fighting through depression..

BorderlineAngel

Is it possible? Are there ever better days ahead?

I eat well, I exercise, I make goals for myself which I strive to achieve.
But still.. I have been depressed since I was 12 years old.
I am on meds, I go to a psychologist... Is it possible to beat this monster?

I also have anxiety, BPD and PTSD..

deyannareyes

Yes it is possible I was diagnosed at 11 with depression anxiety acid reflux insomnia and yes I still struggle but I feel muchh better than back than. Its just focusing on good things in life. You need a text/gym buddy to keep your mind flowing but you can and will defeat this monster! If u need me add me or message me

BorderlineAngel

Yes it is possible I was diagnosed at 11 with depression anxiety acid reflux insomnia and yes I still struggle but I feel muchh better than back than. Its just focusing on good things in life. You need a text/gym buddy to keep your mind flowing but you can and will defeat this monster! If u need me add me or message me

I do try my best to be optimistic...

IronSmasher

Have you got any hobbies?

BorderlineAngel

Have you got any hobbies?

Well I am at the Gym an average of 9-10hrs a week (working out not working).
I play with my animals, read, watch Supernatural, dance, sing..

kdeaux1959

Yes. Diet and exercise can definitely help... Medication and counselling can help as well. A lot of it depends on the cause of your depression. PTSD is a major stressor and I am sure you are aware that stress is a major concern in both weight maintenance and depression. Bipolar disorder actually is most likely your true diagnosis in that depression is the primary state in most bipolar patients. That is a complicating factor as I am sure you are aware. Bipolar Disorder is especially difficult to treat because if antidepressants are not carefully used, they can cause a break through of manic symptoms... certainly not a desirable effect. If you are continuing to have problems with your depression, the best person to discuss this with is your psychiatrist. Not all depressions are the same. Some are caused by external stimuli, some by internal brain activity, some by stressors... Just because the symptoms are the same does not mean the causes are the same. Only a psychiatrist can best know how to adjust your meds to help you better. That being said, diet and exercise really do have a major influence as well as rest... (and bipolar disorder wreaks havoc with that as well as I am sure you are acutely aware)... Perhaps this is too much information but I am confident that better days can certainly be ahead... It is hard I know but do your best to press through to find them. Best wishes on your success in life.

ohnuts14

There are better days ahead. I've suffered from depression and anxiety since I was a child, and I can tell you, it definitely does get better. I still fight the depression from time to time, I still fall into slumps, but I've learnt to talk myself out of it. I've learnt to deal with it. And I've gotten to a point where I'm content more often than not. I'm not going to lie, much like weight loss, it's something you're always going to have to deal with. But one day you just realize, you're okay. Even when I do find myself in a depression, I still feel okay. I can't say when you're going to come to this realization, or whatever realization it is you need to come to. It depends on you, it's different for everyone. But you will be okay. Stay strong, and keep your head up. It really does get better.

Here's something I started doing a few years back that REALLY helped me. It may sound silly, but it really helped me so much. Do you like writing? If so, start keeping a journal, if you don't already. I know we tend to write in our journals in a way that, incase anyone ever comes across it, we don't seem too crazy lol. But in this case, you HAVE to write like no ones ever going to read it, because no one ever will. Everytime you feel depressed, stressed, anxious, angry, have a problem you're dealing with and need help, are upset about something, whatever it may be that your facing, write it out. It doesn't matter where you start, just start writing, and keep writing, no matter where it takes you. Don't worry about your hand writing or your spelling or anything like that. Let your thoughts flow onto the paper. Don't worry about staying focused on the issue, the point is to let the pen go wherever your thoughts go, and write for as long as it takes. I find writing on paper works a lot better than doing it on the computer, but that's just me. I think it's better to do it on paper though, so you're not worrying about grammar or editing. If you write for long enough, you find yourself writing about strange things, things that you never thought mattered, maybe things from your childhood, etc. Suddenly you find yourself coming to realizations. Sometimes those realizations are seemingly unconnected lol, but you came to it for a reason, and you will continue to come to more. Also, this form of writing can be emotional, and you'll find sometimes you cry. But that's good. You need to let it out. The reason this is so helpful, is because by writing your thoughts out, your actually forcing your mind to think with a clarity and focus it normally doesn't have, which allows you to make sense of your thoughts, feelings, and the issues that your facing. This is often one of the biggest problems with depression; we're thinking too much about too many things, juggling conflicting thoughts and emotions all at once, unable to focus on any one thing long enough to properly deal with it. So learning to calm our minds in this manner, think clearly and focus on our feelilngs, allows us to deal, and help ourselves. It's not a miracle, it takes time, but if you keep doing this, make this a habbit, you'll start to notice a huge difference in the way you think. This is basically forcing you to re-train your mind to think and problem solve more efficiently. And in time, you'll start doing this naturally, without needing the paper. It's hard to understand, but if you do this for a while and keep at it, you'll see. And when I'm done, I throw it away. If that makes you feel better, you can do that too. This way you know no one will ever read it, so you can write with absolute freedom. Because lets face it, these writings are going to be such a mess, you're never going to want to look back at it haha.

kemdawson

Struggled with depression off and on throughout the years, and I have discovered a few things. Seasonal-type depression, which hits me late fall through early spring is vastly improved or totally alleviated by me getting outside in the sunshine (even cloudy days!) and jogging, riding my bike, or walking, etc. almost every day of the week. For years I wouldn't get out much in the colder months because I just hated getting really cold...and the depression was way worse back then. Then one year I had gained more weight, and was determined to stick to my jogging routine even after it turned cold....wised up and started multi-layering to stay warm, gloves, wool cap, balaclava, under armour, wind jacket and pants, etc and jogged all winter....finally realized one day I hadn't been depressed hardly at all, if any. So get out in the sunshine, no matter what the weather is like.

Another area was low self-esteem.....all the many emotional and mental fingers and threads of episodes, tragedies, verbal abuse, circumstances, etc of my past seemed to be connected and contributing to different aspects of my low self esteem. (Generic positive affirmation cds will help) But then during therapy for a severe emotional depression which had debilitated me beyond my ability to go to work or barely get out of bed, my therapist suggested I make my own positive affirmation lists after realizing the generic ones helped me in the past. I cannot emphasize enough HOW MUCH it has HELPED ME!!! It takes some effort and work on your part, but your sanity is worth it, right??? Basically anything negative, derogatory, depressing, or hopeless that you say, or THINK in your head about yourself or your circumstances, has to be written down (just start jotting down, then maybe keep a notepad for a few days of all of them, adding new ones as necessary)....then with each one, rewrite it into a positive "I am....." statement. Cover every area of your life this applies to because they are all inter-woven and connected to a degree. ** It works best when worded as though it is ALREADY true today....which feels weird at first because you feel like you're lying to yourself, or being fake, etc....but it honestly and truthfully works!! Compile them into a word document, then record yourself saying them into your smart phone, and then listen to it every morning, every night as you're going to sleep, or as many times as you can in the beginning. I even listen to them while I'm jogging,cleaning house, etc. I'll even send you my long list if that's too overwhelming for you at this time, and it will help you see what I'm trying to explain. Sorry for the long answer!!

bonjour24

Yes. Diet and exercise can definitely help... Medication and counselling can help as well. A lot of it depends on the cause of your depression. PTSD is a major stressor and I am sure you are aware that stress is a major concern in both weight maintenance and depression. Bipolar disorder actually is most likely your true diagnosis in that depression is the primary state in most bipolar patients. That is a complicating factor as I am sure you are aware. Bipolar Disorder is especially difficult to treat because if antidepressants are not carefully used, they can cause a break through of manic symptoms... certainly not a desirable effect. If you are continuing to have problems with your depression, the best person to discuss this with is your psychiatrist. Not all depressions are the same. Some are caused by external stimuli, some by internal brain activity, some by stressors... Just because the symptoms are the same does not mean the causes are the same. Only a psychiatrist can best know how to adjust your meds to help you better. That being said, diet and exercise really do have a major influence as well as rest... (and bipolar disorder wreaks havoc with that as well as I am sure you are acutely aware)... Perhaps this is too much information but I am confident that better days can certainly be ahead... It is hard I know but do your best to press through to find them. Best wishes on your success in life.

don't accept any diagnosis off some randoms off the interwebs. you can accept support and motivation, but not diagnoses- only allow your dr to do that. and even then your diagnosis only indicates a bunch of symptoms- your experiences are the real issues. you are not your diagnosis.

as for depression- keep on moving. keep on getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. keep on recognising when you have done something positive and pat yourself on the back for it. when things are going wrong, focus only on what you can influence- not the things that are out of your control. if you have a thought that keeps on going around and around in you head that won't leave you alone, get up and do something with your hands (like cooking, or a jigsaw puzzle, or artwork)- distract yourself.

truth be told, the depression may not leave. BUT how you cope with it can change, and therefore you won't allow it to affect your life so much. and it comes and goes in waves- people in general aren't always depressed. when you see something good or feel good, hang onto that feeling. revel in it. then when times are dark, try to remember what that felt like and keep reminding yourself that the darkness won't last forever.

things will get easier. the right treatment/meds/therapy/combination will do you wonders. but you're already boosting your own seratonin by exercising. and by now you should be feeling pretty happy with the achievements you've made so far- if you're not give yourself a mental slap and acknowledge how far you've already come.

IronSmasher

Have you got any hobbies?

Well I am at the Gym an average of 9-10hrs a week (working out not working).
I play with my animals, read, watch Supernatural, dance, sing..

Have you got any hobbies with social interaction? Unfortunately, gym classes are mostly a bad example of this, but a sport or martial art where you have to work in pairs or more might be good.

iamthatgirl1

I too am depressed. When I feel good about myself and what I am doing, then my attitude and mood are better.

Freidon

Nice to see another Supernatural fan on here. : ) If there's anything that show's taught me, it's that no matter what crap life throws at you, carry on for the people you love. It's going to be tough, but it's worth it.

Today414

Ahh I was "diagnosed" with major clinical depression at age 14. Put on some ridiculous drugs that made me crazy (paxil) and swore off antidepressants until I was 22 and it got so bad that i could no longer function. I feel as though I am mis-diagnosed, but i'm too chicken-**** to go to a real doctor and I'm functional on the meds i'm on now. I still get sad and angry... frequently, but i'm no longer so tired I can't get out of bed. I can concentrate on daily life now... and I can even make goals and work toward them. I'm relatively sure I'm actually mildly bipolar, but so far... i'm liveable. lol. Depression sucks. For me, at least, it's not like everyone thinks it is where you're like "Ugh, my life sucks and every thing is awful and I hate myself.. " etc etc. Some of it is like that... but I've learned to work through those feelings. It's like physical symptoms that get me. The extreme fatigue was my main one. I still struggle with ADHD-like symptoms.

Anyway, what I came here to say... is that surviving depression is one thing. Making a happy life despite your brains chemical imbalance is quite another. Strive for the latter. LIVE, don't survive. You're here, meaning you're at least contemplating the right kind of lifestyle changes. Just keep going. Keep swimming

Strive for progress, not perfection.
One day at a time.
Forgive yourself.

(P.S. I'm also an alcoholic...)
But the mantra's work for so many things in life.

Good luck to you. And friend me if you want. :flowerforyou:
Happy trails.

BorderlineAngel

Have you got any hobbies?

Well I am at the Gym an average of 9-10hrs a week (working out not working).
I play with my animals, read, watch Supernatural, dance, sing..

Have you got any hobbies with social interaction? Unfortunately, gym classes are mostly a bad example of this, but a sport or martial art where you have to work in pairs or more might be good.

Not necessarily but go out to grab coffee with friends every so often and go over to friends' houses etc. I generally have 1 friend I stick with and see most days then a lot more friends I will see every 6ish months.

BorderlineAngel

Thanks for everyone's replies.. it is good to see I am not alone and that there is hope.

SuperstarDJ

Bump

BorderlineAngel

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PaprikaPrincess

Have you tried DBT? It gives you training to help regulate your emotions. Mindfulness, neutrality, radical self acceptance. It less talking about the past and dealing with the present. It is used a lot for BPD. EFT may also help with PTSD. It is a simple form of meditation using tapping of accupuntue points and going through a script. It looks a bit goofy but after a while you realize it is like hitting a reset button on your emotions.

josyjozy

As a nurse, and with your diagnosis', you didn't mention if you were on medication or in any type of therapy. You are doing the right things, but a majority of people with your diagnosis' need therapy, meds or both. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Are you doing either or both of these?

quirkytizzy

as for depression- keep on moving. keep on getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth. keep on recognising when you have done something positive and pat yourself on the back for it.

This. I, too, suffer from clinical depression as an aspect of my mental disorder. Often there is nothing for me to do get through except to wake up, brush my teeth, and go through the motions. I am proud of myself when I can shower during these times. Small victories are not so small. And sometimes those victories have to be things like brushing your teeth, showering, and working out. That is okay. It's okay for it feel endless, it's okay to want to give up. Don't stuff or deny those feelings, that can make us feel even crazier. Just work on not acting on those feelings.

You don't have to be cheerful about it. You don't have to "smile through the pain" or "be grateful" or "have hope" or any of that. We often don't have the energy for such lofty ideals when we're depressed anyways and that often makes us even MORE depressed. Just get through the day. It will get better.

If you're going through hell - DON'T. STOP. KEEP GOING.

BorderlineAngel

As a nurse, and with your diagnosis', you didn't mention if you were on medication or in any type of therapy. You are doing the right things, but a majority of people with your diagnosis' need therapy, meds or both. It's nothing to be ashamed of. Are you doing either or both of these?

Yes, both..

RhonndaJ

Yes, it gets better.

I was diagnosed in my twenties with depression, anxiety and severe mood swings. Though some meds made an impact on what I was experiencing, it's only been the last couple of years that I've been on a combination that keeps me balanced, though I do still suffer from anxiety at times.

You're doing good things, so keep those up, but keep vigilant with your diet and your water in take. I found it did impact how I was feeling, though not so much the exercise (which frustrates me as it helps so many). But keep an open mind to other options. Clarify for yourself what is situational depression and what might be beyond outside influence.

Surround yourself as much as possible with things you love, colours, music, animals, people. Get out in the sun. Judge whether your emotions fluctuate when you eat different things. Try to be aware.

You're not alone. With ever minute, there is a chance for better things.

Lake_Po

I have anxiety, panic and mood disorders and to be honest, mine got better when I went off the meds. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. It's the worst.

Bobby__Clerici

Thanks for everyone's replies.. it is good to see I am not alone and that there is hope.

Somebody sent me this....



Things like this may seem corny to some - not to me.
I see great value in focusing my energies on positive elements to life.

tashaa1992

I think it is possible to beat depression, I go through phases of feeling better, but something always brings me back down again, it's getting there though.
It's great you're eating well and exercising, I think that can help. I find keeping myself and mind busy seems to help too.

Huzke

I struggle with depression. I just try to keep focused on my career and fitness goals as well as my sons. I would also be lost without my friends. How reliable is your support system? I see you only have one friend that you see often, maybe you should make more or spend more time with the other friends you already have. Stay busy and stay focused. Always remember that you are in control and you choose the way you feel and the way you react. It takes a lot of practice but you can get the control back.

treagal

It is possible...I was very depressed recently for 3 or so years and it is something I have struggled with my entire life. This last bout from 2009-2011 was awful and I kept trying things that would help. Prozac helped me manage my negative thoughts and helped me deal with everyday life. I remember thinking exactly like you are, is it possible to get better? Is it possible, I felt like I had tried everything? Yes, it is possible! Keep trying girl! It will happen, keep getting help and trying different things. I read a book that helped me understand my depression and also helped me choose a medication that I felt was appropriate, it's called "Women's Moods". I highly recommend that you get it and read it. Good luck! Please feel free to friend me if you want a friend that understands what you might be going through.

choochoobell

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daybyday

**

Enigmatica

It can get better and it's well worth working on. I spent too many years of my younger life struggling with PTSD and depression. After a few bad experiences with totally ineffective therapies I just gave up for a couple of decades and figured it would never get better. But eventually it got worse... o.0

Sooo... when it got completely unbearable I decided to try again. I did some research and decided to try an experienced psychologist specializing in trauma therapy. She has made all the difference because she has the training and understanding needed to actually HELP me with multiple issues. She draws upon a wide base of techniques including EMDR, which has been very effective as PTSD treatment for me.

My MD has been super helpful, too. Wish I'd found both of these women earlier in my life. My MD is very oriented towards using diet and exercise to change health - and that can include how your brain works. She's pointed me towards a diet that's pretty high in Omega-3's, anti-inflammatories, and mood boosting nutrients that can be found in berries and natural unsweetened cocoa powder. Check out my breakfast in food diary for example of my current "prescription" for a good day. Note that I run 5 miles every morning, so I need a big breakfast. Otherwise that recipe would need to be cut in half!

Exercise is good for your mental health too. I take my dogs and go run. Their enthusiasm is contagious. When we're done we're all happy. Hard to find a better way to start the day.

And last but not least, my doctor taught me that there are some foods I need to avoid. It never would have occurred to me that wheat/gluten and dairy products were part of why I often felt so lousy. Both were triggering my migraines and digestive system problems, which in turn contributed to depression and anxiety. I had a hard time believing it, so kept going off them for awhile then would have some of one or the other or both - and paid for it every time. Eventually I figured out it wasn't worth it to me.

You may need to think outside the box to find out what works for you physically and psychologically. Keep trying. Science is learning more about how our brains work all the time. Some practitioners are more cutting edge than others, so don't ever take "we've tried everything and you're just not getting better" for an answer. My health has changed dramatically in the past 4 years with help from the right people and a renewed determination to keep trying. It is possible.

JesterMFP

Yes, it's definitely possible. It may be a never-ending fight for many of us, but it is winnable, and you seem to have a lot of the right tools already. One to work on perhaps (if possible) is further developing your offline social support system.

As I'm sure you know, BPD can be tricky to treat but there are suggestions that symptoms reduce naturally with age/time. With both BPD and PTSD, the right therapist and style of therapy can make a world of difference.

Also, I'm not suggesting that anything is this simple, but I imagine that things will only improve for you when you are able to change your less-than-optimal living situation.