The way others see your weight loss

MaraDiaz

You forgot one:

The Contender: Brings up your weight loss solely as a way to mention their own (possibly larger loss).

I hate myself for having been in this category before, but I was an insecure little critter at certain points in my life! :blushing:

mrmdjones

"The concerned complimentor"

REALLY getting on my nerves these ones! Don't got to far! You've lost enough! Anymore and you'll look unhealthy etc etc....

These people tend to be overweight and have a poor relationship with food, too....

Beckyloo80

I get a lot of the complimentary and the negative ones as well.

It's nice to hear a compliment and I always feel great when I do, and I find myself reminding the negative nancy's that my successes nor my failure is any of their business. I know I am being healthy, it's taken me over a year to lose my weight and it's staying off...... I just laugh it off because they usually have insecurities of their own that they are dealing with

kmm7309

I agree with the contender one! Usually it's people who haven't lost a noticeable amount.

Also, add "The well-meaning snake"

They slither around to everyone else in the room and tell all of them how great you look, but never tell you. This happens to me the most. A lot of times my husband's family will tell my husband that I look great, but not tell me. He doesn't tell me either. It usually comes up in a conversation a few days later. So annoying!

realme56

I was surprised to actually get positive feedback from some of our psychiatrists at the hospital (many are very self involved). Very few non-commenters, definitely quite a few saying I should not lose more even though I weigh 180# @ 5'4" and wear a size 10-12. Personally I would like to lose another 20 which would still leave me at "overweight" per BMI but would probably have me in 8-10 sizing.

TrailRunner61

SO TRUE! Great observations!

AND THEY CAN SWITCH! - I have a swticher around me! Someone who, at first, was a complimentor because I have 40 lbs to lose. But now that I am creeping closer into her range, she doesn't mention a thing.

I agree! She even mentioned once that she was trying to catch up to me, now, no more comments,, nothing. Also I go to an exercise class and now that I'm the smallest one there, a few of them treat me differently. I think it's odd.. this is not a competition with anyone else but ourselves. We do it for US, not to please anyone else...not me anyway!

icimani

2] The concerned complimentor
This group also comment on your weight loss and eating habits but urge you to be cautious with “I think you’re overdoing it” or “You’ve lost enough now, it’s time to stop” even when my BMI has just crept out of the obese range.

I'd add a subgroup to the concerned complimentor - I had someone just last night say to me "You look like you've lost some weight. Is it intentional?" I'd love to say "You're damn right it's intentional - I've been working my butt off!". But I have to consider that my gym is a in a rehab hospital and a lot of the members are retired, and a lot of people are recovering from something. With that population sometimes weight loss is not intentional, and often a symptom of an illness. **sigh**

osualex

Wow. I never thought about it before, but that's soo true.

I would like to add the over-enthusiastic complimentor. These people also tend to be women, and for some reason gush inappropriately about your weight loss. Maybe someone can weigh in on why these people ar like this, because I can't figure out the purpose of this type of interaction....

"OMG you looks SOO GREAT! I mean, I know you looked good before, but you look AMAZING now!"
"Thank you, it was hard work, but I'm pleased."
"Yeah, it must have been SO HARD! You look freaking AMAZING! How did you do it? I can't believe how WELL you've done losing the weight! Come here Tammy! Look at Shay! She looks AMAZING don't you all think? OMG OMG! You're butt looks SEXY! And look at your FACE! It looks SO HEALTHY!!"

By far the most embarrassing complimentor. I've had about 3 of these people interact with me since the summer started.

Yes, this one! I get this a lot at work and I never really know what to say...I'm usually left thinking, "Did I look THAT bad before?"

crazybookworm

Great post!! I have gotten a lot of wonderful compliments, but I also get a lot of negative ones. The most recent was "You seriously need to eat a cookie!"

When I was overweight, NO ONE said a thing about me being unhealthy. I was 252 pounds at 23 years old and only 5'2. THAT WAS UNHEALTHY! Now that I am at a healthy weight and eat better and exercise, I get people telling me all the time that I may be over-doing it, or just negative comments in general.

The criticism never stops. it may lessen but it never stops. Just be proud of yourself and let that negativity bounce right off of you!

chrishg

I agree with the contender one! Usually it's people who haven't lost a noticeable amount.

Also, add "The well-meaning snake"

They slither around to everyone else in the room and tell all of them how great you look, but never tell you. This happens to me the most. A lot of times my husband's family will tell my husband that I look great, but not tell me. He doesn't tell me either. It usually comes up in a conversation a few days later. So annoying!

Yes! Those too. They often ask you how much you've lost and how and before you can summon up an answer, we're back to them and how they've lost. I don't mind this so much though becuase it's nice to see someone enthusastic about their journey.

The strangest ones are those who think they are contenders but aren't actually. The ones who are 280lbs, have been on "a diet" for 6 months and have dropped 3lb, but insist in regailing you with their health and fitness truths. Best just to listen, smile and nod with this one.

domgirl85

I agree! I'm glad I haven't come in contact with that many #2s or #3s. Most of the ppl in my life are #1 and #4.....although when I lost weight in college, there were some #3s hanging around. The oblivious ones are the most hilarious when in a group with a #1 :P

flowersofdawn

Don't forget the FEEDERS! My office is jam packed full of feeders.
They know I'm trying to lose weight but the constant comments of 'Oh I'm sure one chocolate biscuit won't hurt your diet??' really wear you down - and make me snappy whenever someone gets up to make a coffee.... Though I need to work on my wilpower to try and refuse!

This is all over my office. We're a family founded business that is full of people that work hard, stress hard and love their food. So when goodies are in the office well, yeah... its the HARDEST thing to politely say "no thank you" and then get the whole "oh that's right, she's being healthy". Way to be supportive.

I do my best to be supportive for everyone I know that is struggling with a healthier them, but it really just gets to me when someone that is at a healthy weight can't stop complaining about their current weight and how they've gained back 2lbs. It just gets old hearing all the negative when you can clearly see that they had an AMAZING positive change.

But, all in all, I have every type of person around me in my life but luckily my genuine cheering section drowns out the naysayers. :smooched:

Great thread topic!

kmm7309

I agree with the contender one! Usually it's people who haven't lost a noticeable amount.

Also, add "The well-meaning snake"

They slither around to everyone else in the room and tell all of them how great you look, but never tell you. This happens to me the most. A lot of times my husband's family will tell my husband that I look great, but not tell me. He doesn't tell me either. It usually comes up in a conversation a few days later. So annoying!

Yes! Those too. They often ask you how much you've lost and how and before you can summon up an answer, we're back to them and how they've lost. I don't mind this so much though becuase it's nice to see someone enthusastic about their journey.

The strangest ones are those who think they are contenders but aren't actually. The ones who are 280lbs, have been on "a diet" for 6 months and have dropped 3lb, but insist in regailing you with their health and fitness truths. Best just to listen, smile and nod with this one.

YES! They are the worst. My roommate is a special blend of many of these. She lost about 25 pounds several months ago when I started my diet (mainly because of the overhaul on food I did). She hasn't stepped on a scale in three months, eats everything she wants all the time without exercise, but constantly brags about how she can't fill out her pants anymore. Sadly, these are the pants that she never filled out, and her newer pants scream when she wears them. It's hard to tell someone that they are seeing things that aren't there, so I just let her talk.

mmapags

I guess in some ways, I'm the oddball. A few family members and close friends have made postive supportive comments. My wife, the person most familiar with my body, gives me ongoing detailed feedback. Other than that, I must give off an "I don't care what you think" vibe because I get very little comment. And that's fine with me. My goals are very internalized. I don't talk a lot about my goals or what I'm doing so that likely doesn't invite comment.

gduncan229

2] The concerned complimentor
This group also comment on your weight loss and eating habits but urge you to be cautious with “I think you’re overdoing it” or “You’ve lost enough now, it’s time to stop” even when my BMI has just crept out of the obese range.

I'd add a subgroup to the concerned complimentor - I had someone just last night say to me "You look like you've lost some weight. Is it intentional?" I'd love to say "You're damn right it's intentional - I've been working my butt off!". But I have to consider that my gym is a in a rehab hospital and a lot of the members are retired, and a lot of people are recovering from something. With that population sometimes weight loss is not intentional, and often a symptom of an illness. **sigh**

I've got alot of these people lately. Some just ask is it intentional, others ask if I'm feeling ok, My boss basically said that I should seriously get looked at by my doctor because losing the weight I have as fast as I have just isn't normal, and I've got to have something wrong with me.

But then I got those that just say "oh you cut you hair", which I did when I first decided to lose the weight. So I tend to ignore what others think.

cmacphee3

The only one you forgot was the non-commenter who doesn't comment because you have lost and regained weight several times and they no longer want to say anything. Oh.. maybe that is just for me :S

saxmaniac

4] The no commentor

You forgot the people who notice, but don't say anything... because they don't feel like dealing with people who can't take a compliment.

I ran into a friend's sister this summer who, while still very obese, probably lost a 30-50 pounds and it was noticeable. I was about to compliment her on her work, and said "You're looking..." but caught myself just in time. She is kind of a negative person, and I don't feel increasing negativity in my life.

Of course, she caught me, and asked "I'm looking what?" so I mumbled some noncommittal bull**** about "looking happy" or something equally pointless.

cmacphee3

How funny - I wrote a blog post on this today on my MFP blog.

Another angle is the cultural perspective - it is more or less appropriate to comment in some cultures, and there are different values associated with being fat...

Small excerpt from my post today:

I have recently lived in Asia and the Middle East, where the culture regarding commenting on weight is WAY different than my own. It's not considered rude or personal to make comments on someone's weight who you barely know. A couple times when visiting Africa, I've been congratulated on being fat, as it's considered a sign of wealth and health. In Pakistan, people won't call you fat - they call you 'healthy'. But they mean fat. My regular taxi driver here in Yemen recently told me that I should do more exercise because I am too big. My work colleagues in Pakistan would never fail to mention any little fluctuation in my weight. Sometimes in friendly, empathetic ways - 'well, it's because you're fat, like me!', other times just very practical - 'well, you should sit in the front of the car because you are the biggest'. Definitely stings a little, and I tend to get a bit huffy, but after a while you become a bit immune to it. People honestly don't mean any harm, and don't consider it to be rude.

Maybe there's a category 5: The well-meaning insulters (:

I found this so interesting!

stephdeeable

Mines not too noticeable yet, but a few people have complimented me. Not too much negative, but I've had a few people make comments about my goal weight (170..give or take) and say things like "But you're tall, isn't 250 a better weight". Well, I'd still be obese at that point, so no. Haha.

glitterjam

My boyfriend is No. 4. He has not commented on my weight loss, even a slight hint of recognition. I have gone down 2 jean sizes and a bra size. My clothes are fitting much better, it's noticeable. My coworkers have all noticed and are very supportive. Even the waitress at a restaurant we go to about once a month commented (in front of him, no less) and still nothing. Why is this?