Bisexuality

firstsip

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.

I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.

Try to think next time, Jack-hole.

I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.

How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.

If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?

Er, no, sexist personal attacks like that will get this thread closed.

Linking sexual orientation with an ADDICTION is also way out of line.

And what post did you read where she said she wanted to "try" anything out? She said she WAS bisexual, hadn't yet dated, but wasn't sure how to approach it when it came to her religious family.

Goddamit, Beto, why do I even try.

Izzwoz

Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.

So I guess the question he's asking is, "why choose to pursue attractions to the same sex if you also are attracted to the opposite sex?"

Why not? Because they're of the same sex? Because they're black? Because they're not blond? Why would it matter? You can't pick who you fall in love with.

Brunner26_2

Choosing to date =/= Choosing the attraction.

So I guess the question he's asking is, "why choose to pursue attractions to the same sex if you also are attracted to the opposite sex?"

Because, last time I checked, most people choose to date people they like.

True, but people can also choose to pursue a relationship or not based on more than just attraction.

I'm not saying OP should or should not pursue same sex relationships. I'm just saying that it may be a viable option for SOME people. This is coming from a not 100% straight guy.

joeysox

I told my family i liked when when i was 15 they didn't see it as a big deal but i know many who were pushed out as a result maybe concentrate on moving out and getting a stable life then tell them? at least then they can't accuse you of rubbing it in etc xx

hypotrochoid

I'm bisexual, married to a man. Some of the comments here, well, responding to them will only make me angrier and that's not what this thread needs. That being said, OP, check out http://www.wipeouthomophobia.com/ it's a good resource as well as a community on facebook. You can get lots of support and ideas there.

Best of luck to you, sweets.

FitBeto

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.

I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.

Try to think next time, Jack-hole.

I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.

How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.

If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?

Er, no, sexist personal attacks like that will get this thread closed.

Linking sexual orientation with an ADDICTION is also way out of line.

And what post did you read where she said she wanted to "try" anything out? She said she WAS bisexual, hadn't yet dated, but wasn't sure how to approach it when it came to her religious family.

Goddamit, Beto, why do I even try.

I got it from I would love to be able to date women. . I would assume if you wanted to start something then you haven't done it before?

And exactly why do any of us try? Its a label - and its not going to change any ones views on anything by arguing about it.

klacount77

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.

I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.

Try to think next time, Jack-hole.

I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.

How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.

If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?

Yes, because being bisexual absolutely equates to an alcohol addiction. Both something that can be cured with an intervention of loved ones and ultimatums. I am not menstruating, though it would probably be a better excuse for my outburst earlier against ignorance trumpeted proudly by someone who has marched in a gay parade.

Brian_VA

If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.

The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?

If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.

EmilyRanae22

Practical, non-judgemental advice:

1) It's only been 5 months since you've come to terms with your own identity. Give it some time to figure out what this all really means for you. There is no prize for rushing through the coming out process.

2) I agree that it is always safer to wait until you have safety and independence in the off-chance you are asked to leave the house. Even though my family was anticipated to be supportive, I waited...you just never know.

3) I have found that we come out first to the people who are very important to us, and last to those we are most afraid of losing. Not to minimise what you are going through, but what you are experiencing is normal, common, and a critical part of the identity of us lucky enough to be LGBT/Queer.

This is great advice, especially the first one! There's no point in saying "hey mom I'm bi" when it will make her really upset. If you meet a girl, and really like her then it might be time to say "hey mom, I'm dating a woman."

the guy who mentioned bi=confused/promiscuos (sp?) was right about how it will be VIEWED especially in the religious community. I was raised very stonch Christian, rebelled for a few years, and now am back to my Childhood faith. During my time of rebellion I definitely thought I was bi, and I tried dating women. FOR ME it turned out that while the female body is way hot I had a better connection with men. If you tell your parents you are bi I think they will probably think you are just confused or want to sleep around but if it really comes down to it and you fall for a woman I think they will come around.

They may never accept your choice of life partner but they will hopefully accept you. Good luck sweetheart and feel free to PM me if you want some more details about how things worked out for me and the family dynamic. It sounds like we come from a very similar background and you are at the same place I was when I was 21 (p.s. just because it was a "phase" for me, I do understand that may not be the case for you)

CollegiateGrief

This thread has turned really ridiculous.

OP, all I want to say to you is, don't be afraid. I don't know your family or how difficult it may or may not be with them, but you should never worry about being rejected by people in general because of your sexuality. Some people will love you for it, some people will not be as accepting, and the majority, at least hopefully, will just not care and like you or dislike you based on who you are and not one fact about you. Who you are attracted to is a part of you, and you should never be ashamed. Love yourself, and screw anyone who doesn't accept that.

With your family, I know lots of people are saying to keep hiding it until you're out of the house and self-sufficient, but to me that seems like one of the more extreme things you could do. I know they are hesitant to accept your more distant family, but maybe if you came out to them, it would actually help move them toward acceptance. It's obviously a very delicate situation, but maybe you could try to bring it up in less obvious ways and kind of test the waters. Watch a movie with them with bisexual or lesbian characters, or mention that someone you know is having trouble with her parents about it. If there's any way to be honest with them and maintain a good relationship, in my oppinion, wouldn't that be best?

If you do feel you need to hide it from them longer, hang in there. I can imagine it would take a lot of strength.

carebear7951

You know, you don't have to love everything a person does to still love that person. People who hate in the name of religion are just that RELIGIOUS. I am a follower of Christ, a Christian. Not religious. Christ loved everyone-even when he didn't love what they did. I am sorry your family uses their religious beliefs to judge and hate others. It happens all too often.

I am a mother of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and if one of them ever came to me with this I would be sad for them and the hard(er) road they had ahead of them but NEVER EVER EVER would I stop loving them.

JustJennie1

If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.

The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?

If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.

Oh my. Being gay or bisexual isn't a "choice". One doesn't wake up in the morning, look at the shining sun and say "I do believe today I'm going to be gay!" It's evident that you know nothing about bisexuality or homosexuality for that matter. It's not something that can be changed or forced out of a person. Being bisexual means that a person can have a long and stable relationship with either sex. She can't change who she loves and trying to force someone who is gay or bisexual into something that's not them . . . . smh. Would you also tell someone who is confused about who they are gender-wise to just suck it up and be the person that they are on the outside even though everything in them is saying they're a different gender?

It's no wonder that people who are homosexual, bisexual, trans-gender are afraid to come out of the closet because people like you will tell them it's basically wrong, that they have to change and then proceed to try and make them into something they're not.

Here's a question: What if you went to school and pursued a degree in Electrical Engineering because that's what you wanted to do. Once you graduated, got your PE and was ready to pursue your career you were told no, you can't be an EE you have to be a bagger at the grocery store and you just have to accept that. Sure your passion is for Electrical Engineering but you really need to temper that and be a bagger. Would you be happy and fulfilled with the choice someone else made for you? (I know I'm not comparing apples to apples but you get the idea)

And not to be a total Debbie downer on your whole marriage thing but there are a lot of states where gay people can get married and have all the benefits of heterosexual married people.

EmilyRanae22

:drinker:

You know, you don't have to love everything a person does to still love that person. People who hate in the name of religion are just that RELIGIOUS. I am a follower of Christ, a Christian. Not religious. Christ loved everyone-even when he didn't love what they did. I am sorry your family uses their religious beliefs to judge and hate others. It happens all too often.

I am a mother of 4 (2 boys and 2 girls) and if one of them ever came to me with this I would be sad for them and the hard(er) road they had ahead of them but NEVER EVER EVER would I stop loving them.

firstsip

If you indeed "bi" as you say, why not find yourself a man for a committed relationship. You'd not have these family guilt issues and the self esteem issues that come from keeping a dark secret from the people most close to you. Realize that when you do commit to a person, you have to suppress your desires for other people you might otherwise be attracted to regardless of gender. And the advantage of marrying the opposite sex, is you'd be able to have children, insurance issues are easier, and society is more accepting. You can be honest with yourself about having feelings for women without acting on them it that's what you choose to do.

The bible takes a very dim view on homosexuality. Believe or don't believe - up to you, but if you have a choice, why not choose a heterosexual lifestyle?

If you were truly homosexual I could see it being a much more difficult issue.

Sox90716

My advice is enjoy your life and not care what your family or friends think about your sexual orientation. Good luck!

Juliejustsaying

The only advice I can give you is to be yourself. Own who you are. I struggled for most of my life trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be. Now, I'm just trying to be true to myself. For some of us, that is hard, but there is so much more happiness found in being who you are. I would hope your family loves you enough to love you no matter what. Sexuality is a personal thing, and I wouldn't bother sharing it until you really want to share it.

BurtHuttz

Fitness!

firstsip

Last time I checked love wasn't a conditional thing

Agreed. But being bisexual instead of being straight 'gay', to me, would be more considered curiosity/promiscuity. Instead of telling your family who will judge you that you want to sleep with multiple people of different sexes, why not save something that big for the actual 'gay' presentation?

I'm sorry that you are so closed minded as to assume that bisexuality is something akin to a phase. Perhaps I should explain that to my ex-husband (male) whom I share 3 children with or maybe my current spouse (female); that I am just exploring my options because I am bisexual ... or better yet ... I should take out an ad in the paper professing my bisexuality and offer up my body to anyone interested that fits my preferred type for a man or a woman ... just so ... you know ... I can check out all my options before I decide to just be gay.

I'm usually not one to be negative towards other posters ... but please ... try not to be so damn shallow or stupid as to assume that bisexual preferences are just a stage of indecision or an excuse to sleep around.

Try to think next time, Jack-hole.

I don't think my post was worth your 'unusual'l menstrual anger attack - and its pissy fits like that that will get this thread closed.

How in the sam heck is saying that its unwise for someone who posts about coming out to their parents about being 'bisexual' which to them is pretty much just being gay - shallow and stupid? She hasnt dated women. She is flirting with the thought of it for less than half a year, and she wants to TRY it. She wants to come out of the 'closet' to an unaccepting family for something that she doesnt even know she wants yet.

If you were to drank beer once, would you run do your family and exclaim you are an alchoholic?

Er, no, sexist personal attacks like that will get this thread closed.

Linking sexual orientation with an ADDICTION is also way out of line.

And what post did you read where she said she wanted to "try" anything out? She said she WAS bisexual, hadn't yet dated, but wasn't sure how to approach it when it came to her religious family.

Goddamit, Beto, why do I even try.

I got it from I would love to be able to date women. . I would assume if you wanted to start something then you haven't done it before?

And exactly why do any of us try? Its a label - and its not going to change any ones views on anything by arguing about it.

"Trying to date women" does not mean, "I want to try being bisexual." That's like someone saying, "I'm single but I want to try dating" (heteronormative perspective), or, for further comparisons, "I've been divorced for two years, but I want to try getting back into the dating pool." In both cases, the "attraction" or "desire" isn't the "try," it's the dating aspect.

As for your last statement: for some people, information can help change views. I suppose people just...choose... to be ignorant?

justal313

And not to be a total Debbie downer on your whole marriage thing but there are a lot of states where gay people can get married and have all the benefits of heterosexual married people.

How does 9 out of 50 constitute a lot?

MemphisKitten

I was 19 when I came out to my family as bisexual. My family is semi-religious . . . they use the Bible to justify their prejudice. So, my mom makes these horrific comments about the girl I was seeing and called her "Lesbian Lisa" or "*kitten* (insert her last name here)." I cared for her deeply and my once my family knew, they treated me like an outcast. Then they just chose to ignore it. But I am glad that I am open about my sexuality now; I feel like I'm being honest instead of hiding behind a lie.

*And to the person who thinks being bisexual is a choice and she should go find a good man. . . GET REAL!!! :noway: I think we struggle just as much as homosexuals and I have definitely felt out of place and like something was wrong with me. It's one of the most difficult challenges I have faced in my life!! I knew by the time I was 8 years old that I was bi, and how is that a choice?*