Someone told my 5 yr old to stop eating or she'll get fat

guardian419

This is one of the reasons I'm glad I don't have a daughter. Assault charges would be "getting off easy" for what I think I would do.

As for taking care of your daughter... Like I said, i don't have a daughter myself, but IMO the best thing you can do is teach her. Tell her the person who told her that doesn't know what they're talking about, and here's the right way to think about it.... and explain nutrition (in 5 year old terms, of course). The best defense to anything is intelligence (and bigger guns)

tomomatic

I hope you find who this person is and hit him/her with a bus.

DontStopB_Leakin

We don't have TV other than netflix, so she can't go random channel flipping. I'm working to find out (and possibly maim) the offender.

My little girl is solid muscle and the doctor says she's right where she needs to be weight-wise, so I'm not concerned about that. I know she didn't get it from me- I'm very careful about what I say in front of her. We exercise together and place an emphasis on eating foods that'll help her grow up strong along with occasional treats. I guess keep doing what I'm doing?

It sounds to me like you're already doing everything right in this department. Just keep drilling it home.

My little boy LOVES to workout with me. He's only 3, but he already makes extremely wise food choices on his own due to my emphasis on proper nutrition. He totally pigs out on pizza, cake, and other treats from tme to time, and that's fine. So do I. But on the whole, he has a very healthy relationship with food and fitness, even at such a young age.


I do feel for you, though. Little girls put so much stock into what others say about their appearance. There's a very good chance that this might stick with her, unfortunately. Just keep doing what you're doing, and hopefully she'll forget this nonsense soon enough.

know_your_worth

Ahhh My mother-in-law strikes again.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Cracked me up!



In all seriousness, people are stupid, to say that to anyone, especially a five year old :noway:
The only advice that I have is to reassure her that she's beautiful (which I'm sure you already do) say positive things about her, all that good stuff and that could help do some damage control as far as her esteem goes.

Breaks my heart that some ugly person had to spread their negativity onto your child.

bet3120

Ugh. I wonder where she heard it. But honestly, it could have been TV just as easily as a trusted adult or another child... does she watch daytime talk shows or reality tv? (Wink)

I think you are doing the right thing. Just demonstrate how to live a healthy lifestyle by doing it yourself. Teach her what foods are nutritious and help her body grow. Point out foods that are 'treats' because they don't help her to grow big and strong but they are ok every once in a while!

Cook together. Eat together. Exercise together (walks, hikes) and just show her that moving her body and eating well will only serve her over time.

just this past friday my daughter show me something in youtube is call " La Rosa de Guadalupe " or " Guadalupe's Rose" there are a little chapters with theme-based in real situations, oh my! one chapter was about a 8 years girl with anorexic, my point she started to stop eaten because one boy of her school said she was FAT. We have to be very carefull with everything that our childrens watch, read or heard.
I'm so glad my daughter show me that and the answer she told me when i said to her to be careful, " Mom, i know this is a disease and i'm konw who i'm, because you taught me".

I hope everything goes well with your child, God bless you.

Meatsies

one of my parents said something similar to this to me when i was about the same age... i'll put it this way - i still remember it 25 years later.

I agree. I remember being 5 and my school friend telling me that I was fat. I wish my parents had taken the time/energy to try to set my mind straight. That will probably stay with me forever.

Koldnomore

Just a thought and please don't take this wrong...

My 5 yr old has no clue that being 'fat' is supposed to be "bad". We explain to him that if he eats too many sweets he may get sick like his great grandma and if he eats too fast his tummy will hurt and that if you eat too much you get bigger and are less able to do things you may like to do, but never have we said FAT = BAD - actually the word 'fat' is not allowed in our house to be used in a negative way, same with 'stupid' and a few other words. The association between eating -> fat -> bad, was there before, otherwise the comment would have been just that..some comment that maybe would have been repeated to you once but definitely wouldn't have caused her to completely stop eating.

I think that addressing this association may help. Maybe try to find out WHY she feels that way about 'fat'? I am NOT saying that you should encourage fatness but at 5 years old a child should not be worried about being 'fat'. Definitely explain that eating TOO MUCH can lead to some unpleasant things but that eating a good balanced amount is absolutely fine. Ask her if she believes that mummy loves her (she will) and when she says yes then you can say 'well, mummy knows what will make you grow up strong and healthy' Tell her that mummy (and/or Daddy/Mummy/Auntie..whatever) would never feed her too much to make her unhealthy but that not eating enough WILL make her feel bad.

Best of luck to you.

BlueInkDot

:sick:

That. is. horrible.

I'm so sorry that someone told that to your daughter. :frown:

I'm not a parent and I'm not sure exactly how I'd deal with that... but I think the best thing you can do is just tell her the truth. This is how nutrition works, your body needs fuel, eating too-large portions over time has such and such results, it's good to take good care of your body to keep it healthy and food is a part of that...

I don't know. I just wanted to sympathize. That's so sad and I really hope she can get past that comment someone made...

heatherloveslifting

Well, I make a big point of telling my daughter that she is smart and strong and brave in addition to beautiful. We discuss a LOT how no matter how pretty you are, if you are mean it makes you seem ugly.

I also try to encourage her to eat healthy foods so she won't lose her strength.

But, she is very lean and muscular- at 8 she is a team gymnast who works out harder than I do 10 hrs a week. Besides all the swimming and other playing. However, she is second tallest on a team of 12 and some of the mothers of the unusually short and tiny girls have referred to her as "huge". Honestly, it pisses me off. I am really nervous about what her attitude towards food might be in the future, so I make a huge effort not to voice my own insecurities around her. I think my job is to give her as much confidence as humanly possible to hopefully counteract the rest of the world. Five is still young enough to listen to mommy over everyone else!

RobynBrockerville

Hi,
An avenue you may not have thought of
While making sure she knows her body needs food/ making sure healthy living lessons are learned... I encountered a situation that might help

A friend of mine has twin daughters, her and her female partner raise her twins. In kindergarten.... KINDERGARTEN mind you, her children were being mocked/made fun of because they have two moms. Normally some teachers respond by saying "that's not nice, dont say that etc." But What the twins teacher chose to do had such an impact that I think it could be beneficial in your situation. The teacher went into both of the twins classes and talked to the kids (in an educational, not reprimanding manner) and taught the kids that, some families have two moms, one mom, one dad, two grandparents, etc. That all kinds of families exist and that they are all based on love, and they are all important. The twins classmates now say "that's not weird, some families have two mom's" to other kids who dont know the twins. I actually was taken aback by how much it impacted a group of kids so young.

So, if it was someone at school, I think its something that you could do is contact the teacher of her class and let her know what happened. You could see if she would be willing to address even a ten minute talk about people coming in all different shapes and sizes. Im not sure how much information would be appropriate to translate to a class of 5 year olds. But never underestimate the influence parents and teachers have on what children accept as right and wrong.

jessiekanga

I think I would talk to her about it head on. "How did it feel when you were told that? I bet it hurt your feelings, it would hurt my feelings if someone said that to me." You can be honest when you have had hurt feelings about your weight, and then tell her... "Look, there are things we can do about this, and things we can't." Use the term "bullying" because that's what it is. Practice what she'll say to "whoever said this to her." She can simply say, "I like myself, and don't need you to try to hurt my feelings. STOP." Then you can talk about what you can do for "a healthy life." Include all the things you already do. Here's the thing, she's five (my kids are 4 and 5) and a girl, so this is part of her future. Making her a skinny rail only means she'll face this mean-spirited behavior for being "too skinny." So go directly for, "what matters is you feeling proud of yourself, no matter what. They were wrong, and shouldn't have said that to you."

My righteous indignation would also want to whip out the bat, but let's be real, that's only our anger speaking. We wish we could protect our kids from this stuff, but all we really can do is help prepare them as best we're able.

Good luck!

2012asv

My god! I wish I had some helpful advice!

All i can offer is my empathy. What an *kitten*-hole. I would knock their lights out. Luckily she is only 5 and there's still a good chance she may forget about it over time, but man some people....

BeeElMarvin

The meanness in the world makes me sad... both I and my son were told similar things at times in our younger lives; very hurtful.

silver_arrow3

Hope and pray it wasn't someone she looks up to. My grandmother did that to me when I was 8 and I still carry a lot of baggage from it 17 years later.

PBsMommy

What ticks me off and makes me really sad at the same time about all of this, somewhere along the line either an adult or an older bratty *kitten* child said this to a younger child. I don't believe a five year old would come up with this off the top of their head with out a "nudge" from someone older.

Like others have said previously, just continuosly drill into her that food is necessary and she can not continue to skip out on food. Things like this aren't easily pushed to the side or forgoten, even for a five year old.

Also, I know it's harder for younger children to understand, but you may also want to start teaching her that everyone has opinions and she shouldn't listen to what everyone else says. And also, that mommy and/or daddy knows whats best for her and wouldn't tell or show her anything that would harm her.

jenbit

Well first I would invest in a sniper rifle and have her point out the adult she heard this from:grumble:

What I did with both of my kids was explain how food runs the body and gives us energy and makes the mind work. And I also told them that all food is ok to eat its just how much you eat of it. I explained this to them after I heard my 9 yr old girl refer to herself as eating like a fattie.(shes a beanpole). SHe said it was a phrase she picked up from her stepsister.

Becoming_A_Butterfly

This makes me so sad and angry. My young stepchildren have heard things like this, more than once, from their own mother, and it is very difficult to fight such poisonous statements.

We focus on making sure the kids know they are strong, focusing on what they can do vs. what they look like; not labeling foods as good, bad, fattening, etc. but encouraging them to try a variety of foods; straight-up talking to them about other people's obsessions with weight and how that can come out in things they say; and just trying our hardest to help the kids develop healthy and sane attitudes about themselves.

I agree that finding out specifically who said this to your daughter will make a difference in how you discuss it with her. And it sounds like you are already helping her think critically about it and realize that food is fuel for everything she needs to do, every day. I also second PSsMommy's suggestion to talk about how everyone has opinions and not to listen to what everyone says.

I hope she is able to shove off that person's negative and idiotic comment.

tartz66

Whoever said this to her adult or child is truly a bully!! We seriously need to put a stop to this! Our children are suffering because of this and I know from personal experience with my own daughter that has been bullied since the beginning of middle school that unless we take control and get more involved with our children's school, then it will continue to happen. I would talk to your daughter and try and find out who said this to her and go straight to the source and talk to the school and or parents and make sure that the school is taking appropriate measures for this to not continue. There should be a zero tolerance in schools, churches, daycare, etc... it will continue to get worse unless you take action now. I truly wish you and your child well, and I always remind my daughter that people that say hurtful things are hurting inside themselves and are attacking people to get attention. My daughter has learned to be strong and to not let it get to her, but there has been a lot of tears and anger for her along the way. I have a "Parent's Against Bullying" Facebook Page if you would like to check it out. The best of luck to your family Here is a story that my sister sent to me that I thought is a great read....


Status Update
By Parent's Against Bullying
Thank you Sheri for sharing!! Please, please take the time to read this.....Even if this message helps at least one child; it's so worth it!!

“'fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her.
I mean, is ‘fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is ‘fat’ worse than ‘vindictive’, ‘jealous’, ‘shallow’, ‘vain’, ‘boring’ or ‘cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain…
I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? ‘You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’
‘Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, ‘the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’
What I felt like saying was, ‘I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate!
I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before ‘thin’. And frankly, I'd rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons” –J.K. ROWLING

I copied this from my nieces FB. ( someone in the family has to stalk the girls to make sure they are okay!) Anyway, we clearly don't have to worry about Alecia...she is ahead of us all.... :-)

http://www.facebook.com/RealMothersOfMarysvilleWaAgainstBullying?ref=stream

annahuebscher

Oh, and if you find out who did it, and it was in fact an adult, beat their face into a bloody pulp. I cannot fathom someone saying that to a child. Ever.

This exactly.