How would you respond?

Bunnehface

She's probably just so used to seeing you a different way that it's more of a shock to her when she sees you. I doubt she's saying it to inconvenience or hurt you, she's just showing her concern the only way she knows how.

To be honest, a lot of people will recommend being harsh or blunt with her, but think about her motives, it seems like it's coming from a good well-meant place, so try and be patient and just say that you know you look different but that's because you're healthy now. Reassure her that you eat plenty and look after yourself and after a while, it'll become the norm and she won't comment.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

You could always deflect by veering the conversation away from wieght loss and toward your healthier lifestyle and fitness. Due to my history with eating disorders I received a lot of negative commentary while I was losing weight, but once I got down and regulated a bit that pretty much stopped. However, sometimes you just have to put your foot down and tell people that some items are not up for discussion.

Iron_Duchess

I'm sorry you have to go through that. I totally understand. For some reason my mom also has to make a comment about my weight loss. The thing is that a heartfelt conversation is all it takes. They don't mean wrong, they just care, and think that by commenting on something so personal it's ok. The last time my mom made a comment about my weight loss I explained to her that it was not about looking good, but about being healthy. That I wanted to be there for my family, that my kids needed me, and that this was my way to show them how much I love them. Giving a good, healthy example of how to live and eat is my way show love and concern. Think about a way to explain to her why you are doing what you are doing, and that this makes you healthy and happy. Remind her that you are an adult (I don't know why but they tend to forget) and that you are making decisions according to what you know is best for you. Now, she might continue with the comments (just like my mom) but how I change the conversation? I just say. Moooommm......... Changing the subject....

carriempls

Just let it go.
It's your mother, she means well. Take it for the what her intentions are and don't let it bother you.

Chelle175

Here's a thought that I don't think has been suggested by others (which I agree with for the most part).

Take your Mom out clothes shopping. Parents want to see their children happy. Show her in a tangible sense how happy you are that you can now fit into smaller clothes. Even if you don't buy anything (a good afternoon of try-ons is always a fun way to spend the day) it will be a way to let your Mom see how happy you are.

Worst case scenario you get a day with your Mom and she feels better because you're including her.

HiKaren

Maybe print out a bmi chart. Put a arrow on the sheet where you are... Keep it folded and in your purse... Next time you drop off the kids, if she mentions it again, take out that paper. Say, "Mom, you have mentioned this, and I printed this out for you, since your concerned about this. This is where I am. I am in the healthy range." Give her a hug, and tell her thank you.. That you love her too.

Sometimes our loved ones are pains in the butts..... But, that's because they love us..

yo_andi

I would just say "Mom, I appreciate your concern and I love the compliments but you're starting to sound like a broken record. I love you, and thank you, but I'm really okay, I promise".

And then don't engage in further conversation about it.

superpapa16

People just get used to you looking one way, and now you don't so it's a shock to them. I just say "thanks, I've got a few more trouble spots." and then move on... It's not a battle worth fighting...

That said, if it's really bothering you, you could go early and strip and show her where/ why you're still trying to drop a couple of lbs...

JohnMessmer

Or you could tell her that her constant comments about your weight are hurtful, and that while you know it comes from a place of love, you'd appreciate it if she'd stop.

This is the PC touchy feely world some folks live in. If I were to actually say this to one of my parents, they would throw a straight jacket on me and have me drug tested.

I think showing your mom MFP, with your goals, and diary, is a great idea. If she can be shown that you are not just on some fad diet that can harm you, then she will not worry as much...well she will probably always worry, but hopefully not as much.

christinekry

Maybe she needs to lose a little weight herself and is jealous at your wonderful progress. She doesn't want to show her jealousy so she turns it as something that you're doing wrong (losing TOO much weight). I wouldn't even respond to the comments or say something like thanks for your concern I'm still a work in progress. Just keep doing your thing and don't let anyone else get you discouraged.

This is what I was thinking, as well.

imchicbad

Or you could tell her that her constant comments about your weight are hurtful, and that while you know it comes from a place of love, you'd appreciate it if she'd stop.

plain and simple. Some times you need to put your foot down even with mom. tell her it hurts your feelings and you feel better and are more healthy than ever and when you want her advice or her opinion youll ask for it, other wise youd appreciate it if she stops making the comments because it make s you not want to visit. I think its a tad bit of gelousy going on here too.

im just saying

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

She just cares about you. Let that shlt roll off your back. Bigger fish to fry and all that.................

^^This.

Anyone who physically gave birth to me gets a pass. It's annoying, but that's all it is. It'll stop soon enough and she'll find something else to "mother" you over.

HappyNinjaStar

Maybe she needs to lose a little weight herself and is jealous at your wonderful progress. She doesn't want to show her jealousy so she turns it as something that you're doing wrong (losing TOO much weight). I wouldn't even respond to the comments or say something like thanks for your concern I'm still a work in progress. Just keep doing your thing and don't let anyone else get you discouraged.

This is what I was thinking, as well.

She does need to lose weight, she's been obese (and morbidly so) for most of her life. Her lack of caring for herself in her young and middle adulthood has led to a myriad of health problems. We've had many discussions and her advice is always to take care of myself while I'm young so I don't have trouble when I'm older. That's why I just don't get her recent comments... they are in opposition of her more sane commentary!

wbandel

I have to admit I had a similar reaction both when my older sister and best friend lost weight. I think part of it was I never realized what a healthy weight looked like on a person, and not on them. So to me I was worried that they were going to push it too far and become obsessed with too low of a goal. Now that I've started my own journey I finally realize their goals and what they were aiming for.

Maybe just try explaining your goals. Let her know that you aren't underweight, that you don't plan on being underweight, and that you just want to get into a healthy BMI. Then explain what good choices you are making with food and exercise. You can even say, doctors recommend being in this weight range, so you're working on getting to this goal to prolong your life.

bluefox9er

I think we have missed the point that people of a certain generation do not have any concept whatsoever for a 'healthy weight'. often, in some cultures, being overweight is a sign of prosperity.

I doubt you can make your mom understand why you are striving to lose weight, but it's just her thinking you might be ill or something, because thats what being 'thin' when once fat would suggest a decline of health.

I have a similar issue with my family, and realised they will never understand, explaining it is a waste of time, so I just do whatever I need to and let them say what they like.

AnnofB

Change is scary to most people, even when someone else is doing the changing.

You're getting into shape is a threat and also a commentary (in her eyes) on her own health. So rather than let it be catalyst for change, she is using it as a tool of denile. Wow, I knock myself out with my erudite prose. Trying to say, it's jealosy and fear and Mother love all rolled into one.

I would tell her "I'm fine, I'm x amount of lbs above the correct weight for my height and I'm healthier than I've been in years. Thanks for the concern, but I'm ok. Now, lets work on you, Mom!"

Congratulations on your success.

coe28

They're our mothers. They are more concerned about us being healthy than how happy we are with the way we look. I've gone through this same thing with my mom up until recently when she decided to lose a little weight herself. Now we can talk about it and she understands where I'm coming from.

It does get quite old though. I'm only 5'3" so everyone says I'm tiny. Truth is, I'm not tiny. I weigh 139 lbs. So when people off their opinion (or criticism), I listen and then forget about it a second later.

coe28

Just slap her upside the head. I'm sure she'll move on to different topics of conversation.

Yessssssss......

Except I'm pretty sure my mom would beat my *kitten* if I tried that!

sissiluv

Sounds like your mom is just concerned for your health, as any mother SHOULD be regardless of the circumstances. Personally I would say it's a good thing.
If it really bothers you that much, I would suggest talking to her about it. Open communication is a wonderful thing. Explain what you're doing, the steps you've taken, the research you've done that all suggests this is healthy for you and will lead to healthier living long term, etcetc. If by the end she's still concerned, ask her why and just take it step by step from there perhaps.

Perhaps it's just her personal opinion that a girl with more insulation is healthier with a little less, in which case no biggy. Perhaps explain that her saying these things is bothering you, or hurting your feelings and you really really want what you consider to be healthy. You are an adult (or so I assume) and have the ability to make your own choices.

And don't hit her upside the head.

bugaha1

I’m way older than you and my mom is 83 and I learned a long time ago “like 10 years lol” just don’t argue and if it’s something you really feel the need to stand up for something she said to you? Just remember one thing you can’t win so why even go there. Just let it go like you didn’t hear it.