Question - why do people say this stuff -

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Replies

  • muchmoretolove
    muchmoretolove Posts: 244 Member
    The green eyed monster, girl. They are so jealous of you! Just take it as a compliment and smile. I often deliberately "misunderstand" hurtful comments---drives 'em nuts:laugh: You look terrific Congrats

    you sound like a lady full of wisdom!
  • Rachielous
    Rachielous Posts: 80 Member
    Somebody said this to me at work this morning when I told them I had lost 2 stone.

    I replied - 'I might look alright with my clothes on but YOU SHOULD SEE ME NAKED! - That is when I WANT to look good'.

    That bought silence to the room pretty quickly.
  • keelz2010
    keelz2010 Posts: 182
    I've been on both ends with this..I recently raised concerns with a friend as she lost a lot of weight very quickly and really did look too thin, I wasn't jealous, just genuinely checking she was okay and being healthy it's what people who care do.....Also years ago I lost a lot of weight and everyone kept telling me not to lose more but as I weighed okay for my height, I ignored them and assumed they were jealous-looking back at pics now I can understand the concerns, I looked like ill and too thin.

    I don't think mtrue friends would say something like this out of jealousy, just concern. Take it as a compliment that your friends care about you and are just checking in on you. :)
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    I just went through a class that explains the psychology of change and why many people resist change so much. The studies suggest that when something changes, people actually go through withdrawal symptoms and experience grief. According to the studies, it happens to everyone, but some people can blow through it, literally in seconds, and then be happy with the new change, and others cannot go through it quickly, and so they act out in fear and resentment, and other things, until they adjust to the change. Some people never ever adjust and live int hat world of fear and distrust about everything. It's very interesting. Anyways, my theory is that people don't like change. So, that's basically why they want you to stay the same.
  • Phaedra2014
    Phaedra2014 Posts: 1,254 Member
    When I was out on Friday night, I had 5 people tell me not to lose any more weight...which is odd, as I am nowhere near my lowest weight, I could lose over a stone and still be well in the OK weight for my height, I have hips, *kitten* and boobs, I am not by any stretch of the imagination skinny, so why is this? Why would people make a point of saying to me things like 'you are going to stop now aren't you?' and 'you don't need to lose any more weight' and 'are you eating properly and not doing anything mental?'

    I just wondered why -

    1, that people think I should not lose any more weight when in fact I need to lose about 7lb

    and

    2. why is it ok to comment to me about losing weight when nobody said to me 'you aren't going to get any fatter are you?' or 'surely you are not going to eat that you gutty *kitten* you are already looking porky' when I was gaining?

    Smile. Be gracious. Tell them you appreciate their interest and care. Then move on with your day.
  • KarensCanDoIt
    KarensCanDoIt Posts: 190 Member
    In the last week or so, I've experienced this three times, all by family members. My brother asked if I was sick because I was so skinny. Both my mom and my aunt told me not to lose anymore weight. My mom even told me to gain some weight but only in my face. I just shrugged it off. I was actually flattered that my brother even noticed any change at all.

    The silly thing is that I currently weigh between 165 and 168. I still have at least 15 pounds to my goal of 150, and that's on the high end of the weight scale for my height. I guess they're just used to seeing me as a size 20/22 rather than a size 12/14.
  • jayce54321
    jayce54321 Posts: 110 Member
    Because..... the thinner you get, the fatter some people think *they* get.

    That's the only conclusion I've been able to come to, anyway. I hear the same thing and uh... yeah.

    Absolutely!
  • hiddenaudacity
    hiddenaudacity Posts: 122 Member
    I think they mean well but it can really have such a negative effect. It makes you feel embarrassed to lose more weight rather than proud like you should be. I guess they are just trying to compliment you and have some small insecurities as well.

    I myself would never say it to anyone unless I thought they looked actually dangerously underweight.
  • chocl8girl
    chocl8girl Posts: 1,968 Member
    Honestly, I have seen this topic come up a lot, and after thinking about it, I really do think people are actually trying to compliment in this way, although it is a very socially awkward way to do it. I think it's a way to let you know they think you look great the way you are, and a way of trying to let you know how "skinny" you look (which is so worshipped in our society nowadays). I think that always assuming that people are petty or jealous or have some other ulterior, dark motive for commenting is damaging to everyone. Is it RIGHT to comment on ANYONE'S body? Nope. But the reasons behind it are not always so cut and dry, and don't always come from a place of insecurity. Perhaps sometimes, but not always.

    I say, take it as a compliment, say thank you, and move on and do not discuss your goals for YOUR body with any of them.
  • autovatic
    autovatic Posts: 99 Member
    I had this experience earlier this year. Within a space of a week, two people complimented me on my weight loss, and one of the sweetest women I have ever met told me, "Sweetie, you should eat a burger or something, you've lost too much weight." Coming from who it did, I knew it was not jealousy, but sincere concern. It sounds silly, but it really shook me. The funny part was that while this all happened within a week, it was actually about four months after I had lost the weight, which made it even more baffling.

    I think what a lot of people have already said is true, they don't know you as inimately as you know yourself. You have to ask, who are you doing this for? I hope the answer is for yourself - and if that's the case, their opinion really doesn't mean much in the grand scheme. I like that I have friends who are looking out for me, and even if I feel that their opinions are misguided in the moment, it never hurts to have a moment of introspection to firm your belief about what you are doing for yourself. :)
  • christhack
    christhack Posts: 4
    Most people who say this don't see you naked. When someone gets down to their last 10-15lbs, you are generally looking really good. Clothes can hide lots of "little" flaws, and a combination of seeing ourselves naked and being our own worst critics are major factors.

    Sure, some shallow obnoxious people might just want you to be fat to make themselves feel better, but I would say that is NOT the majority of friends.

    So take it as a compliment and don't dwell on it. In the end it doesn't matter what they think or what their motives are anyway, because you're doing this for you. :smile:

    I really think this is right on the money. I do just try to say thanks and explain. I'd much rather people were able to be more honest at both ends of the spectrum of weight with friends. When issues go unnoticed and unspoken about that is usually when problems occur.
  • primalchaos
    primalchaos Posts: 135 Member
    When I was out on Friday night, I had 5 people tell me not to lose any more weight...which is odd, as I am nowhere near my lowest weight, I could lose over a stone and still be well in the OK weight for my height, I have hips, *kitten* and boobs, I am not by any stretch of the imagination skinny, so why is this? Why would people make a point of saying to me things like 'you are going to stop now aren't you?' and 'you don't need to lose any more weight' and 'are you eating properly and not doing anything mental?'

    I just wondered why -

    1, that people think I should not lose any more weight when in fact I need to lose about 7lb

    and

    2. why is it ok to comment to me about losing weight when nobody said to me 'you aren't going to get any fatter are you?' or 'surely you are not going to eat that you gutty *kitten* you are already looking porky' when I was gaining?

    I think it has to do with self image. It's hard to see someone change significantly and not start to wonder if you should do something or if it changes how you deal with that person. Interesting enough, I've also heard "you haven't stopped drinking have you?" and "you're not planning to lose anymore" from the same person. When I started this and until now it's a pretty big change for them to have to deal with and let's face it, when you start doing positive things it can inspire, scare, and demotivate others.
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    1. obviously the people in your life all hate you and want to sabotage you from trying to improve yourself. Its just shameful and they want nothing to do with what you are trying to do good for yourself. This is what you're claiming right? That is motivated by hatred and jealousy, obviously.

    2. It makes them really happy to use these interactions to tear you down.

    3. If gives you a good reason to come on the forums and tell everyone you made so much progress, without the guilt of feeling like you are bragging about yourself, because at this stage, most of us feel guilty tooting our own horn and pointing out own awesomeness, it's easiest to portray ourselves as a victim than a victor - but that will come with time.

    :flowerforyou:
  • PikaKnight
    PikaKnight Posts: 34,971 Member
    1. obviously the people in your life all hate you and want to sabotage you from trying to improve yourself. Its just shameful and they want nothing to do with what you are trying to do good for yourself. This is what you're claiming right? That is motivated by hatred and jealousy, obviously.

    2. It makes them really happy to use these interactions to tear you down.

    3. If gives you a good reason to come on the forums and tell everyone you made so much progress, without the guilt of feeling like you are bragging about yourself, because at this stage, most of us feel guilty tooting our own horn and pointing out own awesomeness, it's easiest to portray ourselves as a victim than a victor - but that will come with time.

    :flowerforyou:

    Thank goodness for Yoovie. I was wondering how to word this. Look, we don't know "these people"...YOU do. If you can't figure it out, asking a bunch of strangers isn't going to help. If it irritates you, ignore them and try to see it as a compliment, especially if the doctor is giving you the green to being healthy. OR... Make new friends who will support the new healthy you.
  • Jimaudit
    Jimaudit Posts: 275
    How do they know you are losing? If I was you, I would just avoid sharing that you are trying to lose anymore, and do your own thing, if they ask they you are trying not to gain.

    Crap, you beat me to it. I was gonna ask if you are sharing that you want to lose another 7lbs. Honestly if you are obsessing about 7lbs then you have other issues. But otherwise take it as a compliment that everyone thinks you are in such great shape.
  • ironanimal
    ironanimal Posts: 5,922 Member
    How about the crazy idea that they do genuinely believe you look really good at your present weight? That, because they've seen you fatter, they think you look so much better now?
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    How about the crazy idea that they do genuinely believe you look really good at your present weight? That, because they've seen you fatter, they think you look so much better now?

    lol dont be ridiculous.
  • MireyGal76
    MireyGal76 Posts: 7,334 Member
    all the above... and maybe...

    people see me in clothes and with the tummy tucked, supportive bra, well fitting pants...

    they don't see me when I'm sitting on the couch with the gut hanging out. or when I'm standing, naked, dissecting myself in the mirror.

    I know about the gut. They do not.
    I know about the cellulite on my thighs. They do not.
    I know that my *kitten* is kinda saggy. They do not.

    They think I've arrived. I do not.

    What I think, is more important to me. That is what I'll act upon.
    (eta: that sounds kind of narcissistic, but in this situation, your fitness goals are YOUR business)
  • chubbygirl253
    chubbygirl253 Posts: 1,309 Member
    I think it's a combo of reasons:

    1. Overweight is the new normal. Not necessarily obese, but chubby, thick, chunky is the norm now. The average clothes size for an American woman is 14. So someone, lets say, size 8-10 is not skinny but smaller than average and considered slender by most people. Smaller than that and people think you are skinny.
    2. People are generally under the misconception that thin people can eat whatever they want. It's the biggest reason so many people regain the weight they lose. (If you think you can eat however you want when you get to goal you won't stay at goal long) So when people see a thin person dieting or watching their weight they get alarmed. For some reason they think you must have an eating disorder.
    3. Just like it's hard for us to see our own progress sometimes because we look in the mirror every day, the opposite is true for them. If they only see you every other week it's possible you look smaller to them everytime they see you. They might be thinking you are so tiny now you can't have much more to go without getting unhealthy.
    4. Jealousy might play a small part
  • LeenaRuns
    LeenaRuns Posts: 1,309 Member
    I get this from people I work with (but with whom I am not that close) all the time. It's frustrating.
  • TaintedVampyre
    TaintedVampyre Posts: 1,428 Member
    Crazy idea: ASK THEM.

    *kitten* disturber lol
  • SenshiV
    SenshiV Posts: 131 Member
    Because..... the thinner you get, the fatter some people think *they* get.

    That's the only conclusion I've been able to come to, anyway. I hear the same thing and uh... yeah.

    This.

    Every time people say stuff like this, but it might not be the case always.

    I have asked my wife not to loose more weight (but am not coercing her tom she is free to do what she wants), but I encourage to exercise and eat good enough pointing out when she is eating more than is healthy for her complexion. I'm not forcing her to eat anything or not to, just to make it clear.

    According to her height, age, and stuff, she could/should loose more, so why do I ask her (preferably) not to go further?

    Because she looks perfectly fine: She looks good everywhere I look, why would I be jealous for her? I rather feel proud she choose to be wth me that any other guy around there :). What I'm afraid is she start t look skinny, in an unhealthy way, why, because some 'numbers' and calculations say she should weight less? Even if she seems so great?

    That would be my reason, maybe I I knew you, and you asked me (as suggested, you really should ask why), I would tell you the same: If you look great, have no visible signs of body fat anywhere,a are legitimately healty (I am talking about lab blood tests), why loose more for a lousy height-age calculation?

    Of course fat people will do feel jealous sometimes that's unavoidable.
  • sissiluv
    sissiluv Posts: 2,205 Member
    I've personally never seen it so much as an issue of jealousy as an issue of health. People out there know about anorexia and bulimia now, about eating disorders and about how bad mental health can become, and I see it as an issue of that. They just don't want you to hurt yourself, be it physically or mentally, which can unfortunately be very easy to do.
    If it's people who haven't seen you in awhile, from when you were heavier to when you're thinner, then of course they're going to be shocked, and with the aforementioned knowledge probably a little concerned as well. They have to reconcile the memory with your new face and sometimes the new face can seem less healthy in comparison even when it's really not.

    What personally annoys me is when people tell you to your face that you're something you're not, such as 'TOO thin'. For me it's the 'you're not fat' which never fails to annoy me, especially when they look down at themselves when they say it as if to say that they're so much bigger than me and I shouldn't even talk about it candidly.
    However in the end I'm the one who knows my body, they don't. I am overweight. The meat I'm packing is more than necessary. Etcetc. This isn't a reflection of low self-esteem or body dysmorphia, this is a reality. I'm not saying it to put myself down or to ask for a compliment, I'm being honest. That they presume to know better than me when I'm the one who lives in this body day in and day out is frustrating. I am the authority, listen to me!

    Same thing applies to OP. You're the one who knows your body best, you are your own greatest authority on the matter. So long as you're treating yourself with health and respect, they really have no place to judge. That doesn't stop some people from being concerned though and if that's the case try not to take it as an insult so much as a compliment, as everyone else has said. c: It might be hard but at the end of the day it's a lot less stressful.

    Good luck~

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