Advice on helping my 11 year old lose weight

Deathofafatgirl

My son is 11 years old and weighs 225lbs. He is 5'7. Both myself and my husband have had weight issues our whole life as well as medical problems caused by obesity. I don't want my son to grow up like we have. But I also dont want to hurt his self esteem and self image of himself like my family brutally tore mine up my entire life. Can anyone recommend a way to talk to him and do it in a way that's not going to be mean. I have tried before as well as my husband and it just doesnt seem to stick. We have tried talking to his pediatrician, who recommended a nutritionist, who told us basically. Yes hes fat, cut out the junk food, get him involved in sports, stop enabling him. We have done that and he will stick with it for a week then give up and say he cant do it. We have started and stopped diets for the last year but he just doesn't think there is anything wrong with being a big kid. He gets straight A's is basically a wonderful, social child but I am so worried about what kids will do and say to him in middle and high school. I grew up with bulling constantly over my weight in high school and learned to fight my way out of the humiliation to where no one said anything out loud to me again. I had very few friends because of it and turned into a unsocial loner. I don't want this for him. Anyone that can offer advice on how to talk to him without his self esteem getting funked up in the process?

truddy6647

question? do you make home cooked meals or processed foods? If you were to do home cooked meals you could alter the cals on those meals. Also does he have any other medical issues, does you or your husband have any medical issues ie thyroid, PCOS, IBS etc? If so switching to gluten free can help with a lot of things and will actually lower cal count too. As far as talking with him, I'm not sure how to approach it other than head on.

Skinny_Beans

He is 11. Of course he says he can't stick to it! But he's obese and besides bullying, this is a medical concern. Have you talked to the dietitian about foods he would like that are balanced-his favorite vegetables and fruits, maybe make homemade granola bars at home with him, or go on long family walks/bike rides?

Deathofafatgirl

I only do homemade food now, very little processed food and although I monitor what he easts at home he sneaks and will eat crap at friends houses or places I cant control as much. I had type2 diabetes and high blood pressure and have just recently gotten off all medications. My husband is still on both. We have a history of obesity, diabetes, HBP, and heart disease that runs through both of our families. I did get the info from our nutritionalist and have stuck to it at home as best as our budget will allow. We have tried getting him to walk, play a sport or get off his butt and move around and like I said before he will do great for a week then stop. Both my husband and I work 40+ hours a week and have switch shifts so its difficult for us to keep at it with him as well.

VanillaBone

Control the home environment as much as you can; you said you're providing healthy food at home, which is so important. Maybe chuck the TV and video games, if he has access to them. He will probably drive you up the wall for about three weeks, but just keep encouraging him to go outside and entertain himself. I bet he'll find something active to do.

I'm dealing with a similar problem, so I understand that you want to encourage him to help himself, but I don't know if there's a way to do that without crushing him. I guess it just depends on how sensitive he is.

mabelbabel1

You say you have started and stopped diets for the lasat year....I would suggest that you're looking at it the wrong way.

It's not about being on a diet, it's about eating good, healthy tasty and homemade food.....and plenty of it! You don't need to feel deprived or live on lettuce, you just need to make different choices.

Start by looking at what you buy and what you eat and start to make small changes, if you have large dinner plates, change them for plates which are slightly smaller, we eat with our eyes too and a full plate is much more satisfying than a half empty one.
No one food in itself is bad necessarily, it's how much and how often.

Exercise can be incorporated into everyday family life without it seeming like a big deal, going out and doing things together in the fresh air where you're moving about will all help.

Take it one step at a time and you will be suprised at the difference these small changes can make. You have to take responsibilty and be consistent in what you do.

Skinny_Beans

Maybe, sign him up for a school or community sport and don't let him quit? Tough love? I wish I could help more

LoraF83

He is 11. Of course he says he can't stick to it! But he's obese and besides bullying, this is a medical concern. Have you talked to the dietitian about foods he would like that are balanced-his favorite vegetables and fruits, maybe make homemade granola bars at home with him, or go on long family walks/bike rides?

I agree with this. Kids have a hard time seeing the "big picture" and sticking to something that seems difficult or impossible. Your job as mom is to not let him give up.

I agree with the nutritionist - get him active, swap junk for healthy food, and you'll see results. Don't make it about a "diet" - but make it about your entire family being healthy. Keep fruit and veggies for snacks. Air popped popcorn, nuts, jerky, and yogurt. Make homemade, lower calorie dinners and give him his portion - don't let him serve himself. Go for family walks or play basketball in the park. Get a Wii and play active games together a few times a week.

Lead the way and he will follow. I can guarantee this - my 4 year old loves to show off how she "exercises" by doing pushups for everyone she meets. She likes to eat fruit because it's "healthy." She goes for short runs with me. She does all this because I am doing it and I've made it fun for our family to be active. And I never even said the word diet. She's always been a healthy weight (luckily) but I'm just helping ensure that it stays that way.

truddy6647

I only do homemade food now, very little processed food and although I monitor what he easts at home he sneaks and will eat crap at friends houses or places I cant control as much. I had type2 diabetes and high blood pressure and have just recently gotten off all medications. My husband is still on both. We have a history of obesity, diabetes, HBP, and heart disease that runs through both of our families. I did get the info from our nutritionalist and have stuck to it at home as best as our budget will allow. We have tried getting him to walk, play a sport or get off his butt and move around and like I said before he will do great for a week then stop. Both my husband and I work 40+ hours a week and have switch shifts so its difficult for us to keep at it with him as well.

I can relate with the budget thing. Times are tight for most of us.

what about taking him out to do things that are fun but also exercise.... roller skating/blading......wii fit challanges....or wii dance off (if you have a wii).... basically finding something that gets him moving that he likes too. And you are right it is hard to control what he has when he goes to someone else home.

Koldnomore

At 11 it is going to be hard as hella to change a child's habits without some serious dedication. He is now used to the 'old way' and won't want to change - he will fight you tooth and nail but YOU are the parent and that weight is not healthy at his height at any age! Now..he's 11, so he hasn't hit his growth spurt yet, there's still hope he will lean out a little but this will not save him if his habits aren't under control by then.. I'm sure I'm going to get it for this but..

If he is buying junk food then stop giving him money.
If he is eating junk food at home then stop buying it.
If he sneaks it somewhere else then do not allow him to go there.
If he has a medical condition that is causing the weight gain then he needs medical help.

You can't force him to do anything but you need to stop enabling the behavior.

eatcleanNtraindirty

Enroll him in after school sports!!! Football, wrestling, SOCCER, or something he chooses! He has got to play sports as well as eat right to lose the weight.

supplemama

At 11 he has no job or independent source of income does he? You buy the food, you control the food. He can't eat what's not there. Buy no junk food, period. No pop/soda. Make as much of your meals as possible from scratch. For snacks, let him have as many fresh veggies and fruit that he wants. I guarantee you, he is not going to overeat apples and carrots and cucumber slices. Air-popped popcorn is another good snack, as are nuts. Don't even call it a diet, just this is what is for breakfast, lunch, etc.

He will likely still find a way to eat junk at school i.e trading with other kids, but even still there is only so much over-eating he can do at school. If you change the way your entire household eats, he will slim down before you know it.

DeniseBarone

Everyone is giving you good advice. Our pediatrician recommended that we participate in a program through Children's Hospital to educate my son on making healthy food choices and getting exercise. If your son got involved in a good group like Boy Scouts, he will be camping out a lot and doing all kinds of things that will help to keep him active, while you're working to provide him with healthy meals at home.

secretlobster

Make him better food choices at home, and to take to school for lunch. Sign him up for after school sports.

He's eleven, he doesn't need "tips" from you on how to lose weight, you are almost entirely in control of his health. These aren't his choices, they're yours.

HotMummyMission

Buy bikes all go on bike rides make it fun for him ban him of video games until a certain time x

SammyAlbon

Hey there, I think if you can control, as much as possible, what's in the cupboards at home etc. then you'll see results. I was big growing up, and I knew it was a problem. I did well in school and had loads of mates, but that's not the point. The point was being overweight as a teen was terrible - you shouldn't have to worry about the things I worried about - who was looking, what they were thinking, etc. It wasn't that extreme, but you get the gist.

I know what I needed at that age was someone to FORCE me to do it. I knew I needed to do it, but I was too embarrassed and self-conscious to say it - stupid, I know. You care for him and don't want him to be big, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to either. If you eat your meals together, and all stick to a program, I know I would have appreciated that! Maybe try cutting the carbs? Or cutting the calories? (At 11 we all like a chocolate bar of a bag of crisps, so carbs might not be the answer)

Ban him from the PC/Xbox on certain days, don't give him money to spend on food - I'm just saying things that would have helped me. If you do it together and stick with it, he'll accept it as normal and have no other choice, but LET him cheat, I think that's important. He's 11, so you can't expect him to stick with it!

Good luck

leiloob

Sign him up for wrestling....Lots of conditioning. I also NEVER keep pop in the house for my 4 kids.

JenniBaby85

If you make home cooked meals that's a step in the right direction. Other than that the best advice I have to offer is tough love. He eats what you feed him, or he doesn't eat. Not to sound mean at all, I hate hearing about kids who are bullied because and have low self esteem issues because of their weight.

He's a smart kid, so explain how healthy eating and an active life will improve his life. That you want whats best for him, and that's why you're doing this. Good luck!

lik_11

There is no good way to talk to him. My Mom had a "talk" with me when I was 16 about my weight. I'm still resentful about that talk. Lately- I've seen a woman in the gym with her (pre-teen) daughter, and I thought "She doesn't want a fat daughter". But- she's right there with this girl- exercising, coaching, doing it, too- which I believe is the best way possible to handle it.
You want your son to be active? Go for a walk and take him with you. (Don't ask- tell him.) Don't just sign him up for things and let him drop out. SHOW him by example how to be healthy. Do it with him, it will be good for the both of you!

truddy6647

If you make home cooked meals that's a step in the right direction. Other than that the best advice I have to offer is tough love. He eats what you feed him, or he doesn't eat. Not to sound mean at all, I hate hearing about kids who are bullied because and have low self esteem issues because of their weight.

He's a smart kid, so explain how healthy eating and an active life will improve his life. That you want whats best for him, and that's why you're doing this. Good luck!

this is what it was in my household, you ate what you were given or went hungry

ToughTulip

Make him better food choices at home, and to take to school for lunch. Sign him up for after school sports.

He's eleven, he doesn't need "tips" from you on how to lose weight, you are almost entirely in control of his health. These aren't his choices, they're yours.

Exactly!

And im sad that i'm much shorter than your 11 year old heh

BeingAwesome247

There isn't anything I can add that hasn't already been said

You control the food at home - worry less about friends' houses

Don't bring up dieting anymore

Enroll him in sports and encourage but don't force

Also at his age, it could just be the normal "chubby" phase and he'll lean out

Encourage healthy eating, have him participate in cooking the dinner even; don't keep junk food in the house
Encourage sports - doing activities together; limit tv & video game time

WinnerVictorious

My son is 11 years old and weighs 225lbs. He is 5'7. Both myself and my husband have had weight issues our whole life as well as medical problems caused by obesity. I don't want my son to grow up like we have. But I also dont want to hurt his self esteem and self image of himself like my family brutally tore mine up my entire life. Can anyone recommend a way to talk to him and do it in a way that's not going to be mean. I have tried before as well as my husband and it just doesnt seem to stick. We have tried talking to his pediatrician, who recommended a nutritionist, who told us basically. Yes hes fat, cut out the junk food, get him involved in sports, stop enabling him. We have done that and he will stick with it for a week then give up and say he cant do it. We have started and stopped diets for the last year but he just doesn't think there is anything wrong with being a big kid. He gets straight A's is basically a wonderful, social child but I am so worried about what kids will do and say to him in middle and high school. I grew up with bulling constantly over my weight in high school and learned to fight my way out of the humiliation to where no one said anything out loud to me again. I had very few friends because of it and turned into a unsocial loner. I don't want this for him. Anyone that can offer advice on how to talk to him without his self esteem getting funked up in the process?

if there's no junk in the house, he can't eat it. that's the first thing. i have an Aunt who was obsessed with her daughter's weight. my Aunt was skinny and the daughter was chubby. my Aunt was constantly on her about her weight and forcing her to eat different dinner items than the rest of the family. her daughter (my cousin) must have felt like she was being punished because of that. here's the rub. My Aunt would still have all sorts of snack/junk foods in the house for herself, my uncle, and my other cousin. of course, the overweight daughter would eat those too when my Aunt wasn't around. i watched them struggle and battle each other over that for years. it never was resolved. my cousin ended up having gastric bypass and i'm sure she's got lots of emotional scars from the struggle. she used to cut herself in her teen years. it was not my place to get involved in that when it was happening (i was late teens/early twenties), but now i'd pull my Aunt aside and tell her to knock off the criticism. don't buy junk food. don't have it in the house. lead by example. something like that i think is the best way to go. the child should NEVER know that the rest of the house has different eating rules than they do. at 11, they can't understand that and will think of it as punishment and the parents not loving them the same as other kids.

but i'm not a therapist or anything like that, so take this opinion for what you paid for it... exactly $0.00.

bpotts44

If you make home cooked meals that's a step in the right direction. Other than that the best advice I have to offer is tough love. He eats what you feed him, or he doesn't eat. Not to sound mean at all, I hate hearing about kids who are bullied because and have low self esteem issues because of their weight.

He's a smart kid, so explain how healthy eating and an active life will improve his life. That you want whats best for him, and that's why you're doing this. Good luck!

this is what it was in my household, you ate what you were given or went hungry

This is how our household is now. All the kids get schooled on carbs, proteins and fats while we eat dinner if they don't eat in porportion. The junk food is tightly controlled and is a rare treat. No juice, soda, or chips.

foleyshirley

At 11 it is going to be hard as hella to change a child's habits without some serious dedication. He is now used to the 'old way' and won't want to change - he will fight you tooth and nail but YOU are the parent and that weight is not healthy at his height at any age! Now..he's 11, so he hasn't hit his growth spurt yet, there's still hope he will lean out a little but this will not save him if his habits aren't under control by then.. I'm sure I'm going to get it for this but..

If he is buying junk food then stop giving him money.
If he is eating junk food at home then stop buying it.
If he sneaks it somewhere else then do not allow him to go there.
If he has a medical condition that is causing the weight gain then he needs medical help.

You can't force him to do anything but you need to stop enabling the behavior.

I agree with this. Also, talk to the other parents and let them know he should not be eating a bunch of junk there (don't know how that will go over, but if you know them well it might work).

dinosnopro

I'm not saying this in a bad way more of a helping way.

He is 11 you are the parent, someone allows him to over eat / under exercise. If he is sneaking food, it goes under lock and key. I have a friend that had to paddle lock their refrigerator because their son was on the same path.

If it is under exercising, then you need to limit if not remove any t.v.s gaming devices and things of that nature from his daily routine. The only time he should be sitting, from the time he gets home until the time he goes to bed, is when he is doing homework or eating.

He is eleven and overweight, Time is of the essence.

missytrishy

I think the first thing to do is to be a good rolemodel for him. If you don't want him to eat it or drink it then you and your husband shouldn't either. if you don't want him eating certain things, make sure you are grocery shopping weekly for fresh fruits and vegetables. Get him involved in cooking and baking with you. Cut out video game and tv time to a specific amount per day and go for family walks, bike rides, etc.

dadzpeach

When I was younger my parents had this rule that for every hour/minute of exercise I got, I could watch that same amount of tv... It was awful at first because before the rule I was watching 3 hours of tv a night. I had to exercise before the tv, but eventually it worked out...

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Buy bikes for the whole family and do things together on the weekend. If you can't make a regular sports schedule and don't have help getting him places find something that has various time slots that he can attend (like martial arts or a boxing gym . . . how cool would a boxing gym be to an 11 year old?). He has friends, see what his friends are doing and if their parents can help when you and the husband just can't get him to things. Food is only part of a healthy lifestyle and if you don't instill movement now he'll really have issues down the road. As far as "diet" it's not a "diet" it's your family's life style. You eat as a family and eat healthfully as a family, no crazy snacks laying about, but having healthy and yummy snacks available is an important part of the process. A little lemon juice helps fruit stay fresh and pre cut fruit or bite sized fruit and veggies (for some reason) seems to go faster with kids then whole fruits and veggies. My mom always kept convenient food around the house, but never convenience foods. If he's eating right at home by having the right foods available for him at home it shouldn't matter that he's having a little x, y, or z one or two days a week at a friends house. Also, you need to pre plan for when he's going to friends homes, talk to the parents before hand and find out what they're serving so that you can adjust what you're providing him accordingly. He's 11, he shouldn't have to stress about it, but he does need to learn about nutrition and movement. Everything is difficult when you're 11, persistence and consistency is your job not his.

maggie2731

When my son was 11 and we went to his physical his doctor kind of showed him his belly (he was a husky and im obese) and said to him "what are u going to do about this?" I was a little mad at the way the doctor approached him and didnt talk to me first but my son got so embaressed that in the next year he lost all that fat. He started looking at his portions as i have not changed the way i cooked. Now he is 14. He gets on the scale once a week and if he gained 1 pound he will cut his portions. He maintains. It is something that he needs to understand that is not good for him to be big. My nephew who is 15 and weights at 225 and is 5'3, when he comes at my house he will eat like there is no tomorrow. His mom has him on a diet, sports and so on and he looks for reasons to go to sleepovers so he can eat.

bzmom

I think you already know the answers just seem to have a problem with following through. As a mom to a 12year old who weighs 170 and has ADHD I agree with what the nutritionist said. You need to get him involved with sports and give him more nutritional stuff. I myself have substituted alot of the snacks and stuff we use at home for less calorie ones. I do not like to make my son feel deprived but I do teach him that there needs to have self control. My boy plays football every year if he didnt he would definitely be over 200lbs he has decided this year to join basketball and after trying out he decided to follow through and go for it.

I say remove any junk food you have around the house and substitute. Instead of ice cream, freez yogurt, instead of regular chips every once in a while get the light jays or baked ones, try healthy life bread instead of regular bread if you do sandwiches, etc. Every little bit counts. I do understand you do not have control of him when he is else where ( I go through the same thing) but if you start at home that little bit you do does help.