I don't know if my boyfriend is 'the one'?

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new2canada
new2canada Posts: 119 Member
in Chit-Chat
I'm really starting to question whether my boyfriend is right for me. I was talking about our future and I said that I was looking for something extra ordinary and that I think he might be my soul mate. His reply was 'well I like spending time with you' and I was like...'so that's it?' and he says 'yeah, I don't like to think too deeply about it'. I don't know if I can settle for having someone just liking spending time with me....you know? maybe I'm over thinking it.

What do you think?
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Replies

  • ekkand
    ekkand Posts: 592 Member
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    over thinking it in my opinion
  • marycmeadows
    marycmeadows Posts: 1,691 Member
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    I dunno...... I think you know when it's right..... how long have you been together?
  • KSwatek
    KSwatek Posts: 222 Member
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    I agree with ekkand. I think you are looking too far in the future. Maybe just enjoy the time that you have with him now and see what transpires down the line.
  • ekkand
    ekkand Posts: 592 Member
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    Guys don't typically express that you are their "soul mate" or "the one" until they are ready. I'm sure you were expecting some amazingly romantic response to what you said but let's face it.. life isn't like the movies. Don't think too much about it.
  • spangey13
    spangey13 Posts: 294
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    My fiance said to me he knew about 2 years ago that I was his "the one". We got together in 2005. Bought a house in 2007. In 2010 he finally clicked, got engaged in 2011 and getting married next Feb.

    Sometimes they're a bit slow, bless them.
  • snoopytwins
    snoopytwins Posts: 1,759 Member
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    Agree with the other ladies...a deeper acknowledgement sometimes takes time...and men can be sloooow,
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    My husband thinks we're "soul mates". I don't really believe in "soul mates."
    He loved "The Notebook" and bought it for us to watch together over and over. It makes me gag, and I hid it the first chance I got.
    Despite these obvious incompatibilities, we've had 13 happy years together so far. :wink:
    I say, if you enjoy spending time together, just keep spending time together. No need to overthink it.
  • TylerJ76
    TylerJ76 Posts: 4,375 Member
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    Just break up..
  • elprincipito
    elprincipito Posts: 1,200 Member
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    Just break up..
    dis is sooo funny -_-
  • avir8
    avir8 Posts: 671 Member
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    Guys don't typically express that you are their "soul mate" or "the one" until they are ready. I'm sure you were expecting some amazingly romantic response to what you said but let's face it.. life isn't like the movies. Don't think too much about it.

    Yup RomComs have ruined us :grumble: but if you're not sure, that probably means you're not ready
  • cmcollins001
    cmcollins001 Posts: 3,472 Member
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    TOPIC: I don't know if my boyfriend is 'the one'?

    Neither do we.
  • LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo
    LaMujerMasBonitaDelMundo Posts: 3,634 Member
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    Not to sound judgmental or anything but it looks like you have just put your guy in stress. And if you're not careful, that will push your guy away. As douchy as this may sound but guys in general do not like the idea of being 'pressured into commitment' & they like to be the one to pursue you. By initiating to talk about the future when the guy isn't ready puts a lot of guys into pressure which then we often hear them saying "I'm not ready for any commitment", "I'm not looking for anything serious right now" or "I'm not ready for a relationship" although most of the time they don't really mean it and soon you will find out that they are tying the knot with another woman. I'm no relationship expert or anything but I do think you have to give him more time and let him take the lead instead. Let him be the one to pursue you and seal the deal.

    EDIT: As for him saying 'yeah, I don't like to think too deeply about it', that is just another form of saying 'I'm not ready for a serious relationship' and I'm sorry to say but when a guy tells you that, it is usually his way of letting you down easy. What that really means is "I'm not ready for a serious relationship with YOU". Listen to your gut & if your gut tells you that something is going wrong then it most probably is.
  • FitGoal165
    FitGoal165 Posts: 82
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    I'm really starting to question whether my boyfriend is right for me. I was talking about our future and I said that I was looking for something extra ordinary and that I think he might be my soul mate. His reply was 'well I like spending time with you' and I was like...'so that's it?' and he says 'yeah, I don't like to think too deeply about it'. I don't know if I can settle for having someone just liking spending time with me....you know? maybe I'm over thinking it.

    What do you think?

    I don't know how long you've been together but depending upon how long you guys have been together, he just might not be there yet. Also, he might have an issue verbalizing his feelings. If he treats you well, you might want to relax and give him a chance to get to where you are. However, depending upon your age and how long you have been together, he just might not feel as you do and doesn't want to tell you so.
  • shaynak112
    shaynak112 Posts: 751 Member
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    Depends how long the relationship has been.
    If it's been like 3+ years and he just "enjoys hanging out with you" then that's a bit off. I can see why it could be concerning.
    If it's only been like a few months or a year or whatever, then that is way too early to expect things. Some guys may "know" after a year but not all do!
    Ahh, my boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. We love each other but we know things change. We do live together so we're stuck with each other for another half a year :p LOL. And we bought an expensive bed together. We're still realistic. We're only 22 and people change.
  • taylorwaylor
    taylorwaylor Posts: 417 Member
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    He's not the one... I mean, i wouldnt really know how it feels to be "in love", but i would think its just something you KNOW, and it has to be MUTUAL. You are not over thinking:) You know what it means, so don't beat yourself up about trying to find an acception..
  • kimosabe1
    kimosabe1 Posts: 2,467 Member
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    both of u are to young. If I could go back in time, I never would have married my first husband-we are divorced now. The man I am married to now I married when I was 32. WAY better choice. I chose a douche the first time hun.......
  • Game8
    Game8 Posts: 442
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    Hate to break it to you, but there's no such thing as "the one"

    Just enjoy whatever you have as long as you have it, don't ask for more.
  • XxXWhitneyShereeXxX
    XxXWhitneyShereeXxX Posts: 160 Member
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    When its right you will know it its a feeling like no other, but most men aren't very forth coming with their emotions. I would say that if you have to ask us if hes the one, then hes probably not never settle for something less than what you want!
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
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    Guys don't typically express that you are their "soul mate" or "the one" until they are ready. I'm sure you were expecting some amazingly romantic response to what you said but let's face it.. life isn't like the movies. Don't think too much about it.

    So true! Don't expect deep, meaningful, romantic conversations with guys.

    Also, you want a life partner that enjoys spending time with you. When you are old and gray, conversation and walks in the park will be what's left.
  • shayyyface
    shayyyface Posts: 66
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    I'm really starting to question whether my boyfriend is right for me. I was talking about our future and I said that I was looking for something extra ordinary and that I think he might be my soul mate. His reply was 'well I like spending time with you' and I was like...'so that's it?' and he says 'yeah, I don't like to think too deeply about it'. I don't know if I can settle for having someone just liking spending time with me....you know? maybe I'm over thinking it.

    What do you think?

    in my expierence, boys do not usually think the same way we do. my boyf and i have been together almost 4 years now, and I know he loves me is in love with me all that jazz, but he doesnt believe that there is just one single person out there for all of us. This is not to go to say that he wouldn't spend his whole life with me, but just that, maybe someone can have multiple soul mates...if that makes sense.
    Boys also dont think about the future as much as us women do. I'm sure they consider it from time to time, but just not like we do.

    [If i am totally off, guys, please correct me]

    I am positive that i could spend the rest of my life with my boyf, i never even questioned it, so maybe you questioning it means you aren't completely happy with him.

    Also, please note, you should never have to settle on anyone. you deserve the very best for you...if you are only settling then i think you should reconsider.

    But, there is no time limit on these things. take your time to decide what you want :]

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