How to deal with people heavier than you.....



  • sarahg148
    sarahg148 Posts: 701 Member
    If the people you are hanging out with are bigger than you, then they may wish they looked like you. We all have our own body issues...everybody does. Just do what some others have said already...don't really talk about it with those who don't support you. Do what you feel is healthy for you. I know for myself I'd feel better OVERALL if I just got down to 155 and firmed up. I wouldn't be skin and bones...just healthy with muscle tone and less jiggle. Maybe it's time to find some new friends (not saying to dump current ones) who have similar goals to yours. Join a sports team or a group fitness class. Do what's best for you physically and emotionally. :smile:
  • GCTom
    GCTom Posts: 3
    Like you I didnt have much to lose. When people tell my I am fine the way I am I counter with, "I have never been a fit person before and I want to know how that feels." ETA: lol I wrote that in my husbands account. OOPS.
  • honestly if there's people that are heavier than you thinking you're crazy for exercising and having a better diet,at least you'll know that you're getting yourself back to perfect health and if they don't want to diet it's their choice,but you'll live probably longer than them 'cause you cut out risks of diabetes,heart disease,stroke,sleep apnea and all the other metabolic health problems that are affecting most people in the u.s nowadays.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
    I focus on how I want to get stronger and healthier. I don't discuss it as weight loss. It's fitness.
  • algebravoodoo
    algebravoodoo Posts: 776 Member
    People are used to seeing large people. It's kinda considered normal to be overweight or obese, at least where I was working. Healthy weight people were kind of a rarity of sorts..
    I have had people tell me I am too skinny, yet one of these ladies also had the audacity to tell me I was too fast several months before I started losing weight.

    If people keep commenting just say something to the effect that you want to be as healthy as you can be and believe it or not the goal weight you have IS healthy.

    People these days seem to think that if you want to be a healthy weight then you must be crazy. I don't get it. I think it might be, at least in my exp and observation, society getting used to larger, unhealthy people.

    You are so right on that point! We, as a society, have become so accustomed to seeing overweight people that our entire perception of "healthy" has become skewed. Most of us couldn't pick a woman of ideal weight out of a line-up.
  • mem50
    mem50 Posts: 1,384 Member
    I've had the same issue with people at work. I would say 90% of them are on the "heavy" side. The other 10% are super size 0 thin. They all tell me I'm to skinny and blah, blah, Bleeping blah. I smile and say I'm good where I am. I'm happy, my DH is happy. Not that he ever had an issue with my weight....except for health issues....

    Be proud of what you have done and kept right on doing it.
  • CoderGal
    CoderGal Posts: 6,800 Member
    I've run into this as well. Especially since I'm fairly slim. If I mention to anyone I lost weight they look at me with fear in their eyes. I think most peoples biggest concern is if your thoughts are in a healthy place, which can be a concern sometimes. Give them reasons to wipe that look off their faces.

    They first point out that I wasn't big to begin with. I usually point out that I put on 30 pounds in less then a year and my resting heart rate was over 100bpm and that I use to break into a huffing puffing sweat if I had to walk up the stairs to go to the computer lab. My heart would beat out of my chest. I can now hike 20km and still have wind. That's not a sign of malnutrition, that's a sign of strength. Not to mention the fact that I find it hysterical that nobody seemed concerned about my health then.

    Same for chin ups, which I couldn't do before.

    My nails started cracking off when I was larger. I don't know anyone who can outgrow mine now.

    My hair was drying out and now it's shiny again. I think it's because I was eating more carbs then I was fat (no, carbs are not evil, yes, you should eat them and I freakin' need them).

    I use to get dizzy when I woke up in the morning, I don't anymore.

    I had arthritis and I can't remember the last time I had pain.

    Yes I try to do silly things like order salads when I'm out. Vegetables weren't in my diet before, it's not a bad thing. I lived on nuggets and fries. It's not like I'm going to go the whole day eating only spinach. The whole point of the salad is for more nutrition, I want to add a bit of everything. This isn't a limiting thing it's an addition.

    I have my period, I eat, I'm not getting stronger it's quite the opposite. Yes I realize I'm not a gigantic creature. No I can't imagine me having any need to lose more then what I already have (if anything I'd want muscle which would cause the weight to go up).

    I usually ask people who give me 'the look' if they have any idea how many calories they consume on a daily basis? 2000? Cool, I ate more then that today and I can also go on a 20km hike without it killing me. I feel a ton better. If they mention how calorie counting is unhealthy I agree with them, I think it can be obsessive. I also am obsessed with the sims, but they don't care about that. I then make sure they know I'm more about facts then sitting there worrying about if my gum fits into my goal. I tell them I like research and ask them how much the RDI thinks the average healthy female eats (2000 calories) and how much I eat (more then that if I'm exercising).

    My best friend stopped talking to me and deleted me on facebook over this, so perhaps you shouldn't take my advice :P This was after she told me I looked scary and needed a burger.
  • Candi_land
    Candi_land Posts: 1,311 Member
    I'm the heaviest by far out of all of my friends, but it's never been an issue for me or them. One of my good friends only needs/wants to lose about 10lbs as her goal is to tone up and gain strength and I do my best to encourage and support her and she does the same for me.

    Everyone has their own personal goals no matter how big or small, I don't get why some people compare themselves to others or feel the need to down someone for making healthier choices.

    Just remember you're in this for you, if your friends can't be supportive maybe it's best to start thinking about new friends or let them know your weight/fitness goals aren't up for discussion.

    Best of luck to you hon! :flowerforyou:
  • aross001
    aross001 Posts: 237
    I'm quite overweight and when I see anyone less fat than me (and that's alot of folks), in my mind they're "normal". It takes me by surprise when folks I deem fit and attractive explain they're unhappy about their body. I've been large since I was a child, so it was something that I had to get used to as an adult.

    I'm sure there are jealous folks out there, but there are others that may just be caught up in their own body image to notice that other folks struggle too. It's relative.
    It's ridiculous how it's socially acceptable to tell somebody they're too skinny, but not too fat.

    Indeed! My mother has always been self conscious about her thinness, even though she seems quite normal. It really bothers me when people (fat jealous ones) call her skinny. =( Because of this, despite what I might be thinking, I resist the urge to judge an individuals body type.
  • shrinkingsusie
    shrinkingsusie Posts: 40 Member
    Personally, I would just say, "thank you" and move on. Their opinion might change when they see how good you look and feel in a few months!!
  • slywon
    slywon Posts: 85 Member
    For the record I was not so much saying that my friends were trying to hurt me or bring me down. They just do not understand I think how I can not be "satisfied" with my body because they would be so accomplished if they got down to that size from their starting weight. The point I was mainly trying to make is that I feel awkward when out and about and I am having a water instead of a coffee with Baileys and whip cream and they say "what r u doing". I don't want my answer in any way to make them feel that they must have major issues because they are heavier than me. Everyone has there own path in life. I love to encourage and share knowledge but I really don't want to preach to anyone ever. (Side note:except my husband. I am having trouble not preaching to him because I love him so much and he is about 60 lbs. overweight and could care less :love: )
  • If, or when, I get skinny enough to get such comments from any overweight friend, I'll be a true friend and explain to them how much better I fell and just how it's not about getting thinner.. it's about getting healthier and they can do the same, then i'd invite them to come workout at the gym with me. (and introduce them to MFP)

    They will either never bring it up again or better yet you actually motivated someone into making a positive change in their life..
  • mamasmaltz3
    mamasmaltz3 Posts: 1,111 Member
    I remember standing with two friends and the one one friend who is tiny was giving the other friend a peice of clothing because it didn't fit her. The friend receiving the clothing looks at me and starts saying how she has a big butt and that is why she is getting the too big clothing. I think we are talking about the difference between a small and a medium. I was standing there wearing a 2xl thinking I wish my butt was that big, and feeling really embarrassed. I say all this just to say that we all need to be aware of our words and how we can hurt people around us without meaning to.
  • gothicfires
    gothicfires Posts: 240 Member
    I think as long as you know you are already beautiful and loosing the 30 pounds to be a more healthier you, then it's great. But if someone smaller than me says something to the affect of 'i need to loose weight because I'm fat' then it's a bit irksome. I've seen women who were smaller than I will ever hope to be once I loose weight complain about being fat... and it took every effort not to say 'well if your pants were the correct size muffin top, you wouldn't feel fat.' and this was at a time when i was 35 pounds lighter than I am now.

    Perhaps not you, but some women deserve that information slap. 'You're small, you're beautiful... acknowledge it, enjoy it!" Even if those women aren't exactly the picture perfect woman society things they should be.

    If you are mentally and physically healthy about the reason that you are loosing weight, then your overweight friends will eventually understand. Give them time and a little respect. Perhaps it will even inspire them to join you.
  • momwhosbusy
    momwhosbusy Posts: 154 Member
    People are used to seeing large people. It's kinda considered normal to be overweight or obese, MIL and grandfather in law (All my inlaws are very over weight) are constantly telling me I've lost enough. Finally I said to them that I am JUST barely at a healthy weight for my age and height and they were astonished! My MIL was actually quite logical about it and came to this same conclusion...that we are just so used to seeing overweight as normal that we consider healthy weight too thin.