Motivation with an Unmotivated Spouse?

GeekGirl23

This is going to hurt to say... but I had to stop caring about motivating him. It took and takes way to much out of me.

I focus on the basics for myself. I cook our dinners so I know he's getting something good but I only prep the rest of the meals for myself since he'll sometimes make some snide comment about what I am packing.
I leave him at home while I go work out 4-5 times a week. He sits in his recliner or on the xbox and then tells me good job when I get home.

I'm in hopes that as I lose more and more that would motivate him to lose weight... if not, I'm doing this for me and am being selfish for once. If that means we end then we end... but I have faith that he'll catch on eventually.

Tina2Cats

I do... but you might not like it. lol.

I am the unmotivated spouse. Or, more accurately, I WAS the unmotivated spouse.

As I slowly gained 30 pounds, my wife got up every morning at 5:45 and hit the gym before work. Early on, she asked me about going to the gym a few times and I blew her off like her husband did to you. I just didn't feel like going.

But here's the thing... as I watched her get leaner, healthier, firmer, sexier, my pride started to finally kick in. I said, "I don't want to be known as her FAT husband" and so I finally got off my butt and started hitting the gym. It took a while, but her consistency and results finally inspired me.

I think right now you just need to focus on doing this yourself. When you succeed, you will motivate him. Don't pester him - just say, "Do what you want to do." But silently use his apathy to motivate you. Think to yourself... "I'll show HIM!" and recognize that the more you do the more you'll inspire him and encourage him.

Right now, my wife and I are at the gym every day. I'm usually arriving as she's leaving - I start work later than she does so I make sure the kids get off to school and then go. On the weekend we usually work out together. We're finally at the point where we motivate and support each other, which is definitely a great place to be.

Hang in there... you have to take the lead and show him the way (not tell him the way, lol). It will be harder for you without his support until he gets on board, but that's the way it's going to be for a while. Feel free to add me as a friend - I'll try to offer you as much support as I can.

This is sage advise. I would take it to heart as I am going to. I too, have an unmotivated spouse who does not care that he is morbidly obese, does not care what he eats, does not exercise, etc. He only exercises his fingers on his portable games and gadgets. Therefore, he is not encouraging to me during my weight loss journey. He eats at fast food places which is difficult for me. In the meantime, I have to do what I am doing by watching my calories and eating healthy. I steal moments in the early morning and late evenings for exercise. I hope that If I lose enough weight, my dear hubby will take notice and want to get on board with me, otherwise, I am not holding me breath. I am doing this for me!

I get plenty of motivation and support from other mfp members for which I am grateful.

paxbfl

My spouse is also unmotivated and about 100 lbs overweight and not interested at all in losing weight however hes always been this way so going into this I didn't have expectations that he would do it with me. He seems OK with himself however I was def not OK at all with how overweight I was. I started this for me I was getting results every week I had great supporters here and in life n I just kept going week after week never looking back! I never looked at how far I had to go was only super proud of every milestone I had achieved! U can do this u r worth it and u will love itself in the end for reaching it on ur own!!

Your photo hits home with me because it reminds me of the progress my wife made. She didn't lose as much as you but she firmed up and looks so incredible now - as you do. What an amazing transformation. I couldn't stay 40 pounds overweight with my wife looking like she does, and I doubt your husband will be "OK with himself" too much longer with the way you look.

GREAT JOB!!!!

tabbykat6802

I have had an unmotivated spouse for years. He is about 100lbs overweight. I had put on weight when we started dating and things didn't change even after 2 kids. I decided to lose the weight in 2008-I started a modified WW-ish program & walking w/ co-workers. My hubby didn't bat an eye and did not change a thing himself. I lost almost 20lbs, but had a m/c and the start of seizures that June. So, I lost my way due to the depression & stress. 2011-my hubby started on the herbalife program. He lost almost 50lbs and I lost 10lbs. 2012-we lost our way at the beginning of the year,. I gained 20 lbs and he put back on most of what he had lost. By July, I was fed up and began this journey w/ MFP. I get up mon-sat @ 5am to exercise. I thought things were going to change when he wanted to get a membership @ a gym close by, but he goes maybe once a week if that. I am not really a gym person, but have gone some. I usually do workout dvds instead. I like that someone else tells me what to do to work out b/c I have no clue. Unfortunately, the gym does not have classes, so I just use the treadmill and some of the other cardio-ish equipment(still have no real clue).

I am watching what I eat, but he stuffs his face w/o any care at all. I have tried to get him onto MFP and even told him about a walking challenge that encompasses Hobbit/Lord of the Rings. I was so excited about it and he just shrugged.

I know that he has to be the one to choose to work towards a better person, but it is hard for me to see him every day, knowing that he is not helping his health at all. I fear that his health will fail and my kids and I will be without him.

I am not letting this derail me, but it does make it hard to do.