Binge eating - anorexia's best friend, it seems

Numptcakes

Please help me.

I am a firm believer than nothing is impossible and I can do anything if I want it that badly, but I really am struggling right now.

I am severely underweight and in the process of recovering from my eating disorder. It's early days and the demon has a tight grip on me but I'm in therapy and should be seeing a dietician next week to discuss meal plans.

Binge after binge, I tell myself it will be the last. That I am strong and I am able to do this the right way. Telling myself it again tonight - almost trying to excuse what I've done. It's disgusting. And although I'll try my damned hardest not to compensate tomorrow, the demon will be urging me to make up for going over today.

This recovery crap is hard. My belly hurts and I feel ashamed. Does anybody have any practical advice (healthy snack ideas, nutritional guidance) or general words of wisdom? I know I need to limit my sugar and I really need to stick to that. Removing binge triggers from the house isn't an option - it's something I have to learn to fight. I just don't think I can do this on my own.

rachmaree

Sweety, your body is starving, and it wants food... You'll get there. You will, i believe in you i wish you didn't have to go through this.

Numptcakes

Girl, I wouldn't have even got this far without your help. I just don't feel like I'm in control anymore.

CollegiateGrief

I've never had to deal with your issue, and I know my body is pretty much the opposite of yours and you don't want to be where I am. And I'm definitely no nutritionist. But maybe what you consider a binge really isn't that much? Even if it is, you need those calories. In the long term, you will need a steady, healthy eating plan, like everyone no matter their size or eating issues. But maybe right now overdoing it could actually be beneficial. "Empty calories" aren't really empty for someone who desperately needs more weight on their body.

want2belean

I don't know what you are going through, but I know what it is to have a comfort. For some it's anorexia others drinking or drugs or over eating. You need support, we on MFP can be your suppport. Do you have anybody you can trust and count on @ home.

Numptcakes

I've never had to deal with your issue, and I know my body is pretty much the opposite of yours and you don't want to be where I am. And I'm definitely no nutritionist. But maybe what you consider a binge really isn't that much? Even if it is, you need those calories. In the long term, you will need a steady, healthy eating plan, like everyone no matter their size or eating issues. But maybe right now overdoing it could actually be beneficial. "Empty calories" aren't really empty for someone who desperately needs more weight on their body.

I appreciate ANY advice - if you are kind enough to read my post, the least I can do is listen to what you have to say.

The rational part of my brain harps on all the way through these binges. "Chill out, enjoy - a gain is a gain, and you need to start somewhere." But it's not healthy. My relationship with food is not healthy and I'm scared to death that it never will be again. I don't want to jump from 80lbs to 100 just because I can't stop at one chocolate bar. A problem I never, ever had before this.

Numptcakes

I don't know what you are going through, but I know what it is to have a comfort. For some it's anorexia others drinking or drugs or over eating. You need support, we on MFP can be your suppport. Do you have anybody you can trust and count on @ home.

My family are aware of both the anorexia and binge episodes but I just can't turn to them this time. It's one time too many and I'm starting to feel like I'm shaming them.

FitandFab33

Anorexia has a lot to do with control- since you can't control everything around you, you "control" your body.. and sometimes trying to "let go" of that control leads to falling into the opposite end of the spectrum. Bingeing is a total lack of control... it's a different approach to stuffing the same feelings down. Be open and honest with your theerapist(s) and your dietitian. You'll get to a place where personal emotions are removed from food (you should not associate guilt with food, or happiness/sadness/disappointment, etc) and you'll see it as just food.

I've been there, and it's a hard thing to get past- and if you ever need to talk about it, feel free to PM. :-) You can do it... there will come a time where YOU rule your life, not food or the lack thereof.

*hugs*

Numptcakes

Anorexia has a lot to do with control- since you can't control everything around you, you "control" your body.. and sometimes trying to "let go" of that control leads to falling into the opposite end of the spectrum. Bingeing is a total lack of control... it's a different approach to stuffing the same feelings down. Be open and honest with your theerapist(s) and your dietitian. You'll get to a place where personal emotions are removed from food (you should not associate guilt with food, or happiness/sadness/disappointment, etc) and you'll see it as just food.

I've been there, and it's a hard thing to get past- and if you ever need to talk about it, feel free to PM. :-) You can do it... there will come a time where YOU rule your life, not food or the lack thereof.

*hugs*

Thank you SO much. I too believe that once I can detatch myself emotionally from food, the fight will be easier. Right now it's just an obsession. It is my best friend and my worst enemy. My every thought. I suppose I shouldn't expect it to all fall into place this early on.

csc3197

Hello. If I may recommend a book. Women, Food and God By Geneen Roth.

Flutterloo

So your concern is that you are overeating? Or is it poor choices in food? Why can you not just stop buying the bad foods? This is coming from someone who admittedly is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and has no medical training. But...if I avoid bad food to lose weight the right way, why can't you avoid bad food to gain the right way? Does it matter if we avoid the temptation in the store or in our homes? Honestly, it is much easier for me to say "I don't need that" while shopping than it is to say "I don't want that" when I have something really tasty...but really bad for me looking me in the face at my house. So for me, that would be the absolute first thing I would think to focus on. Again, I couldn't possibly understand what you are dealing with...but if the problem is your inability to stop eating it, then I think the obvious decision should be to stop buying it. At least in any quantity that you could really get bad with. Nothing wrong with having a little treat now and then, even when you are my size, but if you keep the house stocked with it, knowing you have trouble stopping, you are asking for disaster.

Best of luck to you, I really really really hope you beat this. I am sure you can. :-) Hang in there!!! Keep working on it, and everything will be ok.

kenazfehu

Since you're already obsessed about food, perhaps you could become a nutritionist - turn that obsession into something beneficial while educating yourself about physiology and nutrition.

I'm working in the opposite direction (from obese to slimmer), but perhaps what I've done will help you. I stopped eating between meals as completely as I can (with a few slip-ups in the past couple of months). If it's not time for a meal when I want to eat, I tell myself "You can wait." I scheduled 4 meals per day and am very careful to make myself an appealing and nutritious plate of food. Then I eat as slowly as I can and enjoy it.

FitandFab33

^^ It becomes a little bit of an anxiety response... and one bite brings more anxiety.. which leads to more eating. It doesn't matter WHAT it is- it's the feelings toward the food, not the food itself.

Is there anything you love to do? Anything you can think of to occupy and calm your mind? I like to sing.. so for me it's that.. but it could be anything- or if you could get into meditation.. I'd steer clear of running etc for the time being because exercise addiction tends to be another substitute for the original issue.

Numptcakes

So your concern is that you are overeating? Or is it poor choices in food? Why can you not just stop buying the bad foods? This is coming from someone who admittedly is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and has no medical training. But...if I avoid bad food to lose weight the right way, why can't you avoid bad food to gain the right way? Does it matter if we avoid the temptation in the store or in our homes? Honestly, it is much easier for me to say "I don't need that" while shopping than it is to say "I don't want that" when I have something really tasty...but really bad for me looking me in the face at my house. So for me, that would be the absolute first thing I would think to focus on. Again, I couldn't possibly understand what you are dealing with...but if the problem is your inability to stop eating it, then I think the obvious decision should be to stop buying it. At least in any quantity that you could really get bad with. Nothing wrong with having a little treat now and then, even when you are my size, but if you keep the house stocked with it, knowing you have trouble stopping, you are asking for disaster.

Best of luck to you, I really really really hope you beat this. I am sure you can. :-) Hang in there!!! Keep working on it, and everything will be ok.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I wish I could remove all binge triggers completely (confectionary is currently my biggest weakness) but in a house with 6 other "normal" eaters it's just not an option to stop buying these things. I even moved my snacks to another cupboard in the kitchen but tonight I wound up back up in that poxy cupboard again. It's just not fair to ask others to sacrifice stuff because I'm weak and pathetic.

felice03

I don't have any real words of wisdom for you...I just hope you get the help and suppoet to overcome your past and move forward. Good luck and I wish you all the best.


:flowerforyou:

FitandFab33

So your concern is that you are overeating? Or is it poor choices in food? Why can you not just stop buying the bad foods? This is coming from someone who admittedly is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and has no medical training. But...if I avoid bad food to lose weight the right way, why can't you avoid bad food to gain the right way? Does it matter if we avoid the temptation in the store or in our homes? Honestly, it is much easier for me to say "I don't need that" while shopping than it is to say "I don't want that" when I have something really tasty...but really bad for me looking me in the face at my house. So for me, that would be the absolute first thing I would think to focus on. Again, I couldn't possibly understand what you are dealing with...but if the problem is your inability to stop eating it, then I think the obvious decision should be to stop buying it. At least in any quantity that you could really get bad with. Nothing wrong with having a little treat now and then, even when you are my size, but if you keep the house stocked with it, knowing you have trouble stopping, you are asking for disaster.

Best of luck to you, I really really really hope you beat this. I am sure you can. :-) Hang in there!!! Keep working on it, and everything will be ok.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I wish I could remove all binge triggers completely (confectionary is currently my biggest weakness) but in a house with 6 other "normal" eaters it's just not an option to stop buying these things. I even moved my snacks to another cupboard in the kitchen but tonight I wound up back up in that poxy cupboard again. It's just not fair to ask others to sacrifice stuff because I'm weak and pathetic.

And babydoll, you are not WEAK or PATHETIC. It takes time.. and even then, it's a choice every day. You are worth it... you are beautiful and powerful and can do anything and everything you choose to. You WILL get there.

lisamarie2181

So your concern is that you are overeating? Or is it poor choices in food? Why can you not just stop buying the bad foods? This is coming from someone who admittedly is on the opposite end of the spectrum, and has no medical training. But...if I avoid bad food to lose weight the right way, why can't you avoid bad food to gain the right way? Does it matter if we avoid the temptation in the store or in our homes? Honestly, it is much easier for me to say "I don't need that" while shopping than it is to say "I don't want that" when I have something really tasty...but really bad for me looking me in the face at my house. So for me, that would be the absolute first thing I would think to focus on. Again, I couldn't possibly understand what you are dealing with...but if the problem is your inability to stop eating it, then I think the obvious decision should be to stop buying it. At least in any quantity that you could really get bad with. Nothing wrong with having a little treat now and then, even when you are my size, but if you keep the house stocked with it, knowing you have trouble stopping, you are asking for disaster.

Best of luck to you, I really really really hope you beat this. I am sure you can. :-) Hang in there!!! Keep working on it, and everything will be ok.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I wish I could remove all binge triggers completely (confectionary is currently my biggest weakness) but in a house with 6 other "normal" eaters it's just not an option to stop buying these things. I even moved my snacks to another cupboard in the kitchen but tonight I wound up back up in that poxy cupboard again. It's just not fair to ask others to sacrifice stuff because I'm weak and pathetic.

Please don't feel that way. You have a very serious disorder and your family/friends should be there to support you. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Maybe even if they could put the bad stuff somewhere else so you don't have access to it, at least till you are farther along in your recovery, that could help. For me it is out of sight out of mind. If I don't have the stuff around, I really don't think about it, but it is definitely harder when it is there staring you in the face.

Im sorry I can't offer much advice, this isn't something I know much about, but I hope you can stay strong and fight through this so you can have a healthy and happy life that you deserve. Stay strong hun

msaestein1

You are in my prayers. I never got to your level, but when I was in high school, I would only eat oatmeal. I would work out for like 2 hours day. I started fainting randomly in bad places and at the worst times. That was my bottom. I began to desire fitness over thinness. I started training for fitness competitions in college. Unfortunatley, my obsession wtih food would never ALLOW me to eat the required calores and I would overtrain. I went down to 108 lbs and I am 5'8" 1/2. That is too thin for someone to claim to be fit. With time and support I was able to recover.

Now I am overweight, go figure, because I started stress eating, bingeing, and an illness wouldn't let me "stress" exercise. But now I have recovered and I am getting better wtih balancing both the eating and the exercising. Try to train your brain to appreciate the food and how it is benefitting you, and not what you THINK it is doing to you. Food is necessary for health. Both thin and overweight people need to see at as that and that alone. Its not your enemy or your friend. Its a constant struggle for me from both ends. Stay strong!

AnniePenny

I appreciate ANY advice - if you are kind enough to read my post, the least I can do is listen to what you have to say.

The rational part of my brain harps on all the way through these binges. "Chill out, enjoy - a gain is a gain, and you need to start somewhere." But it's not healthy. My relationship with food is not healthy and I'm scared to death that it never will be again. I don't want to jump from 80lbs to 100 just because I can't stop at one chocolate bar. A problem I never, ever had before this.

My best friend had to deal this with this same thing you're describing.. It was tough for all of us (obviously specially her) but I just wanted to tell you YOU CAN beat it. Don't be afraid of not being able to eat "normal" one day, because once you overcome this, YOU WILL. Hell you'll even forget about calories or food intake and just enjoy food

Just stay strong and try to see the bigger picture, everytime the demons kick in just for a second try to think rationally and realize adding calories to your body is a process to getting healthier, not the other way around.

Much love and stay strong You can def overcome this!

auroranflash

You are strong, sweetie, for facing this thing head-on and please know I am always there for you.

cmriverside

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I wish I could remove all binge triggers completely (confectionary is currently my biggest weakness) but in a house with 6 other "normal" eaters it's just not an option to stop buying these things. I even moved my snacks to another cupboard in the kitchen but tonight I wound up back up in that poxy cupboard again. It's just not fair to ask others to sacrifice stuff because I'm weak and pathetic.

This just tears at my heart. First you are not weak and pathetic. You are just a human with all the frailties and insecurities we all have. You are on the path to recovery, so give yourself huge pats on the back for this! Every time you make any good decision, make sure to acknowledge it to yourself. So being here and asking for input and being open to us is a huge, brave step.

I agree that you will learn self-control around the foods when you start eating regular, healthy meals. Your body is desperately trying to get some nutrition. If you aren't feeding it good foods, it will binge on the sugary things until it gets good foods. So, like everyone else has said, make sure you have nuts and fruit and carrots and cheeses in the house. Then just eat them. You won't gain 20 pounds overnight by eating good food. The sugary things are what are causing you to binge. If you start eating better foods, you won't be binging as much.