"Your job is to take care of me"

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frosty73
frosty73 Posts: 424 Member
in Chit-Chat
...said my husband, only halfway joking, last night when I was going to help out a friend whose husband is dying.

I've been married almost 20 years, and this statement is the crux of almost EVERY issue we have.
I have a major issue with this statement, but I can't quite put my finger on the problem. Yes, I agreed to marry him--- and that does mean we are responsible for taking care of each other. But.... is it my job?

I'd appreciate any insight. I really can't figure out why this bothers me so much.
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Replies

  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Sounds like job is a poor choice of words on his part.

    Only you know why this bothers you. Perhaps it's a sense of entitlement on his behalf "You HAVE to take care of me" regardless of your want to take care of him, you HAVE to do it? Or something else? But really, only you can understand why it bothers you.

    Maybe you're just having a bad day and he's an easy target.
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.
  • AmberJo1984
    AmberJo1984 Posts: 1,067 Member
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    Probably because it's his job to take care of you, too. Does he do that? It's a two-way street... to treat each other respectfully and how you would want to be treated.

    It would probably get on my nerves too... if I was married.

    I would talk to him, though.
  • diodelcibo
    diodelcibo Posts: 2,564 Member
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    Just break up.

    yep, this is your only option.
  • miracole
    miracole Posts: 492 Member
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    It bothers you because it's a copout, and a one- direction statement. If it were "our jobs are to take care of each other" it would be less irritating.

    Plus the word "job" makes it into an obligation. Frankly you married him to enjoy all the benefits of being married, love, stability, a best friend who is there to support. Suggesting that any part of that is an obligation takes away all the best parts of it.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    Just break up.

    :heart: :heart:
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.

    yep, this is your only option.

    I thought your avatar was a naked bum.
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Just break up.

    yep, this is your only option.

    I thought your avatar was a naked bum.
    I actually still cant figure out what it is..
  • kittymewmew66
    kittymewmew66 Posts: 22
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    It depends on the context. My husband and I have been friends for twelve years. We dated for 6 years, lived together for 5, and have been married for a year and a half. I say that to him all the time, and once an awhile he says it to be, but in a joking way. This statement helped us when were putting our finances together, and he did not want to. It took him a few days to adjust to this new concept, but he came back and said I was right, but" we" both take care of "each other". It is a sharing process not meant to derogatory, but I see how that could be. I always thank him for taking care of me and he does the same. It's a sharing kind of good "ping pong ball" concept;)

    Good luck and I hope it was not at all negative. You have a right to be bothered by it though, sometimes we don't always pay attention to how sensitive we really are inside.
  • sleepytexan
    sleepytexan Posts: 3,138 Member
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    OH . . . my. He's a bit selfish, hmmmm?
  • Crookey21
    Crookey21 Posts: 311 Member
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    when i get married, i hope my wife would take care of me. i shouldnt be left to my own devices. i would never get anything done!
  • RedHeadDevotchka
    RedHeadDevotchka Posts: 1,394 Member
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    Just break up.

    yep, this is your only option.

    I thought your avatar was a naked bum.


    me too!!!

    To answer the question....I think it's bc it sounds selfish, and like a child. No, you are not supposed to take care of him, you are supposed to go through life together as a team.
  • Espressocycle
    Espressocycle Posts: 2,245 Member
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    Your jobs are to take care of each other, but I believe time off to care for dying friends is allowed as well.
  • TeachTheGirl
    TeachTheGirl Posts: 2,091 Member
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    Tell him if he wanted someone to take care of him, he should have married his mother.

    I agree, it's the way it was phrased that's probably hitting you so hard.
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
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    Just break up.

    yep, this is your only option.

    I thought your avatar was a naked bum.
    I actually still cant figure out what it is..
    i think its a naked bum too
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    Just break up.

    yep, this is your only option.

    I thought your avatar was a naked bum.
    Yaaaay Dani!!! and the world is good again......\m/
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,220 Member
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    Why don't you ask him what he meant and talking to him about why it might have upset you instead of a bunch of strangers?

    We can only guess and you can only wonder until you ask. Could mean he's upset or could mean nothing. Won't know until you ask.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    Tell him if he wanted someone to take care of him, he should have married his mother.

    I agree, it's the way it was phrased that's probably hitting you so hard.

    ^ This.

    I always say, being in a relationship is not about 50% / 50% ... it's about being two whole people, completely self-reliant, who choose to be with each other because you're better as a team than you are individually. That was my response when my ex would tell me "Don't go, I NEED you" ... I would say, "I don't want you to need me - I want you to be okay by yourself but WANT me instead". Hope that makes sense.

    Best of luck. ♥
  • bcattoes
    bcattoes Posts: 17,299 Member
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    If he means be a surrogate mother and cook, clean and generally take care of him in that manner, then I would find that insulting. Though, I have no problems if that works for others. If he means, should he become sick or injured that it's your job to take care of him, then that's a little different. I think a spouse does have some responsibility in that area, even if it's just ensure that he has a professional to take care of him.

    Being married shouldn't mean you have to change his diapers and hand feed him unless you want to, but IMO it should mean that find someone who will if he's not able.
  • tigerlinly
    tigerlinly Posts: 219 Member
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    take care of him yes but your job to take care of him no he has a complex issue and jealousy issue all he wants its to hide u away from everyone else and no worth having if u ask me

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