How to deal with people heavier than you.....

slywon

I have been working for two weeks now and feel so much better! I have a 32 pound weight loss journey to take. I am already feeling way more energetic and de-stressed but I am not sure how to deal with the issue of heavier friends that think I am crazy! I know that I am not. I may only have 30 pounds to lose but the difference in so many things tells me I need to. I feel awkward when some friends look at me like I should be happy the way I am because they are more overweight than I am. Does anyone have any comments, opinions on how to deal with this or similar experiences? Just wondering.

alikat42

For me, I just feel like my weight loss/exercise plan/food intake/etc. is not a topic of conversation for my friends. We have so many more interesting things to do and talk about than my jean size. If/when someone makes a negative/sly comment, I choose to brush it off.

RoadsterGirlie

It's part of the battle of weight loss, and while most folks I know were hugely supportive during my journey, others were not. I'm confident enough to know that what I'm doing for myself is the right path, so the haters weren't able to sway me one way or another.

I have also been told that I've lost too much weight and I'm too skinny. What's funny is I'm the exact same weight now as when I was a teenager and I never experienced those comments then.

There are always going to be people who are threatened by others success - not just weight loss. It could be your career, how much money you make, etc. Don't let it derail you - use it as a way to gage that you are doing something right!

foodcallsme

I know what you mean and I've been there before. Friends and family always tell me that I don't have to lose any weight and that I'm at a healthy weight etc but, it's not true. I'm not at a healthy weight for a person my height (4'11"). They just don't get that. Even my doctor told me that I was in the obese category for a person my height and weight (which was 150+ at the time). I don't know how to deal with people when they try to get me to stop dieting but, I've learned to just smile and ignore them. They mean well and in their own way they really think that they're complimenting us. I try not to let it get to me but, I've learned to avoid the subject of weighloss in general with them. I've noticed they can't be happy for me because they are not happy with themselves and they are struggling with their own body image too. You and me can cheer each other on... so feel free to add me

jerbear1962

Everyone is different and you have to have the right mindset to lose weight. You're friends aren't there yet and honestly may never be there. Many people never give losing weight a chance, they live happily or sometimes not so happily all their life. Just be there if they need help or have questions. Maybe as you lose, you will inspire them and they will come ask you for advice. Keep at it and do your best.

banks89202

The most important thing is to remember you are doing this for yourself and that's all that matters. I started out being 284lbs ( 10lbs smaller than one of my family members) I am now at 257lbs and she always has a rude comment to make about it. I have asked her to do this with me but she says she loves food too much and wants to get that lap band surgery for an "easy way out" she says. Some people are just that way

jynxxxed

Just don't talk about it with them.

METHOS3155

look every person has a choice to make... your choice was to feel and look better... so be happy about yourself and keep moving forward

vmekash

I have been at my ideal weight in the past - many years ago. People have commented recently that they cannot imagine where I'm supposed to lose any more weight. I know the sentiment is kind, but I have to tell them that I have been at my ideal weight before, so I know what it is. Besides, since I workout regularly now, my goal weight is actually ten lbs. heavier than what was my "ideal weight" in the past. They seem to let it go at that point.

darleyschroeder

People are used to seeing large people. It's kinda considered normal to be overweight or obese, at least where I was working. Healthy weight people were kind of a rarity of sorts..
I have had people tell me I am too skinny, yet one of these ladies also had the audacity to tell me I was too fast several months before I started losing weight.

If people keep commenting just say something to the effect that you want to be as healthy as you can be and believe it or not the goal weight you have IS healthy.

People these days seem to think that if you want to be a healthy weight then you must be crazy. I don't get it. I think it might be, at least in my exp and observation, society getting used to larger, unhealthy people.

darleyschroeder

The most important thing is to remember you are doing this for yourself and that's all that matters. I started out being 284lbs ( 10lbs smaller than one of my family members) I am now at 257lbs and she always has a rude comment to make about it. I have asked her to do this with me but she says she loves food too much and wants to get that lap band surgery for an "easy way out" she says. Some people are just that way

It is probly envy. It's a lot easier to be rude because you have an insecurity than to put in the hard work to lose the weight.
Good for you on the weight loss, that's a lot of weight!

simplydawnb

This is about YOUR health -- emotional, physical, psychological. You know what you need for you to be strong in all of those ways. People will say things, but they'll also be inspired. Go, girl.

angelique_redhead

Since I have diabetes and would like to regulate my blood sugars I would suggest that NO ONE give me a problem about me losing weight. I don't plan to go below an 18 BMI.

mcsnoogins

I would maybe explain it to them by saying that everyone needs a short term goal in life and this is what you want to work on just now, or even call it a hobby. If they get arsey about it maybe they are getting a bit jealous that you've found the motivation to do it? Could even be that by you saying your heavier than you are and want to lose weight they might be reading that as "Hey, i'm smaller than you but i reckon i'm too fat. Whats that say about how i see you"

RychelleD

Sometimes people feel that when u start exercising/eating healthy/ dieting etc, that you must be either starting to judge them, or in some way are now in competition with them. Its usually because the other ppl have self esteem issues themselves, or felt they have failed to reach the same goals, you yourself are reaching. People will always judge no matter what you do. either your to skinny or to overweight. So you have to do what makes you happy!

mcsnoogins

It's easier for people to deny to themselves that they are over weight if they tell slimmer people that THEY are too skinny


I wanted to quote someone in this post, did it after but can't figure out how to delete this one

sunshine_gem

I ignore them. Don't worry about what other people think of you. You know what you're doing and why you're doing it and that's what's important.

banks89202

The most important thing is to remember you are doing this for yourself and that's all that matters. I started out being 284lbs ( 10lbs smaller than one of my family members) I am now at 257lbs and she always has a rude comment to make about it. I have asked her to do this with me but she says she loves food too much and wants to get that lap band surgery for an "easy way out" she says. Some people are just that way

It is probly envy. It's a lot easier to be rude because you have an insecurity than to put in the hard work to lose the weight.
Good for you on the weight loss, that's a lot of weight!

That is true! Thank you

mcsnoogins

People are used to seeing large people. It's kinda considered normal to be overweight or obese, at least where I was working. Healthy weight people were kind of a rarity of sorts..
I have had people tell me I am too skinny, yet one of these ladies also had the audacity to tell me I was too fast several months before I started losing weight.

If people keep commenting just say something to the effect that you want to be as healthy as you can be and believe it or not the goal weight you have IS healthy.

People these days seem to think that if you want to be a healthy weight then you must be crazy. I don't get it. I think it might be, at least in my exp and observation, society getting used to larger, unhealthy people.

It's easier for people to deny to themselves that they are over weight if they tell slimmer people that THEY are too skinny

afropoodle

Get new friends. No reason to surround yourself with people who try to hold you back or guilt-trip you for accomplishing something they could never achieve.

jynxxxed

It's ridiculous how it's socially acceptable to tell somebody they're too skinny, but not too fat.

If somebody ever tells me I'm too thin I'm 100% telling them maybe they're just too overweight. People need to reconsider what they're saying before throwing their own personal weight issues on to somebody else.

sarahg148

If the people you are hanging out with are bigger than you, then they may wish they looked like you. We all have our own body issues...everybody does. Just do what some others have said already...don't really talk about it with those who don't support you. Do what you feel is healthy for you. I know for myself I'd feel better OVERALL if I just got down to 155 and firmed up. I wouldn't be skin and bones...just healthy with muscle tone and less jiggle. Maybe it's time to find some new friends (not saying to dump current ones) who have similar goals to yours. Join a sports team or a group fitness class. Do what's best for you physically and emotionally.

GCTom

Like you I didnt have much to lose. When people tell my I am fine the way I am I counter with, "I have never been a fit person before and I want to know how that feels." ETA: lol I wrote that in my husbands account. OOPS.

amberrose724

honestly if there's people that are heavier than you thinking you're crazy for exercising and having a better diet,at least you'll know that you're getting yourself back to perfect health and if they don't want to diet it's their choice,but you'll live probably longer than them 'cause you cut out risks of diabetes,heart disease,stroke,sleep apnea and all the other metabolic health problems that are affecting most people in the u.s nowadays.

Contrarian

I focus on how I want to get stronger and healthier. I don't discuss it as weight loss. It's fitness.

algebravoodoo

People are used to seeing large people. It's kinda considered normal to be overweight or obese, at least where I was working. Healthy weight people were kind of a rarity of sorts..
I have had people tell me I am too skinny, yet one of these ladies also had the audacity to tell me I was too fast several months before I started losing weight.

If people keep commenting just say something to the effect that you want to be as healthy as you can be and believe it or not the goal weight you have IS healthy.

People these days seem to think that if you want to be a healthy weight then you must be crazy. I don't get it. I think it might be, at least in my exp and observation, society getting used to larger, unhealthy people.

You are so right on that point! We, as a society, have become so accustomed to seeing overweight people that our entire perception of "healthy" has become skewed. Most of us couldn't pick a woman of ideal weight out of a line-up.

mem50

I've had the same issue with people at work. I would say 90% of them are on the "heavy" side. The other 10% are super skinny...like size 0 thin. They all tell me I'm to skinny and blah, blah, Bleeping blah. I smile and say I'm good where I am. I'm happy, my DH is happy. Not that he ever had an issue with my weight....except for health issues....

Be proud of what you have done and kept right on doing it.

CoderGal

I've run into this as well. Especially since I'm fairly slim. If I mention to anyone I lost weight they look at me with fear in their eyes. I think most peoples biggest concern is if your thoughts are in a healthy place, which can be a concern sometimes. Give them reasons to wipe that look off their faces.

They first point out that I wasn't big to begin with. I usually point out that I put on 30 pounds in less then a year and my resting heart rate was over 100bpm and that I use to break into a huffing puffing sweat if I had to walk up the stairs to go to the computer lab. My heart would beat out of my chest. I can now hike 20km and still have wind. That's not a sign of malnutrition, that's a sign of strength. Not to mention the fact that I find it hysterical that nobody seemed concerned about my health then.

Same for chin ups, which I couldn't do before.

My nails started cracking off when I was larger. I don't know anyone who can outgrow mine now.

My hair was drying out and now it's shiny again. I think it's because I was eating more carbs then I was fat (no, carbs are not evil, yes, you should eat them and I freakin' need them).

I use to get dizzy when I woke up in the morning, I don't anymore.

I had arthritis and I can't remember the last time I had pain.

Yes I try to do silly things like order salads when I'm out. Vegetables weren't in my diet before, it's not a bad thing. I lived on nuggets and fries. It's not like I'm going to go the whole day eating only spinach. The whole point of the salad is for more nutrition, I want to add a bit of everything. This isn't a limiting thing it's an addition.

I have my period, I eat, I'm not getting stronger it's quite the opposite. Yes I realize I'm not a gigantic creature. No I can't imagine me having any need to lose more then what I already have (if anything I'd want muscle which would cause the weight to go up).

I usually ask people who give me 'the look' if they have any idea how many calories they consume on a daily basis? 2000? Cool, I ate more then that today and I can also go on a 20km hike without it killing me. I feel a ton better. If they mention how calorie counting is unhealthy I agree with them, I think it can be obsessive. I also am obsessed with the sims, but they don't care about that. I then make sure they know I'm more about facts then sitting there worrying about if my gum fits into my goal. I tell them I like research and ask them how much the RDI thinks the average healthy female eats (2000 calories) and how much I eat (more then that if I'm exercising).

---

My best friend stopped talking to me and deleted me on facebook over this, so perhaps you shouldn't take my advice :P This was after she told me I looked scary and needed a burger.

Candi_land

I'm the heaviest by far out of all of my friends, but it's never been an issue for me or them. One of my good friends only needs/wants to lose about 10lbs as her goal is to tone up and gain strength and I do my best to encourage and support her and she does the same for me.

Everyone has their own personal goals no matter how big or small, I don't get why some people compare themselves to others or feel the need to down someone for making healthier choices.

Just remember you're in this for you, if your friends can't be supportive maybe it's best to start thinking about new friends or let them know your weight/fitness goals aren't up for discussion.

Best of luck to you hon! :flowerforyou:

aross001

I'm quite overweight and when I see anyone less fat than me (and that's alot of folks), in my mind they're "normal". It takes me by surprise when folks I deem fit and attractive explain they're unhappy about their body. I've been large since I was a child, so it was something that I had to get used to as an adult.

I'm sure there are jealous folks out there, but there are others that may just be caught up in their own body image to notice that other folks struggle too. It's relative.

It's ridiculous how it's socially acceptable to tell somebody they're too skinny, but not too fat.

Indeed! My mother has always been self conscious about her thinness, even though she seems quite normal. It really bothers me when people (fat jealous ones) call her skinny. =( Because of this, despite what I might be thinking, I resist the urge to judge an individuals body type.

shrinkingsusie

Personally, I would just say, "thank you" and move on. Their opinion might change when they see how good you look and feel in a few months!!