Men's views on women's bodies
peggysue218
Posts: 126 Member
Sometimes I find pictures of slim celebrities to be motivating and I'll browse articles on the DailyMail or something. It kind of kills me when I get to the bottom and read comments written by men (usually) about their views on women's bodies. For instance... there is an article posted today about how plump people live longer than thin people (supposedly... I don't trust these claims). Some person commented something like "sure, they live longer, but die alone" implying that plump (let alone obese) people are so grotesque and undesirable that they're destined to be alone. People (mostly men) are always making comments like this about overweight people online. They even criticize bodies of women like Jennifer Aniston - a woman with an enviable figure. I just don't get it. I feel like my main goal in life should be getting thinner and fitter so that I am more attractive to people who have to look at me. I feel guilty for neglecting those duties sometimes when I am lazy or I overeat. Is this not how eating disorders develop? It makes me a little nervous.
I know that people might reply with "this is exactly why you should be losing weight and getting healthy for YOURSELF and no one else" but that logic just doesn't work for me. I have no idea how that works for other people. The only way I can motivate myself to eat less and exercise more is by thinking of how much better I'll look and how much more desirable I'll be to other people. Maybe this is something I should talk about with my therapist, but I refuse to believe that there aren't others out there who share this struggle.
I know that people might reply with "this is exactly why you should be losing weight and getting healthy for YOURSELF and no one else" but that logic just doesn't work for me. I have no idea how that works for other people. The only way I can motivate myself to eat less and exercise more is by thinking of how much better I'll look and how much more desirable I'll be to other people. Maybe this is something I should talk about with my therapist, but I refuse to believe that there aren't others out there who share this struggle.
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You need to stop worrying about what other people think and work on yourself. You will never please everyone. And in the end all that matters is that you're happy with yourself.0
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Feeling confident in and looking good in clothes are my primary motivations which I have posted on my profile. I know it's shallow, but different things make different people happy!
You (and I) could probably benefit from learning how to be intrinsically motivated, however. Being motivated by how we look is a slippery slope - what happens when we are old and not attractive no matter how thin we are? What then? Plastic surgery? Heck no, as far as I'm concerned. Plastic surgery just makes you look ugly AND vain.
What has helped me is finding beauty everywhere. I have seen incredibly beautiful and desirable looking heavy women. They are rarer than the ugly variety, I should say. But for the attractive ones, it is nothing to do with their weight. They dress well, have good hygiene, tasteful makeup and an air of happiness (if not confidence) about them. Try to find the beauty in everyone and you may just be kinder to yourself. I've seen very graceful old women and I only hope I look like them one day. They aren't all perfect size 4s or whatever.
Those men on the daily mail are cowardly. I'm sure their wives aren't picture perfect and I'm sure they aren't divorcing them either. The men who really live by those words are bound to be unempathetic jerks. Abusive people are everywhere and try not to concern yourself with what they say. It takes a screwed up person to spew hatred at perfect strangers.0 -
I feel like my main goal in life should be getting thinner and fitter so that I am more attractive to people who have to look at me.
This is so wrong! Your main goal in life should be to be a better person, to help your loved ones, not just be pretty. Getting fit is something you do for yourself, to feel better about yourself , physically and emotionally. Stop worrying about what others think of your body and start making yourself happy.0 -
Do you really think men judge women's bodies more than other women do.....really? :huh:0
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Though some may not believe it, we are instinctively programmed to try an pass on our genes. Instinctively we try to choose a mate that we feel can help ensure that offspring are free from hereditary and genetic diseases. So I do see why some would say that. Someone that is obese/very overweight is instinctively seen as a health risk to offspring. This also goes for those perceived as too thin.
Now remember I've said "instinctively", but moral and emotional ethics can override it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition0 -
Though some may not believe it, we are instinctively programmed to try an pass on our genes. Instinctively we try to choose a mate that we feel can help ensure that offspring are free from hereditary and genetic diseases. So I do see why some would say that. Someone that is obese/very overweight is instinctively seen as a health risk to offspring. This also goes for those perceived as too thin.
Now remember I've said "instinctively", but moral and emotional ethics can override it.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 28+ years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
And socio-economic...0 -
I've been doing yoga for many years, and it really helped me stop relying on external sources of motivation. Comparing yourself to others or worrying what others think of you leads to suffering. I recommend signing up for a beginning yoga course at a good studio; it will help you develop good thinking habits as well as figure out how to live in your body.0
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You raise an interesting question! Would people work so hard to be fit, if it didn't also make them more attractive? If being fit made you unattractive, would you bust your butt everyday to do it? Hmmm...
I think it's human nature to want others to find you attractive and appealing. But it is also true that you'll never please everyone, so hopefully that isn't the ONLY reason you want to be fit. So I guess my answer is I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to look your best, just do it because it makes you feel good, and try not to worry what everyone else thinks. I know, easier said than done. But it's something we can all strive for, don't you think?
And as for those hateful people who always spout mean things in the comments section... yeah, there's a reason they're hiding behind a computer. I'm not sure I want to know what it is.0 -
Feeling confident in and looking good in clothes are my primary motivations which I have posted on my profile. I know it's shallow, but different things make different people happy!
You (and I) could probably benefit from learning how to be intrinsically motivated, however. Being motivated by how we look is a slippery slope - what happens when we are old and not attractive no matter how thin we are? What then? Plastic surgery? Heck no, as far as I'm concerned. Plastic surgery just makes you look ugly AND vain.
Yes, this is an issue for me. At 24 I'm already sweating about wasting my youth as an overweight woman because I realize that no matter how thin and in-shape I may be down the road, there will undoubtedly be a younger catch. It's painfully apparent that many men (especially those in the media who happen to be fit, wealthy, successful, etc.) value youth above all else in a woman. I'm not complaining; I think that thin, young, beautiful women are great, too. But I am also starting to feel discouraged because by the time I'm at a lower weight and more body confident again, I will be so "old" (25 or 26) that it won't matter. Warped, right? I know. You have to admit, though... there is some truth to it. *shrug*0 -
Well, I'm 42 and I finally got back to a healthy weight. If all the men on earth think I'm now too old, I still want to be fit because it feels good. :-)0
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Firstly....Using photographs of slim celebrites and comparing your progress to them is setting yourself up for fail. These photographs are wildly photoshopped, sometimes to the point where their limbs are not and cannot be anatomically correct (legs lengthened to an impossible ratio, hips magically disappear, arms thinned out to the point where muscles are optional etc). This ideal is unobtainable so no matter how much you watch your calories and exercise, you won't reach it. This leads to a lot of people giving up (all that hard work and I still don't have legs like Halle Berry/Jennifer Aniston/Angelina....) You really do need to try to find other ways to motivate yourself..and definitely something that is not a superficial factor...try for something more intrinsic.
....now onto the topic...
Reading the comments left by a bunch of keyboard warriors anonymously online (yes, they are a bunch of nethanderals), and taking them in a personal manner points out a couple of things for you to look at. Why do you feel so affronted by it - are you subconsciously comparing their comments to you and taking it as being personal about you? If so, you need to stop reading the comments and start taking some personal control over how you feel about you. Start looking for things that you are and do that affirm positive things about you. You need to build your self-esteem. Losing a butt-load of weight might be all for nought if you don't work on WHY you weigh that weight and get a harness on how you feel about you. If you get to your goal with unrealistic expectations on how you are going to look and feel then you may find you slip down the slippery slide again when you don't change on the inside. Losing weight doesn't magically flip a confidence switch, that still takes work inside you.
Good luck for your journey. x0 -
Personally, I try my best to work on being stronger and more athletic, so I find the pictures of strong, toned, fit women to be extremely motivating. It's true: we can never please everyone. So get to the point where you can be happy with what you see and how you feel. It's over-said and cliche, but so true. When this happens, most people will see you in the same light. Stay positive!0
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Do you really think men judge women's bodies more than other women do.....really? :huh:
what she said ^0 -
and guys arent as judgemental as we tend to think...im sure any guy wud rather a slightly fuller girl with boobs than a stick who is flat on top. Guys dont pull women apart they look at the overall picture....u have a beautiful face ur in med school so ur probably smart so u weigh a couple of extra pounds. trust me it makes u far from undesirable.0
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Well, I'm 42 and I finally got back to a healthy weight. If all the men on earth think I'm now too old, I still want to be fit because it feels good. :-)
Also, I now get to be a cougar. :laugh:0 -
I will be so "old" (25 or 26)
Oh honey no...
Seriously though, I am truly sorry you have developed all these thoughts and hang-ups about yourself. I can somewhat relate, and it is not a fun place to be, mentally. However, one bonus about aging is that the older you get, the more you realize these things really don't matter as much as you once thought they did.0 -
Coming from someone like me, OLD, I have to wonder how annoyed "men" are for being lumped in the "men" category when it comes to what pictures are in magazines and what "men" deem as attractive.
As an adult woman, who's been around the block a couple times, I don't like getting lumped into "women" categories. I don't think like all women, just as al men do not think or like alike,
It's saddens me that a 24 yr old woman could give two craps about what is in a magazine, more so not stop and think maybe that thought process is dumb.
Sorry to be blunt, but OP you are young, health conscience and working on your outside. I'd suggest you spend some time working on your INSIDE and your ability to love/like yourself before you begin worrying about how a man may look at you. I can almost tell you 99% sure, men don't like women who are insecure.0 -
Well, I'm 42 and I finally got back to a healthy weight. If all the men on earth think I'm now too old, I still want to be fit because it feels good. :-)
Also, I now get to be a cougar. :laugh:
:drinker: :laugh:
That's awesome! You go, girl!0 -
there are many men and women on this globe, and each of us are wired differently. some men like men, some men like women, some like both, some like none. some would find the gentle curves of a seaside donkey sexually attractive.
we are all attracted to whatever we are attracted to. to think that 1 guy in the daily mail making a random comment is a reflection of all mens opinions and wants is ludicrous. maybe this is a reflection of your self confidence and your own expectations.
and as far as being old at 25 or 26 goes, i used to think the same when i was younger. but now i'm 34 and i feel no different to how i did 10 years ago.
life's what you make it. don't get hung up on the little things- save your emotions for the things that really matter, otherwise you'll be tired all the time!0 -
Going through life trying to appeal to everyone and live up to everyone else's expectations is a recipe for a long and miserable life.
Do yourself a huge favor and try to work through this issue you have now so you can live your life the way YOU want.0 -
Do you really think men judge women's bodies more than other women do.....really? :huh:
^^ Haha! This! I'm always sizing up other women and comparing myself to them.0 -
As for body types...
All any of us can be is our own best, so forget any other standard of beauty but your full potential.
The path to misery is when we compare ourselves to others.
Don't do it.
There is no winning in that game.
:flowerforyou:0 -
I can almost tell you 99% sure, men don't like women who are insecure.
I know. In day-to-day life I disguise my self-doubt well. I'm fortunate that, even at my current weight, many men find me to be confident and appealing. I just get fixated on this negativity sometimes when I'm alone. Anyway - Looks like I'll have to sort through this with the therapist.0 -
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In my opinion a lot women think they're "fat" when to me they look ideal. I think a person who is 5-10 pounds over weight looks better than someone who is 5-10 under weight.0
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I have the opposite problem, I don't really give a *kitten* what anyone thinks about me. I wanted to lose weight because I started to wheeze when I went up stairs, and it was becoming a stretch reaching around to wipe my *kitten*. LOL
Try not to worry about not being attractive, you're lovely, find satisfaction that you can make it up a flight of stairs and wipe your *kitten*. You are doing fine!0 -
As for body types...
All any of us can be is our own best, so forget any other standard of beauty but your full potential.
The path to misery is when we compare ourselves to others.
Don't do it.
There is no winning in that game.
:flowerforyou:
he speaks the truth i/m guilty of this and not feeling wanted by women, there not nocking on my door. they seem to want someone with cash, muscles,looks and a brain. so i wouldn't say guys are guilty look at the mag out there geared towards young women they breed you must be thin to be happy when it faulse and so unhealthy for the mind0 -
The men posting those comments may well be alone themselves... Some men are extremely juvenile as well and have never held a relationship in their life, and turn their feelings outward and project all kinds of weird things on women. Or they think that somehow if they "have" or "own" someone who looks like their idealized image that that will make them happy.
Do your health for you first and foremost... to live longer, be healthier, feel better... Obviously we all want to feel attractive but there are very attractive people in all sizes, and everyone is at their own pace and also everyone is different in what they find attractive. I had a trainer last year who is a bodybuilder and he said he never understood how people would find a women who was rail thin attractive.
I am a guy, and sometimes I have gotten very insecure looking at some of the men who were crazy ripped and the women even here on mfp posting to them as though they were the ultimate standard of desirability. But I mainly like to exercise because I feel better and it gives me a sense of accomplishment and control over my life... and it's a great outlet.
We are all here for various reasons, but bottom line is you deserve to be happy -- it's more than losing weight, "spot reducing" etc.. There will always be the "haters" out there... Just focus on what's right for you, and what will give you the best chance at a long healthy life or whatever you see fit.0 -
Perhaps "most" men are attracted to a woman solely based upon her body. These men aren't who you want in your life, anyway, and you needn't worry about their baseless and emptily ignorant words.
Other men may overlook your body somewhat because they're attracted to your attitude, your self-confidence: which is largely affected by how you feel about yourself, your sense of self-worth.
The rare few, the men who actually want to be with you, no matter what you look like, and have no desire to be with anyone else: may not actually care for the shape of your body, but they recognize the "you" within, and your size becomes irrelevant.
Ignore the ignorant.0 -
If men's opinions of women are putting any kind of pressure on you, then you're asking the wrong men. Try asking some who aren't moronic imbeciles.0
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