"body dysmorphia"?

Evelyneh

Hey there! So, I've had rock-bottom self esteem since I was a little kid. I was always bullied, tormented and teased as a result of my weight and height; in school I was always the biggest and tallest girl. I've grown up since then, and I've lost 50 lbs in the past 2 years, and despite being in the "normal" weight category, with a BMI of 24 (5'9", 144 lbs), I just can't shed the feelings I had when I was bigger, and when I was being ridiculed all the time. I've never really gotten over it. On some days, I wake up and prance around in front of the mirror feeling all proud and confident, and on others I just see the same ol' fat girl. I'm afraid I'll never shed this feeling. I do tend to pick myself apart a lot, and to put myself down a lot (often without realizing it, or without even meaning to), and I've been accused on several occasions of having "body dysmorphia", which I'm fairly certain is just another term for "****ty self esteem". It's tough to forgive and forget things that meant so much, and that hurt so much, when you were younger and more fragile. I guess what I'm getting at in this post is, well, does anyone else feel this way? Are you average in stature, but see yourself as some kind of monster?

I genuinely do find the topic fascinating, and I think that sharing this with others will help me to understand why I think this way as well.

zaidr

you look pretty to me

kealambert

first off, you're freaking gorgeous

secondly, yes. at my lowest weight/best shape I still saw myself as a fat gross person. i know i have added a good amount of weight since that time, but I feel personally I see myself as even more disgusting because i let it creep back on.

i suggest a therapist or counseling; i did some briefly and it made a lot of difference for my confidence

hkry3250

wow, you need to get that out of your head, you look amazing. If you want, you can message me and we can talk about it. I've had two years of psychology, and now I'm a personal trainer, and I see this all the time.

joeysox

Hi, i know how this feels ive lost 174pounds and still feel as big as i did then! its hard to mentally catch up with your body. low self esteem and body dysmorphia are very different things. both are awful though! i have body dysmorphia and i can be physically sick at the sight of myself, i see something vile and wrong when i see myself and am on medication. It takes sooo long to adjust but a lot of people bully out of jealousy! cant win whatever happens your tall which people love , all models are tall! and you are now a very healthy weight. it may be worth going to visit your doctor though i know a few people who have tried cbt (cognitive behavioral therapy) if you havent heard of it (you may have) its a form of therapy that rather than focus on your past it works by teaching you to process your thoughts in a better way finding a trigger etc im currently waiting for it xxx

oregonzoo

I deal with the same exact thing. I'm 5"8' 132. I still see myself at 200. People don't always understand. They think you look great, and you should think you do too. So why don't you? It's HARD not to still see that person. I still do some days. You just have to continue to fight it.
Fight it everyday.

BetterCrazyThanLazy

I am 5'4.5 and 137 lbs and I started at 200 lbs. And yes, I feel the same way! There are days when I feel thin and trim but most days days I am totally grossed out by the reflection in the mirror and all I see is that fat girl. There are periods of time that I forget I am "normal" again. People with "fat past" definitely have lower self esteem and all kinds of emotional issues related to that.

I can't say it will pass and I don't know if it will get better but we need to work on it somehow.

Good luck!

edited for spelling

Proyecto_AN

You look AMAZING.

Enigmatica

Been there done that. To me, I looked the same at 120 pounds as I did at 220 pounds: fat & ugly =(

About 4 years of therapy later I can now see and appreciate the positive changes I've made with my body. It's interesting how much our perception can be distorted just by what we've learned to believe, and how it can change when what we believe changes.

zaidr

I deal with the same exact thing. I'm 5"8' 132. I still see myself at 200. People don't always understand. They think you look great, and you should think you do too. So why don't you? It's HARD not to still see that person. I still do some days. You just have to continue to fight it.
Fight it everyday.

girls are crazy, your beautiful and absolutely ridiculously crazy for thinking otherwise!

californiagirl2012

Hey there! So, I've had rock-bottom self esteem since I was a little kid. I was always bullied, tormented and teased as a result of my weight and height; in school I was always the biggest and tallest girl. I've grown up since then, and I've lost 50 lbs in the past 2 years, and despite being in the "normal" weight category, with a BMI of 24 (5'9", 144 lbs), I just can't shed the feelings I had when I was bigger, and when I was being ridiculed all the time. I've never really gotten over it. On some days, I wake up and prance around in front of the mirror feeling all proud and confident, and on others I just see the same ol' fat girl. I'm afraid I'll never shed this feeling. I do tend to pick myself apart a lot, and to put myself down a lot (often without realizing it, or without even meaning to), and I've been accused on several occasions of having "body dysmorphia", which I'm fairly certain is just another term for "****ty self esteem". It's tough to forgive and forget things that meant so much, and that hurt so much, when you were younger and more fragile. I guess what I'm getting at in this post is, well, does anyone else feel this way? Are you average in stature, but see yourself as some kind of monster?

I genuinely do find the topic fascinating, and I think that sharing this with others will help me to understand why I think this way as well.

I've been overweight and obese most of my life so when I lost the weight at age 50 and became super fit I felt like an imposter in my own body. I started dreading the attention I got everywhere I went, and the shock it gave everyone who hadn't seen me in a while, or even those I work with who watched me go through the transformation. It takes awhile for the mind to catch up to what the body has done. It's been over a year and I'm just now accepting this is the real me. Others around me accept it now too. It's really not a big deal anymore. This is just who I am and all I really want now is to help others achieve their own goals.

It just takes time and it's a tricky time as you go through the adjustment. You don't want to self sabotage yourself into going back. Get help if you need it. Find friends who have gone through the transformation and were able to stick with it, maintain, and not go back.

This is the very reason I think that surgery would be an incredibly hard thing to over come emotionally. Already, even though weight loss the "normal" way is hard and slow, the mind adjustment is still much slower than the fat loss. It is pretty weird.

Congratulations that you achieved it! I bet you are quite beautiful. I can't imagine what it would be like to be so tall. I'm only 5'1"

tashaa1992

I have body dismorphia, alot of it stems from my eating disorder and while I am now a healthy weight for my height, I can't seem to shake this feeling. Over the last few days, it has gotten a little better, I can look at myself and not feel hatred and anger towards my body. Everyone tells you you're small but you just don't buy it, you feel like a whale. It affects my day to day life, when I'm feeling bad towards my body I can't walk out of my door. I've tried various techniques but nothing's ever really worked, so I don't really have any advice, I just want you to know you're not alone in this xxx

oregonzoo

I deal with the same exact thing. I'm 5"8' 132. I still see myself at 200. People don't always understand. They think you look great, and you should think you do too. So why don't you? It's HARD not to still see that person. I still do some days. You just have to continue to fight it.
Fight it everyday.

girls are crazy, your beautiful and absolutely ridiculously crazy for thinking otherwise!

Well thank you. I know there is no logic to this disorder. None whatsoever. But it's real, and for those who have issues with it it is devastating.
Especially because it IS so crazy. Especially because it doesn't make sense. Not to anybody we know. Not even to us sometimes. You don't know how much we wish we could look in the mirror and see what others do.

limesublime

Body dysmorphia can be described as difficulty seeing your body for what it is; "morphing" the visual image through your cognitive perceptions of yourself. NOT ****ty self esteem, but a tendency to focus on perceived flaws while ignoring the parts that don't cause you psychic distress.

One exercise that may be useful to you is to hang out in front of the mirror and consciously focus on the parts of your body that don't bug you. Even if it is hard to find something you're OK with, really level with yourself. Maybe say it out loud - "I have great ankles. My ankles are perfect and I love the way they look" etc... If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, try to notice that you are doing that, let it go, and re-focus on appreciating the parts that you are ok with. With time, hopefully your list of "ok" parts will get longer and it will become easier to not fixate on trouble spots.

limesublime

I deal with the same exact thing. I'm 5"8' 132. I still see myself at 200. People don't always understand. They think you look great, and you should think you do too. So why don't you? It's HARD not to still see that person. I still do some days. You just have to continue to fight it.
Fight it everyday.

girls are crazy, your beautiful and absolutely ridiculously crazy for thinking otherwise!

Girls are crazy lol, guys can have body dysmorphia too. It just tends to be in the "I'm too skinny/not buff enough" realm. And I gotta say, there is a reason that girls may be more insecure about their bodies. Girls get a lot more pressure to be pretty/sexy/fit than guys from society as a whole

joeysox

its best to seek medical advice, as i said before low self esteem and body dysmorphia are both terrible but body dysmorphia is a mental illness its very different it isnt just about disliking your body, if you think you may have it you need to see a doctor x

opuntia

I find a lot of people, especially women, dislike their body, and generally see themselves as fat and ugly. I don't experience this, because I don't think a lot about what I look like - my focus tends to be more internal - and I've found that, as a female, I'm very unusual in this.

Body dysmorphia is different, and more specific, and you'd have to have a diagnostic test to see if you have this. But if it's just the general feeling of being fat and ugly that lots of women have, you could have some CBT, which will make you challenge the logic behind your thoughts, and so gradually change your thoughts about yourself.

Aviva92

despite being in the "normal" weight category, with a BMI of 24 (5'9", 144 lbs)

that's a BMI of 21.3, not 24.

Meg_78

You just described my life.

Though I have never been over weight, I have always been underweight, and teased for it, so all I usually see is skin and bones, and loose skin and a bloated belly. These days I am a lot better on myself than I used to be, I still have a bit of a "fake it till I make it mentality...."

I know what I see isn't the same a what everyone else sees. But it is still tough some days.

MinMin97

I'm the opposite. My brain thinks I am fit and trim. I have to look in the mirror to realize, I still need to trim off some fat!

sarahrbraun

Body dysmorphia can be described as difficulty seeing your body for what it is; "morphing" the visual image through your cognitive perceptions of yourself. NOT ****ty self esteem, but a tendency to focus on perceived flaws while ignoring the parts that don't cause you psychic distress.

One exercise that may be useful to you is to hang out in front of the mirror and consciously focus on the parts of your body that don't bug you. Even if it is hard to find something you're OK with, really level with yourself. Maybe say it out loud - "I have great ankles. My ankles are perfect and I love the way they look" etc... If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts, try to notice that you are doing that, let it go, and re-focus on appreciating the parts that you are ok with. With time, hopefully your list of "ok" parts will get longer and it will become easier to not fixate on trouble spots.

THIS^^^

I am 5'2" tall and 198lbs. 18 years ago I was 135lbs and wanted to lose 10lbs, but I got pregnant I haven't been the same since.

In the last 9 months I have lost 30lbs, and am on my way to getting back to a healthy weight. In the process I have found muscles in my arms/shoulders that I never had before. It sounds so conceited, but I LOVE the way my arms look when I flex my muscles...and I love watching myself do pull ups in the mirror! Now I just need to find *something* to work my lower belly...