Reaching out!! I need some advice men and women!

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24

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  • Mom2barefootbabes
    Mom2barefootbabes Posts: 11
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    RUN, seriously just run.

    Take it from someone who was in a seriously dangerous relationship (married w/ a child) get out now before it gets any worse. You don't deserve this and you definetly don't want a baby with this ahole. Screw the house, screw the attatchment (which you have with who he used to be....not who he is now).

    Getting out of this will give you more confidence than you could ever imagin. If you need someone to talk to send me a message. I get it, but you gotta get out.

    Hugs.
  • fcp1234
    fcp1234 Posts: 1,098 Member
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    Move on. It's time to lighten up.

    ha:)
  • Scottish_charlene_84
    Scottish_charlene_84 Posts: 986 Member
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    If u r even thinking abaout staying with this idiot then it shows u have no respect for urself. U only get one chance at life and if u r willig to live it in an abusive, unhappy relationship then i really feel for u. Who cares if u have a house together. Bricks and mortar, thats all it is. Ur only 24 and have PLENTY of time to meet someone ele. Get out of there!
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    time to lighten up on those marathon paragraphs.

    didnt read that WALL OF TEXT
  • melissa5604
    melissa5604 Posts: 43
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    Get him out of your home before he kills you. We read it in the papers everyday...he needs to go away and work on his issues.

    I know how it is to want a baby, but you need to just enjoy being single until the RIGHT man comes along . If push comes to shove you really do not need a man to have a baby, if that is what is driving you to be in a relationship that is scary for me to read , much less for you to live. I have lived with scary people , and the stress just eats away at you. If you feel scared living with this guy, imagine how a child would feel.

    I have had step kids too..I loved them with all my heart, BUT most of the time parents do not want step parents having a relationship with their kids after the divorce or breakup.
  • MtnKat
    MtnKat Posts: 714
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    You do not deserve to be treated like that.....no one does. I feel sorry for his poor kid.

    Get away from him and stop making excuses. Sometimes things are hard because there are lessons to be learned. You may not believe it now, but you do have the strength to do it.
  • hamiltonba
    hamiltonba Posts: 474 Member
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    Sounds like he needs emotional help. If he's not willing to go to a counselor, go alone - you certainly need it because you are allowing someone to abuse you. If nothing changes, the behavior is not going to change. Was he in the war? Maybe he can get help through the Marines - that would be a good start.
  • thelaurameister
    thelaurameister Posts: 689 Member
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    Very unfortunate situation you're in :frown: For the sake of your safety, I think you need to get out of there. From what I can tell you two aren't married (correct me if I'm wrong) so getting out of there or kicking him out (depending on who's name is on the mortgage) shouldn't be that difficult, as there are no legal ties between you two. My brother was a Marine and he changed a LOT when he returned home. I don't mean any disrespect to any branches of the military, I respect them for the sacrifices they make for this country, but the military, ESPECIALLY the Marine corps, is very strict...They basically break down all of the morals and standards you were raised with so that they can build you up into the person that THEY want you to be, which can be traumatizing to some people, understandably. He's undoubtedly going through PTSD, I would imagine, if not other illnesses as well. You can guide him in the right direction towards getting help, but I still think you need to get out of that relationship. 24 is not old at all, you have plenty of time to find the right guy for you. Plus, if you can land 2 Marines, then you have NOTHING to worry about as far as finding someone else who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    The way you explain the situation he's either dealing with depression, PTSD, or something deeper!
    Has he been to counseling???

    1 yr before we started dating he got a divorce ( not the mother of his son) they divored because he said that all they did was fight and she was abusive. He went to counseling to try and fix his marriage and he said it did nothing for him and he won't go back. I am just really wore out I have been taking hits like this for the past year and it just keeps getting worse. :(

    Most men who are abusive will blame the woman. It sounds like he is just abusive, and the previous divorce may have been him... not her. You are young and beautiful. You deserve so much better. It may be ONLY (and I say that with sarcasm) emotional now... but, it will more than likely turn to physical. GET OUT NOW!!!
  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 1,005 Member
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    Drop him like a hot potato!!! I had my first child at 34....you have plenty of time to find someone that will respect you, but you will never find "the one" if you settle for less.

    I have a 4 yr old and a & a 7 yr old....I have friends with kids that are now 20+ (some of these friends are now grandparents) and I have friends still trying for their first baby at 40+......live your own life and don't worry what everyone else is doing.
  • vvanm
    vvanm Posts: 157
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    This is the best choice for the future father of your precious children, when even your dog is not safe? Was this normal in your -childhood home? It's your decision.
  • Suegetsskinnyandfit
    Suegetsskinnyandfit Posts: 52 Member
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    get out as soon as you can, live is too short to be with a guy like that!
  • jessilee119
    jessilee119 Posts: 444 Member
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    you owe it to yourself to get out of this toxic relationship. Be single. Get to know yourself alone. Don't allow yourself to think your self-worth lies in being in a realtionship.

    ^This. You deserve it and you are worth it.

    Yes! And as others said, don't put a time on falling in love, having kids, etc. My husband and I just had our first son 4 months ago-I'm 28. There were times I wanted to start our family before now, but I didn't rush it. It says on your profile that you're 24...you still have PLENTY of time to find someone who will treat you with respect and to start a family. Heck...a lot of people now are wating until their 30's and 40's to get married and have kids because they want a career first. Don't compare yourself to others, just focus on your own life.

    (now I'm going to try and be funny to cheer you up)...dump him, have a one night stand and get pregnant. Your child will provide you with unconditional love-until he/she is a teenager and starts talking back (puberty is a *****).:happy:
  • Jenism1
    Jenism1 Posts: 149 Member
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    Thank you. He doesn't talk to his son like that and doesn't really talk down to me in front of him. But I do feel that if it was our child he would.
    [/quote]

    Well I think you just answered my question...would you want to bring a child into that environment...
  • dg730
    dg730 Posts: 62
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    Hi my name is Amanda, I really don't know how to start this but here it goes When I was 15 I started in my first serious relationship which was great the first 3 yrs but then he started taking pills which made him start losing his jobs and changing who he was. After a while I told him things had to change or he had to get help or I was leaving. So he joined the marines! Wow pill popper turned marine right. So he deployed to Japan for two yrs. When he came home we were so happy. We were planning our wedding and talking about having kids! (Which is a huge thing for me I have wanted a baby forever) Well then he started a part time job and meet someone! :explode: So I kicked his @s# out.:brokenheart: I was done!!! Well I moved on I started talking to a high school friend who was in the marines also and after 6 months of dating I moved to Hawaii and we have been together 3 yrs and he is out of the service and we are back home. He has an 8 yr son that I love very much. I just bought a house 5 months ago. He has had trouble the past year finding a job. He finally got a good job a couple weeks ago. But his anger is out of control ever since he came out of the service. He calls me horrible names threatens my dog screams so loud I want to cry he gets anger over the little tinniest things FYI the new job is afternoons and I work days I haven't been awake when he has gone home until last night. He tells me I am a *kitten* and to go back to my ex and talks trash about my past he makes me feel worthless. I don't bring up my exs to him ever. He blew up on me over watching a movie with my girlfriend that he wanted to see last night. Then started calling names threaten to snap my dogs’ neck. Tells me he is leaving and taking his dog and I will never see his son again. So the point of my post I feel like I am not meant to be loved or respected. My two serious realationships were a mess. He never says sorry after he freaks out ever. Also that I am scared if I leave him now I will just never have kids or get married. I feel like a
    failure. my two sisters and brother have been in there relationships for between 6-11 yrs I feel like a loser that can't keep a man. wth is wrong with me? I am the only one of my girlfriends that doesn't have kids. Am I just having a pity party? Do I need to leave my boyfriend? I just don't know what to do anymore!! Help!! :sad: Thank you!


    What's wrong with you? Hmmm I am still stumped that you would want to have kids with this dude.
    He needs help. Get him help our get out with your dog.
  • gingerjen7
    gingerjen7 Posts: 821 Member
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    Yes, leave him. And don't date any more Marines! (just kidding about the marines).
  • MissAnjy
    MissAnjy Posts: 2,480 Member
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    You're 24, women are having kids well into their 30s and 40s. Move on. You do NOT want to have children with a man like this.

    ETA: If you do wind up having kids with this man, remember, at some point, you won't be able to handle this behaviour anymore, and you WILL have to share custody with him, meaning, you won't always have your children with you. You will miss some birthdays, holidays, events, with them when they are "away with Dad"

    something to think about.
  • MisterGoodBar
    MisterGoodBar Posts: 157 Member
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    First of all, you are meant to be loved and respected. Don't compare yourself to others and their relationships. There is no time line.

    And most of all, get out now!! This guy is an *kitten*. He is being emotionally abusive and has anger issues. Do not stay with him because you think no one else will want you (Did he tell you that? If so, he is manipulating you and he is wrong.) I was in a similar situation. I stayed in an abusive relationship because I thought I no one else would want me. That's what he had me thinking anyway. Well, he was dead wrong. I understand it is hard to leave after all the time you have put into the realtionship (I was with that guy for nine years), but you owe it to yourself to get out of this toxic relationship. Be single. Get to know yourself alone. Don't allow yourself to think your self-worth lies in being in a realtionship.

    1. this is the right advice.
    2. you're only 24 not 54, you & your body have plenty of time to not only have kids but also build a life.
    3. everyone deserves to be loved and just b/c you've had 2 relationships that didnt work out (one as a minor isnt necessarily in the same class though as considered serious) doesnt mean your life is over.
    4. i've got a sibling who's husband is in the military going thru issues dont let the honeymoon phase dictate the entirety of your life or relationships. they say the first 5yrs is the hardest b/c its so blissful, so fast. if you struggle in that period then you should probably end it.
    5. sorry, that you're goin' through this ms. i wish you strength.
  • Aedrah
    Aedrah Posts: 100 Member
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    I've been there. You need to leave. They don't change. When you leave, he will tell you he'll change, he'll be a better man, go to counselling etc. But trust me, they don't change. He has issues that he needs to work out on his own. You can't help him, or you will end up in a box. (I'm sorry to be blunt, but this is where it heads..)

    No matter who you are or what you have done, you deserve better than how he treats you. You deserve a man who respects you, is concerned for your emotional and physical well-being, and a man that is capable of being a good father and role model to the child that you want. You'll find him, but this guy isn't it.

    I know you want kids now, but do you really want to have kids with him? You can do so much better. Even if you met the man of your dreams at 40, you can still adopt. It's better than a life with this guy. Set up an appointment with a lawyer to know your rights, and then leave. But remember. He'll tell you that he'll change - but in all probability he won't and will hurt you.

    Take care and best of luck. Stay safe.
  • Time2LightenUp
    Time2LightenUp Posts: 86
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    [/quote]
    Well I think you just answered my question...would you want to bring a child into that environment...
    [/quote]

    Your right I did. He needs to leave it's scary thinking about getting him out tho. Agh!

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