Non-Traditional Brides - Any Regrets?
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Why does it seem like I'm the only person that thought of "non-traditional brides" as people that did things like a theme wedding, or wore a dress other than white, a costume, whatever...
My ex and I were planning a themed wedding, to be followed by a block party on the block of street between the two places we went on our first date. We also considered doing a non-denominational, Muslim influenced wedding.
I think the only thing you regret is if you don't do what you want. to me, 40 people sounds like a lot of people but who knows. All I know is that in my mind, if you wear a white dress, have a wedding party, a venue, a reception, in any capacity, that is a "traditional" bride.0 -
Been married twice. I considered the first a 'traditional' wedding, though it was 50-60 ppl. It wasn't an expensive wedding, but I did the white dress, ceremony, and reception. Honestly I hardly remember the event. The ceremony was 15 minutes, the reception was a blur of hugs and hand shakes and I never got to eat any of the yummy food I paid for. It was fine, I don't really have any regrets about it, I looked great in my dress. Of course the marriage went to hell in a handbag, but I don't think it's the wedding's fault.
The second time hubby and I went to the magistrate's office with my parents and his parents. I wore a pretty dress (not white, the jig was up at that point
), hubby wore a polo, khakis and flip flops which were totally his style. We were able to save our money and go on an awesome honeymoon, which I actually remember and enjoyed immensely without having to feel like I had to do any 'duties' on 'my day'.
So all in all, I think the second wedding wins hands down. Don't know if I would have been as happy with doing a justice of the peace deal if I hadn't had my white wedding first, but I can't go back and change things now.0 -
We had a *very* non-traditional wedding. We had about 10 guests, all friends. We had costumes of a sort. We had all manner of silliness and shenanigans, including pole dancing. It was fun. I don't regret that choice over a more traditional wedding at all. If we hadn't done that, we would have eloped. I could not have stomached the stress, or expense of a big wedding. Not to mention the stress of putting all of our family together.
I should add, I was never one of those women, or even little girls, who dreamed of a big, white wedding. It might be because my parents eloped in Vegas, so I never grew up seeing pictures of my mom in a big white gown or anything like that (she did have a photo of them, in which they sport some a very 70s look). Or maybe I'm just "not that kind of girl."0 -
Honestly, love; it's about what YOU want. I feel like big weddings are more about what the guests want...
In the end, you're still married to your "one" and you were surrounded by well wishes.
I'd rather use the money spent on receptions for a down payment on a house to build a life in and a great trip.0 -
My first wedding was 200 people, big white dress, church etc... and I did not like it one bit. I did it all myself on a budget and it was very stressful.
This time we decided on a local "tea house" with a gazebo that we got married in. I think we had 40 ppl total under tents in case of rain, and having the wedding and reception in the same venue saved a lot of hassle. Used my sister in law as my wedding planner. We thought it was great. I would suggest getting a wedding planner!!!!
The only thing is that a couple of my friends thought that I was purposely leaving them out and I had to explain that it was only really family that was coming, but we did have a couple of close friends on each of our sides. If you can afford a larger party for the people you aren't inviting to the ceremony, that might help spare feelings if this could be a factor.0 -
Our wedding was about 80 people. We had all the aspects of a traditional wedding but 80 people really isn't that many when our families are involved. I don't regret anything about our wedding. I planned it all myself and it wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be. We were engaged 9 months before we were married so I had a decent amount of time to plan, but not a super long time (if that makes sense). I'm also the first-born so a wedding was really important to my parents (especially my dad).
If you do decide to have a bigger wedding, just get started as soon as you can so you can space out all the things you need to do! There were a couple things that didn't get done for our wedding and I didn't even care they weren't there on my wedding day 0 -
Married twice, both small ... first was at the courthouse, then a BBQ after at my parents. Second was at a waterside park. Both were great.
People often forget - it's not the ceremony that makes a marriage, it's the commitment. After the party is over, the real commitment begins. As my mom said to me, Do you want a wedding, or do you want a marriage? I wanted a marriage, and that's what I have. :-)0 -
My hubby and I got married over 10 years ago. Small wedding of 30 people. We got married in city hall, took pictures, had lunch at a restaurant where we made arrangments and reserved a room. Had a bottle of vine for everyone. Then for those who were up for it, we went to a bar/nightclub to dance and celebrate. Most of the people our age joined, my parents and their friends stayed home and enjoyed each others company. The entire wedding cost us about $1000.
<b>Hire a great photgrapher!</b>
YES. I CONCUR WITH THIS.
I'm a photographer. : )0 -
My husband and I also went downtown to the courthouse and got married. We invited no one...we felt if we invited our parents they would tell the rest of the family, and it would snowball, and same thing with friends. So we just went. Our witnesses were a stranger who was waiting for something and the court clerk.
Our parents were a bit upset and so were some of our friends but everyone soon got over it. My mother-in-law and one of her sisters were going to do a small reception/dinner for us but then their other sister died so that, understandably, fell by the wayside. We were going to have a renewal vows ceremony for our 10th anniversary in 2009 but I had about as little desire to do all the planning for that as I did about a wedding LOL. Maybe I'll get it together for our 20th.
When I think back on my wedding it seems just perfect for us; small and private. I still have my wedding outfit and I treasure it like most women do their big gowns.0 -
While mine was fairly "traditional" with 200 guests, I don't regret putting the stress into planning a huge wedding. We had the most amazing day, and all of the work and stress was completely worth it. I had the wedding blues post-wedding for like 6 months and actually missed planning it!!!! Honestly, if you don't really care whether or not you have a lot of guests then plan a small one. It's a LOT of work, but that's what I really wanted. I didn't want to get married without having all of my family and friends there, but it isn't for everyone. Do what makes YOU happy. You don't want any regrets on your wedding day, and it sounds like you may regret planning a huge wedding! Do what you truly want to do. Don't try to accommodate everyone else. You will NEVER make every single person happy no matter what you do, so you might as well do it your way. Congrats and good luck!0
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My first wedding was held at my parents' house with a justice of the peace. Only family was there. I wore a plain blue dress.
My second wedding was held in a Catholic church with a priest and a Protestant minister (who signed all the paperwork because I was divorced). My husband was raised Catholic, this was his first marriage and we wanted to make his mom happy by getting married in a church. I wore a simple wedding dress. We had probably 50-60 people attend, friends and family. He had a best man and I had a maid of honor, that was the whole bridal party. Our reception was a pig picking at our place. The total cost to us was probably $1500. I was very happy with the whole thing.0 -
I got married at a barbeque at my parents house. We surprised them with it. In other words, my parents invited me and my fiance over for a barbeque, we invited his best man/wife and my matron of honor (who happened to be a notary public)/fiance and said "Hey, by the way, we're getting married today!" You can see people in their pajamas (neighbor from across the street who came over when my mom called) and bikinis (friends of family who had gotten back from a day at the beach).
Sure makes a good story, but yeah, I do wish I'd had my day in a pretty white dress.0 -
I agree with everyone who said do what makes you happy.
I was married 21 years ago, I wanted a small, but traditional weddingm white dress, church, bridesmaids, etc... I gave in to pressure from my parents (mostly my father) because I was the first in my family to get married, and ended up having a huge wedding, with people there that I didn't even know.
I don't necessarily regret the wedding itself, but thinking back on all that expense and doing it mostly to make other people happy is what I regret.
I'm divorced now, and if I ever do get married again, it will be the way my future husband and I decide to do it.0 -
Hey there!
So, my fiance and are talking about doing a very non-traditional small, intimate wedding. We had a big engagement party with over 100 people to celebrate with our huge families. It was so stressful and dramatic that we've decided we want just a ceremony and small dinner after for around 30-40 people. Now, my only concern is that I will regret it. I grew up dreaming of a big white wedding just because that is what society instilled in me, not because it actually matters to me.
So, non-traditional brides (eloping, intimate weddings, etc.) - what was your wedding like? Was it worth it to save the time, money, and stress over planning a huge event or do you regret that you didn't have a huge bridezilla style day?
Do what you feel will make you happy. At the end of the day, you are shelling out money for something that will be over in a blur. Thank goodness for pictures and video so you can go back and look to see the things you didn't see on that day. I had a small wedding 50 people, married in the church etc. Til this day, friends still tell us what a great wedding it was and appreciated that we came around and said thank you to everyone for sharing in our day. Our entire wedding cost us $5000.00. I am talking the church, the officiant, the reception, video, photographer, dj and flowers. Granted that was almost 19 years ago, but one of the best days of my life. I would not have changed a thing!0 -
My wedding was at home with 11 people. My only regret was having my now ex-BFF to be my matron of honor. I only asked her so my wedding wouldn't get the redneck-inbred label (only 3 people were not related to me).0
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I'm not married yet, currently in the planning stages and from what I've noticed/realized within myself is that this is OUR day! A day meant for me and my fiance to share our commitment to one another. This realization pushed me to make the deicison to have our wedding for US and nobody else. You will not regret it girl if you do what is best for the both of you and if it is true to yourselves. Good luck 0
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We had a destination wedding with about 15 people. I don't regret it at all. We had a blast and saved a ton of money. We had a party when we got back for all the family that wasn't able to make the destination part. It was a lot of fun. But, if you feel like you will regret it then maybe it isn;t the best option. Go with your gut, it's usually right. 0
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The first time my husband and I got married we had 17 people including us at the church. We then went to my parents house for the reception. The only thing I regret is not having dancing. If we could do it again we would have just gone to Vegas.
When we renewed our vows at our 5 year anniversary there were 11 people including us. We then went to Olive Garden and had a big dinner.
We wanted to go to Vegas last year for our 10 year anniversary and get married by Elvis or Darth Vader but funds were low so were going to do it this year. I am looking forward to it and have been researching Elvis' to find the best one. LOL
ETA - I do regret listening to my Mom about my dress. I wanted a ball gown type dress that was deep red. She was horrified that I would want a red wedding dress and said she wouldn't pay for it. I ended up getting a slip type dress in cream. It was a nice dress; just not the dress I wanted.0 -
My husband and I got married at city hall in 2009 with about 30 people there. We went to lunch right after and my grandma surprised us with a small wedding cake so we cut the cake and all of that. It was really special.
We just had our wedding ceremony this month and had about 40 people there. It was super casual and non-traditional. My husband and I walked down the aisle together, no programs, seating charts, bridal party or annoying DJ's forcing people to dance. It was great. I think that our city hall wedding felt more like a wedding than our wedding ceremony though cause city hall was more our style. I never dreamt about my wedding as a little girl though. I never wanted to get married. Oh well, I'll have better pictures from the ceremony and I'll be 22 pounds lighter than the city hall pictures!0 -
It is YOUR wedding day and YOUR wedding so go with what feels right to you! I don't think you will regret it - the wedding day is about the MARRIAGE not the reception.
I had a "traditional wedding" - bridesmaids, white dress, big reception (we invited 185... 130-135 came), the whole hoopla. And I loved every minute of it. It was perfect for us & my family is traditional in the way that when we have a wedding, we do it big. Not everyone is like that and thats fine!
no matter what you do, SOMEBODY will be offended and that is something you just have to ignore. If I wanted to, my husband and I could have had a small wedding on an island or something but we wanted to stick with our large family dynamics and have the big reception.
your wedding sounds awesome, intimate is great and will make for adorable pictures!!!0 -
We had a non-traditional 5pm cocktail wedding at our house. It was a lot of work to pull off but I loved it. We have a victorian home and rented a clear party tent with a dance floor which was awesome to see the stars at night especially with a candle centerpiece hanging from the top. The bar was open on everyone's arrival and we had white chairs around where we were getting married for some people to sit but not all as it was a cocktail party. The only real structured seating areas we used were renting bar tables and chairs for the patio areas. We served champagne right after our quick ceremony. It was beer and wine only except I had the bar tender make a special drink of the hour... chocolate martinis, mango champage cocktails, etc. finishing with bailey's in an edible chocolate shooter cup.
We had an appetizer style dinner so no seating was required. We had a high end restaurant make some of the best food I've ever had and was surprised they could pull it off with my kitchen. Food was served all night long. We rented a high energy band, not a DJ, who played a great mix of songs and people said it was one of the best parties they have been to but they felt bad holding a drink while we were saying our vows of which I said nonsense, or we wouldn't have had the bar open before then. The band made it very intimate with built in entertainment versus a DJ.
Things I regret:
1. Not hiring extra people the day of the wedding to help set up although I had lots of people hired to clean during the party. I underestimated how long it'd take to put the flowers out, beer on ice, etc.
2. Letting my Grandmother talk me into posed wedding photos right after my ceremony - I missed the cheese platter and it took way too much time to do when I had hired a photographer to take candid shots all night because it was a short wedding as it was starting at 5pm. People will always try to impose their crap on you and I didn't hold my guns and missed out enjoying my moment right after the ceremony while everyone else was having fun and I was stuck doing photos for an hour!!!!!
3. Not having enough cold platters as it took time to get the hot stuff out and people were waiting for food.
4. Inviting certain people - again not sticking to my guns about it and doing what I thought I "should" do. I missed the last song at my wedding because my neighbors wanted a tour of my home and I had some friends there I've never spent time with since. I would have liked even less people at my wedding.
I loved it though because I put all my efforts into the decadence of the event and not into the number of people I invited. Less gives you the time for more and you get more time to actually interact with everyone at your wedding when there are less people. Everyone has a different idea of what their perfect wedding is and you'll regret not making it special in the way that suits you best. It's a very special day and it goes by so fast. Do everything you can so that you are free to just take in your special day. Congrats!0 -
My husband and I also went downtown to the courthouse and got married. We invited no one...we felt if we invited our parents they would tell the rest of the family, and it would snowball, and same thing with friends. So we just went. Our witnesses were a stranger who was waiting for something and the court clerk.
Our parents were a bit upset and so were some of our friends but everyone soon got over it. My mother-in-law and one of her sisters were going to do a small reception/dinner for us but then their other sister died so that, understandably, fell by the wayside. We were going to have a renewal vows ceremony for our 10th anniversary in 2009 but I had about as little desire to do all the planning for that as I did about a wedding LOL. Maybe I'll get it together for our 20th.
When I think back on my wedding it seems just perfect for us; small and private. I still have my wedding outfit and I treasure it like most women treasure their wedding dresses.
Same here. Courthouse, 26 years ago, after work one afternoon. Perfect!0 -
1st husband Courthouse My sister and His Friend
Did I regret it Yes the marriage and the wedding-
watching my friends picking out dresses walking down the aisle at the time it made me feel like I missed something.
So second marriage nice wedding at a Country Club outside in a Gazebo - 115 People at the reception awesome DJ - I loved it that was 24 years ago.0 -
Just break up.0
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