why does my mum say this *kitten* to me???
BorderlineAngel
Posts: 214
in Chit-Chat
I was just told that i effed up my mum's life dreams and she didn't even want me anyway.
I am also a selfish blitch and my brother beating me up is my fault. I'm ugly, fat and worthless.
Why does she say this *kitten* to me, and what did I ever do to deserve this?
I am also a selfish blitch and my brother beating me up is my fault. I'm ugly, fat and worthless.
Why does she say this *kitten* to me, and what did I ever do to deserve this?
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Replies
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I'm sorry to hear that. Tell her how you feel. :'I0
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You never deserve to be talked to like this. I can't even begin to imagine saying that to my daughters. I wish I could give you a hug and tell you that you aren't the problem and aren't responsible for any of your mother's issues. She is an adult and should start acting like one.
I am so sorry she treats you like this. Don't take on her problems, stay true to yourself, you are doing fine.0 -
No one can tell you why...
Seek help and seek it now.0 -
I'm not sure if it's constructive to say too much to your mom while you are living with her. If she feels that way, arguing with her about it is just going to be poisonous. It sounds like your goal is to get moved out and you just need to realize that people often look for excuses for the failures in their own lives and like to blame others. You need to realize that this isn't about you at all. Focus on what you can do to get moved out. Water off a duck's back in the mean time. I say this with the idea that you can find a way to move out in the relatively near future and it sounds like something you need to do. If you are going to be there for a while, it might be a good idea to let her know that there's no changing the past and being hateful in the now is only going to be harmful to your relationship with her now and into the future. I still don't know if I'd have that conversation while I was there if I felt like I could get out soon.
If the "brother beating me up" thing is still going on, that warrants a serious discussion, and one possibly involving the authorities.0 -
She says it because she needs help. She needs to be in therapy. On the other hand, you need to decide whether you want to keep that negativity in your life. You should not have to deal with that. My mother says she wishes she'd aborted my oldest younger brother and me, and just had the 3 younger than us. I haven't spoken to her in years, best decision I ever made.0
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ThisNo one can tell you why...
Seek help and seek it now.0 -
Welcome to adult life, it sucks big time. Your mom sounds like she has some major problems. I have someone very close to me that hates my guts because I forcefully checked them into a mental help crisis center. Poor comparison, but its all I got.
You can either take this as a personal attack and let it eat you up. Or you can look past it and see someone who is lashing out and is hurting. Your in your 20's so your parents are taking off the kid gloves and letting you look at their lives.
A lot of times in life now its going to be better to look at what that someone is saying, not what they are actually saying. This holds true not just in family, but work and just in general.0 -
Sorry you had to hear that. No child should EVER have to hear their parents say such hurtful things.
If it were me, I'd separate myself from this woman, and consider speaking to her in a few years. In the meantime, I'd find a counselor, and talk it out.. You'll feel better if you better your life, and chances are, she will STILL be miserable.0 -
I was just told that i effed up my mum's life dreams and she didn't even want me anyway.
I am also a selfish blitch and my brother beating me up is my fault. I'm ugly, fat and worthless.
Why does she say this *kitten* to me, and what did I ever do to deserve this?
get help.0 -
Welcome to adult life, it sucks big time. Your mom sounds like she has some major problems. I have someone very close to me that hates my guts because I forcefully checked them into a mental help crisis center. Poor comparison, but its all I got.
You can either take this as a personal attack and let it eat you up. Or you can look past it and see someone who is lashing out and is hurting. Your in your 20's so your parents are taking off the kid gloves and letting you look at their lives.
A lot of times in life now its going to be better to look at what that someone is saying, not what they are actually saying. This holds true not just in family, but work and just in general.
They have been saying this sort of stuff to me my whole life.0 -
Sorry you had to hear that. No child should EVER have to hear their parents say such hurtful things.
If it were me, I'd separate myself from this woman, and consider speaking to her in a few years. In the meantime, I'd find a counselor, and talk it out.. You'll feel better if you better your life, and chances are, she will STILL be miserable.
I would agree with this.....
Move out and separate yourself from this situation.0 -
Do you live at home? If so, move out.
If you don't live at home, try seeking professional advice. We all mean well on here but there's no substitute for professional help. Good luck.0 -
Sorry you had to hear that. No child should EVER have to hear their parents say such hurtful things.
If it were me, I'd separate myself from this woman, and consider speaking to her in a few years. In the meantime, I'd find a counselor, and talk it out.. You'll feel better if you better your life, and chances are, she will STILL be miserable.
I would agree with this.....
Move out and separate yourself from this situation.
Working on it.
Moved out once before but cos the person I was living with passed away I could not afford to live on my own - so had to move back.. In the process of finding a full time job.0 -
Nothing.
Your mother may have a personality disorder. Basically, she's evil and toxic.0 -
If you take this sort of thing to heart you will begin to believe it and that is not good for you. Walk away from such accusations and believe in yourself. You have a job, getting qualifications, wanting to stand on your own two feet. Don't let their negativity and hatred take over your life. Think and act positive, I can see from your profile you have it in you.0
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Nothing.
Your mother may have a personality disorder. Basically, she's evil and toxic.
People with personality disorders are not automatically "evil" because of their disorders.
But yeah, your mom is toxic. You probably have known that for a long time. I grew up w/ a mom like that too.
If there are churches, or any charity organizations, or a women's shelter that assists women who need to get away from abuse, try to get in touch with them so they can find you temporary housing.
I moved out when I was 17 to get away from a toxic environment. Sometimes it's what we've got to do. But I will say - reading your profile it seems like you've got your head together WAY more than I did. You have excellent goals, you just need to separate yourself from the ghosts of the past that are slowing you down.
You will get the life you want! *hugs* Make those calls pls?
p.s. the most important part: What she's saying to you isn't based in truth. And you absolutely do not deserve it. It's hard not to let someone else's disease sink into your own head, but try to remember - you're a good person, worthy of love and respect, you were born that way, and one day you'll get those things in abundance. *hugs*0 -
Your mother may have a personality disorder. Basically, she's evil and toxic.
People with personality disorders are not automatically "evil" because of their disorders.
^ THIS.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder myself - am I apparently evil?
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I have moved out once but long story short moved back in when the lady I was living with passed away and couldn't afford to live on my own.0
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You really have to find a way to get out of there. Make your life work for you and get heal your wounds.
While your FL and people on MFP may care...
You posting stuff like this isn't going to help. Empower yourself. Heal yourself. You have to at one point refuse to be a prisoner of pain.0 -
If you're being assaulted, you need to call the police. No one deserves to be treated like that.0
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Work on getting out. Work on finding a good therapist. Then you can tell her that she can pretend that she never did have you. Leave her life for good and work on making your own life. Then when she needs help, just remind her that she didn't want you so now she doesn't have you.0
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[/quote]
Your mother may have a personality disorder. Basically, she's evil and toxic.
People with personality disorders are not automatically "evil" because of their disorders.
^ THIS.
I have Borderline Personality Disorder myself - am I apparently evil?
I think she was saying she was evil because of the things she said, not because of personality disorders. Obviously a stranger can't diagnose your mother based on one paragraph your have provided. Your mother may be evil and not have a personality disorder. There are just some people in the world that are awful.0 -
Have you been a good girl alll your life or you're the black sheep of the family.
Everybody is hating ur mom and judging her, it could be she's been saying that due to how she feels, angry, caused by you. Anybody can say anything hurtful to another person even ones child when angry.
Am not saying its right for her to say that but at least let's give her the benefit of the doubt, your brother beating you could be because he's trying to beat sense into you.
Your story is incomplete, I think there are issues that are causing all this, as a mother I will never want to tell that to my child no matter what but then I can never tell till am in a similar situation like what exists between u and ur mom.
It's easy for us to say the mother has a disorder or she's a bad person, don't judge cos u don't know her.0 -
your brother beating you could be because he's trying to beat sense into you.
No.
There is no excuse for beating someone up, save in self-defense. It's inexcusable behavior, and someone needs to intervene immediately.0 -
My mom & I used to be this way. She goes straight for the jugular during a fight and doesn't think about the repercussions of her actions. Once the cops were called because she put hands on me because she was in such a rage. Personally, I think some people are emotionally stronger than others. Some need to blame people because the thought of it being their fault is too much for them to bare. I know that I am more emotionally sound and can take what she is throwing at me, when she could not. It makes me feel like the bigger person. Don't sink to her level.0
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I can't understand why your mother would speak to you in that way (although she is obviously very frustrated and unhappy) and you certainly don't deserve it. Do you feel able to talk to her about this? Please don't take her comments on board. Imagine her words being given to you in a gift-wrapped box.....pass it straight back to her and refuse to accept it xxx0
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I totally agree with you, no excuse whatsoever but like I said one cannot conclude and even call them evil and toxic from her scanty post, something more serious is happening if you ask me.your brother beating you could be because he's trying to beat sense into you.
No.
There is no excuse for beating someone up, save in self-defense. It's inexcusable behavior, and someone needs to intervene immediately.0 -
I agree faster you can find help better off you will be. Plus to me that an abusive situtation.No one can tell you why...
Seek help and seek it now.0 -
your brother beating you could be because he's trying to beat sense into you.
WTF?! So you're condoning violence and assault?! There is NO EXCUSE for violence!0 -
I was just told that i effed up my mum's life dreams and she didn't even want me anyway.
I am also a selfish blitch and my brother beating me up is my fault. I'm ugly, fat and worthless.
Why does she say this *kitten* to me, and what did I ever do to deserve this?
You don't deserve to have to listen to that sort of comment!
I went for years trying to figure out what I did that was so wrong - what made my Dad seem to hate me and be constantly disappointed and critical of me. I didn't do anything wrong! It HURTS though. These are the people that you expect to love and support you and to care about you.
You didn't mess up your mum's dreams - she did. She is blaming you because she doesn't have the courage to take responsibility for her own actions.
Don't let your mum's views of you change who you are as a person. x0
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