Question - why do people say this stuff -

karenjoy
karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
in Chit-Chat
When I was out on Friday night, I had 5 people tell me not to lose any more weight...which is odd, as I am nowhere near my lowest weight, I could lose over a stone and still be well in the OK weight for my height, I have hips, *kitten* and boobs, I am not by any stretch of the imagination skinny, so why is this? Why would people make a point of saying to me things like 'you are going to stop now aren't you?' and 'you don't need to lose any more weight' and 'are you eating properly and not doing anything mental?'

I just wondered why -

1, that people think I should not lose any more weight when in fact I need to lose about 7lb

and

2. why is it ok to comment to me about losing weight when nobody said to me 'you aren't going to get any fatter are you?' or 'surely you are not going to eat that you gutty *kitten* you are already looking porky' when I was gaining?
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Replies

  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
    Because..... the thinner you get, the fatter some people think *they* get.

    That's the only conclusion I've been able to come to, anyway. I hear the same thing and uh... yeah.
  • sunnyside1213
    sunnyside1213 Posts: 1,205 Member
    Because..... the thinner you get, the fatter some people think *they* get.

    That's the only conclusion I've been able to come to, anyway. I hear the same thing and uh... yeah.

    This.
  • Hannah_Banana
    Hannah_Banana Posts: 1,242 Member
    Most people who say this don't see you naked. When someone gets down to their last 10-15lbs, you are generally looking really good. Clothes can hide lots of "little" flaws, and a combination of seeing ourselves naked and being our own worst critics are major factors.

    Sure, some shallow obnoxious people might just want you to be fat to make themselves feel better, but I would say that is NOT the majority of friends.

    So take it as a compliment and don't dwell on it. In the end it doesn't matter what they think or what their motives are anyway, because you're doing this for you. :smile:
  • lynheff
    lynheff Posts: 393 Member
    The green eyed monster, girl. They are so jealous of you! Just take it as a compliment and smile. I often deliberately "misunderstand" hurtful comments---drives 'em nuts:laugh: You look terrific Congrats
  • GeorgieLove708
    GeorgieLove708 Posts: 442 Member
    Most people who say this don't see you naked. When someone gets down to their last 10-15lbs, you are generally looking really good. Clothes can hide lots of "little" flaws, and a combination of seeing ourselves naked and being our own worst critics are major factors.

    Sure, some shallow obnoxious people might just want you to be fat to make themselves feel better, but I would say that is NOT the majority of friends.

    So take it as a compliment and don't dwell on it. In the end it doesn't matter what they think or what their motives are anyway, because you're doing this for you. :smile:

    This is what has been behind me thinking other people shouldn't lose more weight in passing before. Not that I have ever, or would ever say something to someone. Their body is not my business. But we don't see what you see under the clothes. I'm sure some people are insecure and trying to make themselves feel better, but overall I'd take it as them thinking you look great.
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,149 Member
    Crazy idea: ASK THEM.
  • ShreddedTweet
    ShreddedTweet Posts: 1,326 Member
    It makes them feel worse about themselves, the closer you get to the perfect body the worse they'll look standing beside you.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    Crazy idea: ASK THEM.

    I did..I said why do you think that? I explained that I am NOT underweight and in fact I used to be very tiny, and no I do not have an eating disorder etc but they just glaze over and smile and as they walk away say - yes well just don't lose any more.....
  • SwimFan1981
    SwimFan1981 Posts: 1,430 Member
    Jealousy I think
  • LovePBandJ
    LovePBandJ Posts: 288 Member
    I have had similar comments and feel the same way about them. I think people say those things as a way to pay you a compliment. They don't hear how it is such an offensive compliment. This is not a comment that just fat people make: skinny people have even told me I didn't need to lose any more weight. I know what my body fat percentage is and I know that I have a couple percentage points to go before I am even in the "athletic" BF range. So, I am quite confident that I am not unhealthy.

    Don't allow their comment to put you into a position of defending your health and working toward a higher standard for yourself. Simply take it as a compliment, horrible as it is, and graciously say "Thank you" and change the subject.

    If they persist tell them that "I have higher standards for myself that I am working toward, but thank you for your concern."
  • be_dazzled
    be_dazzled Posts: 353 Member
    For don't get any thinner

    Read

    Don't get any thinner than me!!!

    At 110 pounds down I hear this a lot. I smile and thank them for their concern.
  • nascarted10
    nascarted10 Posts: 298 Member
    Just smile an thank them. In their defense, they are not used to seeing you thinner and the person they know has changed or is even gone. If you were in a circle of people that didn't know you and the comments will be very different. WOW you look great, what are you doing to look that good, wish I had that shape, etc. Actually, I would take their comments as a compliment.
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
    Compare it to an extreme change of hairstyle/haircut. They're not used to it and they actually need time to mentally change their visual perception. The brain hasn't caught up with the eyes. All they see is a thin you. It IS a compliment. Accept it graciously and don't talk about the last 7 lbs.
  • karenjoy
    karenjoy Posts: 1,840 Member
    Thank you, I don't get it so much from my friends, as they see me all the time, this was from a group of people at a Christmas party and I don't see them often and some not since last year, so I suppose it was a bit of a change to see me in a size 10 dress lol but it was the whole it's ok to comment when you lose weight but not when you gain thing that I was getting at, nobody mentioned it when I gained
  • SueGremlin
    SueGremlin Posts: 1,066 Member
    I would give them a blank stare and change the topic. I don't understand how people can find it acceptable to comment on your body. It's INCREDIBLY rude.
  • elka67
    elka67 Posts: 268 Member
    Yep, don't know why they say it but I got told today by a lady who does pump at the same class that I'd lost too much weight and should GAIN some!
    I am 5'5'' and 128 lb medium build I think.
    I was hoping to lose 2-3 lb more just to make a straight 9 stone (I'm from England) but not too worried if I can maintain this.
    BUT I'm not underweight, 128lb is average for my height/build. Sites estimate my bodyfat at approx 23.5% or so.

    A few have said ''don't lose too much'' or ''be careful!!'' - hmmmm... do they think now I've started that it won't stop? The only thing I have to 'be careful' of is not putting it all back on again in my opinion.
  • darrensurrey
    darrensurrey Posts: 3,942 Member
    I've had people tell me this. I just fight fire with fire and tell them I've not achieved my goal yet. I don't know why they tell me - perhaps they worry I'm wasting away (which is nice of them to care) or perhaps they are worried that I make them look fatter as I continue to get closer to my goal (which is their problem, not mine). Just smile and listen to what they say. :)
  • katevarner
    katevarner Posts: 884 Member
    What I hate in addition is when I'm out at lunch or dinner with friends and they say something like "is that all you are ordering?" I eat a small lunch every day because I eat over 1000 calories at night and around 500-700 for breakfast. So 300-500 at lunch is plenty, but most folks don't see it that way, apparently. I was at a Christmas party for work last weekend and the main offender was scolding me for not eating any bread (I don't eat white bread unless it's sourdough from Whole Foods, for the record) and I finally just shot back at her, "I had a sugar cookie, a piece of baklava and a slice of pumpkin pie, is that enough?"

    I agree it's annoying, but I'm trying to take it as a compliment so that I don't injure someone. I am the smallest that I have ever been as an adult, so I understand that people may think I'm too small, but I don't think I am, and as long as I'm eating over 2000 calories per day, they are not going to convince me that I am.
  • MrsWilsoncroft
    MrsWilsoncroft Posts: 968 Member
    Because if they're your legs in your pic you already look great :)
  • don666car
    don666car Posts: 167 Member
    they are use to you at a larger weight it takes a while for them to re adjust there body image of you then it will be the norm at where you are i to have a lot more to go and have many say you are good where you are dont let other decide what is"right" for you higher or lower if you feel good /strong/healty that is all that maters the smile on your face will guide otheres to see the perfect you
  • cappri
    cappri Posts: 1,089 Member
    I was complaining about this the other day and then turned around and said almost the same thing to my brother. Why? Well I did think his face got too thin the last time he lost weight and I think he looks better now. However it was rude and hypocritical of me to say so. It did open my eyes to the fact that these type of comments are not necessarily coming from a bad place with people.
  • Jfearn64
    Jfearn64 Posts: 353 Member
    I have gotten this too. As a guy, it is particularly annoying because I hear it as skinny. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be athletic, muscular, cut, in great shape maybe, but not skinny.

    I have been working out steadily now for 3 years, doing cardio and resistance training. I recently completed P90X and now have moved on to a muscle building weight lifting program. I am not too thin, just very fit. I work my butt off 6 days a week for an hour plus a day and constantly log all that I eat to ensure I am eating healthy and getting the right macro-nutrients.

    I think people do it out of jealousy. They are too lazy to take care of themselves, exercise, and eat right. Hard to take it as a compliment
  • newmein2013
    newmein2013 Posts: 674 Member
    Thank you, I don't get it so much from my friends, as they see me all the time, this was from a group of people at a Christmas party and I don't see them often and some not since last year, so I suppose it was a bit of a change to see me in a size 10 dress lol but it was the whole it's ok to comment when you lose weight but not when you gain thing that I was getting at, nobody mentioned it when I gained

    Oh, that's b/c the majority of peeps get either extremely sensitive or defensive if you comment about weight gain. But if you comment on too much weight loss, they think it's ok b/c they think you (in general) have a misguided body perception a d they also believe they are genuinely complimenting you. I can't speak for others but I have had, and still do have, a misguided perception of my body. That's why most of us take pics, so we can get a better assessment of ourselves. Personally, I don't care, I'm a straight shooter & tell it like it is, as diplomatically as I possibly can. People get offended. It's caused some hard feelings, I won't lie. But it hasn't stopped me. If someone I care about is falling, I will tell them. And the opposite goes as well, of course.
  • sillygoosie
    sillygoosie Posts: 1,109 Member
    Maybe they just like the way you look. Not everyone loves the skinny body type. Take it as compliment and continue to lose what you want for yourself.
  • vtmoon
    vtmoon Posts: 3,436 Member
    How do they know you are losing? If I was you, I would just avoid sharing that you are trying to lose anymore, and do your own thing, if they ask they you are trying not to gain.
  • FlaxMilk
    FlaxMilk Posts: 3,452 Member
    (Not going into the whether or not they should, just the why they do) People usually don't say anything when you are gaining but do when you are losing because the assumption is that you aren't trying to gain but are trying to lose. The assumption is that you know your weight is a problem when you are heavier but you aren't or are unable to do something about it, so it would be pointless and rude to tell you that you are gaining. But if you are actively trying to lose weight, people perceive you as having control and intention behind that, so they can give you a compliment (strange as it is but at this point I think it's a social construct.)
  • umachanxo
    umachanxo Posts: 926 Member
    People say that to me sometimes. Actually, people said that to me when I was about 10 lbs heavier. It could be their own insecurity or jealousy.
  • Ayla70
    Ayla70 Posts: 284 Member
    I seriously think that when people see someone else losing a lot of weight, and they look fine, within a healthy weight range, and still losing, that they are scared that person is heading for an eating disorder. I could very well be the jealousy things already mentioned, but my first instinct was to think this. It's out of concern. Thank them for caring :)
  • chrishgt4
    chrishgt4 Posts: 1,222 Member
    It's a compliment. Most of the time anyway.
  • annams76
    annams76 Posts: 161 Member
    I think it is because many people see us in a different way than we see ourselves. A year is a long time and they are seeing a different you. Maybe next time they say that to you, flip it on them and ask them if they are going to stop gaining weight. When they get offended, say yes exactly I don't appreciate it either. Smile and walk away. =) Good luck on your last 7 pounds!!!

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