Wife asked me to leave, try to get her back...

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13

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  • sherri33s
    sherri33s Posts: 104 Member
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    I wish you luck on your journey. Add me if you want to
  • fatjoegut
    fatjoegut Posts: 10
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    Sorry, thrying to learn this site...

    AmyFett -

    "I'm confused first off, why were you being mean to her? If she doesn't want to move, you can't exactly make her. And also, if there's hope for you two in the future, why divorce? Why not try separation? Just focus on you and getting healthier. "

    I was being mean in a way of a mind game to try to get what I wanted, I know it isn't right and I'm ashamed of what I had done... I also stopped going to many fun things for the family and just became a grumpy person. I know now that the promises I made to her about how happy we would be if we moved, like we'll do this and that and take walks.... etc should have just been what I did where we were living and she would have been so happy she would have moved anywhere with me. I have a huge list of reasohs for wanting to move, from my parents house (that I grew up in) next door being lost to the bank because of the econmy and monm and dads finances, to that we can't afford this house and have a lot of equity in it and could move 45 minutes away and buy a house cash with what we could have got out of that house.

    We have been separated in the past and worked things out, but this time she says there has been so much hurt that she wants this marriage to be over. We alloped at 18 with no one knowing, before we got married I had concerns about if we were doing the right thing, she assured me we were... now she feels like she is responsible for "ruining his life" her words... That is why it has to go to divorce...

    Yes, getting me healthy, that is #1 right now, and everything else should fall in place afterwords... I hope and pray...

    Thaks all, William
  • lorettaasmith
    lorettaasmith Posts: 418 Member
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    Good for you, Joe. Whether or not it heals your marriage, you are doing the right thing by getting healthy for yourself and your kids. If your still looking for friends, feel free to add me.
  • misalillstead
    misalillstead Posts: 407 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear about your rough patch... but it sounds like you are getting it together again. I wish you luck! Friend request sent!
  • Katbody10
    Katbody10 Posts: 369 Member
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    Hang in there .. You're doing the best that you can right now and most importantly .. taking care of yourself. The benefits of become fit and living a healthier lifestyle will be paid in returns beyond your imagination. Your life expectancy has already increased so you'll be around for your beautiful children.

    Don't despair on bad days .. focus and keep moving forward. Fixing yourself is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family!

    You've got a great big heart .. and so much to live for. You can do this!! Kudos to you .. and you'll have a great network of supporters here for you!

    You're already a winner! Good Luck .. and friend me if you like! Cheers!! :flowerforyou:
  • grizzlymaze
    grizzlymaze Posts: 185 Member
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    Hey buddy, there is hope!!! I'm so sorry to hear about the situation that you are in, but you can still make it work, IF YOU WANT IT TO. I was where you were once, and almost lost everything. I have to circumsice my heart of all things rotten. I prayed to God to show me how to love again and you know what, He did! I have the best relationship with my wife now than I ever had and I owe it all to God. BUT you have to want it. If your heart is not into it than it is a lost cause.

    Im glad to hear that your trying to better your health not just for yourself but for your community. The police dept need strong fit men and women for this role of authority. I'm here for you if you ever want to talk about fitness, God, or ANYTHING. you can friend me.
  • JenaePavlak
    JenaePavlak Posts: 350 Member
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    Sorry to hear about your troubles, but glad you're making some positive changes!! I look forward to your updates! :)
  • EDesq
    EDesq Posts: 1,527 Member
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    Hey dude, go for YOURSELF! Forget getting back together with your EX, she dumped you for a better life, emotional and psychological stability. I do not or hope that she would step back. A big, mean man that a woman is supporting is not something to step back into. So DO YOU, FOR YOU and get better for the next woman, learn from your mistakes and DO Better. Remember this: Unless a woman is HIGH in the food chain (like a CEO, VP...making high six figures...) she is not ready to financially support her man beyond 3-5 yrs...AND that is if he is a GOOD AZZ MAN (which you self-describes yourself as NOT). Hopefully you have learned, forget the past, move forward with the positive.

    I'm a straight shooter, and I will not say a lot of "sweet talk" to someone who is self-confessed emotional/psychological abusive. But there is hope for you. PS: I don't know if I would want to meet you on the highway for a speeding ticket if you were having a bad day. You may want to get some psychological counseling in addition to getting fit.
  • Hearts_2015
    Hearts_2015 Posts: 12,031 Member
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    William,
    Hang in there....do this for YOU and everything will fall into place that's meant to be...
    Here's to your healthy new life:drinker:
  • fatjoegut
    fatjoegut Posts: 10
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    Ok, a little update,

    Wife is still done with me, think she was lying about her having hope, also sounds like she is already moving on with others...

    Broken hearted... I am doing what I need to for me and my children first and foremost, *IF* my wife happens to fall in love with me in the future, great, if not, I will survive.

    I know it is still "early" in the divorce and everyone says I will move on leter, but I do not plan on it. I plan on not allowing myself to date again, at least not until my kids are 18 years old, this way I can say with out a doubt that I dedicated all my efforts to my children and their happiness.

    Struggling daily, but still hopefull in heart, though my brain knows it is done.
    Thanks all, oh, I am down 70 lbs as of this morning, another 35 to go.... All that in 9 weeks, not bad eh?
  • fatjoegut
    fatjoegut Posts: 10
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    Oh, and for the folks following this that aren't on my friends list, I had to make some changes...

    In the agreement my wife made me sign, she said that I would have "reasonable visitaion" we had agreed when I was in town I could have the kids, well she never let my daughter go with me and my boys, I think it is because my wife has let her see her with another guy or heard her talking to one or worse, told her bad things about me. Before the separation my daughter never had a problem with being alone with only me, so where is this comming from???

    So between that where she was breaking the agreement, and in 9 weeks has not been able to get a councelor to return a phone call ( I called 5 today, got 5 live people to talk to and shared the info with my wife, one of them included the councelor that my wife wanted and said she never called back) I had to do something...

    I filed a response the the divorce, negating the uncontested marrital disolution she got me to sign. I then found out (when talking to an actual attorney) that if I had not done this on the day I did, the divorce would have gone into "default" and basically at that point she would have the divorce just as she had the attorney write it up, and that included what she said was a mistake by the attorney where it said she wanted Primary physical and SOLE legal custody! The paper my wife had me sign I think was just to make me feel better, as I had told her it had to be done prior to the 30 days after I was served. Now I am seeing why the attorney decided to not give me a copy of what I had signed when i asked for a copy...

    Yes, I am now going for half of everything and anything I can get, this came when my wife told me she wants to be happy, she wants to re-marry etc. At that point I couldn't stand to see her re-marry, re-divorce and loose half of the house to a new guy, it would not be fair to the kids, so I had to do what I had to do. I am going to ask for my half of the house to be in a trust for the kids, I will pay for half the house payment etc, but if she sells, half the money goes in a trust for the kids, if she doesn't sell, when the kids are 19 the house will need to be sold and again the money go into trust for the kids. For this reason, to make the payment on the house i have also requested spousal support...

    Just a little more of an update, but I still love her and I still pray we will be a family again, I have told her she is free, date who you want, do as you wish, God says let go of the ones you love and they will come back...

    William
  • Dave198lbs
    Dave198lbs Posts: 8,810 Member
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    God says let go of the ones you love and they will come back...

    William

    god never said that. some guy said that.

    for your sake I hope it is true but I wouldnt hold my breath.

    move on
  • CoachJake83
    CoachJake83 Posts: 108
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    Ditch the subway, it's more expensive and isn't very healthy. (very processed)

    Get a Costco membership they have a ton of great stuff! I have a healthy grocery list tailored to your budget that might help.

    http://jakesfitclub.com/jakes-current-grocery-list/
  • TommiEgan
    TommiEgan Posts: 256 Member
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    Geez mate talk about taking a pineapple. I hope you get through it okay and come out a stronger man for it! Goodluck to you sir!
  • kel665
    kel665 Posts: 401 Member
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    I'm sorry to hear things haven't worked out how you wanted.

    Congratulations on the awesome weight loss so far! :)
  • floridagirl7264
    floridagirl7264 Posts: 318 Member
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    I used to work in the legal field. Your wife's attorney was supposed to BY LAW give you a copy of the dissolution of marriage. He sounds like a real sleazeball. If you have a decent attorney, make sure you get everything you want in writing, signed and notarized. There should be absolutely no problems with either your wife's side or your side when it is all in writing. Make sure that you read EVERY SINGLE WORD of anything that is sent by their attorney and your own attorney If you don't understand something, ask for clarification. If you don't agree with something, then speak up. Keep after your attorney and make sure he sends you copies of everything. Some attorneys will try to do as little as they can get away with. Go after everything and then negotiate downward. If you start at a reasonable division of the assets, visitation, etc., then there is no room to negotiate and you will lose more than you want. That why I said to start out asking for everything.

    I hope you're broken heart will mend quickly so that you can get on with your life.
  • jkestens63
    jkestens63 Posts: 1,164 Member
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    After my hubby & I split up we took time away from each other and are now living in seperate places -we are actually getting along better. BUT ultimately I don't think we will ever truly get back together.. as time goes on we are developing our own lives and we are changing. Its ok though, it doesn't negate all the good things we did together.

    Good luck and keep the focus on you and the kids.
  • ta42467
    ta42467 Posts: 4
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    I'm sorry life is handing you sour grapes right now. Keep in mind the tough things in life is what makes us stronger. I respect you for keeping your kids best interests first :)

    Congratulations on your weight loss. It's amazing how fast it has come off! Take care ~ Things will get better!
  • katrin25
    katrin25 Posts: 38
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    William, you can count on my support, and you can add me if you want. I've gone through a divorce too; it is not easy no matter who initiates it. However, if you think there's hope for you guys then by all means, go get your girl back! But in order for you to have the self-confidence and the strength to do that, you have to work on you for a while. Regardless, if she comes back to you or not, you at least will get your life back. Think of the end result: You'll be fit, good looking, single and a successful Sheriff's deputy, oh yeah!
  • Katbody10
    Katbody10 Posts: 369 Member
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    Hang in there .. I'm so sorry you're having to endure this hell. I know what it feels like .. been there and done that. Just keep your focus in the best interest of the children .. and on yourself. You're no good to anyone, much less your kids .. if you aren't healthy in mind and soul. :flowerforyou:

    Kudos to you for losing all that weight .. you must be looking great now! Keep up the great work .. and feel free to chat with me anytime you need. We're all here to support you!! :drinker:

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