Advice on helping my 11 year old lose weight

CariBgood

I have some tough love for you.... He's your child, do you want him to be healthy? He's not consistent because your not consistent. He's 11 years old, he follows your example. I am a large woman. I have been my entire life. Not only do I carry extra weight I'm about a foot taller than everyone else. I wish my Mom could have been consistent and showed me how to enjoy being outdoors. DO NOT BUY junk food and get up off your bottom! If you go outside, he will too. You are the BOSS he's just a kid. It's basically your job to make him a healthy and good person. NO I don't want you to damage his self esteem, but it's not like he's a teenager. There should be no reason you don't have complete control of what he does and what he eats. Self discipline will come later in life. I'm sure he doesn't get to decide when he goes to bed or if he goes to school. You are the decider and the protector. Decide and protect your kid, this is your fault not his.... You made him and you have been lax about caring for his body. This isn't his responsibility it's yours and he will thank you for it in the future when he doesn't have diabetes or depression or high blood pressure.

HMToomey

I've posted this a few times but it's worth posting again. It's a pedometer for kids and the more active they are the more points they earn. They can use the points to get cool prizes! I think they are $30, worth it in my opinion! Good luck, and send lots of love to your little one, I know how tough it can be!

https://www.zamzee.com/

MyOwnSunshine

I don't think that what he's eating at his friends' houses is the problem, unless he spends every single day there.

I agree with everyone who has said that it's not about dieting. He's still growing, so if you focus on changing your family's lifestyle and eating habits, he will naturally slim down a bit without a diet.

Stop buying junk at home. Limit "treats" to once a week or so and only buy enough for one serving for everyone. Same with eating out -- limit it to once a week and only buy a normal sized portion for everyone. Do not buy him a value meal, plus extra chicken nuggets, plus an extra cheeseburger, plus a shake.

Whether you eat out or in, try to educate about normal portions. If he is still hungry after finishing a normal portion, encourage extra veggies or fruits.

One thing that I find helpful when trying to cook fast and easy weeknight dinners is to replace the normal side dish (you know... tater tots, fries, noodle dishes, etc.) with a fresh fruit. Grapes, melon, pineapple or apple slices make a good side dish for quick dinners. You can lettuce wrap burgers, tacos, and sloppy joes instead of using bread, buns or tortillas, to make them healthier. Start making lean proteins, fruits and veggies for your family dinners for everyone.

Don't let him take money to school to buy junk food.

Find several activities that he enjoys. Not everyone is a team sport type of person, but enroll him in karate, or start a C25K program together. Start going to the gym together. My YMCA has a bunch of classes and programs for kids, and I believe that kids can start working out in the big gym with their parents when they are 12. Maybe he will love weight lifting, circuit training, kickboxing, spin, etc. Go with him and make it something you all do together, but make it non-negotiable at least 3 times a week.

It is important that you don't single him out, but instead, have everyone make positive changes in their diet and activity together.

AZiegenhorn

You're right, MFP is not for kdis . . . . but don't you think some kind of calorie monitoring would be a good idea? He would be considered overweight if he was an adult. . . this is not jsut a few lbs to 'grow in to' we're talking about here.

bokodasu

Help him find what sort of exercise he likes. As a kid, I HATED team sports because I'm uncoordinated and it takes me a long time to get physical stuff down, so since everyone told me I sucked at athletics, I never did anything physical. I took a weighlifting class senior year of high school and loved it - I wish I could say I never looked back, but except for a year in college I really didn't stick with it. Only after doing a ton of yoga I realized that I loved exercise that was only me against myself, and wasn't interested in doing anything that involved other people. Other kids are totally motivated by the whole team spirit thing and really blossom in that environment - and even then you get down to what's biomechanically more suited to them, so a basketball kid might hate swimming and vice versa.

My 9-year-old has started biking to school, she plays basketball in the winter but has really fallen in love with Tae Kwon Do. The rule is that she can sign up for whatever she wants and has to complete whatever term she signed up for, but she never has to do it again if she doesn't like it. We've had a couple of duds but mostly she's been surprised that she winds up liking the things she thought she hated at first.

And I did let her sign up for MFP - not to "diet" or restrict her eating, but as part of a general nutritional educational plan. I got really frustrated always telling her she couldn't have this candy or that muffin or whatever, so I've been giving her a hardcore nutrition education. She still would rather live on pasta and candy, but now she's starting to understand why I say "no more spaghetti, you can have extra broccoli" or whatever. (She likes broccoli, it's not a punishment.) She never has to log, but sometimes we sit down and enter everything so she can look at her macros.

bfitgirl

What would your son dream life be? Every 11 year wants to be something even if its Batman! My youngster,9, wants to be a goalie for Ireland soccer. This is something you can talk to him about without mentioning the weight issue for the moment. We said to our son that we'd do everything possible to support this dream so while he knows we"ll always be 100% behind him we can push for the areas that need to be addressed in our household anyway, homework - get good grades so you can go to college to learn Sports medicine/science/etc always helpful when you need to manage a career in sport! eat a healthy diet as All athletes follow super healthy etc turn the area you need to address into a positive aspect in obtaining his goal. He also needs to see you interested in this dream too, enrolling him in a sport class is leaving it too much to him, I've stood froozen on pitches for hours, taped football program's on tv, gone to where the team has training to get autographs, you're going have to shown him how much his future means to you too. And if its a purely an academic dream, you're going to have to be a bit more imaginitive to get the fitness healthy life in, maybe top ten things he'd like to do.. Surfing,

there are treats too but they are relatively controlled and he now says that he can have a treat cos he has eaten well today and trained so he"ll be burning it off, I"ll soon be taking advise from him!

I wish you the best of luck,

slimtrimgoody

Diets don't work. Your entire family needs to change your lifestyle. First of all, seek the help of another nutritionist because you need accountability, assistance and structure. I have one and she is great! Secondly, you need to clean out your cupboards, freezer and refrigerator of unhealthy foods. You need to fill them with healthy foods and snacks. Even your local whole foods market can be of valuable service to you because they have people who work there to help you select nutritious foods. You need to learn how to cook and prepare healthy foods and snacks because once you get in the habit it will be very easy to prepare delicious meals without added unhealthy sugars and fats and trans fats. If you think your family was cruel to you when you were a child, imagine what your child must be going through at school. The bullying can be very bad --- so I am so glad you are trying to help your son. It's just this simple --- he will have to eat healthy meals and snacks, plus he will have to do some sort of exercise on a regular basis. There is also a camp for overweight children that you can enroll him in. It is expensive but he will be with other children who have the same struggle he has. He will make friends who have like-minded goals to lose weight and he will learn how to eat properly. They also provide a regular exercise regiment for the children as well. The program is monitored and implemented by doctors, nutritionist and physical and psychological therapists. So there is plenty of help out there, just don't ever give up. You, your husband and especially your son, can all lose weight and become a healthy family full of energy, health and happiness. I wish you success on reaching your goals.

Cyndi1

The best way to help is do family outings..walks in the parks, swimming, be active..it will benefit your whole family and he wont even notice that it really is about moving... You buy the food so that is easy.... limit a treat night and don't over kill the supplies for that day.... don't deprieve- that is a easy crash for everyone- work it for the whole family...

LoraF83

You're right, MFP is not for kdis . . . . but don't you think some kind of calorie monitoring would be a good idea? He would be considered overweight if he was an adult. . . this is not jsut a few lbs to 'grow in to' we're talking about here.

No, 11 year olds shouldn't be counting calories. I honestly believe that's a fast track to an eating disorder or just replacing one unhealthy relationship with food with another.

Wouldn't it be better to just correct the basics and establish a better routine and relationship with food? Where the new normal is healthy food and treats are just that....a treat? Where physical activity is normal and an expected part of the day? Where food isn't stressful and the whole family spends more time together?

If those things happen, he would never need to count a calorie - he wouldn't end up where we all are today.

axialmeow

Keep whole foods in the house. Ditch processed, easy to grab snacks like chips ect... Have him earn screen time. 1 hr of.outdoor activity or exercise equals 1 hr of screen time like video games, computer. Youre doing well with the homemade meals. Measure out his portions(he doesnt even need to know you are doing it).
And make this a FAMILY thing. Go walk together. Get competitive with eachother(in a fun way). Without full parental support no change will be made.

MommaKit79

I've always thought that the best way to talk to kids is with absolute honesty. When my mother told me something I didn't want to hear, she always did it in a way that expressed her concerns and reiterated the fact that she wanted the best for me.

Explain it to your son the way you explained it here. You've struggled with weight issues your whole life, and you want a better life for your son. Explain to him that you don't want him to deal with low-self esteem, and so you want him to take up a physical activity to stay active. Let him pick the activity, but tell him that you want him to stick with it. Encourage him by taking walks with him...going for a bike ride, etc.

Even better, tell him that you're all working on getting healthier as a family, and make it a family project!

And make sure when you tell him all this, that you are being a concerned parent about his HEALTH, not his WEIGHT!! When you make it a weight issue, they tend to be more resistant. If you tell him you want him to grow up healthy and enjoy doing things with people and being active, you want this for him.

ABOVE ALL, do this as a FAMILY!!!! Make sure he knows that he isnt alone in this. that is VERY important!!!!

ToughTulip

You're right, MFP is not for kdis . . . . but don't you think some kind of calorie monitoring would be a good idea? He would be considered overweight if he was an adult. . . this is not jsut a few lbs to 'grow in to' we're talking about here.

No, 11 year olds shouldn't be counting calories. I honestly believe that's a fast track to an eating disorder or just replacing one unhealthy relationship with food with another.

Wouldn't it be better to just correct the basics and establish a better routine and relationship with food? Where the new normal is healthy food and treats are just that....a treat? Where physical activity is normal and an expected part of the day? Where food isn't stressful and the whole family spends more time together?

If those things happen, he would never need to count a calorie - he wouldn't end up where we all are today.

I completely agree.
Calorie counting at 11 years old is completely the wrong way to go about it in my opinion.
Healthy eating, sports, more active activity, and living a healthy active lifestyle.

Let him be a kid.

krickeyuu

At 11 he has no job or independent source of income does he? You buy the food, you control the food. He can't eat what's not there. Buy no junk food, period. No pop/soda. Make as much of your meals as possible from scratch. For snacks, let him have as many fresh veggies and fruit that he wants. I guarantee you, he is not going to overeat apples and carrots and cucumber slices. Air-popped popcorn is another good snack, as are nuts. Don't even call it a diet, just this is what is for breakfast, lunch, etc.

He will likely still find a way to eat junk at school i.e trading with other kids, but even still there is only so much over-eating he can do at school. If you change the way your entire household eats, he will slim down before you know it.

rachelbethany

Is he aware of the health risks associated with being a bigger kid? Does he know of the health problems that run in your family? I don't think you would be scaring him by telling him those things; in fact, it may make him even as an 11-year-old kid, take eating healthier/exercising more seriously. After all, really, there IS nothing wrong with being overweight other than the health risks. Emphasizing the importance of being healthy and enjoying life is more important than worrying about what other kids will say about him being "fat," etc.

It sounds like you are trying, though, and that's what's most important. Whether you see immediate results or not, the things you do and say now will stick with him for life. So be kind, careful, and understanding, but make sure you set a good example by eating healthily, too. My younger sister was overweight most of her life, but became a vegetarian a couple years ago and started exercising and losing a lot of weight. Sometimes it requires a certain level of maturity or an different reason for changing your eating habits (in my sister's case, not wanting to eat live animals) for it to click. But it will click. Eventually.

More than anything, make sure he knows he is loved no matter what size he is!

dannalison

Go to the public library and read: The New Glucose Revolution Low GI Guide to Losing Weight: The Only Authoritative Guide to Weight Loss Using the Glycemic Index, by Dr. Dr. Jennie Brand-Miller, M.D., Kaye Foster-Powell, M. Nutr & Diet, M.D. Stephen Colagiuri, Johanna Burani - Marlowe - 2005 - Paperback - 176 pages - ISBN 1569243360

Nothing white in your diet (rice, bread, grains, etc.). Eliminating empty calories like soda. It is astonishing how fast things turn around. I have reintroduced some of this back with extreme moderation. The diet is not a diet - its a simple way of life.

rae347

I read about a program which uses the stop lights for identifying how much and how often a kid can have a food... fruits and veggies are "green" you can have them all the time and yellow are the foods that need to be eaten in moderation and Red is for junk food and pizza and unhealthy foods. You only get so many red light foods a week.... http://www.amazon.com/Red-Light-Green-Eat-Right/dp/1605294845

auria17

Hi,

I would just get him moving, does he watch a lot of tv on the computer all the time? a gamer?? Encourage him to be active for fun and not to loose weight, even better don't even mention his weight or fat. He is only 11 it will be really hard at first to get over the resistance, but if he can start seeing exercise as fun then he is more than half way there. A child that age should have 1 hour of activity a day minimum. If he wont do it say if you play this sport or go for a walk than you can watch tv or whatever he enjoys for this much time.

Pop and juice, sooooo bad. Artificial sweeteners so bad. Try to start adding good fats like avocado to his diet slowly and removing trans fats. Cook with Extra Virgin Coconut oil. For a treat get him to like dark chocolate and honey. Iimit the amount of junk food and bad snacks that you keep in the house. Try to get him to drink green tea with honey or water with lemon. Lower the amount of white carbs, white rice, white pasta, white potatoes, white bread.

Portion control. He might eat until he is full or too full. Does your family always need to clean their plate? Give him a smaller portion and let him go back for more. He will eat slower if meal times have no distractions, tv, internet, cell phone...etc. This will hopefully over time help him to eat less.

Pack his lunches with yummy foods, and fruits. The food changes need to be slow, feeling deprived is the worst, instead go to the library and discover how to cook with super foods and try to create a variety of wholesome tasty dishes that have a lot of flavor but are way more healthy.

Be sneaky with the changes, and don't talk about his weight, just change your habits, and it will encourage him to change his. Once the weight starts coming off, his energy level will go up and he will start feeling good on the inside, and when that happens he will look good on the outside.

cadams429

Lead the way and he will follow. I can guarantee this - my 4 year old loves to show off how she "exercises" by doing pushups for everyone she meets. She likes to eat fruit because it's "healthy." She goes for short runs with me. She does all this because I am doing it and I've made it fun for our family to be active. And I never even said the word diet. She's always been a healthy weight (luckily) but I'm just helping ensure that it stays that way.

I agree with this - I don't have any children but I certainly wasn't raised in an active family. It is pretty much monkey see, monkey do.

GretchenReine

You should probably be having this discussion with the pediatrician or dietician...not here on MFP. He's 11.

kelseyhere

my cousin was like this. very social, had friends, did excellent in school, but topped 300 by middle school. he is now in college and has just now started losing weight. he had the same mentality, that it's OK to be fat and it's what is inside that counts. we helped create that for him when he was little by letting him eat. by the time he was in his teens, the damage was done. just like adults kids have to make the decision for themselves and realize that it's time to lose weight. try and be honest with him, tell him about the healthy benefits of losing weight. tell him about diabetes and the other horrible things that can happen if you aren't careful. don't buy junk, or keep unhealthy foods in the house. until he comes around and decides to stick wtih a program, don't make it any harder on him.