How would you respond?

imchicbad

Or you could tell her that her constant comments about your weight are hurtful, and that while you know it comes from a place of love, you'd appreciate it if she'd stop.

plain and simple. Some times you need to put your foot down even with mom. tell her it hurts your feelings and you feel better and are more healthy than ever and when you want her advice or her opinion youll ask for it, other wise youd appreciate it if she stops making the comments because it make s you not want to visit. I think its a tad bit of gelousy going on here too.

im just saying

BeachGingerOnTheRocks

She just cares about you. Let that shlt roll off your back. Bigger fish to fry and all that.................

^^This.

Anyone who physically gave birth to me gets a pass. It's annoying, but that's all it is. It'll stop soon enough and she'll find something else to "mother" you over.

HappyNinjaStar

Maybe she needs to lose a little weight herself and is jealous at your wonderful progress. She doesn't want to show her jealousy so she turns it as something that you're doing wrong (losing TOO much weight). I wouldn't even respond to the comments or say something like thanks for your concern I'm still a work in progress. Just keep doing your thing and don't let anyone else get you discouraged.

This is what I was thinking, as well.

She does need to lose weight, she's been obese (and morbidly so) for most of her life. Her lack of caring for herself in her young and middle adulthood has led to a myriad of health problems. We've had many discussions and her advice is always to take care of myself while I'm young so I don't have trouble when I'm older. That's why I just don't get her recent comments... they are in opposition of her more sane commentary!

binglebandit

I have to admit I had a similar reaction both when my older sister and best friend lost weight. I think part of it was I never realized what a healthy weight looked like on a person, and not on them. So to me I was worried that they were going to push it too far and become obsessed with too low of a goal. Now that I've started my own journey I finally realize their goals and what they were aiming for.

Maybe just try explaining your goals. Let her know that you aren't underweight, that you don't plan on being underweight, and that you just want to get into a healthy BMI. Then explain what good choices you are making with food and exercise. You can even say, doctors recommend being in this weight range, so you're working on getting to this goal to prolong your life.

bluefox9er

I think we have missed the point that people of a certain generation do not have any concept whatsoever for a 'healthy weight'. often, in some cultures, being overweight is a sign of prosperity.

I doubt you can make your mom understand why you are striving to lose weight, but it's just her thinking you might be ill or something, because thats what being 'thin' when once fat would suggest a decline of health.

I have a similar issue with my family, and realised they will never understand, explaining it is a waste of time, so I just do whatever I need to and let them say what they like.

AnnofB

Change is scary to most people, even when someone else is doing the changing.

You're getting into shape is a threat and also a commentary (in her eyes) on her own health. So rather than let it be catalyst for change, she is using it as a tool of denile. Wow, I knock myself out with my erudite prose. Trying to say, it's jealosy and fear and Mother love all rolled into one.

I would tell her "I'm fine, I'm x amount of lbs above the correct weight for my height and I'm healthier than I've been in years. Thanks for the concern, but I'm ok. Now, lets work on you, Mom!"

Congratulations on your success.

coe28

They're our mothers. They are more concerned about us being healthy than how happy we are with the way we look. I've gone through this same thing with my mom up until recently when she decided to lose a little weight herself. Now we can talk about it and she understands where I'm coming from.

It does get quite old though. I'm only 5'3" so everyone says I'm tiny. Truth is, I'm not tiny. I weigh 139 lbs. So when people off their opinion (or criticism), I listen and then forget about it a second later.

coe28

Just slap her upside the head. I'm sure she'll move on to different topics of conversation.

Yessssssss......

Except I'm pretty sure my mom would beat my *kitten* if I tried that!

sissiluv

Sounds like your mom is just concerned for your health, as any mother SHOULD be regardless of the circumstances. Personally I would say it's a good thing.
If it really bothers you that much, I would suggest talking to her about it. Open communication is a wonderful thing. Explain what you're doing, the steps you've taken, the research you've done that all suggests this is healthy for you and will lead to healthier living long term, etcetc. If by the end she's still concerned, ask her why and just take it step by step from there perhaps.

Perhaps it's just her personal opinion that a girl with more insulation is healthier with a little less, in which case no biggy. Perhaps explain that her saying these things is bothering you, or hurting your feelings and you really really want what you consider to be healthy. You are an adult (or so I assume) and have the ability to make your own choices.

And don't hit her upside the head.

bugaha1

I’m way older than you and my mom is 83 and I learned a long time ago “like 10 years lol” just don’t argue and if it’s something you really feel the need to stand up for something she said to you? Just remember one thing you can’t win so why even go there. Just let it go like you didn’t hear it.

jcstanton

I agree with really sitting down with her and showing her BMI charts. Your 'healthy weight' range. Where you are now, and tell her what you're doing to achieve your goals. As a mom, I can agree with the previous poster, a lot of how I judge how healthy and happy one of my children are is just simply by looking at them. And if I saw one of my children melting away, even if they were overweight, I wouldn't be able to help but worry.

This is a good idea. And I agree that she's doing it out of love (I'm a mommy too, and I have been patient up until now, it's just finally gotten a bit ridiculous!)

Also, I would go over all the facts about calorie levels. How many your body needs to maintain current weight, how many one should be eating to lose weight in a healthy manner (including a brief explanation of BMR), etc... That way you can tell her, "Yes, I'm eating less so that I can get to a healthy weight, but I'm eating enough. I'm not starving."

yoovie

say - yeah totally now I get to do the part where I add muscle! and flex...

strickland313

hypotrochoid wrote: »

Or you could tell her that her constant comments about your weight are hurtful, and that while you know it comes from a place of love, you'd appreciate it if she'd stop.

Exactly. Controlling mothers need to be told that you are an adult, and it's time for her to realize that repeating a comment continuously isn't making it stick in your mind better.

Michelle4588

Happy
I went through the same situation, not just my Mum but other family members as well. I'm 43 and 5"11" when I started this a few years back (this is my 3rd go around) my SW was 216 and I was in a size 16, I got extremely sick in Dec of 2013 and in order to get better I was told to research the GERD diet (though I don't have GERD) so I went from 216 to 177. I felt awesome all though my wallet didn't care to the punch it took buying new clothes. But, even though I felt awesome the remarks I got from the family like "you look sick, you are too skinny, you DON'T need to loose anymore" blah blah blah My response was "I'm healthy, my doctor say's I'm fine so if you can not support me please keep you comments to yourself" Once I said that they didn't say anything anymore, at least not to me. I have put on a few pounds and they do tell me how nice I look now, but I feel terrible. So here I am again, back on tract and I'm sure the comments will start up again and I will have to remind them to keep them to their selves. Only thing is, if you do not voice your opinion, as they are doing theirs, then they will continue to say things which will upset you and holding it in causes tension.
Good luck and keep up the fight.