needing some boyfriend advice!
hellraisedfire
Posts: 403 Member
in Chit-Chat
so I was dating this guy for 2+ years, we recently broke up due to some uh, differences.
some info about me. I'm adopted from another country. my entire (adopted) family is pretty European, so I've been there three times (once completely alone). anyway, I've always made it clear to everyone I've talked to that I've planned to move back. Sweden, Iceland, the Netherlands, wherever will have me.
my ex was perfectly okay with this til a few months ago. where he randomly dropped the "I can't move out of this area" bomb on me. so, we broke up. it's been fine and dandy, we still talk (albeit some speed bumps, we're still friends).
fast forward: I start dating this new guy. graduation is right down the road, and EVERYONE knows I've applied to jobs/grad school out of this COUNTRY. this guy is also okay with leaving, until this week. he brings up the "can we stay in this area" bomb.
...what do I do??
some info about me. I'm adopted from another country. my entire (adopted) family is pretty European, so I've been there three times (once completely alone). anyway, I've always made it clear to everyone I've talked to that I've planned to move back. Sweden, Iceland, the Netherlands, wherever will have me.
my ex was perfectly okay with this til a few months ago. where he randomly dropped the "I can't move out of this area" bomb on me. so, we broke up. it's been fine and dandy, we still talk (albeit some speed bumps, we're still friends).
fast forward: I start dating this new guy. graduation is right down the road, and EVERYONE knows I've applied to jobs/grad school out of this COUNTRY. this guy is also okay with leaving, until this week. he brings up the "can we stay in this area" bomb.
...what do I do??
0
Replies
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just break up...
MWAHAHAHAH...I got here first.
Now on to more (hopefully) useful advice.0 -
Just break up.0
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Just break up.
PWNT0 -
just break up...
MWAHAHAHAH...I got here first.
Now on to more (hopefully) useful advice.
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This can't be happening!0 -
Decide where you want to live, move there, and THEN find a boyfriend.0
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just break up...
MWAHAHAHAH...I got here first.
Now on to more (hopefully) useful advice.
I'm begininng to think that's probably the best advice. lol.0 -
just break up...
MWAHAHAHAH...I got here first.
Now on to more (hopefully) useful advice.
this guy.. .is my hero... wow.. .impressive sir....
useful advice.. let him go... but, I am sure you gave that some thought prior to dating him.0 -
some times you need to do some sacrifices for your own good, if you ask me personally i would have preferred to change the past and be with my fiance than living a hard long distant relationship, am i happy right now YES I AM, would i have been more happy? i dont know, but it is all up to you0
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just break up is the best advice..whether it came from Dani or n0ob....
you told him your expectations...he listened, he agreed...and now he does this?
do you really want to hang around and resent him later for it?
you know you will.....0 -
...what do I do??
You're young and have a lot of life ahead of you. Go to grad school, get a good job where you want to be. Go alone. Focus on you and getting everything you want to do done. The right man will come around when the time is right.0 -
it just gets to me that he knew I was planning on leaving and was "okay" with it, and now that we're emotionally invested in each other, he wants me to stay. I just wish he would've been open with it from the start. 0
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They never planned on moving in the first place, they just wanted to hit.0
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Decide where you want to live, move there, and THEN find a boyfriend.
Bingo!0 -
They never planned on moving in the first place, they just wanted to hit.
:drinker: welcome to the "let me sleep on it" relationship...0 -
They never planned on moving in the first place, they just wanted to hit.
Wait...cancel my last Bingo. Even better.0 -
The reason they were both okay with you saying you were leaving is that they A: wanted to date/sleep with you, and B: They thought they would both be so amazing that they would change your mind. DUH!
Break Up, Move along, and get to the next one in EUROPE!0 -
Most dudes will say anything to get in a girl's pants.it just gets to me that he knew I was planning on leaving and was "okay" with it, and now that we're emotionally invested in each other, he wants me to stay. I just wish he would've been open with it from the start.0 -
just break up...
MWAHAHAHAH...I got here first.
Now on to more (hopefully) useful advice.
I think you should use this image AND the break up advice from now on Dani.0 -
Looks like it's time to wait until you move out of the country to find a new boyfriend. No one is going to wanna move, especially if you just met them. And if they did, it probably means they are clingy.0
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just break up is the best advice..whether it came from Dani or n0ob....
you told him your expectations...he listened, he agreed...and now he does this?
do you really want to hang around and resent him later for it?
you know you will.....
oh I know. and I truly don't want to bring someone to a country they don't WANT to be in. that would be really hard for them. especially the language barriers, I know how it is learning a new language. *headdesk*0 -
Decide where you want to live, move there, and THEN find a boyfriend.
^^THIS!0 -
Decide where you want to live, move there, and THEN find a boyfriend.
Agreed.0 -
Decide where you want to live, move there, and THEN find a boyfriend.
Agree
Asking someone to go with you is a big request. It seems to me that you will be better off waiting till you get there to build on a relationship.0 -
They never planned on moving in the first place, they just wanted to hit.
:drinker: welcome to the "let me sleep on it" relationship...
:laugh: not sure if I should be flattered or... well. I'll just be flattered. :drinker:0 -
According to your post, he did ASK if it would be ok to stay. .
I think you sit him down and have a reasoned discussion explaining that you have to leave and you'd really like him to come with you. . He can then make a decision. . No need to fly off the handle or get mad.. People have cold-feet and second-thoughts all the time. . Moving to a different country is a big deal and maybe the guy just needs some time to wrap his mind around the implications (something he didn't do when he originally met you because it wasn't so real then). .
Or. .
Just break up. .0 -
it just gets to me that he knew I was planning on leaving and was "okay" with it, and now that we're emotionally invested in each other, he wants me to stay. I just wish he would've been open with it from the start.
Sometimes people don't know how they'll really feel about something until they're faced with the fact that yeah, it's happening. Just go on your own, enjoy yourself, and you'll meet someone who's right for you. Grad school is a crazy, but fun, time and you'll meet a lot of people on your path who will already be living where you want to move. Good luck
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Do what makes YOU happy. Never ever base a life decision on what will make someone else happy. Trust me on this one...0
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Just go with what you had planned, this is your life, your decision, you obviously want to move, so do it. You'll find someone else.0
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Don't move or not move because of a boyfriend. You will REGRET it.
If you marry him...then have him or you follow. I married my husband knowing he was going to be a life-marine. I've moved 3 times already for him.... and plan on doing so until the day he retires.0
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