Dating a morbidly obese person....

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  • Cr01502
    Cr01502 Posts: 3,614 Member
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    Seems pretty simple to me. Are you attracted to him?

    If he is too heavy for you to find attractive there's nothing wrong with that. Admitting it to yourself doesn't make you shallow it just makes you honest.
  • Allie_71
    Allie_71 Posts: 1,063 Member
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    Agree with Fire_Rock. Going straight in with the mindset of "changing him" is not a good thing at all. Accept him for who he is or move on. You might motivate him to change his lifestyle, but that should be a bonus, not an expectation.

    Indeed.

    Also, do you like him? You've said that he's sweet, and treats girls that he's with like a queen, but how do you genuinely feel about him? You need to act on that, not speculation or worry about the future, or even how he treats you.
  • TavistockToad
    TavistockToad Posts: 35,719 Member
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    Hmmm... So...you like him? I don't believe that getting to know him/being his friend/dating would hinder your progress, sweetie. I see you working it on here and you are doing great!

    How could he hinder you? He will not make you eat things you don't want to eat. He will not tell you that you shouldn't exercise. He won't say "Don't log your food!"

    Would he?

    I don't think that anything will stop you. I do think that you might inspire him. But make sure that if you are going to get involved that you would be content with him being just the person he is right now...

    this!
  • WarriorReady
    WarriorReady Posts: 571 Member
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    I think you brought up a very valid point. You do need to take care of you first and make yourself a priority. I agree with another poster that you need to be honest with him about your journey. If he doesn't seem to care or doesn't want to support you well at least you can cut your losses without really losing deadweight. Sorry if that seems harsh but you truly do need to consider yourself first. If you can't take care of you how are you going to be able to maintain a healthy relationship. I am sure you will make the right decision for you. Best of luck, girl! :flowerforyou:
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    Maybe lose weight together???
  • WVmom24
    WVmom24 Posts: 266 Member
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    Something that took me many failed relationships to learn...there's no reason to pursue a relationship in any given amount of time. Just be friends with the guy for a good while. Maybe you can encourage him. The question of whether he would make a suitable boyfriend or not doesn't necessarily have to come up yet. Don't overthink it. :)
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I used to be 240, after about 35 pounds of weight loss, I started dating a guy who was morbidly obese, and my weight loss stalled for the three years we were together. When we broke up, I started losing weight again. I'm not blaming him, I made my own decisions, but being with someone who constantly overate, who ate unhealthy things, and never wanted to move made it more difficult.

    Of course, now I'm married to a man with the metabolism of a grey-hound, which has its own issues--at least he wants to eat healthy, and follows my lead, even if he needs to eat far more than I do.
  • mojo75
    mojo75 Posts: 314 Member
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    Just my two cents. I believe its better to surround yourself with positive motivational people when you are trying to accomplish a goal. If you mention to him you're trying to living a more healthy lifestyle and he has no interest in joining that then you might want to cut ties. The guy earlier that mentioned going into a relationship with intent on changing someone was DEAD ON RIGHT!!!! If he's not ready to change then you will be constantly banging your head against a wall. Lay it out on the table for him and then make your choice. Its not about being superficial its about doing what you need to be healthy and happy
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
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    Just be honest with him. I'm sure you're not the first person to have these feelings towards him but you'd be one of many if you lied to him about why you were leery to engage in a relationship with him. Be honest from the get go. You have nothing to lose. Well, except more weight;)
  • sugarushlala
    sugarushlala Posts: 7 Member
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    Wait a minute, she never said she wanted to "change" him. She is worried about BOTH their health. Darling, I recommend telling him abut your journey and how that has helped you. He might get the hint or might not. If you don't think he will do anything about it, I highly recommend just staying friends with him. That way he won't sabotage your success. Good luck. And he does sound like a good guy. ;)
  • chachita7
    chachita7 Posts: 996 Member
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    If he is a great guy... I would say give it a chance as friends - when you go out do things like walks at the park and picnics ( I know cold as heck outside, but still get the point) - really gonna let pass a great guy because of his size? -- I would def. try the friend thing, if he likes you as well he will be more than willing to join you - it isn't about him changing or you changing it is about compromising with each other...
  • BrettPGH
    BrettPGH Posts: 4,720 Member
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    Aw just kiss him honey!
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    Thanks for the great advice! lol

    He's right. But honestly, you really need to get an understanding from this guy about how he feels about his weight and health before you make a decision. You asked the friend if he is trying or wants to lose weight, but she really can't answer that question for him.

    Also, and I'm only saying this to give you a different perspective, not to make you feel bad. But technically, at 300 lbs, you are morbidly obese as well. He's just much closer to the morbidity aspect of it than you are.

    I understand. I think it's hard to date when you are in this kind of transition. It's hard to find someone that shares your mentality towards your health. It's hard to make people understand that even though they find you attractive now, your body will be changing. I've actually decided to wait until I reach my goals before I start dating again.
  • Christine1110
    Christine1110 Posts: 1,786 Member
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    I would just say where you are in your life....Wanting to lose some weight and find love. Maybe he is hiding his feelings with food....and looking for love also. It would be nice if your both looking to lose weight, and get healthy together. You never know, it might be a good thing for both of you!!

    When I was losing weight....my hubby is thin. It would have been great to have him with me....knowing what I was going through. It could be the start of a wonderful friendship....or even more!

    Good luck : )
  • laurenellenmarie
    laurenellenmarie Posts: 331 Member
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    Maybe its just me but are you all serious?! He's a real person and probably is well aware that he's over weight!

    If he's nice and treats you like a man should, that's what you should focus on.

    Put yourself in his shoes. I know there were many people who wouldn't want to date me because I was fat in the past. Finally when I found someone who loved me for ME, life got a lot better. It was worth living again.

    But of course since you guys are getting healthy and losing weight that's all that matters anymore. He'll die because he's fat.
  • myofibril
    myofibril Posts: 4,500 Member
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    Life is what happens whilst you are making other plans

    I say date him. Finding someone you have a real connection with isn't a common occurrence.

    Be up front with him though. Say that losing weight and being healthy are the most important things in your life right now and if it seems the relationship is standing in the way of it then it will have to come to an end.

    They say that only love can break your heart but that is not true. Only dishonesty can do that...
  • dansls1
    dansls1 Posts: 309 Member
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    Maybe you can tell him about your recent life style change, and you never know, he might want to join in on the adventure.

    This. If you start doing things and sharing your change, perhaps it will inspire him to change. Other than that - what do you have to lose, really? If not him it'll be somebody else at a different time - you might as well jump in and see rather than wait and spend your life alone.
  • lrtoland
    lrtoland Posts: 41
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    Just be his friend. And be very clear to him that's all you are looking for right now. If you've hinted at more than that, just be honest and tell him you need to straighten out things in your own life before you can get involved with anyone.

    Other people have said this and I agree: you won't change him and if you're not comfortable with his weight now, you will be even less comfortable later down the road. Leave romance out and just be his friend. Maybe you will inspire him to lose a bunch of weight and you can see where things may lead. In the meantime, FRIENDS!!!!
  • SeamsSewWright
    SeamsSewWright Posts: 41
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    Do yourself a favor and don't date someone for who they could be. Be with them for who they are now. If he's not living a lifestyle that is equivalent to yours, then do not go there.

    I wouldn't even entertain the "friend" thing. That never works out unless you really are just friends. But if you've entertained a relationship or shared more than just normal friendly dialog you are putting yourself in a situation that you may continue to feel inclined on submitting to rather than just doing what you really want which is to live a healthy lifestyle.
  • iFeelBrandNew
    iFeelBrandNew Posts: 263 Member
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    Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?

    what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....

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