How to deal with a breakup

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  • Tyffany76
    Tyffany76 Posts: 9 Member
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    I'm a psychiatric nurse and with a mental health issue or not (not me), the feeling of a break up is still devastating. What I can tell you from what you've said about his recent behaviour and his history, is that it doesn't look like it will be an easy road for you if you stay with him. Just remember that if he is predisposed to a mental health issue and is saying/doing the things you've just said, and is going to be seen, there is an issue. I've been working in mental health for almost 11 years...on the front lines, in emergency, etc...and lots of family members come to see their relatives in hospital but that does not mean that because they have a history, they need to be seen for a "prepsychotic disorder." In no way am I trying to tell you what to do, BUT look at what your future will look like. People who have mental health issues are not the easiest to deal with on an occasional basis, imagine on a 24/7 basis? I have that "I will stick around and when he gets better, we'll be better" gene too, but honestly, that takes a VERY long time to happen, IF it does, and when you throw in mental health issues, that's a whole different story. He sounds considerate enough to let you know how he feels. Take that as a blessing. Unless you're willing & ready to stop your life whenever he becomes very ill, there's nothing you can do.

    You're going through the normal stages of grief. Let it happen, but if you feel unsafe, see someone. It helps to talk it out and even just go for a walk. Join something that'll keep you busy once a week or so, and change up your goals so that you are relying on yourself, not anyone else. Don't waste all your hard work and sacrifice at school, for something that may never be what you wanted. One thing I know is that when I went to school, I started to rely on myself vs my boyfriend. I learned and got to know myself and realized he was not the one I wanted to be with anymore....after 9.5 years. It was hard, I felt bad but we are both in a better place and are friends now. I couldn't give him what he wanted and he deserved that much. Hope you take care of yourself!!!
  • julesboots
    julesboots Posts: 311 Member
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    I think he might need a friend if you can still be that for him. In the meantime, take good care of yourself, and be open to other possibilities. If he gets help and is halped and it works for the two of you to get back together, that's just a bonus. BUT...You can't stop living while you wait to find out what happens. I don't mean to imply it's easy and you must have a broken heart, but take care of yourself or you will beno good to you, him, or anyone else.

    Sorry you are going through this and hope it resolves quickly for you.

    Barb

    I am a mental health counselor (therapist) and I say NO to this, no offense but this is terrible advice and is not in her best interest.


    Agree with the mental health professional here. I had a break-up for similar reasons at your age. He had a fast onset, and it was devastating. Zero contact was hard after 3 years, but was absolutely for the best.
  • enewsome2
    enewsome2 Posts: 355 Member
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    I have one ex who is addicted to drugs, one who tried to commit suicide in front of me, and my ex husband is both very mentally and physically ill. (And I think I may have a problem with dating men who are "needing to be saved" and I realise this, and am striving not to let it happen again.)

    It is very hard. Any breakup is. But it is especially hard when that person is going through a rough time.

    I agree with other posters who say you need to slowly cut contact until it's gone. It can be hard, but it is for the best. My ex husband is my most recent breakup (he cheated on me with a mutual friend literally through the whole marriage, so I left), and for the first couple of weeks, I was devastated. I turned to my family and friends, talked when I needed to, and have been focusing on myself. Now, I am happier than ever. You should find some hobbies or activities to do as well. I have been hiking and camping a lot lately, and being in nature really seems to center me.

    Also, I am not religious, but I often will meditate and try to send positive energy to my ex and his family. I know some people would say it was a load of crock, but it certainly helps me.

    All in all, keep your head up, and realise that it will get better. ((hugs))

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