Need some advice please!

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  • redheaddee
    redheaddee Posts: 2,005 Member
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    My hubby is currently in the same boat as the result of an inguinal hernia surgery (lower ab area). It significantly limited activity for a bit, and now he is not in the shape he likes to be in. He has always been physically active, and admittedly the situation is a bit different here. However, I finally had to say to him "Honey, I adore you and support you regardless, but if you are not going to DO something about it, than I don't want to HEAR about it." For me, it's like b!tching about who is President, but you did not cast a vote. Not only did he stop complaining about his weight, but he has started doing cardio again (he has no excuse, and neither do I. We own an elliptical.)
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    It's called tough love. And if she gets pissy about it, than it's on her. You cannot make other people change, they can and will only do it for themselves
  • dmc415
    dmc415 Posts: 4
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    Believe me I don't point this out to her all the time, only when she asks me for help. And I also tell her how beautiful she is everyday so please don't think these are my diet wishes. I'm just trying to help her but it's hard when she's that picky.
  • dmc415
    dmc415 Posts: 4
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    unlike men women dont need to workout or be healthy or whatever... if you and her split there will be a line of dudes waiting to get at her so unless she wants to do it on her own there is nothing you can do or say to make her

    In case you didn't realize, I'm a girl so this comment is just ridiculous to me lol
  • kittyhorn
    kittyhorn Posts: 112 Member
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    **LIKE**
  • dmc415
    dmc415 Posts: 4
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    Ok I will say, after re-reading my original post I definitely came across as a nagging *kitten* of a partner, but the reality is she asks me for the fitness/calorie/nutritional info. when she wants to, I never shove it down her throat. I had a lot of weight issues growing up so I would never do that to anyone else because I know how much it sucks. I do love her with all my heart and accept her 100% for who she is, I just want her to be healthy. I think my original post turned into more of a venting session because what I really hate is when I give her the advice she asks for but then she never takes it.
  • EvgeniZyntx
    EvgeniZyntx Posts: 24,208 Member
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    IMHO, She's only asking for a comforting ear and most likely not really solutions. You can help her find them or you can deliver them all wrapped up in a bow. Unless she finds them, she's less likely to implement them.

    It's a bit of pseudo-psychology but I find this to be very true when it comes to health, fitness ad a variety of other long term personal commitments.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 499 Member
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    Set little goals for her, like maybe eating under a certain amount of calories per meal...per day... per week etc.

    if my other half ever set calorie goals for me, I would kill him as he slept.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
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    Not much you can do except be supportive until she is ready to get healthier. And STOP COUNTING HER CALORIES. It doesnt help.
  • KrazyAsianNic
    KrazyAsianNic Posts: 1,227 Member
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    Hm.. Picky people are hard to feed. My advice would be to find her favorite food adn try to make a healthier version.

    My boyfriend's not too picky. He will eat what I cook. I have got him into veggies by roasting them with some olive oil and seasonings. He too wants to lose some wieght, and when I find a recipie like cauliflower pizza, he wants to try it because it sounds interesting.

    If she like pasta, I find that adding a lot of veggies into the sauce helps. In almost all my pastas, I add regular marinera in a pan that has already cooked onion, bell peppers, mushrooms, carrots, broccoli.. .any veggie you think will go well.
  • HypersonicFitNess
    HypersonicFitNess Posts: 1,219 Member
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    Uh yeah...you cannot MAKE her change her habits or change her ways. She will have to change on her own. You can present the facts, present the alternatives....but at the end of the day (sorry) SHE is the only one that can make the change for herself.
  • PHr34k0wt
    PHr34k0wt Posts: 218 Member
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    Being helpful really doesn't FEEL helpful to someone who's feeling low about themselves. I have a friend who's boyfriend was constantly trying to (helpfully) get her to be more active and eat better, etc,and she was not over weight at all. Eventually the constant nit-picking about her body made her feel so bad, she closed off completely, and actually started gaining weight.
    My advice? Start pointing out the things that you really LOVE that she does. The parts of her body you really love and think are beautiful (And no, I'm not talking "NICE BUM WHERE YOU FROM", I'm talking "Your collar bones are amazing" and "I love the shape of your legs")
    The better she feels about herself, the better she will want to feel about herself.
    Nothing feels worst than your boyfriend (the guy who loves you no matter what) points out things that could be changed.

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