No support from family or boyfriend...

blackroseorchid

I don't know what to do...
I feel like I am failing...
I lost 15lbs when I first started and have gained 6lbs back...
And it's because my mother in law always wants to go eat and we always go driving through somewhere...
Plus fast food makes it hard by making all the healthy stuff super pricey...
It really sucks....
Especially when my mother in law starts complaining to me that she has gained weight.
I tell her "Come to the gym with me, stop drinking soda, and stop eating fast food every day"
She says she will....
But then she doesn't ..
and that makes it hard for me, since I can not drive, I rely on other people to take me where I need to go.
And then my boyfriend always teases me for being chunky, and tells me I need to do something, but never wants to go to the gym with me either....his problem is he's lazy...but he could use the diet and excersize as well...
v.v.....Help?
I know I can't force them to change, but it would be nice for them to at least try to support me...
Anyone else dealing with this?

MorbidMander

I am, I know exactly how you feel! All you can do is just sit down and have a long serious chat about your goals. I also don't drive so I depend on people as well, so I know it can be essential to get their support. While they don't think I need to lose weight, they now support me a little.. after a long time of trying to get them to accept me trying to be healthier. It is frustrating and hard, I know. If you want support feel free to add me, I'm on here constantly! lol

anemoneprose

You have a mother in law and a boyfriend? Confusing, but people have all kind of setups, don't worry about answering that.

Anyway, the thing to do is plan when you can - eat at home when possible, & eat beforehand if you're eating with them.

If you can't get to the gym without your mil, work out at home. If your city has bike lanes, investing in a bike could kill two birds with one stone

The other thing is to set boundaries. I'm working on this - I got suckered the other day (a friend was upset, wanted company, wanted Chinese food, wanted to share...). There's a lot to be learned from this whole process

You can't expect others to change their lifestyles *for you*, it's hard for anyone and won't work anyway unless they want to do it themselves. Use other means for support (come here!).

kimosabe1

this is about you and when it comes to u, don't rely on anyone but u. F your boytoy. He apparently isn't Mr right because if u ended up married to him you would get pregnant right? Pregnancy always causes weight gain. I had to lose 65 pounds 8 years ago so there u go..... He really doesn't sound to mature-

Flamencoflynnie

Hey there,

I might be off the mark but sometimes people get uncomfortable when others around them are doing things to improve their lot and it makes them feel bad that they are not getting their stuff together. I am not saying these are deliberate or conscious acts of sabotage but what is going on with them is their stuff. Misery likes company so if your bf and his mum are uncomfortable with themselves in some way and you are doing something about making yourself better you are not part of the crowd.

There are a couple of things that spring to mind that could help you with this while they sort their stuff out.

Firstly, plan your meals and snacks and prepare in advance if you have to. Make sure you are able to take something with you when you go out. I've been reading Tosca Renos books about Eating Clean and there are a lot of ideas in there. A friend of mine always has a couple of hard boiled eggs with her. For a few more calories than a piece of fruit it will fill you up for longer. A scoop or two of protein powder in a shaker to go, a small handful of almonds and an apple would fit into a bag easily enough. If your bf and mil insist on eating out when you go out and you really dont want to, what is the harm in a white lie now and again. You could say you are not that hungry, have a small portion (happy meal?) with a black coffee or tea.

Small things like these might help you feel you have retaken control and each 'victory' will strengthen you.

gina_nz_

unfortunately you can't expect people to suport you who don't want to. cant you catch a bus to the gym or exercise at home? and also shop in advance, just because other people are eating junk food doesn't mean you have to. it all basically comes down to you and your own willpower.

sannsk

You don't need a driver's licence or a car to run outside
Use everyday household ware inside to do strength training (water bottles make a good sunstitute for dumbells, and sit-ups only require a floor).
If you make the choice to change, do it for yourself and don't let nobody stop you from doing it.
If you say your BF is lazy, I don't expect him to do much shopping or cooking. Take charge and shop for good wholesome healthy food, and prepare it the way you like it. If he doesn't like it, tell him to go and have fast food with the moth-in-law...

And get a driver's licence! It's freedom on a piece of paper...

MrsWonderland

I read your title and dropped a tear my heart sunk. After reading this I was angry with them. You deserve support, you have worked and earned it, something isnt right with them I dont know what it is. Maybe he is afraid if you lose weight he will lose you cause hes so lazy. My husband loves fast food and has slowed down because he felt guilty because depending on which one he goes too I wont eat or drink anything. He dont like the look I give him when he mentions fast food. Maybe if you dont order they will get the message. Or go online for their favorite places and look up the calories and try to find something you can eat that isnt to high or eat half of your meal then eat healthier later. Dont trust fast food salads either. I used to think I ordered something sort of healthy and was shocked when I logged it. You need to take care of yourself. I would be happy to be your friend. Just know its not you, its them.

axialmeow

you just made excuse after excuse after excuse. Quit worrying about them and worry about yourself. If your boyfriend and his family are so unsupportive then dump them! I don't get support from my boyfriend or family either. But I accept it and don't care because I am doing this for me and it has nothing to do with them

714rah714

you just made excuse after excuse after excuse. Quit worrying about them and worry about yourself. If your boyfriend and his family are so unsupportive then dump them! I don't get support from my boyfriend or family either. But I accept it and don't care because I am doing this for me and it has nothing to do with them

I agree, you're pointing the finger at everyone besides yourself.

MrJase

you just made excuse after excuse after excuse. Quit worrying about them and worry about yourself. If your boyfriend and his family are so unsupportive then dump them! I don't get support from my boyfriend or family either. But I accept it and don't care because I am doing this for me and it has nothing to do with them

Totally agree, Stop whining about what other people are or are not doing and just do it for yourself. The only person who can lose weight for you is you. You don't have to eat crap when you go out just try alighter option and if you can get to the gym then home workouts are just as good.

angelique_redhead

If your MIL is a McDonald's addict get the side salad and low calorie dressing. You'll be eating less than 100 calories. Good luck with your weight loss.

rotill

1: Keep at eating healthy until it's habit for them. Then they will be used to your choices, and start taking it for granted, and it will be harder for you NOT to eat healthy.

2: Start looking into options which means you don't have to depend on others for transport. A bike, for instance - it will both give you greater independence, and burn calories and help you get healthy. Depending of course on how many miles to the next store, but if it takes an hour by bike you get to go shopping, and you get two hours of great cardio, and a chance to buy healthy food you can cook for yourself.

3: Learn to cook well and healthy. Modern pre-processed food is stuffed with sugars, salt and fat, and you don't want to eat it. The only way to avoid this is by cooking for yourself. Teach yourself about nutrition from books and websites, then start tracking down recipes, and teach yourself to cook. Once you have figured out how to make a few healthy options, you'll find your own food is both better for you and tastes better than junk-food, and it's a LOT easier to lose weight. Of course you may end up cooking for everybody, but then you can ask them to help you with the shopping. It's much easier to ask for help when you are already making a good and healthy contribution.

4: When the others see that your efforts are beneficial to them, it will be a lot easier for them to be supportive, and this will become a win-win situation for all of you.

Good luck!

HotMummyMission

Sound like a big paragraph of excuses to me step it up if you want this enough you can do it nobody eats heathy around me they eat like kids with sweets and crips and take aways! You can eat what you want but don't forget it's 80% diet 20% exercise good luck hunni

elenathegreat

How can you have a mother in law and a boyfriend at the same time? Does your husband mind?

sannsk

How can you have a mother in law and a boyfriend at the same time? Does your husband mind?

:laugh: I think by mother-in-law she means mother-of-boyfriend...

SilverLotusGirl

When you go out with her pack your food before you go. It might feel weird and she might give you crap for it but if you pack yourself healthy snacks, salads, chicken, some nuts, fruits, cheeses, whatever you like that makes you feel good and keeps you full and fits your monetary and caloric budget. Pack a lunch with you and eat that and let her eat whatever fast food she wants. Or, if you have to eat the fast food get the kid's meal or the smallest sizes of whatever you want. You can learn to be satisfied with less and on those days do some extra cardio to balance it out.

Also, stop wanting to change her habits. You can try to suggest things to her but until she's ready to change her eating habits and start exercising she's not going to change and you can't make her and trying to will just upset you both.

iorahkwano

Try to only rely on yourself. Don't let other people be able to negatively control what you do in your life! Find other means of transportation (As mentioned above) or find an at-home workout program (DVD, self-designed, Googled workout, anything).

I never got support from anyone. I never had a friend or family member come with me anywhere, I always had to do everything alone. Show up at a scary new gym by myself, show up at a new kickboxing class where I know no one, show up alone at a dragonboat practice. It's nerve-racking, but it builds character! You learn to be less afraid or lonely during those times and begin to feel confident and independent! You become the person who doesn't need anyone to be their crutch.

I've had some friends who would say they would come with me, and maybe they would the first few times. but then they'd quit, and you know what? I would just go without them. In the end, who was the one that worked hard, achieved their goals and didn't let other people pull them back down?

Me

TrishB69

Hang in there. You need to do what is comfortable for you. No one else has to live inside you. Just remember you are not alone in this. You have support and people who understand. Don't let anyone tell you what you need to do. You can do it. Just be strong. Once they realize you are your own person, they might back off. Just be strong. You can do it.

codapea

Sounds like you are ready to take charge of your life! You can do it, and you don't need any one else's support to reach your goals if you really, truly want to achieve them. No excuse will stop you! Why pay for the gym when you can just walk or ride a bike for some (I understand not all) of the places you need to go? Bikes are inexpensive at thrift stores. Or, hopefully, you live a mile or two from the grocery store, and then you can pick up some fresh fruit and veggies, which are really not that expensive, and get your exercise in for the day, too! Hang in there. Where there is a will, there is a way.

aloranger7708

Sound like a big paragraph of excuses to me step it up if you want this enough you can do it nobody eats heathy around me they eat like kids with sweets and crips and take aways!

Exactly! I am in the same situation.... my entire family and my boyfriend eats crap. I made the decision for MYSELF to not order something when he pulls through the drive-through, to stop drinking soda even though it's around, to make dinner myself if they were ordering out pizza. You can only blame yourself, to be honest. People are going to eat what they want and you should allow yourself that same priority. Even if you can't drive, you can always walk or bike to the grocery store to buy food. I did this at my old house when I was in high school and my family didn't want to "spend tons of money on healthy food." I rode my bike the 3 miles and back to the grocery store and bought my own food. I used to be really good at making excuses until I realized it wasn't doing me any good. You're an adult and it sounds like you're ready to make good decisions, you just don't know how to execute it yet. But it sounds like you've done good work sofar! 15 pounds is great.

CandaceHoweth91

I so wish my husband would get on the boat with me. He is by no means over weight. As long as I have known him he has been tiny but with muscles. ( not that a guy wants to be called that) I just wish he would agree to no sodas in the house and no chips. I dont eat them but still the support would be nice to eat healthy all together. He gains weight really easily but loses it even easier! So not fair lol I'm here for support though if you or anyone else would like to add me! (:

blackroseorchid

we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...

blackroseorchid

Before you make assumptions about me or my life based on one post, I suggest you hold your tongue and keep the negativity out of your post...I am not going to "f my boy toy" because he doesn't go to the gym with me...He supports me in every way and uses teasing as a way to keep me motivated...it's not bad or negative in anyway, it's just jokes...

blackroseorchid

I read your title and dropped a tear my heart sunk. After reading this I was angry with them. You deserve support, you have worked and earned it, something isnt right with them I dont know what it is. Maybe he is afraid if you lose weight he will lose you cause hes so lazy. My husband loves fast food and has slowed down because he felt guilty because depending on which one he goes too I wont eat or drink anything. He dont like the look I give him when he mentions fast food. Maybe if you dont order they will get the message. Or go online for their favorite places and look up the calories and try to find something you can eat that isnt to high or eat half of your meal then eat healthier later. Dont trust fast food salads either. I used to think I ordered something sort of healthy and was shocked when I logged it. You need to take care of yourself. I would be happy to be your friend. Just know its not you, its them.

Thanks

lovechicagobears

we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...

Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.

lovechicagobears

this is about you and when it comes to u, don't rely on anyone but u. F your boytoy. He apparently isn't Mr right because if u ended up married to him you would get pregnant right? Pregnancy always causes weight gain. I had to lose 65 pounds 8 years ago so there u go..... He really doesn't sound to mature-

What the what? This makes absolutely zero sense. Just because two people get married doesn't mean they're automatically going to have a kid, and not everyone gains weight during pregnancy.

debi_f

I never got support from anyone. I never had a friend or family member come with me anywhere, I always had to do everything alone. Show up at a scary new gym by myself, show up at a new kickboxing class where I know no one, show up alone at a dragonboat practice. It's nerve-racking, but it builds character! You learn to be less afraid or lonely during those times and begin to feel confident and independent! You become the person who doesn't need anyone to be their crutch.

You can do this on your own! I, too, had/have to rely on myself to go to the gym, go to my Pilates class, ride my bike when the weather allows. And not only do I have to go to that scary gym on my own, I live in a country where I don't really speak the language! I still manage to get there and struggle my way through the language to do it. And you know what? The people at the gym aren't scary! They are supportive, and we manage to work through the language barrier. In my Pilates class, I watch the others closely if I don't understand what the instructor is saying.

The thing is, you need to rely on yourself! You have internet access (obviously), so try YouTube for workouts you can do at home. You can do this, no matter what the people around you say/do. Tell yourself you can do it. Repeat it. Because you CAN do it! You are in charge of what you do (and what you eat). Take that power and use it! Do it!

ETA: You know you can do it, because you've had some great success so far. Just keep it up. Stay strong! ;-)

blackroseorchid

we've been together eight years...so it's like we're married, and I call his mom my mother in law and variate between calling him my husband and my boyfriend depending on if I am mad at him or not...

Why would you call someone your husband if you aren't married? Time together is not the same as marriage, and I say that as someone who's been in a relationship for three years. I can't imagine calling my boyfriend my "husband" just because we live together. That's just crazy.

it's easier than explaining to them why we arn't married....most people in my town think living together in wedlock is a major sin...(i live in a very conservative area)... so instead of explaining my relationship status to them, it's much easier to just say we are married...which, with as long as we've been together, in some areas we are considered a married couple.

blackroseorchid

why am I explaining this to you all anyway...my relationship status shouldn't really effing matter...
all I wanted was some friendly advice...not to be criticized about making "excuses" and "blaming it on others"
You guys don't know me....and are already making assumptions....which you shouldn't do, because it makes you look like an a-hole.
I really was under the illusion that this was a positive community....but i guess not.
Thank you to those who were positive, my faith has not been completely destroyed...but I am seriously going to think twice before posting anything else on the forums again.
Anywho...thanks again to all those who actually responded with advice instead of assumptions and accusations..

Laura8603

Stop making excuses and make better choices. No one is forcing you to eat badly. You can go for a walk or do an exercise DVD at home. It's up to you. You cannot make someone support you.