Curious on how you see this...

kit_katty
kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
in Chit-Chat
Ok, so I take a commuter train into Toronto (GO train). I'm always in the same car and it's very quiet, a lot of people catch some more sleep on the train.

This morning there was a loud business gentleman (at least in his 40s) and a lady about the same age, he was quite loud, though she spoke more quietly. They were the only ones talking.

I got their attention and politely asked them to talk more softly as a lof of people were trying to sleep (myself included).

I mentioned this to a friend who said that it was a public train, what right did I have to ask them to do that? My point is that they weren't being considerate and I was polite.

So I'm curious what others thing.
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Replies

  • randomtai
    randomtai Posts: 9,003 Member
    Depends on how it was taken.. A lot of times people think they are being polite when they are really being a**hats.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Who are you to deem what is "being considerate"? Was he jumping around and shouting? Some people just have naturally loud voices that carry. Unless he was being boisterous or otherwise a nuisance, no, I don't believe you had any right to tell him to quiet down. It's not a sleeping car, it's a commuter car. It's not his fault that people decide to use it as a sleeping car and he's choosing not to.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Go to bed earlier if you want more sleep.

    I think that you did was more rude/inconsiderate then anything he did.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    I don't see any harm in asking if they would not be so loud as a favor. But because they have no real obligation to, I would also see no problem if they decided not to heed your request.

    The way I see it is they were not being inconsiderate. If they don't frequent the sleepy car, like you said - how would they have any idea that people use it for nappy time? so they behaved as they would in any other car.
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
    Ugh Ive been there..Toronto subways are the worst thats why i avoid taking them. But even the buses....alot of the times I get very annoying teens who feel they must speak as loud as they can. I have to bite my tongue because it IS public transit. They only time Ill say something is if they are cussing up a storm...Im usually out with my children so I ask them to watch their language and be more respectful around kids.
  • 126siany
    126siany Posts: 1,386 Member
    When I commuted, it was on a private bus line which prohibited cell phone use. That pretty well stopped almost all talking since most folks commute alone. Nearly everyone slept, although there were a few folks pounding out emails on their Blackberries or smartphones. Occasionally if there were bad traffic delays, people would make quick, very hushed calls to inform their boss or family that they would arrive late.

    On public transportation, you don't have that luxury. It's OK to ask people to be quieter, but they aren't under any obligation to comply.
  • Jenny_Taylia
    Jenny_Taylia Posts: 540 Member
    And you also have to take into consideration one of them might have a hearing problem. If the loud one cant hear well he may end up talking louder than he think he is...or the quiet one might have a hard time hearing so he has to speak up or her to hear him .....just a thought.
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
    While you may have been polite in asking - it is a public train and he wasn't sleepy and wanted to chat with his friend/co-worker! While the train you usually frequent is often quiet - its not deemed a "Quiet Car" so people can talk as loud as they want.

    Depending on my mood - I may have tried to keep it down (if I notice people are trying to sleep I would anyway) but if I was in a bad mood - "Kiss my *kitten* chick - I do what I want". :/
  • Tony_Brewski
    Tony_Brewski Posts: 1,376 Member
    Go to bed earlier if you want more sleep.

    I think that you did was more rude/inconsiderate then anything he did.

    I come from a small community myself were politeness is a way of life, and this statement I have to agree with. If you have to SLEEP ON A TRAIN on your way to work you are obviously staying up WAY too late like some snot nosed prepubecent puke kid that thinks they can take on the world with one hand tied behind their back. And the fact that your profile picture is the glow in the dark booze says to me you like to party way too much. Save the drinking for the weekends and not work days kid. Go to bed and get yourself at least 8 hours of sleep.

    DONE
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Intresting. I will definitely keep what everyone's said in mind. I was raised to be overly considerate of other people. I wouldn't dream of talking loudly if there was literally no one else talking.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
    Intresting. I will definitely keep what everyone's said in mind. I was raised to be overly considerate of other people. I wouldn't dream of talking loudly if there was literally no one else talking.

    There was 2 people talking correct?

    How were they in the wrong?
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
    You asked two complete strangers to stop talking in a public space? Yikes

    What was their reaction? They must have thought you were joking or something...
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Go to bed earlier if you want more sleep.

    I think that you did was more rude/inconsiderate then anything he did.

    I come from a small community myself were politeness is a way of life, and this statement I have to agree with. If you have to SLEEP ON A TRAIN on your way to work you are obviously staying up WAY too late like some snot nosed prepubecent puke kid that thinks they can take on the world with one hand tied behind their back. And the fact that your profile picture is the glow in the dark booze says to me you like to party way too much. Save the drinking for the weekends and not work days kid. Go to bed and get yourself at least 8 hours of sleep.

    DONE

    Wow. This is a polite way to communicate one's opinion!
    They need to have more "quiet" trains. I once asked a quy to quit screaming on the train once. He was actually screaming at some boys and was right above me. It was weird. I was the ONLY white person on the train so obviously I was racist.
    Regardless of the fact that people had been rolling their eyes for over 10 mins at his tirade that was completely uncalled for.
    They accused me of being apart of the KKK before the next stop! Ridiculous!

    I'd just be wary as you never know one's reaction.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Intresting. I will definitely keep what everyone's said in mind. I was raised to be overly considerate of other people. I wouldn't dream of talking loudly if there was literally no one else talking.

    There was 2 people talking correct?

    How were they in the wrong?

    I didn't say they were wrong, I said they were being inconsiderate.They were disturbing most of the people on the train because they were talking so loudly. How was their conversation more important than everyone else on the train? That's just how I look at it.
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
    Intresting. I will definitely keep what everyone's said in mind. I was raised to be overly considerate of other people. I wouldn't dream of talking loudly if there was literally no one else talking.

    Now if he was talking loudly on his cell phone - I could see being a bit more irratated. Still probably wouldn't say anything - but talking loud on a cell can just be annoying regardless if people are sleeping/reading/relaxing in teh same car/area. However, he was talking to another person. While she may have been more soft spoken - there was a conversation between two people on teh same car. I don't see anything inconsiderate about that. :/
  • wareagle8706
    wareagle8706 Posts: 1,090 Member
    Some people just have naturally loud voices that carry.

    I have a feeling you're one of those people.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    Intresting. I will definitely keep what everyone's said in mind. I was raised to be overly considerate of other people. I wouldn't dream of talking loudly if there was literally no one else talking.

    Now if he was talking loudly on his cell phone - I could see being a bit more irratated. Still probably wouldn't say anything - but talking loud on a cell can just be annoying regardless if people are sleeping/reading/relaxing in teh same car/area. However, he was talking to another person. While she may have been more soft spoken - there was a conversation between two people on teh same car. I don't see anything inconsiderate about that. :/

    I get what you're saying, my entire point was simply that the conversation was much louder than it needed to be. How hard is it to talk a bit more softly? Assuming of course that neither of them was hard of hearing. And considering they did lower their voices afterwards, that didn't seem to be the case.
  • Erienneb
    Erienneb Posts: 592 Member
    On public transportation, you don't have that luxury. It's OK to ask people to be quieter, but they aren't under any obligation to comply.


    This is super true. I would never ask someone to be quiet (mostly because I can sleep through anything and I have serious confrontation issues) but I have asked someone to stop swearing once when little kids were around. That's about it though. I mind my own business and let people do what they want.
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    It's a public place...they are allowed to talk and I wouldn't have asked them to quiet down. But being a train commuter as well I can relate to how annoying it is to have someone sitting in your train car that's loud. LOL....one night I heard more then I wanted to know about a fellow commuters prostate ewwwww. Anyway...my train line (in Chicago) has recently instituted a designated 'quiet car' on the morning and evening commuter trains. And god help you if you even yawn too loudly in this car....the passengers will eat you!!!!!!:noway:
  • doorki
    doorki Posts: 2,576 Member
    There are unofficial quite trains on the metro-north lines into Manhattan on the really early trains - like 5 am - 7am. The conductors turn down the lights and, if they are around, point out to people using the phone or having conversations that everyone else is resting. I see no problem with this. Some people do not have the option of getting more sleep or, for some, it is an early enough hour that they would prefer to grab some shuteye while staying stationary in the train. Asking once, politely, that someone perhaps try to lower to voice out of consideration for the rest of the car is not out of bounds.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    There are unofficial quite trains on the metro-north lines into Manhattan on the really early trains - like 5 am - 7am. The conductors turn down the lights and, if they are around, point out to people using the phone or having conversations that everyone else is resting. I see no problem with this. Some people do not have the option of getting more sleep or, for some, it is an early enough hour that they would prefer to grab some shuteye while staying stationary in the train. Asking once, politely, that someone perhaps try to lower to voice out of consideration for the rest of the car is not out of bounds.

    Thank you. From what I've seen, these are unofficial quiet trains as well, I take the 7am train, which starts even earlier as I'm a good third of the way along the train line. For the 3 months I've been on the train, it's extremely rare for anyone to be talking at all and if they do, it's quite hushed. Before I said anything I looked around and even from my seat I could see a lot of people sleeping and politely asked once. I didn't think that was out of line, they may not have originally noticed but obviously they did after I mentioned it as they quieted down.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Some people just have naturally loud voices that carry.

    I have a feeling you're one of those people.

    I'm so transparent.
  • SeaChele77
    SeaChele77 Posts: 1,103 Member
    Intresting. I will definitely keep what everyone's said in mind. I was raised to be overly considerate of other people. I wouldn't dream of talking loudly if there was literally no one else talking.

    Now if he was talking loudly on his cell phone - I could see being a bit more irratated. Still probably wouldn't say anything - but talking loud on a cell can just be annoying regardless if people are sleeping/reading/relaxing in teh same car/area. However, he was talking to another person. While she may have been more soft spoken - there was a conversation between two people on teh same car. I don't see anything inconsiderate about that. :/

    I get what you're saying, my entire point was simply that the conversation was much louder than it needed to be. How hard is it to talk a bit more softly? Assuming of course that neither of them was hard of hearing. And considering they did lower their voices afterwards, that didn't seem to be the case.

    I do understand what you are saying....it would be annoying and frustrating to have to listen to others' converstation when the rest of the car is quiet. However, the point being, asking them to talk softer can come off just a rude. Its public transportation and often listening to loud people is the price we have to pay.
  • mommyhof3
    mommyhof3 Posts: 551 Member
    I was brought up to be considerate and I am bringing my kids up that way also. We don't do something that will annoy or interfere in what others are doing. I would have been right along with you asking them to please lower their voices. If they chose not to then that is their choice. I see no harm in asking nicely though.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    I've done much the same in a very nice restaurant where a man proceeded to take out and try every ringtone on his new mobile phone to choose one. I just think it's common courtesy to respect the other people around you, speak more quietly, don't be a *kitten*...As long as you did it politely then you were in the right!
  • vim_n_vigor
    vim_n_vigor Posts: 4,089 Member
    The early morning commute lines do tend to have more of an expectation of quiet. I don't see any problem with asking them if they could talk at a lower level. Expecting them to follow through on the request or repeatedly making it would be rude though. When I had to take early morning flights for work, I had headphones on to keep out the noise.
  • kit_katty
    kit_katty Posts: 992 Member
    I've done much the same in a very nice restaurant where a man proceeded to take out and try every ringtone on his new mobile phone to choose one. I just think it's common courtesy to respect the other people around you, speak more quietly, don't be a *kitten*...As long as you did it politely then you were in the right!

    To me it's the same thing, just common courtesty to respect those around you. I was polite when I asked.
  • newcs
    newcs Posts: 717 Member
    And you also have to take into consideration one of them might have a hearing problem. If the loud one cant hear well he may end up talking louder than he think he is...or the quiet one might have a hard time hearing so he has to speak up or her to hear him .....just a thought.

    I agree with this answer - I have friends and relatives who cannot hear/understand me unless I raise my voice. I also agree that it's fine if you politely ask someone to speak more quietly but at the same time, they have the right to choose to or not. Personally I would keep to using my "inside voice" but I'm also often overly considerate.
  • april_khalia
    april_khalia Posts: 37 Member
    A closed mouth doesnt get fed. It is absolutley ok to ask some one to be quiet. However it is ok for them to say no.
  • sunshine_gem
    sunshine_gem Posts: 390 Member
    As others have said, if it's not a designated quiet car then yeah you can ask, if it's bothering you that much but they don't have to comply and may view you as rude. I would. 2 people in a public place having a conversation is not being rude. It's called living life. I regularly get an early train so I do know what you're talking about but still, it's a public place, if there are no rules then you don't really have any right to dictate what you think others should do just because you were raised a certain way. I get irritated by people on the trains so I just wear headphones and listen to music. Problem solved.

    You also talk about common courtesy. In what way? Was what they were discussing inappropriate or just a general conversation? If it was a general conversation then honestly, I think you were wrong. If it was rude, inappropriate or loud and disruptive then that's not so bad.

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