My story. 153lbs lost. Sorry so long. PICS.
herstrawberri
Posts: 347 Member
Hello There. My name is Dawn and I’m finally going to tell my story. I’ve been putting this off for a while because I don’t really feel like a ‘success story’ really. I mean, at times I do….but really for the most part…I don’t. So here goes. Please be gentle with me. I’m not really good at posting pics and exposing myself to you all is a really big step for me. I’m hoping this will help me find my way back to my motivation as I’m having a really hard time right now. Anyway, this is me.
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. As a child, it was really hard. I was very shy little girl and I was scared of everything so I was made fun off a lot. Being really shy, overweight and tall didn’t make for a fun childhood. I also didn’t have the best family life, and I had abuse issues, so food became my emotional crutch. I used to eat in private because my dad was so mean about my weight and used to watch everything I put into my mouth. I had constant ‘ pretty soon you will only be able to wear garbage bags because your getting so fat’ comments. It just made me eat more. Anything sweet was my food of choice because they were forbidden. It’s making me so sad just thinking about it. It’s crazy what our childhood does to us. Anyway, I was bullied quite a bit in school for being fat and for being shy. I was also really sensitive so I cried all the time. I was a sitting duck to all the mean little kids. When I reached high school, I sort of blossomed a bit and joined volleyball and lost some weight. High school was hard for me because I was dealing with just normal teenage things on top of becoming obsessed with my weight because I wanted to wear all the clothes the other girls were wearing. That’s when I started starving myself. I realized that if I didn’t eat, I lost weight really fast. That started about 20 years of using starvation for my weight loss. At one point, my mother wanted me evaluated for anorexia, but I started eating more in front of her and she just let it go. I used to go weeks without eating. My longest span was I think 18 days. All I had was water and diet coke. I’m not proud of that, but it is what it is.
I totally rebelled after high school because of how strict my dad was, and because I was dealing with my sexuality. I was drinking all the time because I ‘thought’ I needed to be this perfect person for my dad…..and I wasn’t. I was having a really hard time. No one knew it though, except for my BFF MAD DOG 20/20. So because I was drinking so much, my weight was going up and so I stopped eating again but kept on drinking….and lets just that doesn’t make for a good combo.
I went through a lot of stuff due to finally admitting to myself I was a lesbian and so my 20’s were full of alcohol, no food and just emotional turmoil. There is a lot I could write but you guys don’t wanna read all of that and this is already going to be a book. Fast forward to where my current and final stand against my weight began.
Ok, so about two year ago I started the journey I’m on today. I was very overweight. I weighed in at 375. I was severely depressed, on tons of medication and to be perfectly honest, I wanted to just disappear. Literally. I was just so unhappy with myself. I was having terrible migraines every day, my BP was off the charts. I was going back and forth to Drs for my migraines, on top of other health issues, but they couldn’t figure out why my migraines were so bad. They had me on like a million different meds for migraines, they put me on anti-depressants for depression and anxiety and really they just made me want to slit my wrists. I mean that in the most literal way. My GF didn’t know what to do with me. All I did was cry and eat. I feel so bad about it now, because I was such a mess. She was my saving grace though. If I didn’t have her, I’m not sure I would be here right now. Everything just hit me. Everything in my life that I had been stuffing down, all of my emotions that I’ve never faced, all of the pain that I should of felt and dealt with but never did….everything. I couldn’t look in the mirror without crying. I wouldn’t leave my house. I was afraid to go anywhere. I totally isolated myself. I just gave up. I didn’t care anymore.
The turning point came when my GF and I went to AZ to see my dad. He has going through some medical issues and we needed to go check on him. We drove and it was sort of like an awakening of sorts for me. I still have NO idea why. I had to go get some t-shirts before we left and I had to buy xxxl men’s t-shirts. I was so freaking embarrassed. I think that was one of the things that started my ‘spark’.
Anyway, we got back from the trip in March of 2011, and I started taking control of my life again. I think I just had enough. I was so sad. It breaks my heart thinking about it right now. I literally had to make myself get out of bed and function. It was so hard for me to do anything because I was so big…and because I stopped really doing ANYTHING…it was even harder for me to do simple things like laundry, going up and down stairs, even housework. I’m so embarrassed to admit this to you all. But this is one more step on my road to recovery.
I started tracking my food using an app I found on my phone called FatSecret. That app is something else that I think saved my life. I , at first, only used the app then after a few days started using the actual website and that is when I really began to work on myself. I started blogging and interacting with other people who were going through some of the same things as I was….and I was able to let out so many things that I kept deep inside of me. Yes, my blogs were really sad…but they really helped me. I ‘met’ some great ladies on there. A few of them I still interact with to this day. ONE of them, has become really special to me and I consider her one of my close friends.
Ok, so I’m sorry this is so long. LOL. I guess I have a lot to say. Here is what I’ve accomplished since starting this ‘journey’. I’ve lost 153lbs. I’ve done this by tracking ALL of my calories. I watch my carbs. I do this, because it works FOR ME. Sugar is toxic to my body. Lowering my carbs has helped my migraines tremendously. While I still have them, they are nothing like what they used to be. I have gotten myself off ALL of my meds, and my BP is in normal range. I have gone back to school to become a nurse and hopefully will also get my masters and become a nurse practitioner. I have gotten a hold of my anxiety and depression and I’m managing it. I still go through dark periods, but I can say I’m on the road to loving myself. I now speak up for myself and if I’m upset about something, I tell the people that have upset me. I still have issues with this, but I’m really working on it. I still have issues with thinking what I have to say is important enough to actually say it was well, but I’m working on that too. I’m really trying to face my fears and work through them. Going back to school was a huge fear of mine, especially since it was really in the beginning of all of this. I still weighed over 300 lbs and my anxiety and depression were still in full swing. But I did it.
I think the reason I’m writing this is because I know there are a lot of people out there who are feeling what I felt or are feeling these things now. I want them to know they aren’t alone. You really need a support system to help you through this process. Mine was basically a bunch of online women that I had never met. Don’t get me wrong, My wonderful GF is my biggest fan and has always supported me, but sometimes you need someone who knows and understands your struggles.
You also really need to find something that works for YOU. There are a million ‘diet’ plans out there. BUT. You really need to develop an eating plan you can follow for the rest of your life. If you don’t, you will prob gain your weight back. I did. It’s a lifestyle…NOT a diet. You also need to fully commit. If you don’t, body, mind and soul…you won’t succeed. You also have to really believe you are worth the hard work. Because you are. You also have to understand that you won’t succeed every day. I’m struggling really bad right now. I have struggled in the past. But I’m Not giving up. I know I WILL reach my goal….I just have to keep going and keep trying. This is hard. I have been doing this for like a year and a half….I know some people who have been doing it for much longer. It’s something you have to work at every day. EVERY DAY.
I’m sorry this is so long and if you have made it this far, thank you. I’m going to try to post some pics now. LOL. I hope they work.
This is one of the only 'before' pics I have. This wasn't even when I was at my heaviest.
before 'face shot'
another 'before 'face shot
This is me last summer
This is me in size 16 jeans. I used to wear a very tight 24
another full body shot from Sept, my sirt is a little too big though
recent face shot
this pic was taken on my Dec 1
lastly, this was taken a few days ago
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. As a child, it was really hard. I was very shy little girl and I was scared of everything so I was made fun off a lot. Being really shy, overweight and tall didn’t make for a fun childhood. I also didn’t have the best family life, and I had abuse issues, so food became my emotional crutch. I used to eat in private because my dad was so mean about my weight and used to watch everything I put into my mouth. I had constant ‘ pretty soon you will only be able to wear garbage bags because your getting so fat’ comments. It just made me eat more. Anything sweet was my food of choice because they were forbidden. It’s making me so sad just thinking about it. It’s crazy what our childhood does to us. Anyway, I was bullied quite a bit in school for being fat and for being shy. I was also really sensitive so I cried all the time. I was a sitting duck to all the mean little kids. When I reached high school, I sort of blossomed a bit and joined volleyball and lost some weight. High school was hard for me because I was dealing with just normal teenage things on top of becoming obsessed with my weight because I wanted to wear all the clothes the other girls were wearing. That’s when I started starving myself. I realized that if I didn’t eat, I lost weight really fast. That started about 20 years of using starvation for my weight loss. At one point, my mother wanted me evaluated for anorexia, but I started eating more in front of her and she just let it go. I used to go weeks without eating. My longest span was I think 18 days. All I had was water and diet coke. I’m not proud of that, but it is what it is.
I totally rebelled after high school because of how strict my dad was, and because I was dealing with my sexuality. I was drinking all the time because I ‘thought’ I needed to be this perfect person for my dad…..and I wasn’t. I was having a really hard time. No one knew it though, except for my BFF MAD DOG 20/20. So because I was drinking so much, my weight was going up and so I stopped eating again but kept on drinking….and lets just that doesn’t make for a good combo.
I went through a lot of stuff due to finally admitting to myself I was a lesbian and so my 20’s were full of alcohol, no food and just emotional turmoil. There is a lot I could write but you guys don’t wanna read all of that and this is already going to be a book. Fast forward to where my current and final stand against my weight began.
Ok, so about two year ago I started the journey I’m on today. I was very overweight. I weighed in at 375. I was severely depressed, on tons of medication and to be perfectly honest, I wanted to just disappear. Literally. I was just so unhappy with myself. I was having terrible migraines every day, my BP was off the charts. I was going back and forth to Drs for my migraines, on top of other health issues, but they couldn’t figure out why my migraines were so bad. They had me on like a million different meds for migraines, they put me on anti-depressants for depression and anxiety and really they just made me want to slit my wrists. I mean that in the most literal way. My GF didn’t know what to do with me. All I did was cry and eat. I feel so bad about it now, because I was such a mess. She was my saving grace though. If I didn’t have her, I’m not sure I would be here right now. Everything just hit me. Everything in my life that I had been stuffing down, all of my emotions that I’ve never faced, all of the pain that I should of felt and dealt with but never did….everything. I couldn’t look in the mirror without crying. I wouldn’t leave my house. I was afraid to go anywhere. I totally isolated myself. I just gave up. I didn’t care anymore.
The turning point came when my GF and I went to AZ to see my dad. He has going through some medical issues and we needed to go check on him. We drove and it was sort of like an awakening of sorts for me. I still have NO idea why. I had to go get some t-shirts before we left and I had to buy xxxl men’s t-shirts. I was so freaking embarrassed. I think that was one of the things that started my ‘spark’.
Anyway, we got back from the trip in March of 2011, and I started taking control of my life again. I think I just had enough. I was so sad. It breaks my heart thinking about it right now. I literally had to make myself get out of bed and function. It was so hard for me to do anything because I was so big…and because I stopped really doing ANYTHING…it was even harder for me to do simple things like laundry, going up and down stairs, even housework. I’m so embarrassed to admit this to you all. But this is one more step on my road to recovery.
I started tracking my food using an app I found on my phone called FatSecret. That app is something else that I think saved my life. I , at first, only used the app then after a few days started using the actual website and that is when I really began to work on myself. I started blogging and interacting with other people who were going through some of the same things as I was….and I was able to let out so many things that I kept deep inside of me. Yes, my blogs were really sad…but they really helped me. I ‘met’ some great ladies on there. A few of them I still interact with to this day. ONE of them, has become really special to me and I consider her one of my close friends.
Ok, so I’m sorry this is so long. LOL. I guess I have a lot to say. Here is what I’ve accomplished since starting this ‘journey’. I’ve lost 153lbs. I’ve done this by tracking ALL of my calories. I watch my carbs. I do this, because it works FOR ME. Sugar is toxic to my body. Lowering my carbs has helped my migraines tremendously. While I still have them, they are nothing like what they used to be. I have gotten myself off ALL of my meds, and my BP is in normal range. I have gone back to school to become a nurse and hopefully will also get my masters and become a nurse practitioner. I have gotten a hold of my anxiety and depression and I’m managing it. I still go through dark periods, but I can say I’m on the road to loving myself. I now speak up for myself and if I’m upset about something, I tell the people that have upset me. I still have issues with this, but I’m really working on it. I still have issues with thinking what I have to say is important enough to actually say it was well, but I’m working on that too. I’m really trying to face my fears and work through them. Going back to school was a huge fear of mine, especially since it was really in the beginning of all of this. I still weighed over 300 lbs and my anxiety and depression were still in full swing. But I did it.
I think the reason I’m writing this is because I know there are a lot of people out there who are feeling what I felt or are feeling these things now. I want them to know they aren’t alone. You really need a support system to help you through this process. Mine was basically a bunch of online women that I had never met. Don’t get me wrong, My wonderful GF is my biggest fan and has always supported me, but sometimes you need someone who knows and understands your struggles.
You also really need to find something that works for YOU. There are a million ‘diet’ plans out there. BUT. You really need to develop an eating plan you can follow for the rest of your life. If you don’t, you will prob gain your weight back. I did. It’s a lifestyle…NOT a diet. You also need to fully commit. If you don’t, body, mind and soul…you won’t succeed. You also have to really believe you are worth the hard work. Because you are. You also have to understand that you won’t succeed every day. I’m struggling really bad right now. I have struggled in the past. But I’m Not giving up. I know I WILL reach my goal….I just have to keep going and keep trying. This is hard. I have been doing this for like a year and a half….I know some people who have been doing it for much longer. It’s something you have to work at every day. EVERY DAY.
I’m sorry this is so long and if you have made it this far, thank you. I’m going to try to post some pics now. LOL. I hope they work.
This is one of the only 'before' pics I have. This wasn't even when I was at my heaviest.
before 'face shot'
another 'before 'face shot
This is me last summer
This is me in size 16 jeans. I used to wear a very tight 24
another full body shot from Sept, my sirt is a little too big though
recent face shot
this pic was taken on my Dec 1
lastly, this was taken a few days ago
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Replies
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I appreciate you sharing your story with us--I know it was hard to do. You look wonderful and I can tell you have worked hard! Take some time to congratulate yourself for all you've done and overcome. Seriously, way to go.0
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What an amazing accomplishment. Good for you!0
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Thanks for sharing! You have motivating and inspiring me for a long time now, it's great to see this thread out here so that everyone can now be inspired by you as much as I am. I applaud you!
:flowerforyou: 0 -
You look fantastic. And don't be sorry for sharing your story! Its a really inspiring one (especially for those of us who struggle with depression) and you should feel comfortable to shout it from the rooftops.0
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U look great! Congratulations on ur success0
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thanks for sharing that - you're incredibly brave. congratulations to you and your GF for making it through all of this!0
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I read your whole story...you are an inspiration to others. I hope people who are starting on their journey read your story because it will help them. And let me say that you look beautiful. Congrats, and keep up the good work!0
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Wow, you are awesome! Thank you so much for sharing your story - I can relate to a lot of it. I'm feeling very inspired by you now!0
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I needed to read this today. Congratulations on everything you have accomplished! You look wonderful, and you've done a great job dealing with everything in your life! And I am very happy you shared your story with us. :flowerforyou:0
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You are amazing, strong and so beautiful. Very proud of you for making this post. 0
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Thank you so much for sharing your success story. You look great!!!0
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This is so inspirational! Awesome progress.0
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You did the work and you are winning. Congratulations! You are an inspiration to those of us traveling in your foot steps. Keep up the work, you are doing an amazing job.0
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Thanks for sharing - I am glad you did. You look awesome and I hope you are very proud of yourself!0
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First of all.... I love you.
Second of all ... I love that you posted this and I love that you were so honest and open. THIS is the woman I knew was hiding in that shell when we first 'met'.
Thirdly - Amazeballs with a side of awesome sauce is the only way I can explain you.... you have overcome so very much, you dug yourself out of that hole a little at a time and now look at you!!!
Lastly - LOOK AT YOU!!! No seriously, go stand infront of a mirror woman and look at you. You are a success story, inside and out.
I am so very proud of you miss Dawn. I cannot even put into words how proud I am to call you a friend.0 -
Dawn- I am so incredibly proud of you and all your accomplishments. I vividly recall our first days together on FatSecret and I wondered to myself how on earth you were going to be able to overcome all those little devils that preceeded you and continued to haunt you. I have prayed for you in the hopes that you would find your way.
Here you are today looking incredibly awesome, on your way to a new career, managing whatever comes your way by straight up facing all that comes your way and having a wonderful life with Stacey who has stuck with you through it all. WOW, what an example of success you are!! I will always be your faithful cheerleader as long as you can stand me!!
~Babs0 -
Thank you so much everyone!!! It really means a lot to me that you all took the time to read my story. THANK YOU.0
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A fantastic achievement to turn round your life in this manner..i sincerely hope you continue to go from strength to strength. Also, credit to your friends who have clearly helped inspire you.
jamie
scotland0 -
You look amazing Hun! Congrats! Look sooo much younger too!!!0
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I'm sure this was a very hard story to share but we all thank you for it! You look fantastic!0
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Fantastic way to go0
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Congratulations on your amazing accomplishment and the courage it took to share it!0
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What an INSPIRATION!!! Thank you for sharing your story. Huge congrats!0
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Awesome!!! Congrats!!!0
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wow - grat job. You look fantastic.0
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look how strong you are!. thanks for sharing. the depression & anxiety make it so hard. but please believe me when I say, you are fabulous! not many folks can be that honest when it hurts so much. .0
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I'm so glad you told your story and that I read it. You are incredible as a person and you look great! Phoenix stories never stop amazing me because c'mon, how awesome is a phoenix? You are awesome.0
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Thank you for sharing; VERY encouraging and KUDOS to you--you look gr8t!
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You look awesome and I want to thank you for posting b/c I'm in kind of that dark place myself now and this is just what I needed to hear. A little (or a lot) of hope.0
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This is amazing. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your story - it nearly had me in tears! Yes, you are a success story! There is no doubt about that. You look fantastic - keep up the great work!0
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