Fat shaming

knittingwitch

I was wanting to know what you guys think about this.
Growing up my mother was always obese so growing up I felt like being fat didn't make you pretty or ugly your face did. I didn't really know the health problems that came with being over weight because my mom never talked about it.
But after I had a baby I put on lots of weight I knew I was big but I was to depressed and tired to do any thing about it plus every one keep telling me it was just baby weight don't worry about it so I didn't. Then I filled out a insurance health update report and it told me I was obese. I got really angry at first but then I knew it was true and that was my motivation to lose weight.
Now that I have made a life style change I see people who are over weight and I wonder if I was honest to them like my insurance was honest with me would that encourage them to do some thing different? To tell you the truth I know it wouldn't it would just make me look like a bad person. But still I wonder if some one would have told me when I asked and they just said yes your fat, would I have done some thing different sooner?
What do you think? would someone telling you the truth made you change your eating habits or motivate you to push harder?

stephdeeable

If a stranger came up to me in public and shamed me for my weight, even if they were only giving "advice", it would not motivate me. For one, I am very sensitive, so I would cry my eyes out. Two, it would fill me so full of rage I would probably have to eat an entire family feast at KFC to stop myself from having an anger stroke.

For me, my motivation to start came from myself and just getting to a point where I knew I couldn't keep living this way. I was killing myself. Until I was ready, there was nothing anyone could have said to me that would have helped. Like anything else, you have to want to make that change. I would never offer advice to someone who didn't ask, especially a stranger.

I am so in the middle of the "fat acceptance" vs "fat shaming" issue. I think everyone should strive for better health, but in the meantime, you shouldn't hate yourself or feel ashamed. You are not your body. There is a big difference between body image and self image and too often they are combined into one. You can hate your fat and still love yourself. There should be no shame involved in any of this though, in my opinion.

melaniecheeks

I'm amazed that you got to that age and stage without realising how bad it was! Maybe it's something that should be discussed as part of health education in schools.

bikhi

you want to tell strangers they need to lose weight?

good luck with that!

quirkytizzy

No. Someone else's weight is not your business. No, no, no, and no. Even under the guise of help, it is still rude, tactless, and invades personal boundaries.

Fat shaming IS real problem. And the problem is that is what it leads to - shame. And shame does not help someone love themselves enough to make change. It might make them feel desperate enough to try an unhealthy weight loss diet, or desperate enough to binge. But shame is NOT a beneficial emotion to making positive, sustainable change.

It leads to self-hate. That's not healthy. I would be mortified if I made someone else feel that way, even unintentionally.

fjrandol

If a stranger came up to me in public and shamed me for my weight, even if they were only giving "advice", it would not motivate me. For one, I am very sensitive, so I would cry my eyes out. Two, it would fill me so full of rage I would probably have to eat an entire family feast at KFC to stop myself from having an anger stroke.

omg it's like you read my mind; ditto to this!!!:flowerforyou:


I thought fat shaming was what happened in high school when they had us weigh in and take caliper measurements in front of the rest of the girls in gym class. I was verging on underweight at the time and still found the whole process horrifying - the numbers meant everything; it didn't matter that I was 6 feet tall.

I'm of the opinion that nobody wants to hear your thoughts on weight unless they specifically asked for them. You said you knew you were big but too depressed and tired too bother, so while you may have needed a wake up call the truth was still there, staring right at you from the mirror.

If you're feeling convicted to help people out, maybe bring a salad to share at work, but otherwise, I say stick a fork in it.

Contrarian

Absolutely. You should approach all overweight people you meet and tell them they are fat. I doubt they would realise this without your help. You can really make a difference!

Then, you should come back here and post about the wonderful reactions you get, and how grateful everyone is. That will be inspirational.

TrailRunner61

No. I knew I was fat. I just had to be ready to lose it for me and no one else. I just pray that others find their 'ahah' moment(s) like I did. For me it was:
Seeing a pic of me that I didn't want taken in the first place. Wow what an eye opener!
Getting up to 179lbs. I was NOT going to hit the 180's. EVER.
Realizing that the cute swimsuit I wore the entire summer was actually a MATERNITY suit! Now I wear reading glasses while shopping. lol
I had a small stroke in Nov. 2011 and thank GOD, I recovered 100%. Right after that my older sister had a massive stroke and is now disabled.
My blood pressure shot up to 190/109.

vjohn04

My dad shamed me when I was a kid, but that's another story....

A couple years ago, I was publicly shamed for smoking while I was standing outside a restaurant minding my own business. It was one of the most infuriating experiences of my life, especially since the woman shaming me was obese.

pot, meet kettle.

by the way.... I just celebrated my 1 year smoke free anniversary on 12/23

LesleyGillan

During my first pregnancy I gained a lot of weight, my son died at 7 weeks of SIDS and even though I needed her I insisted my mum and dad went on their planned trip to the UK , when they got back my mum said that all the clothes she brought back for me would be too small cos "gee, you didn't lose much weight did ya? " Now that was coming from family and it didn't motivate me at all, in fact I think I binged even more.

kai47

If a stranger came up to me in public and shamed me for my weight, even if they were only giving "advice", it would not motivate me. For one, I am very sensitive, so I would cry my eyes out. Two, it would fill me so full of rage I would probably have to eat an entire family feast at KFC to stop myself from having an anger stroke.

For me, my motivation to start came from myself and just getting to a point where I knew I couldn't keep living this way. I was killing myself. Until I was ready, there was nothing anyone could have said to me that would have helped. Like anything else, you have to want to make that change. I would never offer advice to someone who didn't ask, especially a stranger.

I agree completely. Throughout my life, people telling me I was fat was never taken as constructive criticism, doctors, kids at school, family members, whoever. It was taken offensively and would end up in a deeper plunge into self loathing and usually more unhealthy behavior.

Any success, though small, has been through WANTING to change. No one can make you get to the gym or choose healthy options. Life isn't a reality show where you have a dream team and coach in your face every minute of the day, force feeding you the right choices for 90 days and then send you off on your merry way.

It takes serious hard work, dedication and the strength to keep trying even when you fail. The obstacle of failure has been such a major part in my lack of weight loss for such a long time. I was too scared to even try because I was afraid of how badly it would hurt if I did try and still failed. So really it was failure by default.

Although looking at my BMI recently and actually breaking down the weight for each category is extremely helpful, it would not have been coming from a friend, doctor, or loved one. I had to research it for myself.

Jim1960

Hard truths are hard to tell. You need to build up trust first. But if you're in a relationship that is well developed - how can you ignore people you love doing harmful things to themselves? Yes, you need to be sensitive, and presumably you know them well enough to figure out a way to help them. Some times people need space - but I don't think we should ignore them. Regarding those we love - their weight is (or more appropriately their health) is, to a degree, our business. If we love someone, we want what is best for them. Of course a HUGE dose of humility in ourselves is a good idea before saying anything; and we need to examine our motivations. But if your interest is truly for what is best for them - let them know that you know, that you care, and that you want to help. That can be hard to tell someone. But ignore the problem? No way.

I speak as someone who has been angered by loved ones who have approached me to lose weight. I have at times responded in mean ways to their attempts to help me. Sometimes they pushed too hard. But often times it was all my own defensiveness and denial. One thing that I've learned though from my family's attempts to get me to lose weight is that if they push too hard I tend to withdraw into a shell and become stubbornly committed to my bad habits. I needed space to decide for myself. But I didn't need a vacuum of care and concern. Others in my family were more gentle. And it was those patient, gentle expressions of concern and love that did help motivate me.

LetsMakeupXtina

I'm an extremely sensitive person.. so myself personally, if someone came up to me to discuss my weight or anything about how I look I would be sad, hurt, offended... and yes, I would probably cry lol

trophywife24

I'm fairly sure that 99.9% of fat people know that they are fat.

Bobby__Clerici

I think fat people are shamed enough.
That was the case with me, and the last thing I needed was to be told anything.
I knew.
And look at who wins the beauty contests or makes the cut for "magic mike"...
It's never the fat person.
Society says loud and clear that fat is ugly while getting preachy about how we should love ourselves as we are.
Mixed messages?
You bet!
I did not need anybody to kick me any harder than I was kicking myself. And in my own self-loathing way, I lashed out at the very people I should have felt the more empathy toward: obese people.
The best help we can be is to live a good example, and those ready to change will come to us.
Live and let live....:flowerforyou:

rgohm

My dad shamed me when I was a kid, but that's another story....

A couple years ago, I was publicly shamed for smoking while I was standing outside a restaurant minding my own business. It was one of the most infuriating experiences of my life, especially since the woman shaming me was obese.

pot, meet kettle.

by the way.... I just celebrated my 1 year smoke free anniversary on 12/23

I am glad you were able to quit! Good for you!

I know I am fat, I certainly don't need a stranger to point it out to me. God help the person that would try!

rgohm

BTW some people get fat due to some medical issue, like my aunt, who has a thyroid problem. My mom was a skinny little thing till she needed to go on steroids to shrink the brain tumor she had, she then ballooned up. I hate to think what I would due to someone if they brought up my mothers weight gain to her. There are no words for how self-righteous that would be to assume you know what is going on in their lives!

Good luck!

RainbootsToBikinis

I wish a family member or my boyfriend (now husband) had said something to me when I first started putting on weight. I went from 120 to 185 without realizing how much weight I had been putting on, yeah I was buying bigger clothes but I didn't realize just how bad I looked. If a random stranger had come up to me it probably would have hurt my feelings and made me depressed first, but I'm not sure if it would have motivated me to change.

I'll also add that there is a right and wrong way to do it, my dad would have me go and get stuff from the kitchen for him because I needed the exercise etc. He did this when I was 120lbs and continued when I was at my heaviest. It screwed up my self esteem and my body image. Which may be one reason that I didn't really pay attention to the weight gain, in my mind I looked just as bad at 120 as I did at 150 and 180.

rgohm

During my first pregnancy I gained a lot of weight, my son died at 7 weeks of SIDS and even though I needed her I insisted my mum and dad went on their planned trip to the UK , when they got back my mum said that all the clothes she brought back for me would be too small cos "gee, you didn't lose much weight did ya? " Now that was coming from family and it didn't motivate me at all, in fact I think I binged even more.

I am so sorry for your loss.

sevsmom

I generally try to be encouraging and not snarky on the forums, but please excuse my frankness here.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

How can you live in the modern culture and NOT realize that being overweight is hard on your health? You can try to *hide* from the facts or ignore the facts, but unless you live under a rock, just about everyone knows that being overweight is NOT good for you. Just like we know (these days) that smoking is bad for your health.

And, you think approaching complete strangers to TELL them they are overweight will somehow motivate them to change. If you want a literal AND figurative black eye. . go for it. I promise you, most people with extra weight KNOW it even if they've decided to accept it or ignore it or whatever.

My sis is a big woman. Short, but big. It's the truth. I love her dearly, but i don't need to tell her she's big or that it's bad for her health or that her kids are following in her footsteps. She KNOWS. And I KNOW her. . .to walk up to a random person and say "Hey, did you realize you're fat and it's bad for your health. . . "

Holy SMOKES!

knittingwitch

sorry I haven't been on in two days.
I thought I would make some thing clear I'm not talking so much about fat shaming or going up to strangers, but more about when someone asks you do I look like I've gained weight? or do I look fat in this? Or I look so fat don't I? Maybe you should just say yes. I was wanting to know your thoughts on this.
And I'm not going to lie some times it is tempting to go up to someone and smack them and say your fat. But I'm just a B#tch I guess.

knittingwitch

I generally try to be encouraging and not snarky on the forums, but please excuse my frankness here.

ARE YOU SERIOUS?

How can you live in the modern culture and NOT realize that being overweight is hard on your health? You can try to *hide* from the facts or ignore the facts, but unless you live under a rock, just about everyone knows that being overweight is NOT good for you. Just like we know (these days) that smoking is bad for your health.

And, you think approaching complete strangers to TELL them they are overweight will somehow motivate them to change. If you want a literal AND figurative black eye. . go for it. I promise you, most people with extra weight KNOW it even if they've decided to accept it or ignore it or whatever.

My sis is a big woman. Short, but big. It's the truth. I love her dearly, but i don't need to tell her she's big or that it's bad for her health or that her kids are following in her footsteps. She KNOWS. And I KNOW her. . .to walk up to a random person and say "Hey, did you realize you're fat and it's bad for your health. . . "

Holy SMOKES!

I said growing up my mother was over weight and I didn't watch tv so yah growing up had no Idea. I was more talking about when someone asks you instead of going up to strangers. Every one told me don't worry about it you just had a baby but they didn't know I was gaining weight because I was sleeping, eating and feeding the baby all day every day. If someone would have just slapped me in the face with the facts. It would have made me angry and I am the type of person who does some thing about it when I'm angry.
Maybe you should tell your sister you don't have to be mean about it but maybe you should tell her your worried about her health and her children health. This is the **** I'm talking about people are afraid of other people getting mad so they don't try to help, they just say what the other people want to hear. No you look great. When that's a lie.
I work as a hair dresser I lie to people every day all my co-workers lie every day and we talk about it and after you lie all day all you want to do is be blunt with someone.

Lone_Wolf70

When i was fat i didnt need a reminder....i hid from.pics, bought gigantic clothes, hid in sweatshirts....looking in the mirror was fat shaming

knittingwitch

I wish a family member or my boyfriend (now husband) had said something to me when I first started putting on weight. I went from 120 to 185 without realizing how much weight I had been putting on, yeah I was buying bigger clothes but I didn't realize just how bad I looked. If a random stranger had come up to me it probably would have hurt my feelings and made me depressed first, but I'm not sure if it would have motivated me to change.

I'll also add that there is a right and wrong way to do it, my dad would have me go and get stuff from the kitchen for him because I needed the exercise etc. He did this when I was 120lbs and continued when I was at my heaviest. It screwed up my self esteem and my body image. Which may be one reason that I didn't really pay attention to the weight gain, in my mind I looked just as bad at 120 as I did at 150 and 180.

I agree there is a right way and a wrong way of telling someone but I don't get why all these people are freaking out is the truth really so hurtful. They give examples of loved ones who are fat and they would never dream of telling them they got fat or its bad for there health. I say why not if you loved them you would give them support and try and help them if your relative was an alcoholic would you look the other way.

knittingwitch

Hard truths are hard to tell. You need to build up trust first. But if you're in a relationship that is well developed - how can you ignore people you love doing harmful things to themselves? Yes, you need to be sensitive, and presumably you know them well enough to figure out a way to help them. Some times people need space - but I don't think we should ignore them. Regarding those we love - their weight is (or more appropriately their health) is, to a degree, our business. If we love someone, we want what is best for them. Of course a HUGE dose of humility in ourselves is a good idea before saying anything; and we need to examine our motivations. But if your interest is truly for what is best for them - let them know that you know, that you care, and that you want to help. That can be hard to tell someone. But ignore the problem? No way.

I speak as someone who has been angered by loved ones who have approached me to lose weight. I have at times responded in mean ways to their attempts to help me. Sometimes they pushed too hard. But often times it was all my own defensiveness and denial. One thing that I've learned though from my family's attempts to get me to lose weight is that if they push too hard I tend to withdraw into a shell and become stubbornly committed to my bad habits. I needed space to decide for myself. But I didn't need a vacuum of care and concern. Others in my family were more gentle. And it was those patient, gentle expressions of concern and love that did help motivate me.

Thank you for your response this is an honest look at the topic and not an out lash I respect that. I wasn't meaning to be cruel to people maybe the fat shaming title was a bad idea. But I do believe when some one asks you am I fat you should say YES!

TheConsciousFoody

My bf is overweight but I don't tell him hes fat and should lose weight and get healthy. Instead I cook all of the meals and he eats it. He's lost weight. Its def not going to motivate him if I started in with fat shaming. When we argue he will call me fat and does it motivate me? No. It makes me feel like crap and I want to eat a tub of ice cream and watch 80's romance movies.

knittingwitch

My dad shamed me when I was a kid, but that's another story....

A couple years ago, I was publicly shamed for smoking while I was standing outside a restaurant minding my own business. It was one of the most infuriating experiences of my life, especially since the woman shaming me was obese.

pot, meet kettle.

by the way.... I just celebrated my 1 year smoke free anniversary on 12/23

Congratulations I know quitting smoking is hard, my husband is a smoker and has tried many times to quit.

PikaKnight

No. Someone else's weight is not your business. No, no, no, and no. Even under the guise of help, it is still rude, tactless, and invades personal boundaries.

Fat shaming IS real problem. And the problem is that is what it leads to - shame. And shame does not help someone love themselves enough to make change. It might make them feel desperate enough to try an unhealthy weight loss diet, or desperate enough to binge. But shame is NOT a beneficial emotion to making positive, sustainable change.

It leads to self-hate. That's not healthy. I would be mortified if I made someone else feel that way, even unintentionally.

^ What she said. It's taken a long time for me to stop hating myself and to get on a path to bettering myself.

Zangpakto

Meh... I know in my country if your white, your looked down at if your not thin and made jokes about if your not thin etc...

If your black, if you male chubby but not obese and not thin is deemed perfect, and if your black woman, very fat is desirable...

I live in SA btw... South Africa

And yea, I got a friend thin by saying she was so fat and blah blah blah... and now we best friends so yea :P

Improvised

No. Someone else's weight is not your business. No, no, no, and no. Even under the guise of help, it is still rude, tactless, and invades personal boundaries.

Fat shaming IS real problem. And the problem is that is what it leads to - shame. And shame does not help someone love themselves enough to make change. It might make them feel desperate enough to try an unhealthy weight loss diet, or desperate enough to binge. But shame is NOT a beneficial emotion to making positive, sustainable change.

It leads to self-hate. That's not healthy. I would be mortified if I made someone else feel that way, even unintentionally.

I agree. Its one thing if someone asks you about it, completely different if they didn't. I had family members who used to get on my case about being fat (an oh, so disgusting size 4, lol) and all it did was make me want to eat more.

TheConsciousFoody

My dad shamed me when I was a kid, but that's another story....

A couple years ago, I was publicly shamed for smoking while I was standing outside a restaurant minding my own business. It was one of the most infuriating experiences of my life, especially since the woman shaming me was obese.

pot, meet kettle.

by the way.... I just celebrated my 1 year smoke free anniversary on 12/23

Congratulations I know quitting smoking is hard, my husband is a smoker and has tried many times to quit.

Effexor has helped me quit cold turkey btw. I don't even think of smoking nor do I crave them and I was a pack a day smoker