Dating a morbidly obese person....
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If he is a great guy... I would say give it a chance as friends - when you go out do things like walks at the park and picnics ( I know cold as heck outside, but still get the point) - really gonna let pass a great guy because of his size? -- I would def. try the friend thing, if he likes you as well he will be more than willing to join you - it isn't about him changing or you changing it is about compromising with each other...0
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Aw just kiss him honey!0
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Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for the great advice! lol
He's right. But honestly, you really need to get an understanding from this guy about how he feels about his weight and health before you make a decision. You asked the friend if he is trying or wants to lose weight, but she really can't answer that question for him.
Also, and I'm only saying this to give you a different perspective, not to make you feel bad. But technically, at 300 lbs, you are morbidly obese as well. He's just much closer to the morbidity aspect of it than you are.
I understand. I think it's hard to date when you are in this kind of transition. It's hard to find someone that shares your mentality towards your health. It's hard to make people understand that even though they find you attractive now, your body will be changing. I've actually decided to wait until I reach my goals before I start dating again.0 -
I would just say where you are in your life....Wanting to lose some weight and find love. Maybe he is hiding his feelings with food....and looking for love also. It would be nice if your both looking to lose weight, and get healthy together. You never know, it might be a good thing for both of you!!
When I was losing weight....my hubby is thin. It would have been great to have him with me....knowing what I was going through. It could be the start of a wonderful friendship....or even more!
Good luck : )0 -
Maybe its just me but are you all serious?! He's a real person and probably is well aware that he's over weight!
If he's nice and treats you like a man should, that's what you should focus on.
Put yourself in his shoes. I know there were many people who wouldn't want to date me because I was fat in the past. Finally when I found someone who loved me for ME, life got a lot better. It was worth living again.
But of course since you guys are getting healthy and losing weight that's all that matters anymore. He'll die because he's fat.0 -
Life is what happens whilst you are making other plans
I say date him. Finding someone you have a real connection with isn't a common occurrence.
Be up front with him though. Say that losing weight and being healthy are the most important things in your life right now and if it seems the relationship is standing in the way of it then it will have to come to an end.
They say that only love can break your heart but that is not true. Only dishonesty can do that...0 -
Maybe you can tell him about your recent life style change, and you never know, he might want to join in on the adventure.
This. If you start doing things and sharing your change, perhaps it will inspire him to change. Other than that - what do you have to lose, really? If not him it'll be somebody else at a different time - you might as well jump in and see rather than wait and spend your life alone.0 -
Just be his friend. And be very clear to him that's all you are looking for right now. If you've hinted at more than that, just be honest and tell him you need to straighten out things in your own life before you can get involved with anyone.
Other people have said this and I agree: you won't change him and if you're not comfortable with his weight now, you will be even less comfortable later down the road. Leave romance out and just be his friend. Maybe you will inspire him to lose a bunch of weight and you can see where things may lead. In the meantime, FRIENDS!!!!0 -
Do yourself a favor and don't date someone for who they could be. Be with them for who they are now. If he's not living a lifestyle that is equivalent to yours, then do not go there.
I wouldn't even entertain the "friend" thing. That never works out unless you really are just friends. But if you've entertained a relationship or shared more than just normal friendly dialog you are putting yourself in a situation that you may continue to feel inclined on submitting to rather than just doing what you really want which is to live a healthy lifestyle.0 -
Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....0 -
I say, be his friend. If something more develops so be it. Sounds like he could use some friends who are willing to show him that healthy changes are possible for anyone of any size.0
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Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....
The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.0 -
Dating is the art of getting together and doing things with the potential of one day being together and having a romance... it does not mean you have to walk down the aisle with said person, or go any farther at any given time.
If you have so much in common - what's to hurt? your not committing to marrying the guy, your just going on a date.
Have you talked to him about the fact you are on a journey to a healthier you?
I say, go on a date, see how it is, maybe plan something active.... bring up the fact that you are on a journey to a healthier you and see how he feels about it... Maybe he will shock you and ask to join you on your next walk.0 -
if you like him and he makes you feel good...date him....
but make it clear that you are on a path to a long life and want a long life....and that he's welcome to join you.....
but that you will be making choices for you...and your health and you would appreciate it if he would support that....
if you find that he's not making it easy for you to continue your health goals, then talk to him about it again....
but don't push it on him...just make sure he stays out of your way....
however, if you guys are dating and he always has to consider your health needs when planning a date, he may find himself eating and acting healthier by association....
example...if you say, I can't go to or eat KFC (not saying you do) then he knows he can't suggest that as an option at any point, otherwise he's sabotaging you....and he has to make a healthier choice....what he does on his own time is up to him...
just don't have any expectations from him in regards to his own health....only have the expectation that he needs to respect yours.0 -
Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....
If you feel the need to change the person you're with, it's the wrong relationship.
The best relationship I ever had was with a man I didn't want to change at all. Things didn't work out for reasons unrelated to the two of us, but if he came back into my life. I would probably jump right back into it. He was perfect (in my eyes).0 -
Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....
The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.
this was meant to be a joke. obviously it didnt go over well... LOL0 -
I don't think a person gets to 300 or 500 pounds by having a healthy relationship with food. Just like two anorexcs (especially if one is just starting to get better and the other isn't even trying) will tend to fuel the unhealthy fire in each other, I would think it happens on the other end of the scale, as well.
Or even two alcoholics.
My advice is not to do this. Your own well-being is at stake and I doubt he will change just because you are changing.
Have to agree with this....0 -
I don't think a person gets to 300 or 500 pounds by having a healthy relationship with food. Just like two anorexcs (especially if one is just starting to get better and the other isn't even trying) will tend to fuel the unhealthy fire in each other, I would think it happens on the other end of the scale, as well.
Or even two alcoholics.
My advice is not to do this. Your own well-being is at stake and I doubt he will change just because you are changing.
It's a struggle for me to admit but I agree with this. It's not about the superficial appearance stuff . It's about wanting a partner that can go out and enjoy participating in the things that I do (and vice versa).
You have to do what is right for you. If you can see yourself happy when you reach your fitness goals with a person that is content weighing 500 lbs that is your choice. For me though...that person isn't going to be able to come along on the journey of doing all those things that I have always wanted to but couldn't cause I was overweight like parasailing, kite surfing, etc.
Best of luck to you in your decision.0 -
Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....
The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.
this was meant to be a joke. obviously it didnt go over well... LOL
im terrible at jokes...0 -
It is difficult to lose weight if you are dating or involved with someone who does not share your outlook. My boyfriend lost some weight, but then stopped & at times he is supportive, but at times he is not & when he gets to that point it can be really hard to lose. You need to be upfront with him & see what he says. Perhaps you can be an example for him & get him motivated to get healthy with you.0
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I don't think a person gets to 300 or 500 pounds by having a healthy relationship with food. Just like two anorexcs (especially if one is just starting to get better and the other isn't even trying) will tend to fuel the unhealthy fire in each other, I would think it happens on the other end of the scale, as well.
Or even two alcoholics.
My advice is not to do this. Your own well-being is at stake and I doubt he will change just because you are changing.
Have to agree with this....
I do as well....you could end up hurting yourself.0 -
You may be what he needs! I would start out slow with talking about how you are making new lifestyle changes in your life to get healthier. He may say he wants too also and you two can start the change together. If he is sweet & a all around good guy, his weight shouldn't matter. The inside is always better than the outside. But I can see how you are worried about his health. Best wishes on your decision!0
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Getting in a relationship thinking your are going to change him, what could possibly go wrong?
what woman DOESNT think that going into a relationship? even if it is the smallest thing....
The ones that are looking for a life long relationship. "Changing a man" never works. Just like changing a woman never works.
this was meant to be a joke. obviously it didnt go over well... LOL
im terrible at jokes...
It's OK. Tone on the Internets doesn't always come across. :-)0 -
just break up \m/0
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just break up \m/
Winner.0 -
If you really like him, Id tell him how you feel. You are trying to live a healty life style and you need to be with somone who can support that.
^^ This. You need to let him know that you want someone who can support what you are doing.0 -
This could be me! My last boyfriend I met through a friend on Facebook (well, my friend I've known for 20 years; she met this guy in college and he had seen me on her FB and thought I was pretty; eventually we chatted and met). When I saw him, I was surpised; he was definitely heavier than anyone I've dated; I'd say over 300 lbs. But he was cute, and I gave him a chance. We dated for four months (and were FWB for another year, lol); we didn't break up because of that but it kind of helped because we both wanted to lose weight so we would try to eat healthier together.
I would say don't count him out because of that. And as you say, maybe he is trying or wanting to make changes himself. If you do it together it's not as hard. There's no harm in at least going out with the guy once; maybe in person you won't click anyways. But if you think it would be too hard (i.e. he just wants to eat corndogs all the time and sit on the couch) then maybe your lifestyles wouldn't mesh anyways.0 -
Thanks for the advice everyone!
You all have valid points. I think I will just take it super slow and keep it in the friend/date zone for now. I haven't told him about my goals but I plan on it. Worst case scenario, I end up with a friend. :happy:0 -
You won't really know how it will be until you get to know this Jim person better. Right now, you're just going on the impression that your friend has built of him.
You know what is best for you. Also, in my experience, losing weight and dating are difficult to do together. You're already trying to lose weight, which is a full time job on top of every thing else going on in your life.
Good luck!0 -
if you like him and he makes you feel good...date him....
but make it clear that you are on a path to a long life and want a long life....and that he's welcome to join you.....
but that you will be making choices for you...and your health and you would appreciate it if he would support that....
if you find that he's not making it easy for you to continue your health goals, then talk to him about it again....
but don't push it on him...just make sure he stays out of your way....
however, if you guys are dating and he always has to consider your health needs when planning a date, he may find himself eating and acting healthier by association....
example...if you say, I can't go to or eat KFC (not saying you do) then he knows he can't suggest that as an option at any point, otherwise he's sabotaging you....and he has to make a healthier choice....what he does on his own time is up to him...
just don't have any expectations from him in regards to his own health....only have the expectation that he needs to respect yours.
Very well said.0
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