So I need advice... Dont judge

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13

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  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Thank you everyone for being so honest and I appreciate all the advice.

    I temporarily deactivated my facebook account, so I wont be contacting him on there. And I won't text him. Space is what he needs
  • FinFoxPT
    FinFoxPT Posts: 106 Member
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    When you care about someone no ones advice can really help you in a difficult situation. The only advice i can give is listen to yourself, ask this:

    Does this person appreciate and respect me?

    Does this person ensure i am made to feel secure and treated the way i should be by them?

    Does this person deserve my love and respect?

    Don't pick over all or from the past, it's about right now. You cannot answer the questions you've got about the situation right now and most likely he can't. I doubt very much you have trouble with men, i think you may be picking the wrong kind, in fact from read this you are, because someone worth you wouldn't do this, ever. No matter how you feel right now about the situation you have to think for yourself. Right now do you feel ok? No. You need to feel ok. You need to listen to your needs, screw him for treating you with such little respect, you are what is important right now.

    Pick a time of day say 10pm and say to yourself everytime this comes up, i'm not going to think about this siutaion till 10pm. it will be hard but try it, it really will be hard but you need to take a break from this situation for one week. Once you do this every day for a week, oh and spend no longer than half an hour doing this thinking about about the situation thing, you will feel easier and you will see him in a different light.

    No matter what happens you need to make the right choice for you. These are just my ideas but you are most important and right now this guy does not have your best interest at heart.

    Hope this helps, love and light

    Fin x
  • daylily2005
    daylily2005 Posts: 203 Member
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    Take it from someone who was in almost this exact situation in high school (but a couple of years younger than you are now)---the more you try to talk to him and figure out what's going on...the more he's going to shut you out. I was best friends with a guy for 3 years, then we dated for 6 months, then the next 3 years of my life were consumed with "what are we now? do you like me again? why did we break up? can't you just talk to me?"

    Seriously--waste of time. 7 years later, we chatted for all of 10 minutes, and he apologized for acting that way, and told me that my continued "trying to fix things/figure out what went wrong" just kept pushing him away. I realize that now--hindsight is 20/20. We went from best friends to dating to barely speaking at all for 8 years. I miss his friendship, but maybe it wasn't meant to be--on any plane.

    Give him space, if he wants to be friends or rekindle a relationship he'll approach you. Trust me. Go out with friends, read books, hang out with family. Be young! :) Don't try to figure out something or force something.
  • jackpotclown
    jackpotclown Posts: 3,291 Member
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    just break up \m/
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
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    I have learned that my mom was right. She has always said...

    The kind of man you are interested in at 18, is often not the same man you'd be interested in at 25, and neither of them may be what you are looking for at 40.

    Sometimes you are blessed in finding that someone who grows with you into the 25, 30, 40, etc ages. Often you are not.
    Be happy you experienced joy together, and prepare to move forward.

    Guard your heart, and only open it for the really special ones.
  • MissyMollnesh
    MissyMollnesh Posts: 1
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    I would suggest you leave him be for a week or so, yes you will hurt, but the worst thing to do is call him. I imagine he has found 'other' interests and is pursuing them. At your age, there are many many more experiences for you to go thru. take care
  • WinnerVictorious
    WinnerVictorious Posts: 4,735 Member
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    Thank you everyone for being so honest and I appreciate all the advice.

    I temporarily deactivated my facebook account, so I wont be contacting him on there. And I won't text him. Space is what he needs

    i hate to be the "debbie downer", but he's not looking for space. he's looking to experience life, as should you. both of you are very young and not yet fully formed adults. there was virtually no chance of this becoming a lifelong relationship at your ages. he's moving on, as is common for teenagers. you should move on too. make some mental notes about what you learned and apply that to your next relationship.

    to use a lousy metaphor... dating and relationships are like a buffet. you walk down the aisle putting a little bit of everything on your plate so that you can taste everything and decide what you like and don't like. when you're young, you want to try everything. you need to try everything. that's what he is doing and that's what you should be doing. only after you have some more relationship experience will you know what you like and what you don't like, so that you can focus on finding somebody you'll want to spend your life with. getting back to the metaphor, that's the same as going back for "seconds" of only the things you liked from your first plate full of food.

    i know it seems like the most important thing in the world to you now, but in time, it really won't.
  • jaz050465
    jaz050465 Posts: 3,508 Member
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    Move on. Don't try to contact him, it makes you look clingy/needy, and neither one of those are attractive.

    I dont try to be clingy or needy or anything like that. It is just so hard to move on, when that person is basically the most important thing in your life. All my friends are away at different colleges, so he's basically all I have right now.

    We have all been there. It is not easy. Growing pains. He was no Mr. Right, He was Mr. right Now. You need to be a trooper and move on. It stinks, it is hard, and it is not fun. Step by step. Just do not do anything stupid to yourself.

    Hate to tell you but it's nothing to do with age. I'm 47 and fought desperately for a year to get my husband back. It was a waste of time- I should have just accepted it was over and moved on. Two years later ivecmet a wonderful new man who I now realise is much better suited to me than my husband.

    You need to chalk it up as experience and move on- as hard as it will be at first xx
  • ShannonMichelle1985
    ShannonMichelle1985 Posts: 47
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    Thank you everyone for being so honest and I appreciate all the advice.

    I temporarily deactivated my facebook account, so I wont be contacting him on there. And I won't text him. Space is what he needs


    Good idea
  • msshiraz
    msshiraz Posts: 327 Member
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    Move on. Don't try to contact him, it makes you look clingy/needy, and neither one of those are attractive.

    I dont try to be clingy or needy or anything like that. It is just so hard to move on, when that person is basically the most important thing in your life. All my friends are away at different colleges, so he's basically all I have right now.

    Whether you are or not, unless there is something bad going on in his life, and he really needs space, he is breaking his ties. And his communication is poor- but hey he's 17. I wish I could say it gets easier, but many times it doesn't. I know you are hurting, but this is likely not your last broken heart. Take time to do stuff for yourself- because I promise you, if he has moved on, he isn't wallowing.
    Get to the gym- meet new people. Yes old friends are at college, but time to make new ones. Just get busy being busy, and slowly the hurt will heal. From his words, he has ended things........ take care and heal
  • Dub_D
    Dub_D Posts: 1,760 Member
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    Just break up.
  • Jebbster007
    Jebbster007 Posts: 265 Member
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    Bri....all I can say is guys at this age are not worth stressing over. I've read through most of the thread so I would encourage you to take the advice of the more mature women who've chimed in. It's good advice.
  • ClassicPearl
    ClassicPearl Posts: 141 Member
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    I know there's a lot of replies, but try reading "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus". It's good. It tells you how men act. I wish I would have read it before my last boyfriend (although now I hate him so it's OK).

    Anyway, my ex boyfriend started getting distant to me and I should have just let it go and not bothered him. What I think happened, is I pushed him away by not giving him any distance. And that's what the book says, just give him distance. :) The next guy I have, I'll definitely do that :)
  • TigressPat
    TigressPat Posts: 722
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    Move on. Don't try to contact him, it makes you look clingy/needy, and neither one of those are attractive.

    I dont try to be clingy or needy or anything like that. It is just so hard to move on, when that person is basically the most important thing in your life. All my friends are away at different colleges, so he's basically all I have right now.

    sorry, but that sounds more like you are lonely and afraid of being alone than you really need/want/love this guy.
    face it, you are young, he is younger. It's not meant to last. I'm sorry, but the best thing you can do for yourself is find some new friends, some new activities, interests, try to keep moving and keep yoiur mind off it.
    It will be hard, at first, but don't give up.
  • JeffinRaleigh
    JeffinRaleigh Posts: 85
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    Sorry that you are going through this right now. You've gotten some really good advice here. I'll just add this -

    1. It's hard, but you should respect his boundaries and not contact him. Even when it's really tempting, put the phone down and focus on something else ...
    2. Focus on you. Right now, you're working to get in better shape by next summer. So take the time to assess how you think you're doing, and if you might want to change things up a bit. Take a martial arts class or try something else that might be new for you that will change things up a little bit.
    3. It's the holiday season. Take time out every day to let someone know how much you care about them and how much they mean to you (no, not him). Write a nice note or send a text ... Or maybe do an errand for someone at home that's totally unexpected. By doing so, you remind people that they matter to you, and it reminds you that you are not alone.

    Just a few thoughts off the top of my head. Good luck and hang in there! :smile:
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    I know there's a lot of replies, but try reading "Women are from Mars, Men are from Venus". It's good. It tells you how men act. I wish I would have read it before my last boyfriend (although now I hate him so it's OK).

    Anyway, my ex boyfriend started getting distant to me and I should have just let it go and not bothered him. What I think happened, is I pushed him away by not giving him any distance. And that's what the book says, just give him distance. :) The next guy I have, I'll definitely do that :)
    This actually helps alot, thank you. I agree, in my next relationship I should give the guy more space and not be so clingy
  • lorijh72
    lorijh72 Posts: 118 Member
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    Oh sweetheart let my say to you I'm so sorry this has happened to you...my son which is 17 yrs had this happen to him by his GF today...she told him lets take a break which was last week...now it's I like to be single today (she was playing him for a week I want to get back together but she was using excuses each day)....first girl he really cared for...so I'm a sympathies with you sugar...give it time...if he really wants to be with you he will come back to you...if not there are so many more fish in the sea to pick from...your young live life to the fullest...have fun with your friends and don't take relationships to serious and get caught up in the drama with pissy BF! Good Luck Gurly ;-)
  • MrMeowGi
    MrMeowGi Posts: 171
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    Dating for 4 months . In love. kaaaaaaaaay
  • Gwen_B
    Gwen_B Posts: 1,018 Member
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    I would have to say breaking up after 4 months means he wasn't as into as much as you were... I know it hurts, but your young you will get through this sooner than you think. Good luck!
  • Brianna72994
    Brianna72994 Posts: 887
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    Dating for 4 months . In love. kaaaaaaaaay

    We have been on and off for a couple of years. This time around, it's been 4 months.

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