Christmas with Exes?

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  • SoDamnHungry
    SoDamnHungry Posts: 6,998 Member
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    If she and your fiancee are on good terms, why not just let her know ahead of time so she isn't shocked and doesn't have to randomly pull a poker face? It sounds like things are at least civil. Then you can announce it to the rest of the family and not worry about it being awkward just because she's there.

    Well, unless she's unpleasant and would blab.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    I find it entirely strange that a) she is invited and b) she is planning to attend.

    Not at all. If these people were married for 30 years, that's a long time to get to know, and care about, someone's family. I don't find it strange at all, especially if she just lost her parents.

    To the OP: Yes, I think that is incredibly snarky and rude. This woman was a part of their family for 30 years, and she just lost her own parents in the last year. You are happy. You are getting married. You can hold off on announcing it so that someone else can maybe enjoy their Christmas. Suck it up and don't be whiny or snarky about it.
  • lovechicagobears
    lovechicagobears Posts: 289 Member
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    4) To the poster who mentioned the OP's age, stop being so judgmental. It's not like the OP is 17 and her fiance is 40. They're both mature adults.

    Clearly, no one is judging the OP. She introduced his soon to be ex of 30 years. The OP is not old - she's in her 40s. If an observation is perceived by you as judgement, then your rationale is warped.

    "The wonderful thing is that you are sensitive to her (his soon to be ex-wife), given that you were only 13 when they were married. It must hurt her still, to be replaced by one so young. You have a good heart. "

    How is that not snarky and judgmental? Again, why does the OP's age when they were married (and now, for that matter) matter one bit?
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
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    How is that not snarky and judgmental? Again, why does the OP's age when they were married (and now, for that matter) matter one bit?

    Your issue not mine. I'm not one to derail threads! Stick to the topic!
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    I find it entirely strange that a) she is invited and b) she is planning to attend.

    Not at all. If these people were married for 30 years, that's a long time to get to know, and care about, someone's family. I don't find it strange at all, especially if she just lost her parents.

    To the OP: Yes, I think that is incredibly snarky and rude. This woman was a part of their family for 30 years, and she just lost her own parents in the last year. You are happy. You are getting married. You can hold off on announcing it so that someone else can maybe enjoy their Christmas. Suck it up and don't be whiny or snarky about it.

    Being kind is classy. And class is enduring. I'd suck it up, and make it as good a Christmas as possible for everyone involved.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    I know…it does seem very weird. But sometimes the relationships that develop between people & their in-laws can become very strong. And if the divorce was amicable, I can see how they’d keep in touch. I think it was a kind gesture on his parents' part to include her…speaking from experience, that first Christmas after a parent passes away is pretty miserable.

    In my own case, my ex-husband & I divorced over 6 years ago and I’m still invited to every family function. His mom & dad still consider me a daughter…I love them dearly. And I am very thankful that they include me…my side of the family is all back in PA and DE. I would have no one out here if they had chosen to turn their backs on me. One of my closest friends in the world is my ex-husband’s sister-in-law. My ex-husband says he’s ok with me being there…if he ever decides that he’s not, it would suck; but I would accept that.

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