Is my hubby a saboteur or am I weak?
mfbonafide
Posts: 14 Member
My worst eating happens late at night. Sometimes after I go to bed. I woke up last night and my husband had a pizza and buffalo wings that he went out for after I went to bed. Almost unconsciously, I sat down and ate a piece of pizza and went back to bed. I logged the slice but am disappointed in myself today. Even with the pizza I was under my goal calories because I exercised. But I still feel bad. Night eating, bad, bad bad!
I really don't blame him. I know I have to be the one to say no to temptation. Oh, what to do?
I really don't blame him. I know I have to be the one to say no to temptation. Oh, what to do?
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Replies
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To be honest. I would say both.
My boyfriend is extremely supportive of my weight loss - although he is underweight. When at a restaurant or anywhere, he asks me if it's okay for him to get a chocolate cake for desert. And always makes sure I track everything.
He asks and I always say yes, obviously, because I know I am strong enough to have one bite only and not more!
You can do this, but a slice of pizza, chocolate, cake is not worth it!0 -
HAHA your poor hubby... he was probably waiting for you to go to sleep so he could have those pizza and wings without sabotaging you. It looks like he really is trying, but it was just unfortunate that you woke up.
Think of it as a treat! An occasional or rare treat. And don't beat yourself up over it - stuff happens, log it, remember how guilty you felt logging it, and next time you'll be less likely to do it
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Well, in my opinion, if you were still under your calories goals AFTER a slice of carry-out pizza, then you were probably hungry from not having had enough to eat throughout the day. If you want pizza, eat pizza and enjoy it. I had pie at least three times yesterday, and I savored every bit of it. I was back to a protein shake this morning, and all is good.
Perhaps you should eat more during the day, including those things you enjoy, so you won't be so tempted to eat at night--since that is bothering you. Me, I eat at all times of the day. If I eat it after midnight, it gets logged onto breakfast the next day.
Good luck!0 -
You logged the snack and you were under your calorie goal, so a successful day! For me, I want to be able to eat a little bit of whatever I fancy. If that means doing more exercise to earn the calories then that's ok with me, that way I won't feel deprived. xx0
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Unless he woke you up and offered you a slice, I don't think he's sabotaging you, though he's sabotaging his own health with a late night snack of pizza and wings...
Don't beat yourself up over this time, but learning to tell yourself no is a valuable skill to acquire. And though you may feel mad that you can't always eat what you want whenever you want it, that feeling of control over what you do eat or don't eat can feel really good. Like any new skill, it's hard to do at first, but with enough practice, it becomes more automatic. If you want pizza, don't let it blindside you, plan for it. Eat it on your terms, when you know you have the calories for it and your aren't just eating it because it's there and your husband is doing it, so you want to also.0 -
New rules? You don't eat in bed, and he doesn't store food in the bedroom.0
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I wouldn't say that your husband isn't purposely sabotaging you as he went and got it after you went to bed. Nor would I say you are weak, you just need to think about it before you eat.
That said you may want to discuss it with him. Tell him he doesn't have to stop, but if you want to eat what he got that he should hold you responsible. You said unconsciously so you need to make a conscious choice. Tell him to make you think about it. Get him to ask you "Do you want to feel happy for a little bit now? Or do you want to be happy later for longer?" "Do you have that calories" "Are you sure you want it" or something to that effect.
Then if you make that choice you must hold yourself responsible for it. Don't blame him and don't say it wasn't a conscious effort.0 -
If you went to bed with enough calories left over for a slice of pizza, you are not eating enough.
Eating a slice of pizza is not a bad thing if it fits in your calorie goals and your macros.
Eat your exercise calories. MFP is designed for you to eat them. It's not going over or cheating to eat them.
I've lost 28 pounds since the beginning of September by eating almost every exercise calorie and eating pizza every so often.0 -
If you were still under your calorie intake after eating the slice of pizza, then that means you may not be eating enough during the day, and hence, you are hungry at night. Try to eat more during the day- like more fruits and veggies to fill in the hunger gaps (snacks) during the day.0
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I have the same problem with my husband...he loves to eat late at night as we stay up and spend time together after the kids are in bed. It's always been something we do, watch a movie and pig out. I have to just say no to that nowadays, that's part of what got me needing to lose weight! The more you say no to temptation the easier it will be. It is hard...I am pep talking myself right now, too! lol0
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First, I would say he is not a saboteur; he is merely inconsiderate. With that in mind, your resolve needs a boost. Support is nice and is helpful, but if you NEED support to succees, just remember that most people will let you down. You NEED to be able to succeed w/o any support. Support is a bonus.
Also, nothing wrong w/ a slice of pizza.
Nothing wrong w/ something you log and are still under your net cals.
Nothing wrong w/ night eating at all. Calories cannot tell time.
All in all, I think you can relax. You're doing just fine, so don't beat yourself up.
Cheers!
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Sabotage!! He left that pizza for you to eat in bed. Tricky *kitten*.0
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If you went to bed with enough calories left over for a slice of pizza, you are not eating enough.
This and all the similar sentiments.
Eat to your calorie goal and you won't feel compelled to binge on whatever snacks your husband brings home.
And besides, there's nothing wrong with pizza or wings. I have both regularly.0 -
No sugar coating here. Food is going to be everywhere, we all have to deal with that and so do you. You are responsible for what goes into your mouth, period.0
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I don't think either. Youre hubby needs to eat too. I'm trying a 24 day cleanse and I am very limited on what I can eat. And my poor husband is putting up with it mostly. You are doing this for yourself. And it sounds like he is trying to support you (ex. he ordered it after you went to sleep). He had no intention for you to wake up and have any.0
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Oops, don't think you were suppose to get back out of bed, sounds like hes trying to keep it out of site. We all have a slip now and then and when you mark it down, it kind of opens your eyes, to what happened, I use to find it hard to turn and walk away, because it did become a bad habit to always sit and have a bite if he had it ,I wanted it to. Be very thankful he waits till you go to bed to munch away, sounds like he is trying to stay out of your way. Mine is, really bad, and I am weak, mine bugs and bugs till I have a bite of what ever it is he is eating Finally I told him when I tell you No, quit bugging.Now I will go to another room and find something else to do till he is done. No more listening to " Are you sure you don't want any, are you sure its pretty good, last chance are you sure." Very frustrating but I am getting stronger. My hubby is not skinny but hes not fat and can eat 24 hours a day. I was weak and give in or like you see him eating and would take a piece.I have learned I have to Walk away and just say No. Late at night, when he is munching now, and I'm still up , I will go have a shower, so I see nothing0
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He waited till you were in bed to get the pizza. This is on you, sweetie. It all comes down to will-power. But, like previously mentioned, you clearly didn't eat enough if you were still under calories. Make sure you eat your calories, including exercise calories, and you won't be so tempted to snack late.0
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I agree with this whole statement.HAHA your poor hubby... he was probably waiting for you to go to sleep so he could have those pizza and wings without sabotaging you. It looks like he really is trying, but it was just unfortunate that you woke up.
Think of it as a treat! An occasional or rare treat. And don't beat yourself up over it - stuff happens, log it, remember how guilty you felt logging it, and next time you'll be less likely to do it0 -
I think your hubby did nothing wrong.
I also think it is weird to get up and eat after being asleep but if you were that hungry, eat the food and forget about it. Life is too short. Food shouldn't weigh on your emotions. It's not good or bad, it is food.0 -
He's not a sabateur of you - there was nothing about you in his going out.
Why are you beating yourself up for eating? You were under your calories.
Stop thinking about food and eating like this. THAT is sabotaging yourself.0 -
Your hubby is a sweetheart for waiting until you went to bed. I'm not sure why anyone is calling him inconsiderate. I don't agree with the advice to ask him to hold you responsible by asking about your calories and whether you really want to eat that. As you are already sensitive (not a judgment) to his role in your weight loss, having him police your food choices isn't going to be good for either one of you. It will just build resentment and insecurity as well as place the responsibility for your choices on him. He can't control what you eat. (I know you didn't suggest that, just responding to some other advice.)
All that said, I can't imagine trying to resist a piece of pizza while sleepy.0 -
I don't agree with the advice to ask him to hold you responsible by asking about your calories and whether you really want to eat that. As you are already sensitive (not a judgment) to his role in your weight loss, having him police your food choices isn't going to be good for either one of you. It will just build resentment and insecurity as well as place the responsibility for your choices on him. He can't control what you eat. (I know you didn't suggest that, just responding to some other advice.)
I was staying to included him the the weight loss, having another person hold you accountable can really help keep you on track. For me feeling like I'm letting someone else down is a bigger reason to continue than if I'm just letting myself down. I am not saying have him police her, I saying have him raise the questions for it becomes a conscious decision instead of an unconscious one.0 -
I was staying to included him the the weight loss, having another person hold you accountable can really help keep you on track. For me feeling like I'm letting someone else down is a bigger reason to continue than if I'm just letting myself down. I am not saying have him police her, I saying have him raise the questions for it becomes a conscious decision instead of an unconscious one.
I know you didn't mean for her to police her, sorry if my post came off that way. I just think it would be potentially disastrous for their relationship. OP is asking if her hubby is sabotaging her based on something he did after she went to bed. I'm not sure that she'd be able to take him bringing her attention to what she's eating. (Not a judgment either--I couldn't. My husband is included in my health and fitness, but if he ever tried to raise my awareness about my choices as an adult, even if I asked him to, I think I'd feel childish and embarrassed.) Plus, like someone else pointed out, OP will be exposed to temptation and her husband's not going to be there to help her.0 -
OMG! I swear I would punch my husband right in the face if he said any of that to me. :laugh:I wouldn't say that your husband isn't purposely sabotaging you as he went and got it after you went to bed. Nor would I say you are weak, you just need to think about it before you eat.
That said you may want to discuss it with him. Tell him he doesn't have to stop, but if you want to eat what he got that he should hold you responsible. You said unconsciously so you need to make a conscious choice. Tell him to make you think about it. Get him to ask you "Do you want to feel happy for a little bit now? Or do you want to be happy later for longer?" "Do you have that calories" "Are you sure you want it" or something to that effect.
Then if you make that choice you must hold yourself responsible for it. Don't blame him and don't say it wasn't a conscious effort.
To the OP, if you eat the right foods and fuel your body with enough calories it makes it a whole lot easier to eat junk food because you choose to and not uncontrollably just because it's around.0 -
If you went to bed with enough calories left over for a slice of pizza, you are not eating enough.
This and all the similar sentiments.
Eat to your calorie goal and you won't feel compelled to binge on whatever snacks your husband brings home.
And besides, there's nothing wrong with pizza or wings. I have both regularly.
Yup to the above. Additionally, you are responsible for you and he is responsible for him. It is up to you to control your intake and eat in a healthy way. He can choose to help and support or not but you are responsible for your own thought, feelings, attitudes, actions and beliefs.0 -
I was staying to included him the the weight loss, having another person hold you accountable can really help keep you on track. For me feeling like I'm letting someone else down is a bigger reason to continue than if I'm just letting myself down. I am not saying have him police her, I saying have him raise the questions for it becomes a conscious decision instead of an unconscious one.
I know you didn't mean for her to police her, sorry if my post came off that way. I just think it would be potentially disastrous for their relationship. OP is asking if her hubby is sabotaging her based on something he did after she went to bed. I'm not sure that she'd be able to take him bringing her attention to what she's eating. (Not a judgment either--I couldn't. My husband is included in my health and fitness, but if he ever tried to raise my awareness about my choices as an adult, even if I asked him to, I think I'd feel childish and embarrassed.) Plus, like someone else pointed out, OP will be exposed to temptation and her husband's not going to be there to help her.
I have strong feelings about the food police! I agree that, for me anyway, it would be awkward if someone asked me those kind of questions concerning my food. My boyfriend is completely supportive of me but will offer me treats now and then. He says nothing one way or the other if I eat the treat or not (more often not). But his daughter on the other hand, is a team eater. She always needs a buddy and likes their food to match. So she wants me to eat ramen (a real weakness), cookies, cakes, pies, etc just because that is what she wants. Then when I don't eat unhealthy to match she will sometimes ask me "Are you SURE you can have that on your diet??" Or she will question my calories, etc. It really makes me mad. I try not to judge others food habits or eating and I don't like to feel scrutinized over my eating. I am FAR too sensitive for that!
As for the OP, I don't think it is either. Your husband more than likely waited for you to go to bed to eat something he might have thought you would try to avoid with your new health-focus. And you said yourself you ate basically out of habit. Habits can be broken. I have done that on occasion while cooking. Just without even thinking take a big bite out of something and start chewing on it, then whoops. I forgot I am creating a new habit for myself where I do not chew mindlessly while cooking!0 -
So let me get this straight...you are on a diet, so your husband can't have pizza and wings? :huh:
He didn't offer it to you, or eat it in front of you while making seductive moaning noises. Leave the poor man alone.0 -
If you went to bed with enough calories left over for a slice of pizza, you are not eating enough.
Eating a slice of pizza is not a bad thing if it fits in your calorie goals and your macros.
Eat your exercise calories. MFP is designed for you to eat them. It's not going over or cheating to eat them.
I've lost 28 pounds since the beginning of September by eating almost every exercise calorie and eating pizza every so often.
+1!0 -
Awesome and inspiring replies everyone. Thank you so much for all the wisdom, laughs and inspiration. I am so glad to have this message board. Thanks again.
Margaret0 -
when in doubt spray it all with Windex.0
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