Losing Weight and Sexual Harassment:

mazdauk

Some years ago our local police ran a female safety course and said you can protect yourself by putting your keys between your fingers (so the spiky bits stick out), or use a tightly rolled up newspaper to jab vulnerable areas - then RUN. The best advice if followed in a car was to drive to the nearest police station - then the car should be caught on the cameras on the approach, and you can go in and wait til its gone/dealt with. If of course the police station is open.

Summer_Lunatic

It doesn't seem fair to work hard to look good and be punished for it by men who can't control their behavior. I guess we see it all the time in bars late at night on some level or another. Guys will drink too much and get liquid courage to get stupid and forceful with women. It's disrespectful.

And to think you'd be forced to carry a weapon? Maybe it's the Canadian in me but I am surprised that this is considered a viable option by the masses. Wouldnt' / couldn't that just escalate things even worse?

Freidon

go buy pepper spray, its cheap and legal in most countries.. If you can't carry anything else, don't. I am not surprised all the conceal and carry people showed up in here claiming the states is low on assaults (but forgot to mention we are near top in gun violence, not to mention the recent rash of mass killings).. You should not carry a gun if you are afraid(or untrained like most people with a conceal carry permit).. Thats all we need is more people killing people for looking at them "strange". Ya we may be low in assaults, but I would rather get in a fist fight for my shoes, then shooting someone cause I "thought" they were going to rob me and end up in jail for 20 years.

There are a**holes in the world, don't be afraid of people and don't change, just be mindful of your situation and act appropriately.

Agreed with the training. My father was in the military and later a police officer. I grew up going to the range. I'm more of a rifle person myself, however, and would need extensive training before I carried a pistol around. I like to think that I can keep a cool head, unlike my friend, who wanted to pull out her pocket knife then and there. There's a difference between being able to defend yourself and making a tense situation worse.

DrMAvDPhD

You should not carry a gun if you are afraid(or untrained like most people with a conceal carry permit).

Not to turn this into a gun debate, but this statement is ridiculous. In most states (or all, I'm not familiar with every single state's policies), including my own, you HAVE to be trained to get a CCW. In fact, you have to prove that you can hit a target at a specific range to get approval. Educate yourself before spewing this nonsense.

ROSE_arc

The incident startled me, though. I've never been attractive, so I've never had to deal with sexual harassment until recently. I also grew up in a pretty nice town. Just curious as to how others have handled it.
[/quote]

Sexual harrasment, assault, and rape happen to women of all ages, weights, body types, and even to "unattractive women".

Freidon

The incident startled me, though. I've never been attractive, so I've never had to deal with sexual harassment until recently. I also grew up in a pretty nice town. Just curious as to how others have handled it.

Sexual harrasment, assault, and rape happen to women of all ages, weights, body types, and even to "unattractive women".

I know that. I'm nerdy, and used to be pretty good at being invisible. But the more I've lost weight, the more attention I've drawn, both good and bad.

ROSE_arc

The incident startled me, though. I've never been attractive, so I've never had to deal with sexual harassment until recently. I also grew up in a pretty nice town. Just curious as to how others have handled it.

Sexual harrasment, assault, and rape happen to women of all ages, weights, body types, and even to "unattractive women".

I know that. I'm nerdy, and used to be pretty good at being invisible. But the more I've lost weight, the more attention I've drawn, both good and bad.

I just dont think that you "incident" had much to do with your weight. I think it had more to do with two girls being alone in a CVS parking lot after dark where cowards can make them feel unsafe and powerless.

MaraDiaz

Some years ago our local police ran a female safety course and said you can protect yourself by putting your keys between your fingers (so the spiky bits stick out), or use a tightly rolled up newspaper to jab vulnerable areas - then RUN. The best advice if followed in a car was to drive to the nearest police station - then the car should be caught on the cameras on the approach, and you can go in and wait til its gone/dealt with. If of course the police station is open.

This is good too. About the 'run' part, I'm laughing at myself a bit because I was all up in arms about having to hide in a baggy sweatshirt for fear of predatory males, but then I remembered that I have a longstanding policy of never going out alone in shoes I can't run away in!

One more thing. The last time I felt threatened was New Year's Eve and it was two teenage females talking about robbing someone. I had to walk alone back to my car, about a mile from the more active center of town. You better believe I crossed the street to put some distance between myself and those two. So it isn't just males.

Frag_Bunny

What you experienced is total BS. it is NOT something you should get used to and NOT something any woman should accept as part of life. Stand your ground and depending on the situation either ignore them or if enough people are around you make a scene and tell that jerk where to go and you don't appreciate being objectified. Maybe it's different up here in Canada, but I don't tolerate that . I'm not saying it doesn't happen but I have never had anything as intense as some of you guys have had and I have lived on my own in a random city when I went to university, and spend a ton of time alone in Toronto for school and work. When it does happen I either stop them right their or I've actually had random strangers cut in and tell the douche where to go.

brokenjawedmuse

I have two ways of handling harassment, which I seem to attract regardless of my weight/attire.

1) I ignore it. This is mainly for verbal harassment.

2) I chanel my barbarian ancestry (eastern Siberian). If someone actually touches me, I pretty much see red. I was standing in line at the gas station, some **** thought putting his hands on my hips was OK. I turned around, got in his face and told him I'd snap every bone in his body and suck out the marrow if he didn't take his ****ing hands off me.


The second one is far more effective as harassers (regardless of gender) don't expect the victim to fight back. And if you're shocking enough, they will almost always leave the premises (as they assume you're bat-**** insane).

deksgrl

And to think you'd be forced to carry a weapon? Maybe it's the Canadian in me but I am surprised that this is considered a viable option by the masses. Wouldnt' / couldn't that just escalate things even worse?

No, it makes people go away, and fast.

twelfty

here's a fact out of that for you... you're nearly 120 times more likely to be shot in america than in england

I am more worried about our neds/chavs/pikey's/buckfast bandits/Jeremy Kyle crew, although they tend to keep themselves to themselves most of the time.

ps, in Scotland

lol agreed!

(london)

Freidon

The incident startled me, though. I've never been attractive, so I've never had to deal with sexual harassment until recently. I also grew up in a pretty nice town. Just curious as to how others have handled it.

Sexual harrasment, assault, and rape happen to women of all ages, weights, body types, and even to "unattractive women".

I know that. I'm nerdy, and used to be pretty good at being invisible. But the more I've lost weight, the more attention I've drawn, both good and bad.

I just dont think that you "incident" had much to do with your weight. I think it had more to do with two girls being alone in a CVS parking lot after dark where cowards can make them feel unsafe and powerless.

~shrugs~ Maybe so. I haven't run into anything that bad since then, but I have noticed an increase of con artists targeting me. I'm told I look younger now, which I'm guessing makes me look like an easier target. Dunno. Just glad it was two of us, and not just her or just me by ourselves. Which is sad, when you think about it.

ROSE_arc

The incident startled me, though. I've never been attractive, so I've never had to deal with sexual harassment until recently. I also grew up in a pretty nice town. Just curious as to how others have handled it.

Sexual harrasment, assault, and rape happen to women of all ages, weights, body types, and even to "unattractive women".

I know that. I'm nerdy, and used to be pretty good at being invisible. But the more I've lost weight, the more attention I've drawn, both good and bad.

I just dont think that you "incident" had much to do with your weight. I think it had more to do with two girls being alone in a CVS parking lot after dark where cowards can make them feel unsafe and powerless.

~shrugs~ Maybe so. I haven't run into anything that bad since then, but I have noticed an increase of con artists targeting me. I'm told I look younger now, which I'm guessing makes me look like an easier target. Dunno. Just glad it was two of us, and not just her or just me by ourselves. Which is sad, when you think about it.

It is sad. I live in South America and i often feel unsafe. I generally wear shoes i can run in when i am alone, dont carry a large purse, dress appropriatly when alone, avoid areas i know are unsafe, and carry pepper spray. And no ishould not HAVE to do any of this, but i do because i want to stay safe and maybe in the future things will change. I dont bother with a knife because i know that if my perp gets close enough for me to use it they could easily take it away from me and use it against me.

MirjaH79

So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?

There is something seriously wrong with the publics' attitude when the margin makes the normal women feel like they cannot be safe without a gun.
As a result of this attitude, in my mind, when a woman gets attacked or even harrassed, the first question from the public seems to be was she too provocative in behaviour, looks such as makeup or clothing, too drunk, in the wrong neighbourhood or in the wrong company... since the men just cannot resist the temptation if so. :mad:
And as the muslim world can show us, it doesn't matter if a lady dresses in a black sack over her head, someone can still attack her just because she wears the markings of a female. And then the debate turns to should a woman leave her house without her dad/brother/husband/sister/friend/anyone - or if she should leave her house at all... :explode:

The attacker/harrasser is ALWAYS the one to blame for he/she is the one who decided to do the act!!! It is NEVER the woman's fault!!!

jincurry89

Reading this thread immediately made me think of this song: "Thank God I'm Pretty" by Emilie Autumn. You can listen to it here if you like: http://youtu.be/axPe_p0OLcY

The lyrics otherwise:
"Thank God I'm pretty
The occasional free drink
I never asked for
The occasional admission
To a seedy little bar
Invitation to a strangers car
I'm blessed
With the ability to rend
A grown man toung-tied
Which only means
That when its dark outside
I have to run and hide
Can't look behind me
Thank God I'm pretty

Thank God I'm pretty
Evey skill I ever have
Will be in question
Every ill that I must suffer
Clearly brought on by myself
Though the cops would come
For someone else
I'm blessed
I'm truly privaleged
To look this good
Without clothes on
Which only means
That when I sing
Your jerking off
And when I'm gone
You won't remember
Thank God I'm pretty

Thank you God
Oh Lord
Thank you God
Oh oh

and when a gaggle of faces
Appears around me
I'ts lucky I hate
To be taken seriosly
I think my ego would fall
Right through the cracks
In the floor
If I couldn't count on men
To slap my *kitten* anymore
I know my destiny such
That I'm all stocking and curl
So everybody thinks
That I'm a ****ing suicide girl
Ohho

thank God I'm pretty
The occasional champane
I never asked for
The occasional admission
To a seedy little bar
Invitation to a strangers car
I'm blessed
With the ability to rend
A grown man tongue-tied
Which only means
That when it's dark outside
I have to run and hide
Can't look behind me
Thank God I'm pretty

Thank God
Thank God
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you
Thank you God"

In all seriousness, it's a sad state of all societies that woman have to put up with this. There's very little they can do about it either.
I hope things change soon...

jerknoir

Drink for every slut shaming, victim blaming piece of trash in this thread.

Seriously, if you're gonna go and blame a woman for a man's disgusting behavior, you need to go sit in a corner and rethink your life. And if you're a man who advocates the sad opinion that women need to dress themselves in turtlenecks and hide their ankles because men are mindless sex animals who just can't help themselves when confronted with a scantily clad woman, you're an embarrassment to your species.

PhoenixJR

So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?

if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe, as i'm in england we don't carry guns and would give this advice to any female friends i have. i'm sure a young woman in college whether in the US or UK wouldn't want to either, so you make sure you're not an obvious target.

in this case prevention is always better than anything else.

to say this is limited to women isn't what i was aiming for though so i'm not sure why you've taken it like that? (bee in your bonnet?) if it was a young male who noticed thugs eying up his expensive trainers or an old man with a nice watch i'd suggest they don't wear them.... so put the pickets back in the closet

Interestingly enough this is the same rationale some cultures use when forcing women to never leave the house without a man or require that they cover themselves completely. If an ankle is showing or if she was out alone, then it was just her fault that she was attacked.

I live in a major city in the US. Be aware of your surroundings and avoid walking through super sketchy places. Women of all shapes and sizes are attacked, regardless of what they are wearing. Recently and 80 year old woman was attacked and raped. I am pretty sure she wasn't dressed provacitively. Studies prove again and again that it doesn't matter what women are wearing and it is not their fault for being attacked, even if (as it is legal to do so in my city) they were walking around completely topless and in underpants.

Pipil503

:noway: i can't believe carry a knife or gun is a response. Here both are illegal to carry. Does sound like a bad neighbourhood but I have no doubt it would be much better if carrying guns and knives wasn't acceptable. I'm sorry that you have to live somewhere where that is normal.

I do find I get a lot more attention of men. It's not something I'm comfortable with. Luckily its never been in a way where I feel scared nor harassed though. To be honest I find the women more of a problem. When I walk into a bar dressed up and get male attention, a lot of the girls in the room don't like it and look like they want to start a fight with me.

That worries me more than the attention took I get off men! Some men don't like taking no as an answer and will continue to the their luck through out the night, but never in a way I've felt intimidated. Sorry you have had to deal with that. Mustn't be nice.

Zara x

You are misinformed.

Tabulating worldwide assaults, UK, Australia & Canada each accounts for more than twice as many assaults then the US.

The UK happens to be #2 accounting for 2.8% (and if you note the UK is only .02% from being #1)

The US is #9 & accounts for only 1.2% of assaults. I also draw your attention to the fact that very strict gun controlled Australia is #3, accounting for 2.4% of assaults...and Canada accounts for 2.3% & is ranked #4.

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/cri_*kitten*_vic-crime-assault-victims

Remember 2 things: #1 When seconds count, a policeman is only 5 minutes away. #2 Guns nurture a polite society.

no we just prefer our people to settle their differences with fists and assult rather than killing each other lol

which is why america has the gun killings of all those countries combined (and i think more)

Sorry friend but you will have to come up with facts to support your rhetoric...facts which you wont find btw. Check out sexual assaults, bullying, harassing the elderly....yep, the UK is a more uncivilized & dangerous place then the US.

By stats I found on the web Homicide rates per 100000 are UK (1.4), Canada (1.73) US (4.8)
Wikipedia.

There you go...

Mini_Medic

This is why I wear combat boots and carry a gun.

Criminals and rapists don't care if its illegal to carry a weapon, so ill be damned if you try to take mine that is used for self defense.

I don't dress provocatively and I still am wary of predators. I don't live in fear, but I have a healthy amount of awareness.

Assailants/rapists look for certain things when they pick a target, and yes they do select their victims, it isn't random happenstance.

The look for long hair especially pony tails or braids, high heels or other shoes you can't run in, people on phones or other distractions, and clothes that are easily removable.

Women shouldn't have to hide or cover up in fear but my point is, be more aware when you fit into the above categories so you can protect yourself.

trophywife24

Drink for every slut shaming, victim blaming piece of trash in this thread.

Seriously, if you're gonna go and blame a woman for a man's disgusting behavior, you need to go sit in a corner and rethink your life. And if you're a man who advocates the sad opinion that women need to dress themselves in turtlenecks and hide their ankles because men are mindless sex animals who just can't help themselves when confronted with a scantily clad woman, you're an embarrassment to your species.

*golf clap*

jbutterflye

I went to my gym last night, which is an unusual time for me. And there was a really creepy guy in there who kept staring at me. Very few people in the weight room, so it was uncomfortable. I wound up cutting my workout short and leaving early. Sucks.

ksuetorres

Don't mistake this occurrence for "interest" in you. They are NOT interested in YOU, they are thugs amusing themselves. They should be reported to the police, who may be able to force them to relocate (gently or otherwise).

Greenrun99

Not to turn this into a gun debate, but this statement is ridiculous. In most states (or all, I'm not familiar with every single state's policies), including my own, you HAVE to be trained to get a CCW. In fact, you have to prove that you can hit a target at a specific range to get approval. Educate yourself before spewing this nonsense.

Training = 7 hour class where they show you a gun, then you shoot at targets.. here is your certificate and license.. Go out and protect yourself..
You think that's training.. must be one of those people that think they need to carry an AR-15 cause you will end up missing your target, hitting pedestrians but hey.. at least you grazed your target.

smantha32

Training = 7 hour class where they show you a gun, then you shoot at targets.. here is your certificate and license.. Go out and protect yourself..
You think that's training.. must be one of those people that think they need to carry an AR-15 cause you will end up missing your target, hitting pedestrians but hey.. at least you grazed your target.

I hate to burst your bubble, but 7 hours of training with a gun won't get you good enough to pass the test.
That 7 hours of "training" you have to go through in your mind is ALL in classroom safety instruction. You're on your own to get the skill to take the test OUTSIDE the classroom.
You also have to go through fingerprinting and background checks.

And to correct some more misinformation... an AR15 is not a rapid fire machine gun. Those weapons have been illegal to civilians since 1934. If you can't hit a target with a pistol, you also probably won't be able to hit it with a SINGLE FIRE AR15 rifle.

edited for spelling.

dizzimamma

You do not have to be skinny, beautiful, dress sexy, be young or blond, "be asking for, it", in a bad area, followed by thugs, look weak or any other thing that has been written on this thread! Harassment and assult are control issues. A persom ( male or female) who is willing to engage in this behavior dose not discriminate. They are creatures of opprotunity. To believe you are safe because you are fat or in frumpy cloths or in the uk or us is just silly
As a human, male or female, you shoulld always be aware of your situation amd be prepaired to defend yourself in whatever manner you see fit. All this petty bickering about firearms and clothes is stupid.anything within reach cam be a deadly weapon if properly trained.

twelfty

So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?

if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe, as i'm in england we don't carry guns and would give this advice to any female friends i have. i'm sure a young woman in college whether in the US or UK wouldn't want to either, so you make sure you're not an obvious target.

in this case prevention is always better than anything else.

to say this is limited to women isn't what i was aiming for though so i'm not sure why you've taken it like that? (bee in your bonnet?) if it was a young male who noticed thugs eying up his expensive trainers or an old man with a nice watch i'd suggest they don't wear them.... so put the pickets back in the closet

Interestingly enough this is the same rationale some cultures use when forcing women to never leave the house without a man or require that they cover themselves completely. If an ankle is showing or if she was out alone, then it was just her fault that she was attacked.

I live in a major city in the US. Be aware of your surroundings and avoid walking through super sketchy places. Women of all shapes and sizes are attacked, regardless of what they are wearing. Recently and 80 year old woman was attacked and raped. I am pretty sure she wasn't dressed provacitively. Studies prove again and again that it doesn't matter what women are wearing and it is not their fault for being attacked, even if (as it is legal to do so in my city) they were walking around completely topless and in underpants.

i wouldn't blame a victim for them being attacked, that's not the point, when a woman (or for that matter anyone) is attacked it is the fault of the low life scum that would do such a thing and only them to blame

however vulnerability is always best lowered as much as possible, me personally if i'm walking about at night to the shops or whatever i'll make sure i have an extra coat on to increase the appearance of my upper body, and i can honestly say it works, i get less trouble, that's not say i can't handle myself either, infact have had to in a couple of cases and thankfully come off better, however, i'd rather prevent trouble than deal with trouble

if that isn't your motto or any of you other "tough girl types" on this thread then fine lol but imo it's common sense to take precautions to make yourself safe, and i wish you the best of luck

twelfty

i think it's ridiculous some of you have got so defensive and liken it to muslim culture etc etc like you're being told to NEVER WEAR NICE CLOTHES OR GO TO JAIL!!!!!!!!! jesus... i can't even be bothered to go into the irony of basicly being treated like one of the very scum were talking about when i'd be the first one to help if i ever saw anything like that happening

get a grip....

marsviolet

So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?

There is something seriously wrong with the publics' attitude when the margin makes the normal women feel like they cannot be safe without a gun.
As a result of this attitude, in my mind, when a woman gets attacked or even harrassed, the first question from the public seems to be was she too provocative in behaviour, looks such as makeup or clothing, too drunk, in the wrong neighbourhood or in the wrong company... since the men just cannot resist the temptation if so. :mad:
And as the muslim world can show us, it doesn't matter if a lady dresses in a black sack over her head, someone can still attack her just because she wears the markings of a female. And then the debate turns to should a woman leave her house without her dad/brother/husband/sister/friend/anyone - or if she should leave her house at all... :explode:

The attacker/harrasser is ALWAYS the one to blame for he/she is the one who decided to do the act!!! It is NEVER the woman's fault!!!

YES. ALL OF THIS. It makes me sick to think that some survivors of sexual assault are probably reading this. The victim is NOT RESPONSIBLE.

Poods71

So it's the responsibility of women to protect themselves from sexual harrassment and assualt by wearing unflattering clothing? Seriously?

if you live in the real world yes.... frankly it would be lovely if the police would do more to clean up streets but if they aren't then you have to take your own steps to be safe, as i'm in england we don't carry guns and would give this advice to any female friends i have. i'm sure a young woman in college whether in the US or UK wouldn't want to either, so you make sure you're not an obvious target.

in this case prevention is always better than anything else.

to say this is limited to women isn't what i was aiming for though so i'm not sure why you've taken it like that? (bee in your bonnet?) if it was a young male who noticed thugs eying up his expensive trainers or an old man with a nice watch i'd suggest they don't wear them.... so put the pickets back in the closet

Totally agree with this. Yes, you should be able to dress as you like, but is it not better to be safe.