Advice on helping my 11 year old lose weight

Celeigh12

What about having him be more involved with planning? Like he gets to plan and help cook a meal or two a week and the rule is it needs to be a healthy balanced one? It could entail you researching recipes as a family, talking about what makes a meal healthy, talking about portions, etc.

Or maybe he has to pick and plan a family activity each day (or several tines a week) with parameters like everyone has to be moving and it has to last x amount of time and everyone has to participate. It could be a walk, a bike ride, soccer in the yard, Wii, basketball at the local school/park... Maybe by feeling in control and responsible and getting to order around the adults in his life a little, he'd be more inclined to want to participate.

LillysGranny

Generally, with kids, the idea is to teach them to live in a healthy way. An 11 year old should not be severely restricted--in spite of being overweight your son has some important growing to do over the next few years and malnutrition now can have severe consequences later in life. Your goal should be for him to not gain any more weight for right now and see if his height will catch up. In the meantime, take him for bloodwork to see where he's at with blood lipids and sugar. Make sure he has an abundance of healthy choices--the more fresh foods the better. Also, help him find "his" sport. I'd suggest an individual kind of sport like martial arts, running, tennis--these won't carry with them a fear that he'll let his team down. Additionally, these are sports that he will be able to continue as an adult. If your doctor will refer you to a dietitian you should go! Many health insurance plans are waking up to the critical need to treat childhood obesity and are now covering services that will help. Good luck!

joconnor09

You could try getting him involved in a team sport that will add some sort of accountability to his routine. Even if he wants to give up after a week he will have other people counting on him to stick it out. You could even start with a sport that doesn't require as much movement (like baseball) and work up to more active sports like swimming, soccer, tennis, etc. I think he really just needs to build up his confidence. He's probably feeling inadequate seeing other people do better than he is, or not seeing the results he wants right away. This is a great opportunity to teach him persistence and tenacity, not to mention get him in the habit of being active. You could try a family activity like bike riding, walking, sledding in the winter- just something that gives you family time. That way it's not always up to him to motivate himself. I know that when I started getting back into shape it was incredibly difficult to do on my own, but I went to the gym with mom a couple times, I got a personal trainer for a few sessions and after that I could motivate myself. But it's not easy adding exercise into your routine when you're not used to it. It can seem daunting and exhausting, and sitting on the couch seems much easier. But if you get him into a team sport he'll be able to make friends, be active without feeling like he's working out, and it will build his confidence. As far as nutrition, you'll never be able to control everything he eats, and constantly denying him treats will make him want to sneak them. I'm not saying load up on the sugar, but maybe every once in a while let him have something he wants in addition to the good food (and make sure the treats aren't a reward, but a treat. Don't make him think those foods are a prize for living well!) He's still growing, so I think getting him active will be the best thing. He's already very tall for his age, and he's going to shoot up like a sprout during puberty. He might even thin out if he doesn't gain anymore weight. I'd say keep up the home cooking and good nutrition, add in sports, and let puberty do its work.

kaseysospacey

If you give your kid healthy clean food he will grow into his weight and naturally lose weight and just generally grow as he hits puberty...he needs to learn how to actually eat. Sugar and refined carbs are addictive. I've been here. Didn't weigh quite as much. Be careful how you talk because if you say the wrong thing you will make it worse.

Amberonamission

I am in sort of the sme place. My 11 year old daughter started packing on the pounds when we took her off of ADHD meds (weren't working anyway) and then moved 3 months later, 800 miles from home. She gained almost 50 lbs in a year. Given I gained 40 and my husband gained 60.

They way we solved it was to all get on board with good health as a family. Planning healthy meals, especially school lunches. Finding other things to do on special occasions besides eat. For example, today is halloween, so instead of coming home with a giant sack of goodies, I got her a little bit of her favorites and we are going to a movie. She does Zumba Wii with me and has even joined in on 30DS. On occasion I have had to be a real cheerleader in this. Keep her spirits up. Make it fun instead of a bummer. Weekends always include something extremely active for the 3 of us.

Anyway. 3 months she is down 15 lbs and looking great. She is happier and has much less of a drive to play games on her butt. But, truth be told it was all my change that changed her.

rainbowbow

Make him do intensive chores like mowing the lawn, weedwhacking, blowing the leaves, cutting branches back on trees, vaccuming, etc. I bet if there is some sort of incentive like "for every x chore you do you get to watch x amount of tv or play x amount of video games". Teach him responsibility AND he'll get a good workout in as well. You might also want to find a sport he WANTS to play and is genuinely interested in. Not on he feels obligated to do for a week.

Best of luck!

sds76

My daughter is 11yo. You can lead by example and offer suggestions and assist your children but cannot MAKE them do anything at that age. Just be encouraging and make sure you are doing your part to be a good example!

no dis-respect inteded at all but I would have to disagree here. My children ages 22months-almost 14 can be made to do a lot of things. I am their mother, they respect that fact and listen to me. When we go walking, they didn't want to go at first, but they had no choice. They went because I told them they had to. They may have groaned and grunted but never once did they even utter the word "no". I hear the "you can't make them" thing a lot but i don't understand it. Being the mother I can make my kids do a lot, because well I'm their mother. In 14 years and 5 kids I have never had a child tell me no when I tell them to do something. They may not like it...but they do it. As far as eating healthy, I can make them do that too because I don't offer unhealthy alternatives. If I am providing their meals then they have no choice but to eat healthy. I provide 98% of their meals(they are homeschooled) so I don't have to worry about the other 2%(if they are at a friends, etc)...if they choose to eat junk there, it's okay because I know the majority of their food is healthy because I provide it.

juli_jones

bump - hoping to not deal with this problem - my 7 year old has always been in the 90-100% for height and weight but last year he was over 100% and his pediatrician and said his BMI was too high. Since I have been doing MFP, I have been more watchful of what he is eating. He has gained 7 lbs and grown about 4 inches this year so I hope when we go for his 7 year check up things are better. He recently started meds for ADHD and plays 2 different sports so I am trying to keep his weight under control. I don't want him to be the "fat kid"

castadiva

Please don't talk to him. If you've been going on and off of diets as a family for a year, he's well aware that you think he's fat and want him to change and telling him yet again (no matter how nicely) can only further damage his self esteem.

My thoughts are that if the food in the house is all healthy, it seems unlikely that he's really doing THAT much damage at school/friends. Getting him to be active is key, and signing him up for a sport would would be ideal (depending on his temperament).

However! Please rely more on your pediatrician/nutritionist than the advice of those of us on here (including me). They are the experts and the ones who know your family and your son. Follow their advice.

I can tell that you're concerned about your son and just want for him to be healthy and happy, but please tread lightly. I don't think a heart-to-heart is really what he needs here.

Agreeing wholeheartedly with this post, as well as with the people who have suggested finding a physical activity that he enjoys and will choose for himself - you may need to think creatively - his preferred activity may or may not be a traditional team or individual sport or something you can do as a family, and may take some experimentation to find, which I know can be wearing/time-consuming. The key is that he has to enjoy it, or it will feel like a punishment, and you'll be dragging him, kicking, screaming and digging in his heels, behind you, which will be exhausting for both of you, as well as bad for your relationship. Don't forget that he's likely to have a fairly substantial growth-spurt in the next couple of years as well, so he will almost certainly slim down by default. You need to be in a good position to maintain those healthier proportions when they come, though, by starting some good habits now. You'll never be able to entirely control his eating outside your home, so focus on the things you can be proactive about.

vvanm

My mother believed in fresh air and exercise with no limits on food. Growing up we didn't have weight problems, but the eating habits caught up with us in adulthood. We played tennis, went swimming, hiking, camping, horseback riding, long walks, helped with gardening, and did group things with friends that were active. Volunteering to help the community would be healthful and character building. Cooking fast food at home by switching to better ingredients would cut calories that he's not even aware of. Lifestyle change can manage those genetic predispositions. The American diet accelerates craving the worst food choices. Even if you pay more for better food, you will be eating less so it evens out. I call it the economy diet and think about how much money I save losing weight. If he wants to quit in a week, tell him he can't quit until he commits to something else active. His choice.

Goal_Line

We have tried talking to his pediatrician, who recommended a nutritionist, who told us basically. Yes hes fat, cut out the junk food, get him involved in sports, stop enabling him. We have done that and he will stick with it for a week then give up and say he cant do it.

First the nutritionist is right - STOP ENABLING HIM.

You're the adult, he does not have an income to buy his own food, right? Make sure the only food available for him is healthy. I would make a big deal about it, just control the food available to him. Sure you may not be able to get him to exercise, but you have much more control over that he eats than you think.

Finally, MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO. We are primates we imitate behaviors. You need to model healthy eating, activity levels and positive attitudes about healthy living.

castlerobber

My daughter started putting on weight when she was 9, even though she wasn't eating any more than other girls her age. By the time she was 12 or 13, she was noticeably overweight. We approached it strictly as a health issue, that since type 2 diabetes runs in my father's family, we all, not just my daughter, needed to change how we eat. I explained as much of the science as she could handle. I also (I hope) made it clear that I knew she wasn't being gluttonous, but that her body apparently couldn't handle as much sugar and starch as her classmates' could.

She did really well for a couple of months, losing about 12 pounds. But then she came down with the flu in the spring, wanted "comfort food" while she was sick, and she backslid some. She's starting to take more responsibility now for what she eats, willingly skipping a lot of the junk food at school. She hasn't lost any more weight, but she isn't gaining, either. We're going to make another big push toward family health after Christmas.

atsteele

My daughter is 11yo. You can lead by example and offer suggestions and assist your children but cannot MAKE them do anything at that age. Just be encouraging and make sure you are doing your part to be a good example!

no dis-respect inteded at all but I would have to disagree here. My children ages 22months-almost 14 can be made to do a lot of things. I am their mother, they respect that fact and listen to me. When we go walking, they didn't want to go at first, but they had no choice. They went because I told them they had to. They may have groaned and grunted but never once did they even utter the word "no". I hear the "you can't make them" thing a lot but i don't understand it. Being the mother I can make my kids do a lot, because well I'm their mother. In 14 years and 5 kids I have never had a child tell me no when I tell them to do something. They may not like it...but they do it. As far as eating healthy, I can make them do that too because I don't offer unhealthy alternatives. If I am providing their meals then they have no choice but to eat healthy. I provide 98% of their meals(they are homeschooled) so I don't have to worry about the other 2%(if they are at a friends, etc)...if they choose to eat junk there, it's okay because I know the majority of their food is healthy because I provide it.

Ok, I can "make" my kids mow the lawn and go outside to play and keep them from eating junk by not buying it. However, really you are only "suggesting" these things and they are agreeing to it technically. If they don't do what I ask, I can establish consequences that they don't really like so much. However, they certainly can choose to not mow the lawn, not go outside to play and eat junk whenever they get the opportunity (at friends' houses). I make nearly all my kids meals. They can choose to eat it or not. I cannot MAKE them eat healthy. I cannot literally MAKE them go outside and play. Sometimes I swear that they are eating dustbunnies because I don't know what they are growing on. (And I don't know how you are raising kids that never say "no" because that's my kids' favorite word, at least when they were younger.)

AlsDonkBoxSquat

I was overweight/borderline obese in grade school, was bullied by peers as soon as I entered middle school and quickly developed an eating disorder. That lasted until I found a sport I actually liked: swimming (ironically) on a team. My parents put me in everything from basketball to tennis to soccer and I hated/quit them all, but without that searching, I would never have found swimming.

Maybe your 11-year-old isn't a traditional team player, so AS A FAMILY, try biking, hiking, rowing, yard-work, etc. until you find something active he enjoys. Don't single him out. You need to change habits together. Teach by example, which I know is easier said than done.

I'll never forget the thousands of sit-ups my mother made me do as a 4th grader which didn't help (you can't target fat loss) and only made me turn to more food for comfort. If she had switched off the TV and said, "We are all going for a bike ride," I would have actually enjoyed that.

Oh, I should say, my parents were health nuts before it was cool (early 80s) and we never had junk-food, processed food or :sad: sugar cereal in the house. And I was still fat.

I'm picking this one out because I'm a big fan of swimming. I was a swimmer as was my husband, he is now a coach. Not only is swimming a great sport as far as all around exercise, I've always thought of the swimming community as a pretty special place. I think because of the nature of the competitiveness (yes, you compete against other kids, but the ultimate goal is to beat your own best time), it fosters an environment of positivity and acceptance. When you're in a team environment you can get beaten up for making a mistake or you can practice your heart out and not get any playing time because you aren't the best, however in swimming there's a level of competition for everyone, and everyone gets their chance to be in the water. For a kid who hasn't grown up doing sports starting at age 4, swimming is a great sport to get into.

paleirishmother

I see it's been said before but, more sports. That sounds like a great idea!

CorvusCorax77

i didn't read everything here... sorry. Just gonna say a few things:

your child is obese because you and your husband modelled that for him his entire life. That took time (ten years)...don't expect it to change overnight. I also caution about forcing diets onto kids. That can be damaging. I think what you are doing is what you can do: model for him lifestyle changes, provide him with healthy food, talk to him about being healthy. And try to incorporate fun into his life in a way that enforces this stuff... I'm talking about going on family bike rides. Taking a vacation somewhere where you'll walk and walk and walk. Spend your summers swimming at the beach. THROW OUT THE TV AND ALL VIDEO GAMES.

And just never give up.

Lleldiranne

Ok, so I didn't read the whole thread, forgive me if I'm repeating stuff…

My daughter ended up being referred to a dietician. She's not much over weight, but she has just about reached the end of her growth (she's 14) but was still putting on weight. She put on 10 pounds last year while growing less than 1/2" so the doctor wanted to help her build good habits before it really becomes a problem. Here's what the dietician recommended (keep in mind these are for a 14 year old girl, your son may need more or less):

-WHOLE GRAINS for carbs. Reach the ingredients list on bread - if white flour, bleached flour, or even unbleached flour is the first ingredient, it doesn't qualify (a lot of "mulit-grain" are in this category). Brown rice, whole wheat pasta, cereal with at least 2 g fiber and less than 5 g sugar. About 5 servings a day total (learn how big a serving size is)

-FRUITS - whole fruit, not juice. If you get canned, either light syrup or in juice. 2-3 servings

-VEGGIES - frozen or fresh. 3+ servings

-protein, 5 "ounces" a day, (an ounce is 1 oz meat or fish, 1 T peanut butter, or 1 egg- up to 4 yolks a week).

Dairy - 3 servings a day (1 cup lowfat milk or yogurt, 1/2 c cottage cheese, 1 oz hard cheese)

SWEETS - only once in a while.

Physical exercise - 30 minutes a day. This is very important!!

Our downfalls were more the excessive starches during snacking than too much candy/sweets. She would grab a slice of bread or a handful of crackers way too often and be well over the recommended 5 servings. Now she stops to think, is she really hungry or is she just bored.

The nice thing about this is, the nutritionist talked to HER, not just to the parents. So this is her responsibility (although we help out). And because it came from someone other than parents, she listened. She tracks calories (she should be getting 1600-1800 daily, counting exercise) and participates in "challenges" with us since we are both trying to lose weight too. It's not her parents nagging her to eat right - just asking "do you have room for that in your day?" and let her her decide.

Can you get a referral for a nutritionist, or have the pediatrician talk to him about it? (Without him knowing you've asked would be best). At 11, he needs help in developing the good habits, but he has to be the one to take control of it. You can't do it for him, and you can't dictate to him; in a few years he will be making all his own food choices and if you help him learn to make good choices now you'll do much better than if you make all the choices yourself.


ETA: Ramen is a biggie for kids this age. She can have ramen this way: half a block of noodles, 1/4 seasoning packets, stir in 1/2 c or more of frozen veggies and mix in a scrambled or poached egg. Then it's a real meal!

againagain

I just watched the HBO documentary "Weight of the Nation" - it is available on HBO's website for free and there is a part just on kids that you could watch. It had a lot of good information on the health effects AND what to do.

They stressed that the biggest thing to do to start with is cut out the sugary drinks - soda is obvious, but many parents fall for juices, chocolate milk, and sports drinks as being healthy, when they really, really are not. They gave statistics about the % of calories kids are getting just from these drinks and it was amazing to me. Astounding. So, just starting there could immediately cut out calories.

If he is getting them at school, then the simple solution is to make his lunches and not give him any money to buy this stuff.

As far as hurting his self esteem or feelings... you have to think about the big picture. Eventually he will understand that you are showing love by caring about his health. And being obese will do far more harm to his lifetime self esteem than you caring about his health will. Trust me.

35khris

My son wanted a dog. We went to our local rescue & got him one. House Rule: he must walk the dog for 20 minutes before he is allowed any screen time! We also encourage him to earn money. He now mows grass, rakes leaves, shovels snow, ect. We never had 'the talk', however I often find different documentaries to watch (like SuperSize Me), and we discuss it. The beauty of your situation is, your son doesn't have to lose weight, he just has to maintain while he gets taller:) BTW, My son lost 5 lbs. and grew 6 in. this year. His weight is now healthy and he is choosing to play sports.

pichild

Let me start by saying I've read all the posts and only 1 mentions love...support your son ...as time goes by he will likely start receiving taunts from other kids... if he knows he supported he will be more likely to succeed...

That being said I'm almost 40 years old and i'm only now taking the steps I need to take ...as a child I was denied food the kitchen was locked...after visiting psychiatrist my parents were told to let me to go to the grocery store and pick my own food ...predictably I chose crap...I was on Weight Watchers from the time I was 12 until I was 19...I still balloned  up from 125 pounds at age 12 to 285 pounds at age 19....what no one knew is I had a pituitary tumor. Talk to your doctor's explore the possibilities that  there are physical factors causing the gain...it wasn't until my late teens that the headaches started for me.

Over control is not the answer...talk to him about his weight talk to him about the issues you have concerning his health and family history...he will be far more likely to succeed if he owns the solution...

Show him the respect that he desires that he craves...have him sit down with you and design a lunch plan, a meal plan, an  exercise plan...if you allow him to have that control you will see the results you desire.

at 11 he is really too young to control his entire diet but he needs to have some input..if he's a book smart child find him some books at his age level that will help him to understand what damage he could be doing to his body ...

In my early teens when food was  being denied to me I can promise you no amounts allowance restricting stopped me from eating.

as for exercise it doesn't have to be team sports or even anything organized...go for a walk after dinner each night, if he  enjoys video games find the video game systems like the wii that encourages activity ...take what he likes and find a way for him to make it more active...honestly I detested walking but found I could do more of it  if I had a book...

caseythirteen

I haven't read all the responses (short on time) but wanted to add one thing if it hasn't already been mentioned. I'm not sure what his household responsibilites are but one way to get him active would be to start helping around the house. Vacuuming, raking leaves, mowing the grass and just cleaning in general gets him up and moving. Have him help put away the groceries, carry things to the car, put things in the attic, etc. Anything that gets him doing something! It's small things but adds up and encourages a more active lifestyle.

REREdunn

I have a 12year old daughter. She, like myself, could stand to lose a few pounds. Until recently she has just complained about her weight and not made changes. She recently joined the tennis team and also has PE this semester. She has slimmed down and it is noticeable. When someone tells her that they can see a change in her body, she just lights up. I hope she stays on this track even after tennis and PE are over.
If you could get him involved in something, then compliment his every victory, he'd be a happy kid. He wouldn't even realize that he's doing what you'd been asking him to all along.:laugh: I know it is tough but hang in there. I'm sure time will help too. As he gets taller and puberty makes him pay attention to his body cause he wants to catch some girl's eye, you'll see changes then too.

JTick

Has no one brought up sparkteens? THAT is where your teenagers need to be...on a site designed for children trying to eat healthy. NOT on MFP where the parents need to lie just to register them...

Absonthebrain

Enroll him in after school sports!!! Football, wrestling, SOCCER, or something he chooses! He has got to play sports as well as eat right to lose the weight.

^^^ I did this for my son and within a year he had trimmed down, and now he enjoys his sports and being outdoors. I also take him with me when I go on hikes at the park, we use the time to talk, and exercise. It's nice!

lsiberian

What if you guys worked out with your son?

Sunshine2plus2

How can he give up in a week? He dont have a job, he dont have a car so therefore he cant go buy junk to bring into the house!! Dont bring unhealthy food into the house! Get out and go for a walk with him everyday!!

Edit: I see this topic is really old but anyways there is my advice!

ArchangelMJ

People have mentioned enrolling him in sports, but I actually think it's a bad idea to force something like that onto a child. I was never a big kid, but I had a lot of self-esteem issues because of PE and being forced into team sports that I was terrible at/hated. I didn't begin to enjoy exercise until I was given freedom to find what I liked and realized that it didn't have to be a jock fest/competition.

I also don't think throwing away video games/TV is the answer. I don't like how video games are toted as this evil menace that causes obesity and violence. It's about moderation. Games can be very enlightening, artistic experiences and I thoroughly enjoyed them as a preteen/teenager and still do. I also cherish the memories of all my favorites. If he truly loves games, he shouldn't have to just chuck them. You should try getting him interested in rhythm games that move your body, or other games specifically designed for exercise. The Wii, Playstation Move and Kinect for the Xbox all have great titles that will get your body moving, and they're actually FUN, and there's always DDR as well.

linsey0689

For me I was as a child it would have just been a family thing. Start making healthly meals at home and not having thr bad choices around the house . It sounds to me like your whole family could use healthier choices anyone so get everyone on board. Also have fun activities that everyone can do something at the ymca maybe. Also talk to him, let him know the family is going to try to be healthier but don't use the word skinny.

Icanhazsugarnow

Okay. Here's my two cents. Let him eat what he wants! Just teach him portion control. Instead of letting him eat that whole burger, maybe you should just let him have half. Instead of that soda that he wants so badly, try suggesting the zero calorie option. There are ways that he can eat what he wants! As long as you stick to his calorie limit. He's a preteen! You can't expect him to eat like a rabbit and be happy.

Toomanytwinkies

My son is 12 now and his weight is on target but he went through this when he was 10. It was heartbreaking. His self-esteem took a dive and I knew I had to help him. I have a treadmill and I bought a box set of his fav. half hour comedy. He walked on the treadmill in the time it took to watch one show, three times a week. I also started jumping on the trampoline with him. I put him back in swimming lessons. The biggest thing I changed was getting junk out of his diet. This doesn't mean never letting him have a treat or a fast food meal...he is just a kid. But the thing I was very careful NOT to do was talk about diets or anything pertaining to his weight unless he wanted to talk about it. He didn't notice his meals and activity level changing because I did it gradually. He was soo excited the day he needed a belt for his jeans. Eventually we had to buy jeans three sizes smaller. Other kids can be so friggen cruel, its terrible. Hope this helps