The way others see your weight loss

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Replies

  • paprs
    paprs Posts: 47 Member
    Great post! This is a really interesting and insightful discussion.
  • gsmithnp
    gsmithnp Posts: 139 Member
    In regards to men (in general, husbands, boyfriends, whatever) not commenting on weight loss: many men WON'T say a WORD about a woman's weight, either positive or negative, because women--and I speak as a "women"--have a tendency to turn a compliment into a slam. Not saying all women do it, but I think men are conditioned to not take the chance. Do they really want to have this conversation:

    He: "Wow honey, you look great having lost all that weight!"
    She: "So you're saying I was a fat whale before?!?"

    or this one?

    Male co-worker: "Have you lost weight? You look good!"
    Female: "Pervert!! I'm calling human resources to report sexual harrassment!!"

    So I think a lot of men fall into the non-commenter group just because they don't know how to say anything without looking like a jerk or a pervert. Or they really are oblivious.
  • ksboyd20
    ksboyd20 Posts: 21 Member
    Wow. I never thought about it before, but that's soo true.

    I would like to add the over-enthusiastic complimentor. These people also tend to be women, and for some reason gush inappropriately about your weight loss. Maybe someone can weigh in on why these people ar like this, because I can't figure out the purpose of this type of interaction....

    "OMG you looks SOO GREAT! I mean, I know you looked good before, but you look AMAZING now!"
    "Thank you, it was hard work, but I'm pleased."
    "Yeah, it must have been SO HARD! You look freaking AMAZING! How did you do it? I can't believe how WELL you've done losing the weight! Come here Tammy! Look at Shay! She looks AMAZING don't you all think? OMG OMG! You're butt looks SEXY! And look at your FACE! It looks SO HEALTHY!!"

    By far the most embarrassing complimentor. I've had about 3 of these people interact with me since the summer started.

    Yes, I am one of these. lol. I'm not trying to be embarrassing I am just genuinely happy and excited for the person. Last year my sister who lives out of state dropped 40 pounds. She came to visit and when she got off the plane I could not stop staring at her, she looked so amazing. I was a tad bit jealous (seeing that I had a baby 2 weeks before) but I was honestly estatic for her and told her how great she looked 50 times a day.. :p
  • ksboyd20
    ksboyd20 Posts: 21 Member
    There is the curious complimenter. I professional colleague noticed my weight loss and asked me how I did it. So, I told her about this place.

    Then there is the backhanded complimenter. It is sort of over the top, innapropriate, but with a twist that lets you know what that person really thought of you before. Examples. My 11 year old says to me, "Dad, it looks like you lost some weight. There isn't as much fat around your ribs anymore." Another example from the distant past. After losing about 15 lbs years ago, a professional colleague commented in front of a bunch of people how good I looked, then mentioned the flip side, how fat I looked before.

    I lost 14 pounds so far and yesterday my 14 year old daughter gave me a hug and then said "OMG MOM!!! I can fit both of my arms all the way around you now!" LOL. Im like yeaaaa. thanks kiddo ;)
  • Infauna
    Infauna Posts: 89
    I usually only comment on someone's weight loss if they bring it up with me first. Weight is such a touchy subject for a lot of people around me so I try to keep quiet about it unless they ask.
  • nxd10
    nxd10 Posts: 4,570 Member
    The biggest compliments I've gotten is from two women in my office and one in a band I played in. All of them told me (quietly) that I looked great and asked if I was doing anything to lose weight. Told one at work about MFP and the next day the other person asked me about it because it obviously worked. Which was better than a direct compliment!
  • paprs
    paprs Posts: 47 Member
    I usually only comment on someone's weight loss if they bring it up with me first. Weight is such a touchy subject for a lot of people around me so I try to keep quiet about it unless they ask.

    If I think someone is shy or uncomfortable talking about their weight, I'll usually just say, "You look great!" and leave it at that. That statement could mean so many things, including "you look happy!" or "great haircut" or "your outfit is cute" OR "you've lost a ton of weight!".
  • Humbugsftw
    Humbugsftw Posts: 202 Member
    I've had a few people who are happy. And I've had women act like complete snarky arseholes and tell me my 'journey wasn't important' because I didn't have 'genuine weight issues to begin with'. Right, as if they knew EXACTLY what my psychological problems with my appearance were and the extent of my borderline depression before I decided to finally lose weight. Everyone's journey is important whether they have 10lbs or 100+lbs to lose, and to imply someone's journey is 'more important' than another's is ridiculous.
    I've been told by friends that they tend to be very jealous and that's why they act like that. But still, it pisses me off. If you are jealous, keep your thoughts to yourself. I get jealous about people sometimes but that DRIVES me to become better because I am by nature competitive, I don't lash out and become a snarky *kitten*.
    I'm more than happy to tell them how I did it and offer them advice and help, I've not been anything BUT supportive of my friends who HAVE lost weight and are so happy to have done so and have tooted their own horns, I totally understand their feelings. Why people undermine another's achievement is beyond me, seriously.
  • Proyecto_AN
    Proyecto_AN Posts: 387
    Great post.
  • imkegoal
    imkegoal Posts: 156 Member
    Wow, I read all the comments and had so much to comment on just reading them. I won't do that though.. I think.

    One of the comments earlier was about their friend refering to their weight loss even around new people. I have to admit; I am guilty of doing that. My friend has lost 6 stone (80+ pounds) and I tell everyone we meet. I genuinly do this because I am so proud of her achievement. Never realised it could be perceived as a 'look at how fat she used to be' back stabbing comment.

    I myself am getting a lot of the 'concerned complimentors' since a few months: "you have lost lots now, but surely thats enough?' or 'are you going to keep this counting of calroies up forever?'
    I respond by saying I have reached my goal (In August), and am now just maintaining by sticking to my calories on weekdays. However- My BMI is still over 23! Yes, it used to be over 30, but I am by no means skinny!
    So recently I have changed it to: 'I am maintaining now, but aim to loose a bit more after Christmas.' which results in comments about 'Oh yes, it's wise to loose weight gradually- but don't loose too much!'.
    I also don't like 'you are wasting away' compliments- as I obviously am not wasting away with a BMI of 23+

    I don't feel insulted about the 'over the top comments'- come on, my BMI was over 30- yes I was THAT fat before! there is no denying! However, they do embarres me, as I don't really know how to respond. I generally respond with a 'thanks' if they compliment or 'yeah, I lost 3.5 stone over the past 2 years' if they ask, but when they go no and on, I don't know what else to say.

    Anyway; great topic thanks for staring it!
  • MaryRegs
    MaryRegs Posts: 272 Member
    I have gone from a size 24 to an 18...and have not really had anyone, other than my coworkers who know what I am doing, make any comments. My husband keeps telling me that "clothes don't lie" which is true, but I sure would appreciate some sort of observation. Guess I need to peel off some more before I get the "concerned compliments"....
  • clafarge
    clafarge Posts: 13
    I have yet another: the pretender. They would be a 4a], but for the common friends or family who have mentioned your efforts. They comment only because they think they should, since they know you're trying, even though they don't actually see a difference and wouldn't know it if you had dropped 15% overnight. From some it comes from a loving place, from some just a conversation topic to keep the day moving. I don't see any harm.
  • 3foldchord
    3foldchord Posts: 2,918 Member
    I often fall into the "no comment because I am oblivious".
  • Danni3ll3
    Danni3ll3 Posts: 365 Member
    Great observations! I find that some people don't like change so you will get underhanded comments like "Are you sick? You have lost weight!" Or "You look good now, you don't need to lose anymore." My mother is an expert at those comments. When I had lost about 20 lbs and she hadn't seen me in a while, she patted my stomach and said: "Well, you haven't lost that!" I could have strangled her. It turned out that the tummy bulge was due to a medical condition and that was mostly resolved once I had the condition taken care of.
  • chrishg
    chrishg Posts: 35 Member
    Great observations! I find that some people don't like change so you will get underhanded comments like "Are you sick? You have lost weight!" Or "You look good now, you don't need to lose anymore." My mother is an expert at those comments. When I had lost about 20 lbs and she hadn't seen me in a while, she patted my stomach and said: "Well, you haven't lost that!" I could have strangled her. It turned out that the tummy bulge was due to a medical condition and that was mostly resolved once I had the condition taken care of.

    Ahhh...mothers. Now they deserve a brand new topic all of there own. I'm sure if a lot of us went to therapy to talk about why we are overweight, for many the word "mother" would pop up in the first 2 minutes!

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