How do you accomplish your own dreams while married..?

lwagnitz

I'm young and married too. I got married when I was 18. I'm the same way you are, but fortunately for us, we are the same level. We are very good and communicating. For example, I'm staying here for one more year for him to graduate at his school, and am taking online at the school I'm going to until he graduates...then we'll move down there. When we move, and after he gets his career set, I'm going to quit my job and focus on my schooling and get it done (as I am planning on finishing my PhD in Criminal Psychology), and it is very time consuming and demanding as I'll need a lot of internships, research projects, etc. We also want to start having kids at this time. I think it's best for you guys to sit down and have a talk about your short term, and long term goals. That's what worked for us.

bizorra

Have you thought about sitting down and making a 5-yr plan? Fulfilling your dreams can cost money, it's a matter of picking an choosing what's important to make them happen.

Two years ago my husband and I both felt trapped in jobs we hated. When an opportunity came up for me to move cross-country, we sat down and looked at what the choice would mean, and what the next 5 years would look like. I'm learning and developing in a job that pays enough for him to work part-time and return to school. We acknowledge the sacrifices made for this to happen, but know the long-term reward will be worth it.

You've been given a lot of great advice here - at the end of the day it's your life and your dreams and only you can make them happen.

danifo0811

Part of marriage is to also allow the other person to grow. However, money is also important as I believe you shouldn't do it if you can't afford it. I'd start with small dreams like learning guitar or going horseback riding.

I have lots of dreams but it is reality (money, kids, work, time) that limits my ability to do them. My husband has never said I couldn't do something but we talk a lot about how we see things and our priorities for the near future. Our big goals are the same. I give him the same courtesy that I expect regarding big decisions.

How big a change would it be for him to move for your school? Could he easily find a comparable job?

We've been together for almost 20 years and our money has been combined for 15.

danifo0811

double post

Dreamerlove

I'm going to print off all your responses, they are all so dear to me at this time.

Peaches516

I can't tell you how to accomplish your dreams because when you want it bad enough you'll find a way.

^^^This. Well said!
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Totally agree, 100%. I wanted to travel, and I found a way to make it work. I applied to various programs when I was 24, and was lucky enough to be accepted to a program to study abroad in Europe for a full year, all expenses paid.

I was unemployed for a year after I moved back to the U.S., so I didn't have much money. Staying in all the time was not fun at all. I ended up working part time for a dance studio and getting free classes in return.

Honestly, some of your goals seem attainable, like learning how to play the guitar. My friends would always ask how I had enough money to travel. The thing they didn't realize was that I had a very strict budget, always packed my lunch, and lived at home with my folks for a couple of years to save on rent. You'll find a way if it's that important to you.

j4nash

What do you want to major in? If it's a degree that will result in a good job then don't see any problem with moving. Now if it's a degree to have a degree without any thought put into a career path then it doesn't make much sense. I'd stick with figuring out how to get a good career going so that you will have the means to pursue anything that you want to do. It sounds like you're relying on your husband and his reluctance to pay for your hobbies is becoming an issue.

Roboartist

You've got to make a way to be your own person. If it requires a job, education, whatever it's up to you to do it.

There must be compromise though. Asking him to move so you can attend the college of your choice may be a stretch. Pick a school close to home.

I think skylark has really summed it up. I got married young at 21 and will be celebrating 22 years of marriage this June. In that time I dropped out of school to move for his job because we both knew it was the best decision and I don't regret it one bit., I dropped back in to school, tried learning guitar only to find that it really wasn't for me after all and have had many failures and successes in trying out those things we had always dreamed of doing for ourselves..

We have both worked with eachother through decisions to follow our own dreams and that has been the key. When we have dreams we want to share with eachother we try to negotiate. My husband dragged me onto a horse for the first time in my life last year because he had been wanting to ride and I loved it. I dragged him to a ballroom dance class tha we both ended up hating lol.

You have the rest of yor life together to find and follow your dreams, remind yourself that you don't have to do everything now but at the same time don't sit back and do nothing at all. If you really want something badly enough you will find a way, I would highly recommend talking over the big stuff with your husband because he just might offer you some perspective or alternatives that you hadn't thought of. That is the kind of stuff that cements a relationship, when you find a way to work as a team.

Follow your dreams!

lina011

me and my partner travel but this year i am staying in one spot for 3 month cos i need to complete my certificate in fitness , he somehow does not like that but ive put my foot down and said i am doing this!!!"
its about time i do something for myself, i hope your husband can come to agreements on things that you will like to do if not maybe you need to do things by yourself.

MsRehel

Hi, I just read an artical in opra`s Jan, magazine, you have to read it, I'm kinda in the same boat as your self,I read it and high lighted so key frazes in the inter view, the woman she is inter viewing talks about your gut feeling, I will read it every day( the stuff I hight lighted ) I got very inspired from it, Its going to change my life.

Dreamerlove

What do you want to major in? If it's a degree that will result in a good job then don't see any problem with moving. Now if it's a degree to have a degree without any thought put into a career path then it doesn't make much sense. I'd stick with figuring out how to get a good career going so that you will have the means to pursue anything that you want to do. It sounds like you're relying on your husband and his reluctance to pay for your hobbies is becoming an issue.

My major is Elementary Education/Special Ed. Also our money goes into a joint account, so it is "our" money, but we don't have a lot of extra left over after bills...

skylark94

I'm finding myself a bit of a hypocrite right now.

Just last night I told you to find a school closer to home so your husband doesn't have to move. Shortly thereafter I started searching for a college that offers a BA in nutrition. There are NONE within a reasonable distance of my home (I'm on the east coast of FL near Melbourne). On a whim, I searched near Colorado Springs, where my mom and cousin live, and what do you know, U of C has the perfect program for me! I'm now desperately trying to figure out how to get my husband and kids to move :laugh:

Dreamerlove

I'm finding myself a bit of a hypocrite right now.

Just last night I told you to find a school closer to home so your husband doesn't have to move. Shortly thereafter I started searching for a college that offers a BA in nutrition. There are NONE within a reasonable distance of my home (I'm on the east coast of FL near Melbourne). On a whim, I searched near Colorado Springs, where my mom and cousin live, and what do you know, U of C has the perfect program for me! I'm now desperately trying to figure out how to get my husband and kids to move :laugh:

haha. This totally made me laugh.