Biggest, surprising non-supporter you've run into....

kinrsa

My parents- they tell me I'm too thin if I get near a mid-range healthy BMI.

It amuses me because my mom had an eating disorder when she was a model and my dad is the reason I can't eat mayo or salad dressing- he told me they were "fat people food" when I was 11. You'd think they'd want a kid in the healthy range. But I ended up with an eating disorder as a teenager so I guess they get nervous any time my weight changes at all.

Culley34

I find this to be an interesting topic and it's not the first time I've seen it tossed around here.

Here's my two cents on a deeper level: Be very careful about letting people in your life that don't want the absolute best for you.

pandoraw

My adult daughter is my biggest non-supporter.

bcf7683

I could have written your post. Only my MIL hasn't said a WORD about my losing almost 50lbs. She sends my kids home from her house with bags of candy (Yes. Each of them gets a full bag of candy like you would buy for trick or treaters almost weekly-we throw it out.) And she cooks the most revolting mayonaise slathered crap I've ever seen. Followed by mountains of dessert of course. Thankfully I work 2nd shift, so I'm able to avoid a lot of get togethers. But I'm always throwing away leftovers when I get home.

Ya, she hasn't said anything to me either, except that I'm too skinny now. Which is ironic because I still have about 4-5% body fat to lose until I'm near "too skinny".

bcf7683

I could have written your post. Only my MIL hasn't said a WORD about my losing almost 50lbs. She sends my kids home from her house with bags of candy (Yes. Each of them gets a full bag of candy like you would buy for trick or treaters almost weekly-we throw it out.) And she cooks the most revolting mayonaise slathered crap I've ever seen. Followed by mountains of dessert of course. Thankfully I work 2nd shift, so I'm able to avoid a lot of get togethers. But I'm always throwing away leftovers when I get home.

Ya, she hasn't said anything to me either, except that I'm too skinny now. Which is ironic because I still have about 4-5% body fat to lose until I'm near "too skinny".

...and the candy thing is disgusting. And trying way too hard. Too bad she's wasting her money on that and not investing it in to something worthwhile for your kids.

supplemama

Tell her this: Oh my goodness, you work so hard cooking such wonderful dinners I feel terrible not contributing. So I made this to add to the meal! and bring a fruit salad or something. Plop a big serving on a plate for her, then act all offended if she doesn't want to eat it LOL.

Just kidding about the last part but seriously bring food to eat or eat before going so you're not tempted over there, and then just have a bit to eat over there so as not to seem rude. She can't physically force you to eat all that stuff, so don't sweat it. Understand this is about her own issues and truly has nothing to do with you, so don't take it personally. Pity her, and let your anger toward her go.

Deipneus

Sounds like my mother-in-law. She tells both my wife and I we're too skinny! She is about 5 foot nothing and 90 pounds herself! I take whatever is served, I just don't take very much.

SMiller074

OMG my MIL does the SAME thing! Husband thought I was crazy at first, but I was sure she was doing it on purpose. Although, she is nothing but complementary about my weight loss, she can talk out of both sides of her mouth sometimes (and I know she used to call me fat behind my back before I lost the weight).

I just stopped going every weekend. Cut it down to just a few times a month. I don't need to be seeing my inlaws that much anyway.. >.>

tekwriter

Taking a good dish over is a great idea. The other thing you can do is out "kind" her. Say something like I knew wouldn't mind since you are a weight watcher yourself, I knew you would be supportive. Try to say positive things. You will either win her over or at least in the long run your fiance will see how hard you have tried without getting a result.

maggiemay22467

Make a side dish like a salad and take it so you will have something to eat. I think it would make her feel good if you help with the dinner with her not knowing it is really helping you. Make a suger free dessert she might like it.

HermioneDanger118

My mother is like that, kind of. She doesn't make super unhealthy food anymore. Both my brother and I are dieting so she's kind of changed what she's been making to fit our restrictions.

However before I started dieting, or while I was trying to diet before I got into MFP, my mother(who has been overweight since as long as I can remember), would constantly come up to me and tell me that we needed to seriously diet and lose weight together. I was more than okay with this. It's easier to lose weight when you've got someone to do it with you to support you and keep you motivated and honest with your diet.

But the next day after having that conversation with me, she'd come home from the store with junk food. Chips, danishes, cinnamon buns, chocolate. So much unhealthy stuff. So I'd look at her and ask her why she got all this if we're going to diet together, and she says "it's not for you. It's for me."

Let me get this straight, mom. You want to diet with me, but you want to eat all this while doing it? No. It doesn't work that way. My mom works all the time so she never even has time to exercise. She doesn't really come up to me anymore saying we should diet because I've been dieting and she knows I've been losing weight. I don't think she's ever gunna actually diet herself. She says she will but she just works too often and eats super unhealthy food.

I just hope my losing weight can motivate her(and some of my other family, like cousins, aunts, and uncles) to lose weight. Most of my family on my mother's side is overweight.


But yeah, my advice here is, talk to her about it and what's bothering you. If she continues to make food like this, go over for dinner but just eat much less than usual, and turn down dessert. If she tries to get you to eat more and more, just avoid going over. If she's not going to support your weight loss, then don't even bother. I avoid going to family dinners sometimes when they tell me what they're making and it's unhealthy food that I'd rather not eat.

Good luck. (:

I'm totally in the same boat. I'm living at home right now and with 50-60lbs to my goal weight, I'm the smallest in my family. My mom was all like, "we should do this together," then she brings home chocolate cake and tempts me with our favorite Italian restaurant. She says it isn't bad if it's a treat but if it's all the time it's not a treat!

JennPrebs

I usually try to keep my dieting and weight loss my business and refuse things i know i shouldn't eat, i just hate when my family makes comments l(my older cousins that yo yo al the time) well Jennifer you exercise all the time and barely eat why are you still so big? It's so rude when I don't even bring it up, I just grin and say " well it takes time i cant lose 75 lbs in 2 months"

Amlong1977

She sounds like a b*tch! My first approach would be talking to her & letting her know how you honestly feel, without being too hateful. Next I would try the contributing thing. Bring a healthy but tasty side & dessert. If they like banana cream pie skinny taste has an AWESOME recipe! Or what about inviting them to your house? Maybe that could be an every other Sunday thing & you could win her over with a great HEALTHY meal. If that doesn't work then I'd flat out tell her that you appreciate the invite, but it's just not in the best interest of your health. I have a MIL that I absolutely hate! I've lost 97 lbs & my sister in law has lost 70 something, even my husband has lost 30 something & she said absolutely nothing to any of us, but says to my brother in law (the favorite son) that he looks like he's lost weight. WTF?!?! If anything he's gained. I don't expect her support & have learned after 16 years that she's a complete idiot & I avoid her at all costs. My husband & kids are more than welcome to go see Ger anytime they want, but I quit subjecting myself to the torture quite a few years ago. Good luck! Let us know what happens!

Amlong1977

I usually try to keep my dieting and weight loss my business and refuse things i know i shouldn't eat, i just hate when my family makes comments l(my older cousins that yo yo al the time) well Jennifer you exercise all the time and barely eat why are you still so big? It's so rude when I don't even bring it up, I just grin and say " well it takes time i cant lose 75 lbs in 2 months"

I'd have to slap a b*tch! Lol

Amlong1977

Taking a good dish over is a great idea. The other thing you can do is out "kind" her. Say something like I knew wouldn't mind since you are a weight watcher yourself, I knew you would be supportive. Try to say positive things. You will either win her over or at least in the long run your fiance will see how hard you have tried without getting a result.

^^^ GREAT IDEA!

SHHitsKaty

I've run into quite a lot of non supportive people when I decide to start living healthy and taking care of myself. It can be people I work with, my friends, even my own Mom. I honestly feel like they'd rather you just stay negative, be unhappy with yourself, eat like crap and drink constantly like they do so that they don't feel so bad about themselves. It's hard when your own Mom is giving you crap saying 'you aren't fun anymore..' because I'm not binge drinking 4 nights a week with her.

I also work with some fairly obese and extremely overweight people who constantly comment about how small I am or how tiny I look. First off, I'm NOT small, I'm not fat, but I'm also not small, that's why I'm working out and eating better, it's rude. I wouldn't walk up to them and tell them how huge they look, they don't need to make comments about me.