Still the fat girl..

cboutin89

So I don't post a lot, but today I am in particular need of advice/support.

I started at 257lbs in May and have managed to lose 60lbs. I got down to 197lbs by September. I know I still have a ways to go. I had some health problems in October/November that prevented me from working out so I have since been at a stand still. I am mostly recovered now, but finding it extremely hard to get back into my routine and diet plans with as much ferocity as I started with. I've stayed right around the lower 190's with my lowest weight reaching 189lbs. I'm feeling like since all of this weight loss stuff has happened in my life, that I am having trouble with my self esteem. You would think that losing the weight would help you feel better about yourself. And I do, it's just that I have lost a good amount of weight and I still feel like the fat girl.

I get the feeling my husband is ashamed of me. This could be from my own insecurities, or there really could be something to this. He changed jobs in July and works mostly with a bunch of other men. I go to his job to visit him often with the baby or to bring him lunch. He always requests that I park far away from the building and I wait in the car for him. I have not met any of his co workers, even though they repeatedly invite us out. The owners of the company he works for had a Christmas party, we did not go. With it being Christmas, I made a lot of homemade Christmas cookies and wanted to bring some into his job for everyone, but he said no. Today he calls me from work and his friend's wife is there, handing out Christmas cookies she made. As typical men, any time any of the other wives come into the shop the guys all talk about them and how good/bad they look and stuff. I guess it's hard not to think that the reason he hasn't wanted me up there is because he's ashamed of the way I look and is probably worried what the other guys would say or think.

While this type of scenario would normally motivate the hell out of me to get back at it, and become happy with the way I look so that stuff like this wouldn't even cross my mind. But I feel defeated. I feel like all the hard work I did still didn't get me to where I need to be. I feel like he must think I am disgusting. I feel so ashamed that my own husband doesn't want anyone to see me. This does not make me want to work out more, it makes me never want to leave the house again.

Hey there,
I read about your problem. Before I start giving you advice I would like to say you look amazing. You have made tremendous progress in your weight loss. I think like the others said you are probably over thinking it. I would suggest you talk to him about his actions towards you. I think he may feel like his coworkers may say inappropriate things towards you, and that he will have to react. I feel your husband should be proud and happy to show you off anyway. Regardless of the matter you are his, and he is yours. He should defend that. Remember why you started to lose weight in the first place. You did it for yourself mainly, not him. You have alot of people here supporting you on this, including me. Don't let his actions discourage your progress. Show him whose boss lol.

P.S. Stop calling yourself Fat Girl its not attractive:p

cboutin89

Thank you everyone for the overwhelming responses! Honestly, I really didn't think anyone would respond, much less with such great insight and support!

First let me say that I did do this for me. Deciding to get healthy, eat right, and exercise had very little to do with him. Mostly it was about how I felt about myself and how I want my daughter to feel about me and living life in general.

I'm all about open communication in a relationship, almost to a fault. So believe me, I'd love nothing more than to just come out and ask him whats up. But what do I expect him to say? Even if my suspicions are true, is he really going to come out and say that? I highly doubt it...and would I be ready to hear him admit that he is ashamed of me, if that is the case? And if I am wrong, I feel like it will make me look weak, insecure, or needy.

Hey beautiful girl,
I am glad you did this for you. Do not think your confrontation will make you look weak or insecure. It will surprisingly make you look and feel stronger. One thing I know with interacting with people is that is communication there is latent and manifest messages. Whether or not your husband will say how he actually feels you will get answers. It is what he does not say that will you pick up on. Sometimes in life the answers to the questions that we ask will not be the answers that we want to hear. Take it as a learning experience, and that will make your stronger. If what he says is hurtful, you still have yourself and your daughter at the end of the day.

xgg2rs

What you have done already is an amazing acomplishment. If my spouse acomplished what you did, I would be bragging to anyone that would listen. Does he tell you how proud he is of you and your acomplishments?

If he isn't proud of you, you deserve better imo.