The way others see your weight loss
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I agree! I'm glad I haven't come in contact with that many #2s or #3s. Most of the ppl in my life are #1 and #4.....although when I lost weight in college, there were some #3s hanging around. The oblivious ones are the most hilarious when in a group with a #1 :P0
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Don't forget the FEEDERS! My office is jam packed full of feeders.
They know I'm trying to lose weight but the constant comments of 'Oh I'm sure one chocolate biscuit won't hurt your diet??' really wear you down - and make me snappy whenever someone gets up to make a coffee....
Though I need to work on my wilpower to try and refuse!
This is all over my office. We're a family founded business that is full of people that work hard, stress hard and love their food. So when goodies are in the office well, yeah... its the HARDEST thing to politely say "no thank you" and then get the whole "oh that's right, she's being healthy". Way to be supportive.
I do my best to be supportive for everyone I know that is struggling with a healthier them, but it really just gets to me when someone that is at a healthy weight can't stop complaining about their current weight and how they've gained back 2lbs. It just gets old hearing all the negative when you can clearly see that they had an AMAZING positive change.
But, all in all, I have every type of person around me in my life but luckily my genuine cheering section drowns out the naysayers. :smooched:
Great thread topic!0 -
I agree with the contender one! Usually it's people who haven't lost a noticeable amount.
Also, add "The well-meaning snake"
They slither around to everyone else in the room and tell all of them how great you look, but never tell you. This happens to me the most. A lot of times my husband's family will tell my husband that I look great, but not tell me. He doesn't tell me either. It usually comes up in a conversation a few days later. So annoying!
Yes! Those too. They often ask you how much you've lost and how and before you can summon up an answer, we're back to them and how they've lost. I don't mind this so much though becuase it's nice to see someone enthusastic about their journey.
The strangest ones are those who think they are contenders but aren't actually. The ones who are 280lbs, have been on "a diet" for 6 months and have dropped 3lb, but insist in regailing you with their health and fitness truths. Best just to listen, smile and nod with this one.
YES! They are the worst. My roommate is a special blend of many of these. She lost about 25 pounds several months ago when I started my diet (mainly because of the overhaul on food I did). She hasn't stepped on a scale in three months, eats everything she wants all the time without exercise, but constantly brags about how she can't fill out her pants anymore. Sadly, these are the pants that she never filled out, and her newer pants scream when she wears them. It's hard to tell someone that they are seeing things that aren't there, so I just let her talk.0 -
I guess in some ways, I'm the oddball. A few family members and close friends have made postive supportive comments. My wife, the person most familiar with my body, gives me ongoing detailed feedback. Other than that, I must give off an "I don't care what you think" vibe because I get very little comment. And that's fine with me. My goals are very internalized. I don't talk a lot about my goals or what I'm doing so that likely doesn't invite comment.0
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2] The concerned complimentor
This group also comment on your weight loss and eating habits but urge you to be cautious with “I think you’re overdoing it” or “You’ve lost enough now, it’s time to stop” even when my BMI has just crept out of the obese range.
I'd add a subgroup to the concerned complimentor - I had someone just last night say to me "You look like you've lost some weight. Is it intentional?" I'd love to say "You're damn right it's intentional - I've been working my butt off!". But I have to consider that my gym is a in a rehab hospital and a lot of the members are retired, and a lot of people are recovering from something. With that population sometimes weight loss is not intentional, and often a symptom of an illness. **sigh**
I've got alot of these people lately. Some just ask is it intentional, others ask if I'm feeling ok, My boss basically said that I should seriously get looked at by my doctor because losing the weight I have as fast as I have just isn't normal, and I've got to have something wrong with me.
But then I got those that just say "oh you cut you hair", which I did when I first decided to lose the weight. So I tend to ignore what others think.0 -
The only one you forgot was the non-commenter who doesn't comment because you have lost and regained weight several times and they no longer want to say anything. Oh.. maybe that is just for me :S0
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You forgot the people who notice, but don't say anything... because they don't feel like dealing with people who can't take a compliment.4] The no commentor
I ran into a friend's sister this summer who, while still very obese, probably lost a 30-50 pounds and it was noticeable. I was about to compliment her on her work, and said "You're looking..." but caught myself just in time. She is kind of a negative person, and I don't feel increasing negativity in my life.
Of course, she caught me, and asked "I'm looking what?" so I mumbled some noncommittal bull**** about "looking happy" or something equally pointless.0 -
How funny - I wrote a blog post on this today on my MFP blog.
Another angle is the cultural perspective - it is more or less appropriate to comment in some cultures, and there are different values associated with being fat...
Small excerpt from my post today:
I have recently lived in Asia and the Middle East, where the culture regarding commenting on weight is WAY different than my own. It's not considered rude or personal to make comments on someone's weight who you barely know. A couple times when visiting Africa, I've been congratulated on being fat, as it's considered a sign of wealth and health. In Pakistan, people won't call you fat - they call you 'healthy'. But they mean fat. My regular taxi driver here in Yemen recently told me that I should do more exercise because I am too big. My work colleagues in Pakistan would never fail to mention any little fluctuation in my weight. Sometimes in friendly, empathetic ways - 'well, it's because you're fat, like me!', other times just very practical - 'well, you should sit in the front of the car because you are the biggest'. Definitely stings a little, and I tend to get a bit huffy, but after a while you become a bit immune to it. People honestly don't mean any harm, and don't consider it to be rude.
Maybe there's a category 5: The well-meaning insulters (:
I found this so interesting!0 -
Mines not too noticeable yet, but a few people have complimented me. Not too much negative, but I've had a few people make comments about my goal weight (170..give or take) and say things like "But you're tall, isn't 250 a better weight". Well, I'd still be obese at that point, so no. Haha.0
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My boyfriend is No. 4. He has not commented on my weight loss, even a slight hint of recognition. I have gone down 2 jean sizes and a bra size. My clothes are fitting much better, it's noticeable. My coworkers have all noticed and are very supportive. Even the waitress at a restaurant we go to about once a month commented (in front of him, no less) and still nothing. Why is this?0
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I have a friend at work who cannot let me be "normal." She always has to bring up the fact that I've lost weight, which lets everyone around us, often people I'm meeting for the first time, know that I used to be fat. She's complimenting me while putting me back in my place as the fat girl all at the same time. I'd like to be seen by new people as I am now, not as I used to be. My "hard work" (?) can be acknowledged privately by those who know what I've gone through.0
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I agree with you on pretty much every point, but I would like to add that sometimes (as in my case), people are less worried about how OTHER people see them and just want to be happy with what they see in the mirror. I'm not saying it's doesn't feel good to get compliments from others about my appearance, but neither is it my objective to get compliments. I just, for once in my life, want to be able to look in the mirror and feel confident about what I see. If I am comfortable with the way I look, it won't matter to me one way or the other what someone else thinks.0
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I do not comment on others weight loss because I'm afraid they'll react negatively. Some people are embarassed of it. I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable but I will tell them they look great.0
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Wow. I never thought about it before, but that's soo true.
I would like to add the over-enthusiastic complimentor. These people also tend to be women, and for some reason gush inappropriately about your weight loss. Maybe someone can weigh in on why these people ar like this, because I can't figure out the purpose of this type of interaction....
"OMG you looks SOO GREAT! I mean, I know you looked good before, but you look AMAZING now!"
"Thank you, it was hard work, but I'm pleased."
"Yeah, it must have been SO HARD! You look freaking AMAZING! How did you do it? I can't believe how WELL you've done losing the weight! Come here Tammy! Look at Shay! She looks AMAZING don't you all think? OMG OMG! You're butt looks SEXY! And look at your FACE! It looks SO HEALTHY!!"
By far the most embarrassing complimentor. I've had about 3 of these people interact with me since the summer started.
I've had a couple of these...they make me lol. One friend on FB posted about how she didn't even recognize me and I look so amazing, what have I done to myself? I almost said that I had a face and body transplant so I no longer look like the fat cow I apparently was before, but I refrained. After all, she meant it as a compliment, and my too-sensitive self wanted to take it otherwise. Most people have no idea how to react "appropriately" to a big change like weight loss. I mean, what is appropriate for one person may not be for the next, so many people just say nothing.0 -
I've had all kinds of responses. Good, bad, neutral, no response--you name it.
I've had co-workers say I'm skinny (they themselves are large), and I thank them--but I'm no where near skinny.
They only surprise I've had is my husband and father-in-law saying that I'm losing too much too fast. It's taken me a year to get 33 pounds off. I did lose most of it in four months, but still that is not a rapid loss considering all the work I've put into it.
Resistance can come from anywhere, but I'm going to keep trucking along and move towards my goals.0 -
My boyfriend is No. 4. He has not commented on my weight loss, even a slight hint of recognition. I have gone down 2 jean sizes and a bra size. My clothes are fitting much better, it's noticeable. My coworkers have all noticed and are very supportive. Even the waitress at a restaurant we go to about once a month commented (in front of him, no less) and still nothing. Why is this?
Maybe he feels threatened. This could be the case if he's got some areas he should be working on or he believes he's a stepping stone to something better as you reach your goals. On the other hand, maybe he is truly oblivious although hard to fathom if people are commenting in front of him.
*Nice jeep by the way.0 -
There is the curious complimenter. I professional colleague noticed my weight loss and asked me how I did it. So, I told her about this place.
Then there is the backhanded complimenter. It is sort of over the top, innapropriate, but with a twist that lets you know what that person really thought of you before. Examples. My 11 year old says to me, "Dad, it looks like you lost some weight. There isn't as much fat around your ribs anymore." Another example from the distant past. After losing about 15 lbs years ago, a professional colleague commented in front of a bunch of people how good I looked, then mentioned the flip side, how fat I looked before.0 -
Fortunately I have only experienced 2 of what you listed ...THE COMPLIMENTER and the NO COMMENTOR (however eventually the NO COMMENTOR is now saying something and end up in the category of COMPLIMENTER). I'm in the mind set that EVERYONE IS NOT GOING TO BE HAPPY FOR ME and so as long as "I" feel good, that is what counts most
This AM while talking to a co-worker she asked, wow, how much have you lost so far? I told her and she was like, wow, you can really tell...YOU CAN REALLY TELL! I LOVE COMPLIMENTERS:):)
Excellent observation though but the "negatives", shake it off and keep it movin--YOU'RE DOING GR8T!!!0 -
Don't forget the FEEDERS! My office is jam packed full of feeders.
They know I'm trying to lose weight but the constant comments of 'Oh I'm sure one chocolate biscuit won't hurt your diet??' really wear you down - and make me snappy whenever someone gets up to make a coffee.... Though I need to work on my wilpower to try and refuse!
I KNOW.
For example, a girl at work was getting up to get a donut, asked me if I wanted one. I said no thanks, I really shouldn't, and she nodded and walked off. I didn't really think twice about it. She came back with an extra donut for me. While it was sweet of her, it was either be rude and refuse the donut or eat it and skip lunch to make my calorie intake work. Ended up skipping lunch. Was short on protein that day because of it, to boot. : /
Little old ladies pull the guilt card, too. Why didn't you eat any of their cake? No one seemed to be eating their cake. Was it a bad cake? Did you not like their cake? They used to be wonderful cooks, back in the day, but now they're old with children who don't visit them and they can't even make a good cake anymore.....0 -
I have lost a third of my body wt. and nobody in my small town has even commented on it. They don't seem to notice that I've lost 104 lbs. It is irritating, but I found that I don't need their responses to lose the wt. I am doing this for myself and my multiple health issues that I have from being morbidly obese all my life. I do wish that others noticed, but I can do this, and have, without their support. I have my husband's and family's support, along with the support from all mfp friends, and that's all I really truly need.
I also live in a small town. And, you know, a big part of small town life is trying to give people privacy by ignoring obvious things like you hear them yelling a their kids, their dog pooped on your lawn, and their kid just got arrested for selling dope. At least when you're talking to them face-to-face
I live in a college town, so the people at work are the people who live in my neighborhood. And it's the midwest so mentioning someone's body is more or less taboo anyway.
And I bet you're too polite to point out your incredibly success too, because it would be showing off! (Congratulations, BTW, that is AWESOME!)
I'm SURE people notice, but are too polite to say so. My very closest friends didn't say anything even though I've lost 25 pounds and dropped down many sizes. But once I mentioned that I had lost 25 pounds and had been using MFP, everyone complimented me and told me that had been noticing it, but hadn't wanted to say anything. Now that I've broached the subject, they all mention it every time I've dropped another few pounds and every time I wear something new that shows off the weight loss. They were just trying to be polite and letting me maintain my privacy.
Much as I would have loved them to spontaneously say 'you look great!'.0 -
Then there is always the case when you choose not to eat certain things at a potluck or family gathering and it becomes a,
"Wow, you are a picky eater now." or "Is my food not good enough?"
1. No I am not a picky eater now... I'm wiser with my choices.
2. Your food is not on my plan right now OR it's way too processed for this body to handle.
I try to be nice and make sure my plate is filled with SOMETHING so I don't look too uppity.0 -
I have lost a third of my body wt. and nobody in my small town has even commented on it. They don't seem to notice that I've lost 104 lbs. It is irritating, but I found that I don't need their responses to lose the wt. I am doing this for myself and my multiple health issues that I have from being morbidly obese all my life. I do wish that others noticed, but I can do this, and have, without their support. I have my husband's and family's support, along with the support from all mfp friends, and that's all I really truly need.
Maybe they all have on some kind of glasses that prevent them from being human and giving a complimentary word on a job so well done! So since they won't, I will: "Hey there! How you Doin'?
"
Everyone needs and deserves a pat on the back when they accomplish something great, which you have. They notice, they just either that oblivious to the appearance of others OR they are skeptic and placing bets on how long before it comes back. These are two other groups I ahve conteended with over my journey.0 -
Nobody has really noticed mine except me. My DH also notices especially my abs (since I'm in the habit of showing them to him and asking "do I look like Jlian Michaels yet?" Lol-great man he is for putting up with that).0
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regarding #4 some people just don't know what or how to say it. For example my neighbor fumbled though a compliment yesterday but it was apparent he was afraid of saying too much because noticing sometimes still brings focus to having been fat.
My personal peeve though is #2, as I'm nearing my first goal, the top end of a normal BMI, I'm starting to get "the slow downs", "be careful", and "you are getting too thin"... really? I have said on more than one occasion: "I get that you have never seen me at a normal weight and it's a big contrast but I'm still overweight by all medical standards. My goal is to be healthy, for me, and my family, I would no more get too thin then I want to go back to being too fat."0 -
My MIL is of the school women should just "diet" and not exercise. She totally doesn't understand my lifting weights, but does try to be supportive.
I picked her up after her lunch date yesterday with 3 friends. When I went in to say hi, her 3 friends were just gushing over me and how great I looked and how skinny I was. One of the women I had never met before! LOL. I know my MIL asked them to say something to me and she is trying to be supportive, but phony compliments are worse!
Anyways, I thanked them all and as we drove home I could tell my MIL was very pleased with herself. Gotta love that woman.0 -
4] The no commentor
This is by far the bulk of the populous, the people who, despite the fact that you look great, have had a complete change of wardrobe and have dropped 20% of your body, don’t seem to realise. Closer examination reveals that these people really form 2 groups.
Firstly you have those who are genuinely oblivious. Often middle aged men who are not aware of their own weight never mind yours and who, if asked about your appearance before and after, would respond “Emmm, about average?”
Secondly you have the large group of large people who know that they too have a weight issue. And by acknowledging your weight loss they may have to strike up a conversation with themselves about their own health and body image. Often this is too painful so they ignore weight loss in others thus avoiding the subject.
Either my (so far) 30lb loss doesn't show, or 98% of people fall into this group in my life.
I've also found another group: People who know that you're changing your eating habits, working out etc. and mention how great you look. I'm not sure how I feel about this. They're supportive and kind, but at the same time it makes me wonder if they really see a difference or if they're just saying that because they know I'm working towards it. Appreciated, no doubt, and it's great to hear...but I get the feeling that they're just being nice.0 -
I haven't lost enough weight for anybody to notice yet, lol. 0
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Thanks for the post. You did an excellent job analyzing commentors!0
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i think there's another part for type 4 - people who notice but are just generally to scared to say anything. i work in an all-male office and 90% of them won't say anything when i dye my hair purple, but you see them do a double take and you know they know. that being said, i pulled some smaller clothes out of my closet today and noticed a lot of people actually staring at me... i know they know...0
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Wow. I never thought about it before, but that's soo true.
I would like to add the over-enthusiastic complimentor. These people also tend to be women, and for some reason gush inappropriately about your weight loss. Maybe someone can weigh in on why these people ar like this, because I can't figure out the purpose of this type of interaction....
"OMG you looks SOO GREAT! I mean, I know you looked good before, but you look AMAZING now!"
"Thank you, it was hard work, but I'm pleased."
"Yeah, it must have been SO HARD! You look freaking AMAZING! How did you do it? I can't believe how WELL you've done losing the weight! Come here Tammy! Look at Shay! She looks AMAZING don't you all think? OMG OMG! You're butt looks SEXY! And look at your FACE! It looks SO HEALTHY!!"
By far the most embarrassing complimentor. I've had about 3 of these people interact with me since the summer started.
I've had a couple of these...they make me lol. One friend on FB posted about how she didn't even recognize me and I look so amazing, what have I done to myself? I almost said that I had a face and body transplant so I no longer look like the fat cow I apparently was before, but I refrained. After all, she meant it as a compliment, and my too-sensitive self wanted to take it otherwise. Most people have no idea how to react "appropriately" to a big change like weight loss. I mean, what is appropriate for one person may not be for the next, so many people just say nothing.
LOL @ transplant! Something similar happened to me at a birthday party for my daughter's friend a month ago. Some of the grandparents were sitting around and said, "Shay's husband and her kids are here, but where is Shay?" I was RIGHT THERE! Seriously? I have the same face. Did they only see my butt before? :laugh:0
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