual stranger

I have moved with kids. With a secure job, place to live, and things in order

I have left town before... knowing full well what is on the other end.

I have met lots of on-line people as well, but I never took my kids with me!!

Am I being judgemental? Yes! These kids just lost their dad and now their mom is taking them to a foreign country away from everything and everyone they know, so their mom can shack up with some dude she's never met in person.
krazy!

can everything turn out fine? absolutely, but it's krazy to put your kids at risk!

I can agree with your first point, but I don't see meeting someone on vacation as super extreme. At least she's talked to this man for a long time and is not just meating him randomly on a cruise ship or island. Haven't you ever struck up a "one time friendship" with someone in the next room at your hotel or a friendly beach goer?

Some people move with a whim and a dream. I have and now I run a small business. I didn't have ANY security when I left home. Not everyone needs security to move.

ETA: we don't know anything about this man. Maybe he has kids of his own, a firm, steady financial income and is a real family oriented person. To infer that all she wants to do is "shack up" with him is assuming many things.

I think you need to go back and read the thread. I DO know this man, have done for years, he does have a good job, beautiful kids and is a nice guy.

gingerjen7

Hell, I don't let my son meet any guys that I'm "involved" with unless they're thinking we should move in or talking about marriage (not that I ever plan to marry, but you know, we could talk about it). Dating is a roller coaster ride, and lots of people will go through lots of other people before they find one that they could settle down with. It's one thing for you to choose to put your heart on the line, but it's another thing alltogether to choose to put your child's (or children's) heart(s) on the line too. I wouldn't want my son to get attached to someone who isn't going to be sticking around. I definitely would not take my son to meet someone that I hadn't met yet myself; I wouldn't let him meet my son if he came to town for our first face-to-face either. They may feel like they've gotten to know one another chatting online and whatnot, but it's easy to lie on the internet. I would have him come to me and meet me in a public place while my child was somewhere else. If he was really interested in persuing a relationship with me, then he could make the effort to travel to spend time with me, understanding that as a parent, it's more difficult for me to do that. Obviously, relationships require some compromising, so if it was really going well, I might plan a trip, but I'd ask a friend or my child's babysitter if he or she were comfortable, to travel with me, so it would be a vacation for my child and not so much a "let's go visit mommy's boyfriend you've never met!" After a long while, if we both felt like the relationship was moving in that direction and we were discussing moving to the same town, THEN I would ask him to meet my child first and allow them to get to know one another. That way, if it's not going to work out, at least they won't have really bonded and no one has packed up and moved.

AllTehBeers

Moving to a different country is brutally difficult.

Dragging children with you will put a huge strain in that relationship.

Moving to a different country to be with someone you have never met ?

Totally dumb.

What she needs to do is this....

Go 'out there' on her own for a couple of weeks, leaving the lids a relative...

If it all works out well, a couple of months later - say Christmas - take the kids to spend the holidays there...

If that goes well, then maybe talk of moving might be less stupid......

Absolutey, they don't make that crap easy or my SO would have already moved here.

No ones ever moved or went on vacation with kids? Again, another country is extra difficult but you can't assume she isn't ready for the challenge.

They are meeting first on a holiday, as the OP stated. THEN, she is going to think about moving.

Leaving the kids for a few weeks is more responsible then taking them with her to meet this man? Aren't kids the best judge of character?

AllTehBeers

I have taken my kids on vacation, but have never taken them with me to meet a virtual stranger

I have moved with kids. With a secure job, place to live, and things in order

I have left town before... knowing full well what is on the other end.

I have met lots of on-line people as well, but I never took my kids with me!!

Am I being judgemental? Yes! These kids just lost their dad and now their mom is taking them to a foreign country away from everything and everyone they know, so their mom can shack up with some dude she's never met in person.
krazy!

can everything turn out fine? absolutely, but it's krazy to put your kids at risk!

I can agree with your first point, but I don't see meeting someone on vacation as super extreme. At least she's talked to this man for a long time and is not just meating him randomly on a cruise ship or island. Haven't you ever struck up a "one time friendship" with someone in the next room at your hotel or a friendly beach goer?

Some people move with a whim and a dream. I have and now I run a small business. I didn't have ANY security when I left home. Not everyone needs security to move.

ETA: we don't know anything about this man. Maybe he has kids of his own, a firm, steady financial income and is a real family oriented person. To infer that all she wants to do is "shack up" with him is assuming many things.

I think you need to go back and read the thread. I DO know this man, have done for years, he does have a good job, beautiful kids and is a nice guy.

At one point you said you knew the guy. Since he is financially secure and is a family man, I honestly don't know the reason you're concerned then.

Most of this thread is based on meeting a RANDOM STRANGER when actually, you've known this man for years. I think the people who said she was crazy might think she's a little less crazy if people she knows actually know him.

Its like a blind date with your friend. Anyone ever do that?

Changes02

I have taken my kids on vacation, but have never taken them with me to meet a virtual stranger

I have moved with kids. With a secure job, place to live, and things in order

I have left town before... knowing full well what is on the other end.

I have met lots of on-line people as well, but I never took my kids with me!!

Am I being judgemental? Yes! These kids just lost their dad and now their mom is taking them to a foreign country away from everything and everyone they know, so their mom can shack up with some dude she's never met in person.
krazy!

can everything turn out fine? absolutely, but it's krazy to put your kids at risk!

I can agree with your first point, but I don't see meeting someone on vacation as super extreme. At least she's talked to this man for a long time and is not just meating him randomly on a cruise ship or island. Haven't you ever struck up a "one time friendship" with someone in the next room at your hotel or a friendly beach goer?

Some people move with a whim and a dream. I have and now I run a small business. I didn't have ANY security when I left home. Not everyone needs security to move.

ETA: we don't know anything about this man. Maybe he has kids of his own, a firm, steady financial income and is a real family oriented person. To infer that all she wants to do is "shack up" with him is assuming many things.

I think you need to go back and read the thread. I DO know this man, have done for years, he does have a good job, beautiful kids and is a nice guy.

At one point you said you knew the guy. Since he is financially secure and is a family man, I honestly don't know the reason you're concerned then.

Most of this thread is based on meeting a RANDOM STRANGER when actually, you've known this man for years. I think the people who said she was crazy might think she's a little less crazy if people she knows actually know him.

Its like a blind date with your friend. Anyone ever do that?

Is it common to bring your kids on a blind date?

ethansmug

Well since it's not my kid I say sure why not, while she is there maybe the kids can play in heavy traffic and lick foreign wall sockets too. They may never get this chance again so they may as well do it.

WeekndOVOXO

That is messed up.

Changes02

Well since it's not my kid I say sure why not, while she is there maybe the kids can play in heavy traffic and lick foreign wall sockets too. They may never get this chance again so they may as well do it.

Truly a once in a life time opportunity :drinker:

AllTehBeers

Is it common to bring your kids on a blind date?

I know plenty of single parents that have taken their kids all together on a group date. For the first time meeting, it feels safer to to have everyone go to a place like chuck e cheese then just the man and woman alone.

DawnEH612

I completely agree... Kids need to come first.

magj0y

I have taken my kids on vacation, but have never taken them with me to meet a virtual stranger

I have moved with kids. With a secure job, place to live, and things in order

I have left town before... knowing full well what is on the other end.

I have met lots of on-line people as well, but I never took my kids with me!!

Am I being judgemental? Yes! These kids just lost their dad and now their mom is taking them to a foreign country away from everything and everyone they know, so their mom can shack up with some dude she's never met in person.
krazy!

can everything turn out fine? absolutely, but it's krazy to put your kids at risk!

I can agree with your first point, but I don't see meeting someone on vacation as super extreme. At least she's talked to this man for a long time and is not just meating him randomly on a cruise ship or island. Haven't you ever struck up a "one time friendship" with someone in the next room at your hotel or a friendly beach goer?

Some people move with a whim and a dream. I have and now I run a small business. I didn't have ANY security when I left home. Not everyone needs security to move.

Again I've moved 3 times (about to be 4) just because its exciting and new.

I think I would feel better meeting a complete stranger with 4 kids in tow then all by myself. Its a lot easier to kidnap all of us.

ETA: we don't know anything about this man. Maybe he has kids of his own, a firm, steady financial income and is a real family oriented person. To infer that all she wants to do is "shack up" with him is assuming many things.

My mom has moved "on a whim" multiple times growing up. The 1st time I was 6 months old. As a kid, it's not easy. As a parent, it's my job to make sure my kid is going to a secure environment when moving.

ethansmug

Why is no one thinking about the children here, sure "Safety" is important up to a point. But now that they are both walking and talking (I am assuming they are) it's time to cut the apron strings.

By six years old I was rollin dice in the alley and taking side bets at the ****-fights, by eight I had my own stable of hoes, got locked up from 12-38 and got out last year.
Those kids need life experience if they are ever gonna survive the yard.

AllTehBeers

My mom has moved "on a whim" multiple times growing up. The 1st time I was 6 months old. As a kid, it's not easy. As a parent, it's my job to make sure my kid is going to a secure environment when moving.

It happens then and you've seem to become a stable and loving parent. Did up and moving around damage you beyond being anything other then that? I assume no. Are there things you would maybe want to change about your childhood? I'm sure, but EVERYONE has something they would want to change.

One persons life experience doesn't make or break them as a person. I know people that have lived in two (even a few) different countries and they aren't messed up. If anything, they've learned more about life and other cultures and ways of living then most people.

I don't judge anyone either way their opinion is, I just want to point out that there are many many different ways people grow up and they don't become crazy, weird or damaged beyond repair.

kathunni

eek, If I were in that situation I would expect the guy to come visit, I wouldn't uproot the kids especially after such a rocky year.

AllTehBeers

eek, If I were in that situation I would expect the guy to come visit, I wouldn't uproot the kids especially after such a rocky year.

A guy that has kids himself? Is he supposed to leave his at home?

Tennessee2019

My first husband didn't die, I divorced him. Our daughter was a year old by the time the divorce was final & I never introduced any of the men I dated to my daughter. When I did finally get into a serious relationship again & decided to have the guy over for dinner one night to introduce them to one another. My daughter sat on one end of the couch & just stared at the guy I was dating, but by the end of the night she was asleep in HIS lap. This guy is now my husband & has been the best step-father to my daughter that I could ever hope for. She has called him dad since she was 2 & hasn't seen her biological father in 5 years - both of these were her choices to make.

So, no I would not uproot my kid(s) just to meet a guy.

randomtai

Well I'm not sure the real situation is. It doesn't sound like anybody does.

However you seem a bit judgey. Sometimes things aren't as bad, and people aren't as bad as you make them to be.

I hope you know, sometime in your life you will be judged just as harshly and people will be dead wrong.

This.

KANGOOJUMPS

SCARY!,.,,,,, but when you click with someone you click,,,, but with kids,, wow,, that scares me....depends what kind of person you are,,,,,

TheAncientMariner

I don't think you're being old fashioned at all. Heck, I would even call it common sense! Clearly she has some unresolved issues. Perhaps she is reacting purely to life's stresses and not thinking clearly.