Dieting with a skinny spouse!!!
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Same boat here. Boyfriend is @130lbs - 28inch waist. He works in an office, doesn't work out and eats like a machine. He has no problem scarfing 2 big mac's large fries coke and a bunch of cookies or half an apple pie on top of it.
The thing is..He is not the one on a 'diet' He does not have to watch his weight (though he has noticed the beginnings of a little belly so I'll bet he cuts back a little soon). If we go out to eat then I try to find something healthier - If I can't well then I can't and I try to eat a bit less of whatever the options are. If I can't do either then I eat and cut a little the next day or go for a walk..or I just don't worry about it and go on about my life the next day.
He does not come home and put food in my mouth. If he happens to bring home junk does not mean I have to eat it, sometimes I'll have a little taste but most of the time I just ignore him. You will always have people around who can eat more then you or who eat crap all the time..that's just reality. As hard as it is, it does get easier - just do your best to eat as well as possible and eventually you will see that it will be easy to make better choices.0 -
My ex husband was the same way. At one point I had lost 60 lbs, was a size 4 and had 19% body fat. I lifted heavy, ran long distance and felt really good. One day as I was reaching to put something away he said "You know, if you look any more manly I am not going to be attracted to you anymore" I SHOULD have said "eff you" and filed for divorce (many other issues that I was choosing to ignore) instead I quit exercising, stopped lifting, and started all my bad eating habits again, which he was more than happy to accommodate. It's not that he liked me bigger, he just didn't like me happy or successful. Whenever I failed at anything, he was right there to point out what I did wrong or offer suggestions, but when I was successful he deemed me "lucky" or whatever I achieved was not really that hard. He is and was an *kitten*.
If your husband loves you at all, he needs to be supportive of your efforts. And you need to tell him that this is the lifestyle you want to lead for you and that if he loves you he will support your efforts not hurt them.
The one thing I have learned over the past four years of being divorced is that I am the ONLY person that can fight for me and if I don't do that then no one else will either.
Good luck and be stronger than the donut. It's just flour, sugar and water, it's not magic. Fight for yourself, because I can tell you right now, no one else will if you don't. And if the one person you want to support you and help you then maybe they aren't the right person for you.0 -
I read a number of posts but it looks as though you want some ideas and support. My ex-husband was like that, anything in didn't seem to affect his weight or overall 'fat' at all. He was very slim and his family isn't predisposed to being skinnier or fatter. He just simply burned without doing what seemed like a thing and for a girl who just had his baby and had gained nearly 100 lbs during pregnancy because of how he and his family ate it was super tough for me.
Getting down to where I am now, half that weight off and 4 years later, it took a lot of really hard work. I am predisposed to being overweight because of my genetics, culturally the inuit side of my family have always been overweight and no matter how hard they worked most couldn't fix the issue. I still fight it though, I am adamant about being what I see as ideal.
Though I see your point that he makes it hard for you to lose weight because of his choices it is truly up to you to tell him that his choices are hurting your chances of succeeding. Ask him to look from your point of view, how much you have to work to burn off those extra calories/fat that you consume and what you are allotted in a day and he might understand what it takes and why it has been affecting your success.
Good luck darling, you will get there.0 -
Great job on the 5 lbs., keep it up!
I custom order my food when I go out. I can't think of the last time I ate straight off the menu. It doens't take any longer no matter what people say. They will bill you the same price as the food dripping in carbs, fat and salt, but I at least I can eat out with friends and family without the guilt. There are some places I just can't go to anymore though. Chinese has too much salt and gluten. Pizza is all gluten and dairy. I miss it, but I don't miss the 34 lbs. I've lost.
Move the tempting food he buys and puts in the house and put your healther stuff where you can immediately see it. Apples in a bowl on your kitchen counter. Shove the bread to the back of the fridge and put your healther cereal box on the counter not in the cabinet.
They eventually come around, my kids did. They don't even care what I make now, because mom's food is better then peanut butter sandwiches.
It's unfortunate, but you may hvae to accept that he has higher metabolism then you do and needs higher carb food. My ex-boyfriend was like that. I had to shovel food into him or he looked like a refugee from a 3rd world country. Just be ready to eat healthy when your husband needs to eat more, higher carb food.
We're proud of you, keep up the work!0 -
You need to talk to him- and share your concerns. Obviously he associates food with fun, and so do you. Blaming someone for your choices will give you zero results. You can talk to him, ask if he prefers to keep you overweight, and you feel he is contributing to your overall weight gain. My son in law is like this- he eats really unhealthy and a lot- but he also walks miles a day to work, (no car) so he can. My daughter has steadily gained a lot of weight (also with a pregnancy). They don't have the $$ to eat out- but they do get food stamps, and a lot of food. And that first few months I really saw bad habits forming- but for them it was also about hardly having enough food for a long time. So its now balancing out. She hardly ever buys the stuff she did- if they really want it, she'll get some- but not a lot. And he's adjusted- complains but he doesn't do the shopping.
I assure you that you can do this. You have to make your mind over on the matter and stick with it. Tell him, if you spend the money on that grease loaded pastry- please understand why I won't eat it. Start cooking at home- plan meals- take charge and responsibility for some of what is going on here. He wants to go out- tell him you want to stay in and make a romantic meal together. Almost any high fat food at a restaurant can be modified to a healthier choice. I have a lot of tips on this (seriously my kids never knew half the stuff I did to help them).
In the long run you'll be helping both of you. He may be lean, but that doesn't make him healthy with that diet, and over time, it will catch up to him as he ages.
So- take responsibility for one thing now- you control what you put in your body- and you can do this! Nothing, nothing, nothing tastes as good as healthy and fit feels!!
Hugs!0 -
I actually do think it is easier with a skinnier spouse. I had a 'larger' bf & we ate out ALOT:explode: . My skinny bf and I don't eat out as much & I'm not encouraged to eat. For example, we do more things together besides eating :flowerforyou: , so we don't look at eating as an 'activity' to do together, ya know?
My father always pushes sweets on my mom when she tries to loose weight but when she doens't try to loose weight he's extremely rude by saying "oh, you don't need that". :brokenheart:
Skinny (maybe guys expecially) guys don't understand what it means to loose weight if they've never been fat. It takes ALOT of effort on your part.
You can do it
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My husband is athletic, without even trying. He has ankle problems, so can't workout with me alot and he eats like 5 times as much as me (and lots of junk) and won't gain a pound.
However, since I got serious about weight loss, his attitude has come along. He hated seeing me upset about my weight or appearance and wants to help me. I'm sure your husband would feel the same if you explained why losing the weight is so important to you.
My nutritionist also told me that both of us have to work together and have a healthier lifestyle overall if I want to succeed and he has started helping me do that, especially when it comes to sweets in the house, and taking walks with me for cardio.
He now understands that guys have a different metabolism and that he might be able to eat anything and get away with it, but I can't. You need to talk to your man and explain it all to him. He might love you the way you are, but you need to love yourself and your own body too and you'll feel more confident once you lose some weight.0 -
SQUAT!
among other things.
Get into a good weight training program.
Hit your macros, get enough protein, AND make room in your day for the donut!
You wont be sorry! I am sure not!
:flowerforyou:
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/The_Starting_Strength_Novice/Beginner_Programs
http://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/
Also, I creeped your food diary...looks like you are eating WAY too little...depriving yourself in order to get where you want in a hurry is setting yourself up for failure.
If you want to chat about it, feel free to PM me..I started off the same way, but learned a TON here about how to eat AND enjoy life.0 -
THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR JUDGEMENT OR BRINGING SOME ONE DOWN!! THIS IS A PLACE OF ACCEPTANCE AND CHEERING EACH OTHER ON!! I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR RESPONSES MARIA_LOVE!!!!! BE SUPPORTIVE OR (pardon my words Im about to use) F**K OFF!!!!You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?
You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him
Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.
Eat, be active, be healthy
Before I met him I walked daily with my friends. I would park my car and just walk around city. After I met him I moved in with him out in the country with no friends and no where to go. We ate out everyday. He do not eat anything in moderation he just have the metabolism of a teenage boy.
Re-read my post I did not blame him for my weight gain I blame him for sabotaging it. And FYI you do come off as harsh. I asked for comments from people with similar situations not for someone to criticize my situation. Do me a favor and just get lost.
Re-read the bolded area and judge for yourself how defensive you come off as...
He has the metabolism of a teenage boy because he's active. You started that post by saying "before I met him". Sounds like blaming to me. Once again, I'm sure you can still walk around. Maybe make some new friends or since you live in the country, you can walk around and explore the new surroundings!
I'm sorry that you felt the need to get defensive. I won't take offense to your rude behavior since, once again, you are trying to blame somebody else. However, I personally find it offending when people blame their spouses for their failures.
Once again, be active, eat well, be healthy!0 -
You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?
You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him
Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.
Eat, be active, be healthy
^^^ this.
to the OP, i'd say this...
1) excuses are irrelevant. either change or don't. but stop blaming somebody else or something else. it's YOUR body. you control it. nobody else does.
2) stop expecting the world to change just so you're not tempted to cheat on your diet. you are on your "journey" ALONE. it's just you. it's selfish and foolish to expect others to change their lives just so it's easier for you to change yours. the world doesn't work that way.
the good news is that if you can embrace the truth in 1) and 2) above, then 1) and 2) will never matter to you again. you will never feel sabotaged by somebody else EVER AGAIN. that's real power. that's real change. knowing that you are in complete control of YOU will allow you to tackle anything that life can throw at you. for now, that's losing weight. but the principle applies to anything else you put your mind toward doing. e.g., when you learn that other people's negativity is irrelevant, there's nothing you can't accomplish.0 -
Ouch I dont know what I would do without the support of my fiance. He has cout out his favorite Dr. Pepper and replaced it with diet and has tried to eat more vegetables. I couldnt do it if he was bringing home crap. He even threw out a bag of candy that he got for XMAS0
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I'm in a similiar position with my husband. He frustrates the hell out of me though. Goes on how healthy he is, trains 6 days a week ( don't get me started there either! ). Yet smokes, whinges if I pack lunch when we go out, rather than driving through somewhere, complains there's nothing to eat- translate to there's no junk food in the house, I'm going to starve.
In the last 15 months I'm completely changed my life around. Now in the last 4 months or so, I've gotten stronger though. I just refuse now. If he wants to get Mc Donalds, that's fine I'll either pre-pack my food ( which I do 99% of the time anyway). With eating out, I just refuse to go, unless it's somewhere we can both eat. It seems that I'm willing to comprise at times, but he won't budge.
All I can suggest is to remain strong, remember how great you feel when living healthy. And just suggest to eat at places that you can both get something you want. Or do what I do, bring out my chicken, brown rice, beans and broccoli in the middle of Mc D's, while he's scoffing his face. He's only ever done that once lol.
Mel
Same for me!!0 -
Ouch I dont know what I would do without the support of my fiance. He has cout out his favorite Dr. Pepper and replaced it with diet and has tried to eat more vegetables. I couldnt do it if he was bringing home crap. He even threw out a bag of candy that he got for XMAS
Teensy of topic, but I got a giant load of candy in a gift exchange, just about lost my mind. It is sitting, sealed, in my house... who brings candy to a gift exchange where 1/2 the people involved are on diets! *ACK* Talk about an unsupportive friend doing something mean
But you do bring up a good way for her hubby to support her, even if he makes minor changes like that it can help you 0 -
My husband has always been 30 to 40 pounds lighter than me. Our entire marriage. He could eat and eat and eat and keeps 8% body fat. I am not like that at all.
When I decided to eat healthier and get in shape, I sat down to have a "serious conversation" with my husband. I let him know my goals, why I wanted to lose weight (to have more energy and to have all the positive health benefits that come with losing weight!), and what would be changing in our house. I let him know that I would be cooking dinner more regularly, and I would be trying healthy options. I told him that if he needs to have junk food, if he could keep it at work so I didn't have access to it. We talked about his favorite meals, and I researched how to make them healthy. After sitting down and talking to him, not only did he see why I was doing what I was doing, but he encouraged me (even when his food choices continued to be unhealthy).
After a few weeks, I was able to make the choices on my own, and he has been able to get some junk food back in the house. We go out to restaurants, but I order the healthiest thing I can, eat half, and give the other half to him (or take it home for lunch the next day). Once you start making your own choices, you will feel empowered that you can be healthy, even if those around you aren't.
If you don't feel empowered, your healthy habits won't stick. You can do it!!0 -
i have the same problem...my partner is 140lbs...and at 1030pm she wants to go to Mcdonalds or Taco bell? The other night it was Dairy Queen...Um really???0
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SQUAT!
among other things.
Get into a good weight training program.
Hit your macros, get enough protein, AND make room in your day for the donut!
You wont be sorry! I am sure not!
:flowerforyou:
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/The_Starting_Strength_Novice/Beginner_Programs
http://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/
Also, I creeped your food diary...looks like you are eating WAY too little...depriving yourself in order to get where you want in a hurry is setting yourself up for failure.
If you want to chat about it, feel free to PM me..I started off the same way, but learned a TON here about how to eat AND enjoy life.
I try to get all of my calories in for the day. If I'm busy I don't think about eating so when I finally sit down to eat I try to keep it healthy but in turn I end up eating too few calories. I'm working on adding more smaller meals into my day. Any suggestions on healthy choices for on the go? Please don't say veggies in a sandwich bag lol.0 -
THIS IS NOT A PLACE FOR JUDGEMENT OR BRINGING SOME ONE DOWN!! THIS IS A PLACE OF ACCEPTANCE AND CHEERING EACH OTHER ON!! I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR RESPONSES MARIA_LOVE!!!!! BE SUPPORTIVE OR (pardon my words Im about to use) F**K OFF!!!!You gained all that weight simply because you went out once in a while?
You can eat pretty much anything as long as you burn it all. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but I think you're making excuses. In every relationship everyone learns something from other partner. Some good, some bad. You have not learned the good from your partner to eat moderately and are now blaming him
Also, did he literally shoved them in your face? Because if so, might wanna look at your relationship. If not, ask him to take it away since you're trying to lose weight and him bringing all these goodies is not being supportive. You have to remember us ladies put the guys in a tough spot. They try to show affection, we label them unsupportive. Explain to him why a particular action of him is being unsupportive.
Eat, be active, be healthy
Before I met him I walked daily with my friends. I would park my car and just walk around city. After I met him I moved in with him out in the country with no friends and no where to go. We ate out everyday. He do not eat anything in moderation he just have the metabolism of a teenage boy.
Re-read my post I did not blame him for my weight gain I blame him for sabotaging it. And FYI you do come off as harsh. I asked for comments from people with similar situations not for someone to criticize my situation. Do me a favor and just get lost.
Re-read the bolded area and judge for yourself how defensive you come off as...
He has the metabolism of a teenage boy because he's active. You started that post by saying "before I met him". Sounds like blaming to me. Once again, I'm sure you can still walk around. Maybe make some new friends or since you live in the country, you can walk around and explore the new surroundings!
I'm sorry that you felt the need to get defensive. I won't take offense to your rude behavior since, once again, you are trying to blame somebody else. However, I personally find it offending when people blame their spouses for their failures.
Once again, be active, eat well, be healthy!
The poster you are swearing and yelling at was giving sound advice. Cheering each other on is often not a constructive way to help someone meet their goals.0 -
Handful of seeds or nuts I hear is a good alternative, higher in calories and crude fats, also unfortunately higher in sodium, but will get you closer to your calorie goal without too much thought.
If you are like me and have a nut allergy, spiced chick peas are a great alternative. I tend to keep berries or melon on hand, or green beans. Green beans are actually pretty good, have a satisfying crunch and are easy* to take around with out. It's like super healthy chips.0 -
SQUAT!
among other things.
Get into a good weight training program.
Hit your macros, get enough protein, AND make room in your day for the donut!
You wont be sorry! I am sure not!
:flowerforyou:
http://startingstrength.wikia.com/wiki/The_Starting_Strength_Novice/Beginner_Programs
http://stronglifts.com/stronglifts-5x5-beginner-strength-training-program/
Also, I creeped your food diary...looks like you are eating WAY too little...depriving yourself in order to get where you want in a hurry is setting yourself up for failure.
If you want to chat about it, feel free to PM me..I started off the same way, but learned a TON here about how to eat AND enjoy life.
I try to get all of my calories in for the day. If I'm busy I don't think about eating so when I finally sit down to eat I try to keep it healthy but in turn I end up eating too few calories. I'm working on adding more smaller meals into my day. Any suggestions on healthy choices for on the go? Please don't say veggies in a sandwich bag lol.
Some suggestions for 'on the go' snacks:
- trail mix
- nuts and seeds
- protein drinks/milk/juice
- dried edamame0 -
I'm in a similar situation. My fiance eats almost exclusively junk food. He wants to eat out for most meals, though he is a fabulous cook. And when he does cook, he specifically says he's not a short order cook and will not modify anything to make it healthier. He also gets very offended if I don't eat what he makes. Most evenings when I get home and am tired & hungry, he says "let's go to McDonalds" or similar places. In the past, I would give in to his pressure, eat junk, gain weight and feel awful. But I do understand that this is my own choice and lately have really begun to stick to my goals to have a higher standard for what I eat. Sometimes it's tough, but I know I feel better physically and mentally when I stick to my healthier way of eating. Just try to keep your food around and good luck!0
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